Greatest thing ever

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On Twitter, Jesse Lund puts up this amazing — absolutely amazing — screen shot from the Friday night broadcast of the Yankees and Twins. It may be the greatest thing ever produced by man, including Hamlet and The Godfather and chocolate cake with raspberry sauce.

Perfection in Jeteration is when you can so perfectly present over-the-top praise for the Derek Jeter that you would use the exact same graphic or story or take as satire. This is not as easy as it sounds. Many have tried, many have failed. But this is as close to perfection as we mere human beings can achieve. If Saturday Night Live was to do a skit about how absurd people are when it comes to their Derek Jeter love, this would be EXACTLY the graphic they would use, word-for-word.

It’s very hard to get Jeteration exactly right because he is a great ballplayer, a first ballot Hall of Famer, one of the better shortstops in the history of baseball. He has more than 3,300 hits and is 11th all-time in runs scored. He has been an important man, both as a player and as a leader, in the Yankees great success the last 20 or so years. He has done well in representing baseball.

So any fair mocking of the Jeteration Phenomenon — where people long to give Jeter Nobel Prizes for things like running out ground balls — must begin with his excellence in mind or the joke loses its power. If you say: Ah, Jeter’s not that good a player, it doesn’t work. Has been a superb player. If you say: Ah, Jeter’s not a leader, the joke loses its force. He IS a leader. He’s just not the world’s 11th greatest leader.

THAT’s where the joke gains its strength — that space between, “Yeah, Jeter does a good job leading his baseball teammates,” and “As a leader he ranks just behind the Dalai Lama and a little bit ahead of Gabby Giffords.”

There has been some high quality Jeteration lately — Rick Reilly recently wrote a letter to Derek Jeter’s unborn children that had some doozies like, “He was the best player in baseball for 10 years straight,” and called him “A kind of prince in baseball cleats” and remarked, “If there was a better man in sports, I never met him.” I didn’t think that was going to be topped.

But in a simple box, I think this little scouting report roars past any story written so far. If you were doing something resembling an actual scouting report for Derek Jeter in 2014, it might look something like this:

wpid-Jeter-2014-05-31-17-40.jpg

Instead the three bits on the scouting report are:

1. Consummate pro and leader.
2. Plays the game the right way.
3. Example to players of all ages.

How fantastic is that? On a basic level: How exactly is that supposed to help you as a scouting report. Of course, I immediately imagined the catcher coming out to talk to the pitcher before Jeter’s at-bat.

CATCHER: Hey, did you get the scouting report on this guy?
PITCHER: No, I had to go see my family.
CATCHER: Oh, that’s bad.
PITCHER: Hey, I know, he’s Derek Jeter. What’s left to know right? He’s a pro.
CATCHER: No, that’s not it. He’s the consummate pro.
FIRST BASEMAN: And consummate leader.
PITCHER: Wait, when did you get here?
FIRST BASEMAN: This is Jeter, man. I heard you missed the scouting report.
PITCHER: I don’t need a scouting report, the guy’s been playing for a thousand years. I grew up watching this guy.
CATCHER: Then you know … he plays the game the right way.
PITCHER: Yeah, I know that.
FIRST BASE: No you don’t. You missed the scouting report.
CATCHER: Believe me when I tell you … he plays the game the right way.
PITCHER: OK, he plays the game the right way. Fine.
FIRST BASEMAN: And he’s a consummate pro.
CATCHER: And leader.
PITCHER: Right. OK, can we get back to the game? I’m going to bust him inside with a fastball.
THIRD BASEMAN: I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
PITCHER: You’re here too.
THIRD BASEMAN: Did you guys cover the fact that he plays the game the right way?
CATCHER: Yeah, just going over that. And that he’s a consummate leader.
FIRST BASEMAN: And pro.
PITCHER: FINE! Man, I’m sorry I missed the scouting session, all right?
UMPIRE: OK, break it up guys. Let’s play ball here.
PITCHER: Thank you ump. That’s what I’ve been saying.
CATCHER: We can’t. He missed the scouting report on Derek Jeter.
UMPIRE: Oh, that’s bad. OK then but make it quick.
CATCHER: There’s one more thing you need to know before facing him.
PITCHER: That he’s 40 years old and has a .318 slugging percentage?
CATCHER: No.
UMPIRE: That’s disrespectful.
PITCHER: I apologize.
FIRST BASEMAN: Derek Jeter is an example to players of all ages.
PITCHER: Yeah, I know.
FIRST BASEMAN: No, that’s the third part of the scouting report. He’s an example to players to all ages.
PITCHER: Oh.
UMPIRE: Are we clear here guys? Let’s play some ball. Mr. Jeter wants to inspire some young people.

Of course, this wasn’t actually a scouting report for the players … it was a scouting report for those viewers who apparently were unaware that many consider Derek Jeter to be the consummate pro and leader who plays the game the right way and is an example to players of all ages. Those viewers who did not know that would be … I have no idea.

Part of me thinks this was a joke pulled off by some very clever graphics people. And if that’s the case … I’m raising a glass to you because nobody could have told the end story better. Derek Jeter has been a very good baseball player. He might have been the best player in baseball around 1998 or 1999 … after that he certainly wasn’t the best — not in the age of Bonds and Pujols and A-Rod and Utley — but he was good. I have him as one of the four or five best shortstops of the last 100 years, which is a pretty great thing to be. He hit well and fielded … he hit well. He managed to stay controversy free in the age of controversy. He was never caught or suspected of using steroids in the age of steroids. He played shortstop and served as captain for the dominant team of the era. It’s a career worth celebrating.

And the rest … well, the rest is Jeteration. I can only hope the next scouting report looks like this:

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95 thoughts on “Greatest thing ever

  1. nowbodhi

    great article Joe

    if it was me running sound, I’d stealthily change his walkup music to Adam Ant:

    “Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?
    Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?
    subtle innuendos follow
    must be something inside.”

    Reply
  2. tombando

    They’re gonna be looking for him on Mtn Monsters next, but likely miss getting the Jeter in the A-rod bobblehead baited cage for the same reason they miss all the rest-it don’t exist.

    Reply
  3. Bryz

    No, this was not a prank. This was just FSN doing it’s very best to appeal to the casual fan. PxP guy Dick Bremer has admitted that very thing when he’s spoken at St. Cloud State University (thanks to a friend of mine that sat in on a Q&A with Bremer), that they’re coached to appeal to the fans that don’t tune in every single game. However, that makes the broadcasts virtually unlistenable when I watch, because I see every single game and thus I hear color analyst Bert Blyleven say that pitchers need to “create a good downward plane” 100+ times a season.

    I completely understand why they do it, it’s just that I feel they do a poor job of remembering that the hardcore fans would appreciate hearing something new once in a while. That’s a big reason why Tom Kelly gets so much praise from fans whenever he replaces Blyleven. It’s not that he’s particularly excellent at doing color (his quiet, monotone voice makes it hard to listen to him, for example), but he doesn’t have as many cliches as Bert and that’s what makes him more likable.

    Reply
    1. Karyn

      I could go along with the ‘appeal to the casual fan’ argument, if this wasn’t about Derek Jeter. I’m pretty sure he passes the Mom Test.

      Reply
    2. Mac

      Couldn’t agree more (well I could but English grammar is a bear).

      I just cannot stand how we can’t put just a little bit more of teaching/learning the game into broadcasts. If you watched a national broadcast today trying to learn HOW to play baseball, you’d never understand it. Stuff like “this guy slaughters fastballs, the pitcher should use his good off-speed pitch, which he throws 15% of the time”. I mean, is that SO scary to the “casual” fan. How dare they learn anything ever. Ridiculous.

      Reply
  4. Tom

    I think the following scouting info on Jeter was narrowly left out of the box above:

    -Has the will to win
    -Professional hitter
    -Hustle, loyalty, respect
    -(Oh wait, that one is John Cena’s scouting report. Let’s try again…)
    -Gives 110%
    -Runs out every ball

    So many good ones.

    Reply
    1. Don

      “Stay thirsty, my friends.” My thoughts precisely.

      Jeter doesn’t follow anyone on Twitter. Twitter follows him.

      He used to give 110 percent. Now he only gives 105 – which is still 110 percent more than any other player is capable of. (The other 5 percent goes to a charity for old-time ballplayers.)

      He could get to any ground ball he wanted to – but that just seems unsportsmanlike.

      He is The Most Interesting Shortstop In Baseball.

      Reply
  5. Tim Boivin

    Derek Jeter Held out his Louisville Slugger, and God separated the Hudson River when that New (Testament) Jerseyite Chris Christie tried to keep the Yankee fans from reaching the Promised Land known as the Bronx.

    Reply
  6. Paul in Kirkland

    Who can turn the world on with his smile?

    Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

    Well it’s you Jeets, and you should know it

    With each glance and every little movement you show it

    Love is all around, no need to waste it
    You can have a town, why don’t you take it

    You’re gonna make it after all!

    Reply
  7. jess

    CATCHER: There’s one more thing you need to know before facing him.
    PITCHER: That he’s 40 years old and has a .318 slugging percentage?
    CATCHER: No.
    UMPIRE: That’s disrespectful.
    PITCHER: I apologize.

    oh that made me laugh hard.

    Reply
  8. ck101

    The aspect of Jeteration that I have always found most astonishing is how it gets completely ignored when, on occasion, he stinks out the joint in a playoff series (as would occasionally happen to any player who’s played in as many as he has):

    ’01 ALCS: .118/.200/.118.

    ’01 World Series: 4 for 27, 0 walks, .148/.179/.259. Except for a certain fairly significant homer, he was horrid for seven games.

    ’04 ALCS: .200/.333/.233, and over last four games, four for 19 with one walk. I suppose it was ARod’s fault that Jeter didn’t do more in that series.

    ’07 ALDS: .176/.176/.176.

    Except for the first, the Yankees lost all of those series. And the Captain Clutch meme lives on just the same..

    Reply
  9. Faye Schlift

    I wish Joe would do a column on “Playing The Game The Right Way”.
    I’m not exactly sure what that means. It seems to mean different things to different people.
    Is it running out every ball? Is it diving head first every chance you get? Is it never showing emotion
    while playing? Or is it showing plenty of emotion including screaming at you teammates in the dugout? Is it chasing down a fly ball in the 8th inning with your team up 7 runs, running into the wall and being out 3 weeks?
    Let’s define it with maybe a list of Top Ten Things
    Letting You Know That You Are “P.T.G.T.R.W.”. It needs to be codified so that we can all know when we are watching the game being played right.

    Reply
  10. BIP

    “He played shortstop and served as captain for the dominant team of the era.”

    Something that occured to me is that we frequently hear about Jeter as team captain for the Yankees, but not only do I have no idea who the team captain is for any other baseball team, but I’ve never heard any other player in any season identified as his team’s captain. It seems like that honorific exemplifies Jeteration, doesn’t it? In the case of other teams, virtually no one knows or cares who their captains are, but it’s apparently a key element of Jeter’s greatness.

    Reply
    1. Fred C. Dobbs

      Jeter has by most obvious measure been a poor Captain at that ! He let ARod dangle, has cut off friendships with players, and continued to play SS at the expense of the team. The Jeter love affair is weird such as Rick Reilly of ESPN referring to Jeter as the best player in baseball for 10 straight years (said with a straight face!). I get that Jeter has been a great player but this is extremely bizarre. .

      Reply
    2. J Hench

      The team captain concept in baseball is really a Yankee thing. I believe that it derives from Gehrig (although this Wikipedia article says that there were several team captains before Gehrig. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_New_York_Yankees_captains ; anyway, Gehrig was the most notable), then Thurman Munson was named team captain. Jeter is then carrying on a Proud Yankee tradition; he’s the keeper of the flame, so to speak.

      Jason Varitek was team captain of the Red Sox for a few seasons (which complicated his contract negotiations, if I recall correctly). Other than that, I can’t really think of a player who has had the honorific, although I am sure that there are plenty of de facto team captains out there. Maybe Michael Young with the Rangers?

      Reply
      1. BobDD

        I suppose there were many captains on other teams, but when I was a lad two players I remember as being captains (dare I say famously so) were Ken Boyer of the Cards and Pee Wee Reese of the Dodgers.

        Reply
      2. Ryan

        Maybe it’s just a local thing, but White Sox fans know and care about the fact that Paul Konerko has been team captain since 2006.

        Reply
        1. nightfly

          I believe David Wright is captain of the Mets… but again, it’s not a big deal such as in soccer or hockey, where you have a specific designation and the rules grant you certain privileges not given to others on the team (in hockey only the captain and alternates are supposed to ask officials about rules interpretations and things of that nature).

          If you’re not actually the fan of the team in question, you may never know who your team’s captain is, if they even bother to have one.

          Reply
    3. Aaron

      Jason Varitek was the team captain for the Red Sox. It was an official thing and he wore a C on his uniform. I actually think it was a part of his big contract around 2005.

      Reply
    4. Bill Caffrey

      It seems like it’s becoming more common, but mostly I think most teams usually don’t have captains. David Wright is the Mets’ captain but before him they hadn’t had a captain since the 80s (Keith Hernandez and Gary Carter – if memory serves, they at first named Hernandez captain and he even had a C on his jersey, but Carter got bent out of shape about it so they made him co-captain and dropped the C from Keith’s jersey).

      Reply
  11. Aaron

    Joe,
    Re: Reilly’s article – Certainly Jeter wasn’t the best player in baseball for 10 or 11 years. But how many consecutive years was Jeter ever the best SHORTSTOP in baseball? Between ARod, Nomar, Tejada, Tulo, etc. I can’t imagine Jeter was ever the best SS for more than two years in a row. (And to justify my jeteration – he is still a better SS than any of those because he did it at a high level for much longer.)

    Reply
    1. Darrel

      I’d want to go back and look at it year by year but my first instinct is to say the answer is never. His defense has always been mediocre at best so that makes being the best SS a challenge since defense is such a big part of that position. And while he was a wonderful offensive player for a decent stretch he never measured up to the best years of Arod, Nomar, and Tejada(I will take Joe’s lead and ignore that those 3 were all steroid guys). In the time since those guys moved on Jeter’s game has deteriorated both on O and D that he hasn’t even been in the conversation for at least the last 5 or 6 years.
      The bigger question right now is has he passed into Yuni territory as the worst everyday player in baseball. As a no power no speed defensive liability it might be close.

      Reply
      1. senorpogo

        Going by fWAR, Jeter led SSs in WAR in ’99 and ’06. But as we know, stats don’t take into account what kind of pro you are, whether you play the game the right way, or if you are an example to players at all levels.

        Reply
  12. Steve

    This graphic could have been posted on the YES Network, which broadcasts the Yankee games. The man-crush that many Yankee fans have for Jeter is remarkable. Same went to Mattingly. And I’m saying this as a Yankee fan. A few years ago, when Jeter was injured and they had some guy filling in at shortshop, an easy ground ball went through the player’s legs. I swear that the home team announcers responded like this:

    “I know that advanced statistical analysis says that Jeter doesn’t have great range. But if you want a guy who will always make the play when the ball is hit right to him, Jeter is your man.”

    Reply
  13. Eric Solomon

    Rip on him all you want – I’m a Yankee fan, and I’ve been doing it all year myself – but I was at the game, and in that at-bat he turned on an inside fastball and hit it to the wall for a double. This from our .318 SLG DH…

    Reply
    1. Breadbaker

      Willie Bloomquist had two hits in each of the last two games. The fun thing about baseball is that every player looks great when he gets a hit and every player looks like crap when he makes an out. Jeter, like Bloomquist, is not a consistent threat to look great right now.

      Reply
      1. Mike R.

        Were you at Seattle game the other night when he jogged lazily after a pop-up that bounced off Gardner’s glove thinking it was foul allowing Seager to get a triple?

        Reply
  14. EnzoHernandez11

    Back in the last decade, whenever I wanted to rile up one of my Jeterating friends, I’d say, “You’re right, the Yankees have the best shortstop in baseball…too bad they play him at third.”

    Reply
  15. Buddhasillegitimatechild38

    Jeter himself would love this commercial but he is too much of a leader and wouldn’t want to take credit or be a distraction for his team

    Reply
  16. Darrel

    As per Joe’s scouting report I would love to see an opposing manager play a defensive shift against Jeter. I’m thinking the way team’s play left handed sluggers. Move the 3B in on the grass to take away the bunt and position 3 IF on the 1B side of second with the 2B in shallow right. Especially against hard throwing RH not sure he’d ever get a hit. Of course as the ump said that would be disrespectful.

    Reply
  17. Cristián A. Huidobro

    I’m pretty sure I saw Derek Jesus name in the list for 2014 Nobel Peace Prize… along with Putin’s… and you know Obama won it so anything can happens…

    Reply
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        1. Bill Caffrey

          Indeed he did. It’s hard to tell if the ball would’ve landed fair since Jeter was reaching up and was very close to the line, but Jeter himself was in fair territory when he caught it.

          Reply
  19. bellweather22

    I still don’t know what Jeter was doing on the flip play. The fundemental play would have been to cover a base or act as deep cutoff man (outside of the infield). The first or third baseman should have been the cutoff man around the pitchers mount (can’t remember exactly where the ball was hit). Jeter had to have been very luckily WAY out of position for that play to have happened. Also if Giambi slid he would have been likely safe. Great play, but if everyone was where they were supposed to be, and did what they were supposed to do, it never happens.

    Reply
    1. Mr Furious

      If Jeter never touches the ball it continues its flight straight down the line to Posada and actually gets there sooner and Giambi is out by a step or two. Jeter made an unnecessary play. That he was able to flip the ball to Posada on the move like he did was certainly amazing, but the reality is he never should have touched it and was lucky he didn’t blow the play and allow the game to be tied.

      Reply
      1. NevadaMark

        No way. The ball bounced before Jeter caught it. It never would have reached the plate in time if Jeter had not intervened.

        Reply
    2. mark

      The ball was hit down the line to right. Second baseman was the outer cutoff man; 1st baseman was the second cutoff and was out of position almost standing on top of first base instead of between 1st and home. The third baseman was covering third for both Giambi and the batter. There was no play at third on either but it was the right place to be.The pitcher was behind home plate. Jeter arguably should have covered second for a potential play there on the batter but I think he saw the 1st baseman out of position and ran to fill the gap (and there was no chance for a play at second). So the first baseman was the one out of position and Jeter fixed that. Hardly the most impressive heads up play of all time but a nice play nonetheless and the circumstances — playoff, 1-0 game — make it notable. And yes, if Giambi slides he’s safe, but really? If Isaiah Thomas makes a strong inbounds pass, Bird doesn’t steal it . And if Kaepernick throws to open receivers Patton or Davis then Richard Sherman doesn’t tip the ball from Crabtree for an interception. And if Johnny Bench doesn’t relax then the fake intentional walk looks silly. So?

      Reply
  20. Brent

    Is there any question that Jeter gets the Dos Equis gig as the most interesting man in the world when he retires from baseball?

    Reply
  21. Pat

    “I have him as one of the four or five best shortstops of the last 100 years,….”

    YOU HAVE HIM AT #3. You have him ahead of Arky Vaughn. I’m sorry, but you don’t get out of this.

    And I mean this as praise. You didn’t Jeterate Jeter because you failed in your duties as a non-Jeterating Jeterater; you Jeterated Jeter because that’s how sublime the transitive verb “to jeterate” is. It is impossible to Jeterate the Jeter without both under- and over-Jeterating the Jeter. When one Jeters into the Jeter… the Jeter Jeters also into you….

    Reply
    1. Brian

      I assume you’re basing that on Pos’s top 100 rankings and thinking that only Wagner (who really didn’t play much in the last 100 years, technically) and Ripken will be left ahead of Jeter. However, it’s possible he could put a NgL SS above him, like Pop Lloyd.

      Reply
      1. Bill Caffrey

        I think “the last 100 years” was not meant literally and was just Joe rounding off to 1903. But in additional to a Negro League SS, it seems to me well within the realm of possibility that Joe was including ARod above Jeter (in addition to Ripken and Wagner). If so, then 4th or 5th best (depending on whether there’s a Negro Leaguer in there) is exactly right.

        Reply
        1. DM

          In addition to A-Rod, who I would definitely count at SS rather than 3B, I think most would consider Banks as a SS as well, even though he eventually played more games at first base. Most of Banks’ value was at SS. Joe has Banks a couple of slots ahead of Jeter in his list. That would make it Wagner, A-Rod, Ripken, Banks, and Jeter, with Lloyd possibly making it ahead of Jeter as well, putting Jeter #5 or 6.

          Reply
    1. Dave

      TOTALLY.

      Because Derek Jeter is Chuck’s favorite baseball player. And Chuck is currently lobbying to have Jetes digitally inserted into all his movies.

      Reply
  22. MikeN

    If it had been Jeter slapping instead of ARod, we would have been told it was a sign of his aggression, wanting to win, etc.

    Watch the 2001 World Series again. He was grabbing players to keep them from advancing to third.

    Reply
  23. Erik L.

    This column IS the greatest thing ever.

    Checked out the Rick Reilly column and made it through 4-5 graphs before I needed to take a shower.

    Reply
  24. denopac

    The amazing thing about this graphic, which a BR above pointed out, was that this was on the broadcast of the visiting team.

    Reply
  25. DaveB

    I am dumbfounded that he actually appeared on that list with the Dalai Lama and the Pope . . . I thought Joe was going hypothetical.

    Reply
    1. otistaylor89

      This list is lasting longer and a little less painful, checking everyday, but the similarities are striking.
      Except no one has died….yet.
      Which lives a good question:Will someone on this list die before we get to #1?

      Reply
  26. kb

    The thing that gets me about Jeter, if he was such consummate professional and team player then why didn’t he offer to change positions when ARod came to town? Clearly ARod was the better shortstop. It was a common topic of discussion at the time. If Jeter always put his team first why didn’t he make the offer, for the better of the team, to move to CF or 2B? Cal Ripken changed positions for the better of the team. Omar Vizquel changed positions to help the team. Pete Rose changed positions practically every other season to help the team. But Jeter? Did he really think he was the better defender than ARod or did he have way too much pride to do the right thing and help the team?

    Reply
    1. Fred C. Dobbs

      Not only did he NOT change positions to the superior ARod (who by the way was the good team player here) , but when he team needed a leader, he never had ARod’s back – at least not for the first few years on the team when the team needed him to act like a Captain and defend his teammate who was being unfairly criticized by the fans (and his manager it would appear). But instead he was a silent as a doorknob – not exactly the marks of a great or even good leader.

      Reply
      1. Richard

        Perhaps it was because he saw through the facade and recognized Alex Rodriguez for what he is, and decided that he could not in good conscience defend him?

        Reply
        1. Fred C. Dobbs

          I don’t think Jeter can get a pass on this. From 2004-2009 ARod was not considered to be a PED user and although Jeter may have “seen through a facade” whatever that means in this context, all of these guys have some facade and the job of the Captain is to stand by his team-mates. Texeiera, Rivera, Posada and others all stood up for ARod and surely they knew him just as well. In 2004-2009 ARod was a 2-time MVP and maybe the best or one of the best in the game. Jeter owed it to the team to help him out and should have insisted that the best SS in the game play SS instead of himself – he didn’t give up his position or stand by his teammates- bad Captain.

          Reply
  27. Alejo

    It is common for humans to Jeterate and Clemenate.

    You jeterate people like Paterno and Bill James; and clemenate LeBron James.

    All of us have objects of jeteration and clemenation but then again, that scouting report is something else.

    Why don’t you make a poll of jeteration and clemenation?

    Reply
  28. fleck

    Its the twins broadcast, not the yankees. They’ve lost in the ALDS four times to Derek’s Yankees. This story is about them not him.

    Reply
  29. mark

    I think Joe must have reached a state of sublime Jeterative nirvana or some such, because he’s letting this post and that graphic st on top of the blog for a LOOONG time.

    Reply
  30. AJK

    It is my impression that Jeter and his era of Yankees are to blame for the interminable games we must now suffer through by legitimizing with their success all of the stepping out of the box, the constant batter adjustments, the meetings at the mound.

    Reply
  31. brandotho

    My brain exploded reading this. Well done, Posnanski. This is in your hall of fame of your most dreadful articles. It amazes me how a hack like yourself ever got a job writing about sports.

    Reply
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