JoeWords

Posted: October 3rd, 2008 | Filed under: Baseball | 11 Comments »

Diloneism (Di-lo-NAY-ism), noun, the misguided belief that your success is directly attributable to what is actually your biggest weakness.

E-migo (EE-mee-go), noun, a friend you have never really met and don’t really know but keep up with through various Internet means such as email, instant messaging and Facebook.

Fanbole (FAN-bow-lee), noun, a sweeping, exaggerated and often ludicrous sports statement that a fan makes when under the influence of an emotional sports event (and perhaps various substances).

The Gloaden Rule:
1. Use Ross Gload correctly, he will help your team win games.
2. Use Ross Gload incorrectly, he will get you fired.

Jeterate (JEET-ur-ayt), verb, to praise someone for something which he or she is entirely unworthy of praise.

Clemenate (KLEM-a-nayt), verb, to hate an athlete in an entirely healthy, fun sports way (rather than hating them in a crazed, stalking, loaded gun, insane sort of way).

Gleng (GLENG), verb, the act of pulling the car door handle at precisely the same instant that driver is attempting to unlock the door, thus nullifying the unlock action. Example: If you gleng one more time, man, I’m going to just leave you here.

Perquist [PURR-kwist], adj., a golf shot that does not go into the hole and, as such, falls short of perfection. But is still, like, a really skillful shot.

Pixifood (PIKZ-ee-food), noun: Any food substance that is highly pleasant to the taste as a child and tastes shockingly unpleasant once you become an adult.

Pribbie (PRI-bee), noun. A padded or pointless RBI, usually coming at the end of of a blowout game. Baseball fans will usually say that a player they don’t like gets a lot of pribbies.

Pozterisk (PAHZ-tur-isk), noun. An aside that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything but is thrown into the middle of the story because the author thinks it’s funny.

Tosmos (TAHZ-moze), noun, television shows that you have never actually seen but know the complete plot based entirely on commercials, word of mouth and diffusion.

Vegas Walk, noun. A walk that, by all appearances, promises to be relatively short but ends up being preposterously long. Example: “Sorry I’m late, but I decided to get a little exercise and that turned out to be a Vegas Walk.”

Volumate, verb. The act of necessarily using the remote control to constantly regulate the volume — raising it and lowering it as needed — while watching a DVD.