I Write Like … Who?
Posted: July 21st, 2010 | Filed under: Essays | 106 Comments »
You probably have seen that there has been quite a lot of hype about the I Write Like site. The site, supposedly, “analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them with those of the famous writers.” More than a million snippets of text have been analyzed so far, which means that hundreds of thousands of people have found that they write an awful lot like H.P. Lovecraft.
Well, there are other writers in the database too (at least a few other writers) … but Lovecraft seems to be the one that has come up most for people. My own stuff usually comes up as David Foster Wallace, which makes me feel unrealistically good, which I suppose is the whole point of the site. I think the idea is to excite people about writing, and I’m all for that.
I will say, though, that the site has led to several funny experiments. One blogger, spurred on by Roger Ebert (who has compared the algorithm on the site to the curtain in the Wizard of Oz), punched in several of the more grammatically challenged Tea Party signs and found their form matched the stylings of Dickens, Joyce, Defoe and, yes, H.P. Lovecraft.*
*The site does warn that short snippets of text will not offer reliable results … and they don’t. Of course, long snippets of text don’t really offer especially reliable results either.
To give you a general idea: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” comes up George Orwell. But if you type in the entire first paragraph from Tale of Two Cities — from “It was the best of times” to “in the superlative degree of comparison only,” it does come up Dickens.
Then again, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous final paragraph from “The Great Gatsby” is apparently written in the style of J.D. Salinger, while the final paragraph of Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22″ was written in the style of Raymond Chandler. So there you go.
In any case, I thought it might be fun to take the dozen or so most famous quotes in American sports, plug them into “I Write Like” and see what comes out. The only real trouble with this is that I had to actually determine what ARE the 12 most famous quotes in sports, which will inevitably lead to people screaming at me for leaving off “Nice guys finish last” or ” Hitting is timing, pitching is upsetting timing.” Ah well. You can punch your own 12 quotes if you like.
Here we go …
* * *
12. “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
– John Wooden
I Write Like: Jane Austen
* * *
11. “I’ve seen the future and it’s much like the present only longer.”
– Dan Quisenberry
I wanted to get a Quiz quote in there because few athletes in sports history have said so many memorable and interesting things.
He said, “I don’t think there are any good uses for nuclear weapons, but then, this might be one,” the first time he saw the Metrodome.
He said, “Natural grass is a wonderful thing for little bugs and sinkerball pitchers.”
When asked what was the best thing about being a baseball player, he said: “There is no homework.”
But his “I’ve seen the future quote,” has been repeated many, many times … including in a Presidential address.
I Write Like: Mystery writer Agatha Christie.
* * *
10. Bear Bryant could take his’n and beat your’n, or he could take your’n and beat his’n.
– Bum Phillips
This quote is so direct and smart, it has actually been used many different times about several different coaches … there even seems to be a debate about whether Bum Phillips said the quote about Bear Bryant or about Don Shula. He probably said it about both.
There are versions of this quote for John Wooden, for Bob Knight, for Joe Paterno and so on.
Bum Phillips was famous for two things: His Cowboy hat and his Texas wisdom. The fact he ever became an NFL coach is something of a miracle. He went into the Marines during World War II, came out, played a little football, kind of dabbled in coaching, and did not become a high school head coach until he was 34 years old. He bounced around as a high school coach, an assistant college coach, back to high school, back to college assistant, back and forth until Sid Gillman hired him to be defensive coordinator for the San Diego Chargers. The Chargers didn’t exactly dominate defensively in his time there, and he was canned, and Phillips kicked around after that. He resurfaced with the Houston Oilers as defensive coordinator in 1974, where once again his defense was undistinguished. The next year, at age 52, he was given the head coaching job.
And, improbably, it worked. Phillips’ Oilers won 10 games his first year and became one of the best defenses in the NFL. In 1978, they went to the AFC Championship Game and lost to their bitter rival Pittsburgh Steelers. In 1979 … same thing. Those two years, the Oilers might very well have been the second-best team in the NFL behind the Steel Curtain Steelers. Bum, whose real name was Oail and wore his nickname with all the dignity in the world, was perfectly suited to be a head coach.
Bum famously said, “There’s two kind of coaches, them that’s fired and them that’s gonna be fired.” He eventually became the latter. But before that, he coached up a storm and wore his Cowboy hat everywhere here went except when he coached in the Astrodome because his mother had always told him to not wear his hat indoors.
His “I Write Like” connection is not surprising in the least.
I Write Like: Mark Twain
* * *
9. “What’s my opinion of Kingman’s performance? What the (bleep) do you think is my opinion of it. I think it was (bleeping) (bleep), put that in. I don’t (bleeping) … opinion of his performance? Jesus Christ, he beat us with three (bleeping) home runs. What the (bleep) do you mean what is my opinion of his performance? How could you ask me a question like that, ‘What is my opinion of his performance?’ Jesus Christ, he hit three home runs. Jesus Christ. I’m (bleeping) pissed off to lose the (bleeping) game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance. Jesus Christ. I mean, that’s a tough question to ask me, isn’t it? ‘What is my opinion of his performance?’”
– Tommy Lasorda
I Write Like: Stephen King
* * *
8. You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you, too.
– Roy Campanella
One thing that has always interested me about baseball history is that Roy Campanella was signed by the Brooklyn Dodgers at essentially the same time as Jackie Robinson — both signed before the 1946 baseball season. And Campy had much more baseball experience than Robinson. He had been playing in the Negro Leagues since he was 15 years old in 1937. He had learned the catching craft from the legendary defender Biz Mackey, who in the Baseball Hall of Fame. He had learned hitting from Josh Gibson, who might be the best hitter in the history of the game. Campy went to play in Mexico in 1942 and ’43 and was good enough that he would be inducted into the Mexican Baseball Hall of Fame.
He was a three-time East-West All-Star, and so well regarded that he twice was invited to Major League tryouts. One was for Philadelphia while he was still in high school — the offer was rather famously rescinded when the team found out he was black. He was later invited to try out for Pittsburgh, though that invitation was also annulled for shady reasons. According to the perhaps understated Baseball Hall of Fame numbers, Campanella hit .324 and slugged .502 against the best Negro Leagues competition over eight full seasons … and hit much better than than as he matured (hit hit .440 and slugged .665 in 85 at-bats in 1944).
The point is, Campanella was an established star in baseball. And Jackie Robinson, to be blunt about it, was not. He had only played one season of Negro Leagues ball. Robinson famously had a bad season of baseball at UCLA — it was clearly the worst of his sports behind track, football and basketball — and he when he left for money reasons he went to play football in Honolulu. He went into the Army — where he was court-martialed and acquitted with an honorable discharge and played little or no baseball — and on the advice of Hall of Fame pitcher Hilton Smith he wrote to the Kansas City Monarchs for a tryout. He was excellent in his one season for the Monarchs, but it was only that … one season.
And yet, the Dodgers’ Branch Rickey signed Robinson with the intention of bringing him to the big leagues, while signing Campanella (and pitcher Don Newcombe) with the intention of seeing how Robinson did first. Robinson went to Class AAA Montreal for one sensational season, and Campanella was sent to B League Nashua first, then to Montreal the next year, while Robinson was breaking ground. Campanella was almost certainly ready for the big leagues — he was league MVP in Nashua and in Montreal and he was a big league All-Star his first full season.
The Dodgers turned out right … this really was the genius of Rickey. As Buck O’Neil always said Jackie Robinson wasn’t necessarily the BEST player but he was the RIGHT player to be first. What interests me is that, from a baseball standpoint, it was a big gamble. In retrospect, Campanella was probably a surer thing as a baseball prospect. Then again, we just don’t know how Campanella would have played had he been first. It’s possible — probable even — that Rickey was in a win-win situation.
That’s the other thing that interests me: The Dodgers signed five African American players before the 1946 season. Of those five, Jackie Robinson was ranked the 32nd best player of all-time by Bill James, Campanella was ranked 53rd of all-time, and Newcombe won a rookie of the year, a Cy Young, an MVP and was a four-time All-Star. That has to be the greatest haul in baseball history.
I thought for sure the Campy quote would have come up Mark Twain. But it didn’t … and I don’t agree much with this “I Write Like” match.
I Write Like: J.D. Salinger
* * *
7. The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
– Casey Stengel
For being one of the most quotable men in the history of American sports, Stengel doesn’t really have many pithy quotes … few that would serve well as, say, titles of books. Maybe “Most games are lost, not won,” would work as a book title. But Stengel was more of a storyteller … his lines take a little bit of a setup.
This is a good example of a Stengel quote: “Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.”
Great quote. But it takes a little setup.
I think his quote about a manager’s job is probably as true as anything ever said about being in charge of people. It is just as true in and out of sports.
I Write Like: Oscar Wilde
* * *
6. All I want out of life is that when I walk down the street folks will say, “There goes the greatest hitter that ever lived.”
– Ted Williams
Finally, a perfect match of quote and author. I’ve always thought that while Ernest Hemingway’s sporting hero was DiMaggio it SHOULD have been the war hero and man’s man Ted Williams.
I Write Like: Ernest Hemingway
* * *
5. “A tie is like kissing your sister.”
– Eddie Erdelatz, Navy Coach
This quote is generally attributed to Erdelatz, who lived a too-short but fascinating life. His mother died shortly after he was born, and football became his whole life. He played and coached with an almost desperate intensity. He was an extreme competitor (as his famous quote suggests) and he was known for playing through immense pain, and coaching the same way, so much so that when his son Eddie Jr. was taken out of a game for an injury, he said: “If my old man were coach of this outfit, I’d be in there right now.”
Yes, Eddie Sr. was tough, but he also had a heart of gold. After coaching at Navy (reportedly losing 50 pounds his first year as he drove the Midshipmen into shape) and leading the Midshipmen to a few great seasons, he suddenly and shockingly retired from the game in 1959 and taught swimming to special needs kids. Then, in 1960 — in what seemed another shocking move — he became head coach for the brand new Oakland Raiders of the American Football League. He quit football a year later … saying it took the life out of him.
Five years later, he died of stomach cancer at the age of 53.
I Write Like: J.D. Salinger.
* * *
4. “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
– Yogi Berra
Yogi’s most famous quote is certainly “It ain’t over ’til it’s over,” but that was too short to punch into the “I Write Like” system. So, this quote about a crowded restaurant will take its place.
The problem with Yogi Berra quotes, of course, is best described in his classic line: “I never said most of the things I said.” Of course, he might not have said that either. It’s just hard to tell what Yogi said, what he didn’t say, but you know what? It doesn’t really matter. The quotes are out there, and they’re a part of baseball lore.
Five classic Yogi quotes:
– “Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.”
– “It gets late early out there.”
– “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
– “How can you hit and think at the same time?”
And a personal favorite, when asked his hat size: “I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
I absolutely don’t get this “I Write Like” connection, by the way.
I Write LIke: Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk.
* * *
3. “Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you.”
– Satchel Paige
Satchel Paige has to go down — with Mark Twain, Will Rogers, Abraham Lincoln, Yogi Berra and a few others — as one of the most quotable of Americans. He was, in fact, SO quotable that like the others mentioned, people will attach quotes to him that he never said. For instance, the wonderful quote “Dance like no one is watching,” has been attached to Paige AND to Twain. Neither said it. The quote (I believe) was originated by a man named William Purkey, who is still a professor at UNC-Greensboro.
Paige did say many other famous and thought-provoking things though. He said, many times, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?”
He did say: “Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.”
He did offer probably the simplest and most accurate pitching sentence ever recorded: “Nobody likes the ball low and away.”
And, of course, he gave his rules for staying young, which appeared in Colliers Magazine in 1953. They are as follows:
1. Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
4. Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain’t restful.
5. Avoid running at all times.
6. Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.
You want to talk about a bad match … this might be the worst I Write Like decision of the bunch.
I Write LIke: Twilight series author Stephanie Meyer
* * *
2. “Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee. Your hands can’t touch what your eyes can’t see.”
– Muhammad Ali
The matches are getting worse and worse.
I Write Like: Author of “The Handmaid’s Tale” Margaret Atwood
* * *
1. “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.”
– Vince Lombardi
This quote did not originate with Lombardi … most people seem to think it was first uttered by former UCLA coach Red Sanders. He definitely said it before Lombardi — he’s quoted in Sports Illustrated in 1955, when Lombardi was only a year into his job as offensive coordinator of the Giants.
Red Sanders is plagued by no such torments. Twelve months out of the 12, his appetite and digestion are excellent; his slumbers season-long are unruffled. His wife asserts that his disposition is better during football season than at any other period of the year. Not that he is philosophical about losing. “Sure, winning isn’t every thing,” he once declared. “It’s the only thing.”
Lombardi made the quote famous, though he was never quite comfortable with it. He would later say that he thought “The WILL to win is the only thing.” But history has connected him and the quote, and history tends to win.
I Write Like: Science fiction author and famed humanist Isaac Asimov
* * *
Finally, one more quote, as a bonus.
“Hey, it’s uh, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Um. Can you please, uh, take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please, take your name off that. And um. What do you call it? Just have it as a number on the voice mail. Just have it as your telephone number. OK? You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right. Bye.”
– Tiger Woods
I Write Like: Blogger Cory Doctorow
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Issac Assimov/Kurt Vonnegut/Douglas Adams/H.P. Lovecraft/David Foster Wallace/Cory Doctorow here, that site doesn’t seem to be able to make up its mind.
However, it did correctly identify all of the passages written by authors I know it knows that I offered it.
Curiously enough, the text from wikipedia pages about certain authors such as Lovecraft or Wallace seems to always trigger the author about whom the article was written- even when I removed every instance of the author’s name (in this case, I replaced every mention of Wallace with a mention of Lovecraft, and vice versa). Even shortening the passages I fed to the site to paragraphs of biographical information.
My conclusion: either editors of wackypedia articles subconsciously mimic (or intentionally, I suppose) the styles of authors when writing about , or much more likely the BS algorithm this thing uses is easily tripped by information found in these articles.
(Evidence in support of this claim: The following text:
Herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp Edward Cullen derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp .
Returns Stephanie Meyer. It would seem to have been tripped by the phrase “Edward Cullen” though I guess it could also just be smarter than we thought.)
circle me kurt vonnegut
I come up as David Foster Wallace too. Which I’m quite proud of, even though I know it’s nonsense.
An email I sent for work came up as Ursula K. Le Guin — didn’t see that one in your article. Fun little website but of course I am sure another email would return another author!
If you put in the entire text of Gehrig’s farewell speech it comes up David Foster Wallace.
His famous letter written to his wife on May 3, 1939, comes up as James Joyce.
Joe – I am just amazed how you can turn out one brilliant essay after another. Your words are always enlightening, entertaining, and musical. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
I apparently write like James Joyce! I’ll take this as confirmation of some sort of lyrical quality to my writing and not the fact i dropped in two hastily written, rambling emails where punctuation was not much on my mind.
I strive to write like Joe Frazier.
Cory Doctorow is a supreme douchebag.
I too got David Foster Wallace. Since he is my hero, it was definitely bizarre to see that comparison. Something doesn’t feel right…
I entered Buck O’ Neil’s line “Son, in this life, you don’t ever walk by a red dress.”
And it came back as Chuck Palahniuk.
So that was kind of a waste of time.
Some of these matches are good though, like Stengel’s and Teddy Ballgame.
If I use anything a paragraph or so long that I’ve written, it comes up with a wide variety of names like Joyce, Doctorow or Poe.
But each time I input something larger…something over 1000 words or so, it comes up with David Foster Wallace every time. Like a lot of other readers here, I see.
I get Cory Doctorow…although I have no idea if he really is a d-bag (@#9), but then again, I’ve never heard of him.
The Quisenberry future quote reminds me of a t-shirt I saw once. It said:
“I’ve seen the future, and it’s Fine”, and above this was a picture of Larry Fine.
By the way, plugging that quote in comes back Ray Bradbury.
I keep hoping my text will come up “Joe Posnanski” but it hasn’t yet. I’m going to keep trying.
It cracks me up that the LaSorda quote is long, repetitive, and says very little….and it matches with Stephen King (who can’t seem to get out of his own way when telling a story). I think there might be something to this “I write like” thing after all.
I copied and pasted a nice, long post of my own from a forum and got P.G. Wodehouse. Which seems odd, because I don’t remember a constant stream of profanity in any of the Jeeves and Wooster I’ve read.
Sections from IRS instructions to Forms W-2 and 1040 were written like Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Kurt Vonnegut, and Harry Harrison (another SF author).
I got Dan Brown.
I don’t know whether to chalk it up as nonsense based on some of the matches in Joe’s post, or punch myself in the face.
The quotation “I’ve seen the future and it’s much like the present only longer” is not original to Dan Quisenberry – it’s from “The Profit” by Kehlog Albran. A Google search for “Kehlog Albran” and “The Profit” will turn up at least one link to an online version of it.
I think I recall reading somewhere that Quiz loved this book, and certainly it’s similar to the sort of thing he used to say. I saw him speak in Florida in 1991, and he seemed to be a remarkable man. It is a sad thing that he is gone.
Either way, you have my sincere condolences, Chris.
My most recent blog post gave me Ernest Hemingway. I’m flattered.
I read that there is a relative dearth of writing samples and authors for comparison on the site. More need to be added to get more accurate results.
I put about 10 different pieces of my writing into the website and it came back with about 7 or 8 different writers (Only Kurt Vonnegut and Cory Doctorow came up more than once). Their writing styles are not similar at all. It must just purely guess. There’s 15 minutes I can’t get back.
My last comment posted here returned a match to David Foster Wallace.
The first couple of paragraphs of an essay I wrote about my job returned a match to James Joyce.
The last full post on my old blog returned a match to Cory Doctorow.
Based on all of this evidence, it’s pretty clear that I’m insane. In other words, the tool seems to work pretty well.
My guess on this is that the site uses the frequency of certain parts of speech (how many adverbs and adjectives do you use) along with different forms of sentence structure to determine whose writing style yours most resembles. I have no idea how accurate it is. Though I consistently get Margaret Atwood when I plug in large chunks of writing. When I’m trying to write well, I think my prose tends to be rather spare with a flourish here or there, so I think that fits okay.
[...] the rest of this great post here Comments (0) Posted in Twilight [...]
Passages of fiction I’ve written have turned up: Dan Brown, JK Rowling, and Douglas Adams. Ugh. Shoot me. Although I guess I could go commercial and sell a gazillion books…
Some nonfiction writing from my blog turned up David Foster Wallace. I guess I need to stick to nonfiction.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by royalsfeed, Jerry Balsam. Jerry Balsam said: Posnanski's experiment with I Write Like: http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2010/07/21/i-write-like-who/ [...]
My favorite sports quote – Oscar Gamble: “They don’t think it be like it is, but it do.” = J.D. Salinger
The Gettysburg Address was written in the style of H.P. Lovecraft.
When I input a long letter I wrote to my daughter, it came up David Foster Wallace, but when I deleted all but the first paragraph, it shows Kurt Vonnegut. I think the Wallace analysis must come from length of submission.
I posted a sad story that says I write like David Foster Wallace.
My story about a man who shot his wife and cut her up with a bandsaw in a Las Vegas hotel room came back as Mario Puzo.
My story on Las Vegas judges who aren’t popular with lawyers was apparently written by Dan Brown.
I never heard of David Foster Wallace and was depressed after I Googled his name.
I ran a three of my articles and got David Foster Wallace every time. Needless to say, the result was thrilling and I’m not asking any questions.
I never really understood how/why the loud, obnoxious Lasorda so went off on the reporter’s question about Kingman’s performance…
It still seems like a relatively harmless question to me. Did he despise the reporter who asked the question more than the question itself?
I get that he might have been pissed and embarrassed that it was Dave Kingman who had a great hitting day vs his Dodgers, but to become so stupidly profane over that question has always bothered me. Of course, I detest Lasorda so that may need to be added to the equation.
After entering a passage of text earlier, and getting Dan Brown, I tried again with a one liner from my e-mail and got Wodehouse. It seems like a reliable yardstick to me now.
“I write like David Foster Wallace” repeated 50 times = James Joyce. Which is weirdly accurate.
Don Orsillo’s commentary about the A’s pitching coaches during the top of the ninth inning of yesterday’s Sox-A’s game: Robert Louis Stevenson.
I was sure Joe would use a Mickey Rivers quote, but he didn’t, so I did one instead, which was the following:
“Ain’t no sense worrying: If you have no control over something, ain’t no sense worrying about it -you have no control over it anyway. If you do have control, why worry? So either way, there ain’t no sense worrying.”
Mickey’s match: Gertrude Stein. I am not really sure I could come up with 2 more dissimilar people if I tried.
I found that site over the weekend. One of my finished short stories and my half-finished novel both came back as Kurt Vonnegut. I could do worse.
It’s funny that Joe wrote about it this week.
Taking Joe’s sports quotes into the legal realm, I pasted paragraphs from U.S. Supreme Court decisions.
Justice Stevens writes like Cory Doctorow;
Justice Kennedy writes like Isaac Asimov;
Justice Alito writes like David Foster Wallace;
Chief Justice Roberts writes like David Foster Wallace (who is apparently very influential);
Justice Thomas writes like Edgar Allan Poe; and Justice Bader-Ginsburg writes like James Fenimore Cooper.
I lost interest and didn’t sample the other three or soon-to-be Justice Kagan.
I have to write a news story now; hopefully like Joe Posnanski would.
By the way, Joe Posnanski writes like Cory Doctorow. WTF?
As for personally, I put in an email I recently sent to an ALJ asking for a continuance (I am a lawyer) and got Arthur C. Clarke and put in another email I sent to the parents of the kids I am coaching for soccer this year about practice and got David Foster Wallace.
A little confused now.
[...] yeah, Gamble’s assessment sounds about right to me. (I first saw it in the comments section of an excellent post by Joe Posnanski, which is worth reading for the wealth of sports [...]
No surprise that cutting and pasting language from legal pleadings (redcacted of course!) results in a comparison to James Joyce.
Wasn’t Dimaggio the guy who focused on greatest living ballplayer?
OK, I promise this will be my last comment on this thread.
Pasting all 44 comments into the system we Brilliant Readers, cumalatively, write like Arthur C. Clarke.
If you paste a paragraph of Joe’s I Write Like … Who? column, you get a variety of authors. The entire column comes back as David Foster Wallace.
My question from #35 on this thread was written by Isaac Asimov…Is this a good thing?
I have a question, I wonder how the filter handles censored words. For instance, I put in the full text of Lee Elia’s famous tirade re the fans at Wrigley circa 1983, but it was a censored text in which many of his words were written f*ck rather than the actual word. So, does the site recognize that word for what it is or is it gibberish?
BTW, Lee Elia’s rant was apparently ghost written by David Foster Wallace
My most recent comment on this blog (from Joe’s “Diary of a Losing Team”) was written in the style of Raymond Chandler. I suddenly feel unrealistically good, as well, Joe.
I googled the Fight Club writer and it seems like that may make sense for Yogi. It appears as though that guy is known for short sentences and writing so that it sounds like everyday conversation. Yogi’s quotes are short, choppy sentences so I can see the comparison.
I entered the following and was told it resembled the style of Kurt Vonnegut:
BROXWIN FOOGIE LAHK SHULURPPY MAZPON VISSHYSO? jAK UND DER SCHLOTTERMAYER WIQQS MOANNIET BLUUBLUU BENNY FINGLEHYMER.
I have to say, I don’t see the stylistic resemblance myself. If anything, I’d have said Hunter S. Thompson.
Both Denny Green’s “They were who we thought they were” and Mike Gundy’s “I’m a man, I’M 40!!” are this Cory Doctorow fellow. D-bag or not?
I decided to combine this with another game: the babelfish translate/re-translate.
I plugged the Gipper speech into babelfish, translated it to Japanese, translated it back into English, then put it into “I write like”
Isaac Asimov.
Not for nothing, but the whole “I Write Like” site is nothing but a front for a vanity publisher:
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/012502.html#012502
“This “I Write Like” site isn’t remotely legitimate. No, they aren’t trying; or, anyway, they aren’t trying to analyze writing samples: They’re trying to lure newbie authors to the rocks and shoals of vanity publication. “
Wow.
I plugged in a rollicking account of a bachelor party where we visited a couple L.A. strip clubs, and the writer it most resembled?
The esteemed novelist-poet Margaret Atwood, perhaps the last writer on earth I would have imagined.
Why all the Cory Doctorow hate? I’ve read a few of his novels and I follow him on Twitter and he seems like an alright guy. I emailed him once a few years ago and he replied back to me and was very gracious and likable.
I went through a blog I frequent and posted samples of 5 different contributors. Each one came up with David Foster Wallace for at least one of their samples. I’ve never read any of his stuff. Does anyone know why that might be? Or is this site completely bogus?
Don @#53
Whaddaya mean, not legitimate?
A longish email I’d sent to an aquaintance giving my thoughts on the newspaper he worked for came back as Kurt Vonnegut.
The thing is absolutely, totally, gilt-edged authentic. It could have been crafted by NASA.
Apparently Tolkien writes like Stephen King.
I put in a few straight-forward news articles I’ve written. They all come back as David Foster Wallace.
I couple opinion-y pieces I’ve written came back as James Joyce….and JK Rowling.
Whoever came up with this website must love Wallace, since he seems to come up so much.
Wallace wrote long, not curiously long, but long. He also wrote a book titled “Infinite Jest” that earned high praise. Sadly, he suffered with depression and hanged himself a couple of years ago.
The site was developed by a Russian who admits he has no literary talent-spotting skills whatsover. He said the site does serve one good purpose: It gets people interested in reading and writers. For that we should be grateful.
IWL says I write like Cory Doctorow, who I have not read. I downloaded his free online book “Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom”, copied random chunks from it, and fed them to IWL.
IWL says Cory Doctorow writes like himself sometimes, and sometimes like Stephen King. Does this mean I am entitled to some percentage of Steven King’s royalties?
Hey Joe, why are you dissing Margaret Atwood?She’s been nominated for the Booker Prize. It’s not like she’s a hack.
I got Cory Doctorow!! WTF!! I wanted you write like Joe Posnanski …. then it clicked no one writes like Joe Posnanski!
I tested work e-mails, and it was amazingly consistent: Cory Doctorow. Then I did personal e-mails: David Foster Wallace. Burned an entire hour doing this.
I put in a blog post about a negative experience at a concert, and it said I write like David Foster Wallace. (Maybe it was because I used some numbering, and Foster Wallace was a big footnotes guy.)
I put in a blog post about my recent car accident, and it said I write like Dan Brown.
Like everyone else here, I found this exercise to be thoroughly amusing and wholly meaningless.
Don@53:
This has been added to your link:
The link has been changed from Michael Hyatt’s e-books to King’s On Writing at Amazon. I apologize to Dmitry Chestnykh for thinking that he didn’t really exist and was entirely a creation of Thomas Nelson to drive clicks to their site.
The guy you linked automatically assumed that the paid advert he spotted was who was behind the site… until it changed. He was wrong.
By the way:
1) The lyrics of Eric Idle’s “Penis Song” come back as James Joyce.
2) And George Carlin’s 7 Words You Can’t say on Television came back as Margaret Atwood.
Both Douglas Adams’ speech at Digital Biota 2 (Sep./98), http://www.biota.org/people/douglasadams/ AND a post from YouAreNotSoSmart.com returned H.P. Lovecraft.
This whole post brings up Wallace.
This is fun. Shakespeare’s “To be or not to be…” is written like Mark Twain. A paragraph from Twain’s Conneticut Yankee is Oscar Wilde.
Heeheehee, this is fun. I get David Foster Wallace as well…perhaps it’s because of my Posnanskian influence?
I also was told that I write like David Foster Wallace, which is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, so I choose to believe that this program is 100% accurate and a strong contender for mankind’s greatest achievement.
Joe,
I put your first paragraph of the “Dean” column into the site, and it came back … Stephen King.
I punched in some text from Romeo and Juliet… it says I write like James Joyce
The Casey Stengel-Oscar Wilde pairing reminds me of something somebody once said about Oscar Wilde. It went something like this:
Wilde: “Ow. That was good. I wish I would have said that.”
Bystander: “Don’t worry, Oscar. You will.”
Huh. I put in three nonsense paragraphs with footnotes, trying to make it return David Foster Wallace, naturally, and it came up with Stephen King…
Not quite so enamoured of the IWL site now.
Tried putting some chapters of a book I’m editing (various authors) through it – first as they arrived, then after I’d done my stuff.
James Joyce stayed as James Joyce; Ian Fleming stayed as Ian Fleming; even Stephen King stayed as Stephen King.
As someone who’s been telling clients for years that I can turn their laundry list into Gray’s Elegy, I’ll be ruined if this gets out.
The Satchel Paige-Stephanie Meyer result is awesome. It’s the I Write Like equivalent of the SI Indian Uprising 1987 baseball preview issue.
I put in the famous Jim Mora rant …
“In my opinion, that sucked. What’s that? Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs! You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game.”
And it came back with Stephen King … I guess not surprisingly.
Then I put in some of the memos/letters I’ve written recently.
It came back with a different answer each time … Doctorow; David Foster Wallace; Isaac Asimov; and Leo Tolstoy.
I guess I am a bit of a schizoid.
I typed in my favorite paragraph I have ever written.
It said: You are a moron.
Damn, that site is mean.
I’d just like to say thanks to the Brilliant Readers who brought the funny into these comments. There have been some real gems.
I think there’s something about non-fiction that makes that site spit out David Foster Wallace. I pasted in a bunch of stuff I wrote – mostly blog posts and various works of journalism – and all came back David Foster Wallace. Same thing happened to a reporter friend of mine. Same thing happened when I pasted in a press release, and the front page story in the New York Times. That site fun, but as others have pointed out, meaningless.
What a ridiculous (if amusing) waste of time.
But since my writing also came out as David Foster Wallace-like, I guess by extension I can say I write like Joe. What a nice delusion, that…
[...] Joe Posnanski » Blog Archive » I Write Like … Who? [...]
Wow. Joseph Heller writes like both Margaret Mitchell and Stephen King.
[...] Joe Posnanski » Blog Archive » I Write Like … Who? [...]
I typed in three different ledes to stories written in the same week. Depending upon the moment, I apparently write like Cory Doctorow, Chuck Palahnuik or David Foster Wallace. I feel so schitzophrenic.
I copied/pasted in the Quisenberry quote and got Isaac Asimov. One quote is like Isaac Asimov and also like Agatha Christie?
Thanks for your delightful introduction to the “Write Like” website.
With respect to Roy Campanella, Rickey, and Jackie, I agree that the Mahatma was in a win-win situation.
Robinson may have been chosen because he was a college man/army officer who had been through experiences with integration. And Jackie was a position player who wouldn’t have to interact regularly with a pitching staff, opposing batters, and umpires.
On the other hand, Campy was the easygoing personality who could have — and did — handle those interactions smoothly. Campy might have been able to let the inevitable insults toward the “first” roll right off his back. (Perhaps too easily, in Jackie’s eyes, as I understand their dynamic.)
23-year-old Bruce Edwards had his best season and was 4th in MVP voting in 1947. Additionally, if Campanella had been placed as the Montreal Royals catcher in 1946, Rickey would have had put Dixie Howell and/or Herman Franks elsewhere — possible, of course.
Except for these factors, it probably would have made sense to bring Campy and Jackie to the Dodgers together in 1947, maybe with Campanella replacing Bobby Bragan/Gil Hodges as backup catcher until his skills and Bruce Edwards’s arm injury made Campanella the starter (in 1948). Hodges would have benefited by playing regularly in the minors during 1947. Having Campy on the club all season, instead of Dan Bankhead for only five unproductive weeks, would probably have been better for Robinson, Bankhead, and the Dodgers’ World Series chances.
I typed in the herp derp without Edward Cullen. It said I write like Cory Doctorow
My last two emails to my wife were in the style of Cory Doctorow and Stephen King.
I’d never heard of Doctorow. I’m also one of the few living people to have never read King, though I’ve seen movies based on his work. It’s obviously a legitimate site, and I’m quitting my day job.
I put in a poem of mine and got Wallace Put in another poem, got him again. Put in an erotic poem, got Nabokov. Put in an article about Britten’s War Requiem (I often write music criticism), got Lovecraft (death and mysticism, I suppose.) Put in a long review of the expanded edition of Billy Joel’s The Stranger, got Wallace again. Put in a pop psychology thing I’ve been fooling around with and got Dan Brown (he’s a hideous stylist, so I should be insulted, but this suggests to me that I’m succeeding in dumbing down the science writing to a general-public level!).
Then I strayed from my own writing and put in some Thorstein Veblen, got Lovecraft (which is a hilarious result). Put in all of the lyrics for Tom Waits’s album Small Change, got Gertrude Stein! Put in James Joyce’s Pomes Penyeach, got James Joyce (can’t argue with that), but then put in the lease extension notice my landlord sent and ALSO got Joyce.
Returning to my own output, I put in a sappy pop-song lyric and got Twain. Put in a downright pornographic poem, got Douglas Adams. Tried a more blatantly smutty poem, got Stephen King; another one got Joyce, yet another got Wallace.
Decided to try tricking the app again and found the Prologue to Romeo & Juliet online; the app said it was in the style of Cooper, which is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about Cooper’s writing. The beginning of A Farewell to Arms reminded the app of Stephen King, but I’d just put in the first 254 words, so maybe that wasn’t fair. I put in all of the first two chapters and got Cooper. It was at this point that I decided the app is a piece of crap. If it can’t recognize Hemingway with a whole two chapters to work with, it’s pathetic.
I tried it three times.
First, I put in The Gettysburg Address, and got H.P. Lovecraft.
Then, I put in The Declaration of Independence, and got H.P. Lovecraft.
Then, I put in a passage from my dissertation, and got H.P. Lovecraft.
I see three possible conclusions:
1. I am a brilliant writer, OR
2. H.P. Lovecraft is a *really* brilliant writer, OR
3. The site is full of shit
At first it kept giving me Dan Brown, but I kept going through Cory Doctorow and a few others until I gave it a sample that spat out David Foster Wallace. I stopped there. I’ll let you know when I get the book deal.
“herp derp herp derp…” really should return William Kotzwinkle.
Rummaging around my ship’s library one day in the 70′s, I came across a book twenty or thirty years old filled with anecdotes about baseball.
One opening day in Yankee Stadium, while Stengel was still an active outfielder, the team was introduced over the PA while they stood at their positions in the field.
When the announcer got to Stengel, a manhole cover came off a shallow utility tunnel in left field, and Casey rose to his feet from it as he released a flock of doves from a cage.
Some of the quotes you looked at do work, but it isn’t even so much on a “writing style” level as a “that’s something that person might have said” level, which isn’t reall the same thing.
Personally, I think this thing is mostly BS, or else breaks easily when confronted with certain things.
It definitely doesn’t handle poetry at all, for starters.
And when I plugged in about a page and a half of a translation I did from the San Guo Zhi – an 1800-year-old Chinese historical text – it returned David Foster Wallace.
I then entered in all 65 pages of said translation, and still got Wallace.
That seems…unlikely.
“If Coach tells you that I missed practice, then that’s that. I may have missed one practice this year but if somebody says he missed one practice of all the practices this year, then that’s enough to get a whole lot started. I told Coach Brown that you don’t have to give the people of Philadelphia a reason to think about trading me or anything like that. If you trade somebody, you trade them to make the team better…simple as that. I’m cool with that. I’m all about that. The people in Philadelphia deserve to have a winner. It’s simple as that. It goes further than that … If I can’t practice, I can’t practice. It is as simple as that. It ain’t about that at all. It’s easy to sum it up if you’re just talking about practice. We’re sitting here, and I’m supposed to be the franchise player, and we’re talking about practice. I mean listen, we’re sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we’re talking about practice. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game like it’s my last but we’re talking about practice man. How silly is that? … Now I know that I’m supposed to lead by example and all that but I’m not shoving that aside like it don’t mean anything. I know it’s important, I honestly do but we’re talking about practice. We’re talking about practice man. We’re talking about practice. We’re talking about practice. We’re not talking about the game. We’re talking about practice. When you come to the arena, and you see me play, you’ve seen me play right, you’ve seen me give everything I’ve got, but we’re talking about practice right now. … Hey I hear you, it’s funny to me too, hey it’s strange to me too but we’re talking about practice man, we’re not even talking about the game, when it actually matters, we’re talking about practice … How the hell can I make my teammates better by practicing?”
=
…
David Foster Wallace.
I saw this one last week and laughed for 10 minutes…
; ‘ )
http://willnotbetelevised.com/tv/
I plugged in this great quote from Ichiro.
This was in the 2008 season which was going on terribly for the lowly, underperforming, and strife-ridden Mariners (despite Ichiro performing excellently as usual) and some journalist wrote an article advocating that Ichiro be traded to re-tool the Mariners.
(details also given here: http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2008/7/2/563614/more-ichiro-goodness)
When asked his opinion about it this was Ichiro’s response:
“I haven’t heard that, but what I think about it is that when things are not going well, many people have different ideas, and that’s only natural. If a crow has thought it, it would surprise me. But since it’s human beings, it does not surprise me.”
The website’s match: Lewis Carroll
Sorry about the link above, it should not include the parenthesis.
http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2008/7/2/563614/more-ichiro-goodness
is correct.
[...] has determined I’m a bad Lovecraft knock-off. Sound off in comments with your own results (via). Share and [...]
[...] has had a lot of interesting posts lately, but one of them in particular sort of caught my eye a few days ago. He brought the “I Write Like” site to his [...]
Another DF Wallace here.
[...] Joe Posnanski ?????: Justice Thomas writes like Edgar Allan Poe; and Justice Bader-Ginsburg writes like James Fenimore Cooper. I lost interest and didn’t sample the other three or soon-to-be Justice Kagan. I have to write a news story now; hopefully like Joe ….. If a crow has thought it, it would surprise me. But since it’s human beings, it does not surprise me.” The website’s match: Lewis Carroll. 102: TonyinNYC said at 5:10 am on July 29th, 2010: Sorry about the link above, it should not … [...]