The Most Amazing Paragraph Ever
Posted: August 23rd, 2009 | Filed under: Baseball | 51 Comments »
Royals Being Royals.
In 2007, the Kansas City Royals had the second pick in the amateur draft. You already know that the amateur draft is a crapshoot for many, many reasons. One of those is that certain talented players make it clear up front that they will demand heaping sums of money. If you took a poll of all the scouts and scouting directors who study such things, they would probably have told you that the second-best player in the 2007 draft was catcher Matt Wieters or pitcher Rick Porcello, and the Royals probably felt that way too. But the Royals deemed those two as too expensive.
Instead they drafted Mike Moustakas, a slugging shortstop from California who set the state record for high school home runs. There was risk in drafting Moustakas too — he was (and is) represented by Scott Boras and he had a college option. Even three or four hours before the deadline, the Royals were not sure they would get the deal done. But they did get the deal done — $4 million or so — and Moustakas immediately became the organization’s No. 1 prospect. He hit .272/.337/.448 in low class A as a 19 year old — perhaps not overwhelming numbers but he did bang 22 homers and scouts seemed impressed enough. This year, his numbers have been less impressive, but he has played in a pitcher’s park in a pitcher’s league and … hope endures.
In 2008, the Kansas City Royals had the third pick in the draft. And this time, they took Eric Hosmer, a high school first baseman from Florida who inspired scouts to reach back into their dusty 1950s cliche book and announce that he had “light tower power.” Again, there were others who may have been considered more major league ready — Gordon Beckham, Brett Wallace, college guys — but Hosmer’s power potential had the Royals decision makers salivating. The Royals’ home run record, you might know, is 36. That’s the team record. That was set almost 25 years ago by the great Steve Balboni. Within days of Hosmer’s drafting, people already talked about how he is the one to break that record.
Again, it wasn’t easy to get Hosmer signed. Well … it never is. Hosmer’s agent was also Scott Boras, and he took it right up to the deadline (perhaps even just past the deadline — there were some issues there). This time it cost about $6 million. Hosmer in his first full year of pro ball has put up uninspiring numbers — six home runs, a low batting average — but he’s young, and he has shown some good plate discipline, and, yes, hope endures.
The lead-in is important here. Remember: The Royals took the risk of dealing with Scott Boras. They signed Moustakas and Hosmer for about $10 million. They have placed the future of their franchise on the broad shoulders of these two young men — a couple of gifted high school baseball players with power and good makeup and so many of the other things that inspire hope and promise.
That’s what makes this paragraph — written by Matt Janus on the Wilmington Blue Rocks Web site — one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.
Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer both remained out of the Wilmington lineup on Friday. Moustakas has not played since having a batted ball bounce off of his head on Tuesday. He has been suffering from concussion-like symptoms since. Blue Rocks manager Brian Rupp said after the game he was hopeful Moustakas could play on Saturday, and confident he would return by Sunday’s series finale. Hosmer is waiting on a new pair of prescription glasses. He cannot play without them. It is uncertain when he will return.
OK, so … I was about to comment on that amazing paragraph — Moustakas is out because a ball hit him in the head and apparently as of the writing three days later he was still suffering from concussion-like symptoms, whatever that means. Hosmer is out (indefinitely, apparently) because he can’t find a one-hour prescription glasses place.
But you know what? There’s nothing I can add. The paragraph, in all its beauty and horror, speaks for itself.
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Concussions aren’t funny, but there’s something appealing about the phrase “having a batted ball bounce off his head.” Almost sounds intentional.
What is it with the Royals and glasses? Did Bausch & Lomb try and bring a goat to a game and get turned away?
You ever notice that 90% of the time, when someone is placed on the DL or held out of the line-up and “listed as day-to-day” (whatever the hell that means), they’re diagnosed with something. But that something is, like I said, 90% of the time, just a description of symptoms and not an actual ailment at all.
So much for 2011.
It’s always good to have your great and future power hitter (Hosmer) in dire need of glasses.
George Brett, he of 20/15 vision, Hosmer’s not.
I wonder if Buster Posey, Gordon Beckham, or Justin Smoak wear glasses?
Sounds like some serious shenanigans in Wilmington
Trust the process.
You’d think that having invested $6 million in Hosmer, the Royals would be able to get the guy a pair of glasses. Better yet, why not spring for Lasik?
Do the Royals know what Lasik is?
The Royals think Lasik is an advanced stat.
I can’t stand it…I…just…can’t…stand…it.
I sound like Charlie Brown.
Actually Royals’ fans and Charlie Brown have a lot in common.
Goodness. I may have to end my own life with my hot dog cannon. It’s been a fun ride everyone!
Brian McCann was transformed into Mike Napoli this year with his new prescription glasses. Doesn’t look too good. Isn’t there a clause in baseball that allows the commish to take drastic action “For the good of the game”? Sort of like Eminent Domain laws? I think Buddy Boy ought to site eminent domain and force Royals ownership to sell. I know a chimp with Wall St. experience who is committed to winning at whatever cost.
Re: Isn’t there a clause in baseball that allows the commish to take drastic action “For the good of the game”?
There is an inherent flaw in that question; Bud Selig wouldn’t know “for the good of the game” if it bit him in the rear end.
For the good of the game, Bud Selig is taking KC’s All-Star Game and giving it to Boston, where it belongs.
[...] Joe Posnanski finds the first round draft choices of the Royals aren’t playing much. [...]
I like Justyo’s idea (commenter #13) ….the Royals should sell to a new ownership group & the Commish should force it to happen. Baseball got rid of Charlie O’, why not the Glass’s who have trouble providing glasses?
Looks like Moose played and hit a homer today. Hosmer is still out.
I proudly reside in Wilmington.
At least Danny Duffy is awesome.
Let’s hope Bryce Harper doesn’t need vision correction.
Wouldn’t it be funny if the Royals end up with the draft rights to Harper because the Nationals rescued Mike MacDougal from the scrap heap and made him their closer? It could happen.
I am a Mets fan, but I am a Royals fan in the AL(blame Patek and Otis, then Brett) and can feel your pain.
Boras is a 5-letter word.
So is Mauer…
“Hosmer is waiting on a new pair of prescription glasses. He cannot play without them. It is uncertain when he will return.”
That has got to be the absolute lamest reason for any schmuck to be placed on the DL. There is no such thing as “indefinite” with respect to getting glasses.
You know, there really ought to be a “claw-back” clause of sorts with these contracts. Something to make the guys who completely oversell themselves to think twice before doing so. Especially those who sign on with Boras.
So was this “batted ball bounce off his head” like a Jose Conseco ball off the noggin? Or was it a line-drive-off-the-face batted ball? Or worse yet, was it a batting practice foul ball that hit him in the cheek?
I could understand if it was a line drive to the melon but the other scenarios don’t cut it. As for Hosmer, maybe Joe will forward this link to him: http://bit.ly/9OylA.
It looks like there is a Lenscrafters at the Concord Mall. Should be easy enough to find… that link has a map and directions too
The Royals draft (and the MLB club for that matter) can be summed up with one word: FAIL. And this is coming from a Royals fan.
Lasik?
I’m sure the Royals want to pay for Lasik — weren’t they telling us how much it helped Tony Pena Jr. improve his hitting?
I remember back in the 80s people used to talk about the Royals as a model franchise with such a wonderful farm system that other clubs tried to emulate.
What the hell happened? It’s sad.
Unbelievable. I was driving around today – before reading this blog entry – and the thought occurred to me that the Royals’ “farm system” (and it is not that) has failed us over and over again these past two decades. Maybe it was Willie W. suiting up for the T-Bones this weekend that got me thinking. On second thought, is Boras representing Willie these days… can we get him signed?
Regarding an above post about Brian McCann turning into Mike Napoli because of prescripton glasses, was that supposed to mean McCann suddenly got good as a result? Really? Cause that couldn’t be more wrong. A simple check of his stats and you would have known that McCann has been an outstanding offensive catcher since 2006.
why are we drafting a guy who requires glasses in the first round? seems like perfect vision would be a prerequsite for being a six million dollar first round draft pick. next thing you know we are going to start drafting players who are good except for that darn vertigo
At least for Hosmer, LASIK isn’t recommended until at least the mid-20s. He may not have other options than glasses until then. But it doesn’t excuse LensCrafters.
Not being able to get the guy over to a LensCrafters sounds like the entire organization is in the grips of unbearable apathy.
The scariest part of the paragraph was the Wilmington manager trying to hurry a guy with concussion syndrome back into the line up. If this guy is the future, shouldn’t more care be taken of him? Concussion are not to be taken lightly.
hahaha. I couldn’t stop laughing for a couple minutes there. Something about the way that paragraph was phrased was hilarious.
Hosmer needing glasses is a GOOD thing, people. Haven’t you all seen Major League?
[...] thrown around a lot. For as bad as the Reds are — and they’re bad — there’s always the Royals. Check and [...]
2 words – contact lenses.
Michael #2: Your Bausch & Lomb/Goat response was one of the best for me in a long time. Excellent!
Laughed out loud. “a batted ball bounce off of his head” just sounds funny, and “He cannot play without them” is so stark and obvious and tragic that it sounds kinda like the last line of an obituary.
“Hosmer is waiting on a new pair of prescription glasses. He cannot play without them. It is uncertain when he will return. ”
This sentence pretty much summarizes everything wrong with the Royals. They continue to choose to do nothing to resolve their obvious problems when an uncomplicated, modern solution is at hand. It is uncertain when the front office will enter the 21st century, as they appear to exist in a pre-Lenscrafters society.
Hey, you can be a great power hitter and wear glasses!
Have you all forgotten the 1994 Rookie of the Year?
http://www.freewebs.com/charliesautographs/Bob%20Hamelin.jpg
It really is astonishing how disappointing the Royals top draft choices have been. The draft is generally called a crapshoot but the top picks still tend to pan out, especially top 5 picks. At the very least, when you draft in the top 4 year after year, you should come away with a good player. But from Hochevar to Gordon and Lubanski and Hosmer and Moustakas, they have all been disappointing so far. But the thing is, besides Hochevar, none of their selections were considered to be overdrafts. They all would have gone by the next pick or very soon thereafter. To have such highly rated prospects all disappoint so far, it’s almost improbable.
[...] Dickerson’s decision to retire rather than rehab is perhaps not a huge loss for the Royal system, but it is emblematic of what’s become a lost campaign for the organization with regards to position player development. Improving or rising hitters outside of David Lough have been harder to find than Eric Hosmer’s new pair of glasses. [...]
Well… speaking from experience, it could be that his uncorrected eyesight is so bad and/or so strange that the one-hour places simply don’t stock the right lenses. No one-hour place that I know of can get me new glasses in less than a week.
With all that said, there must be _somewhere_ in the entire greater Philadelphia area that can get him new glasses in time. Maybe it’s just that nobody is actually motivated to do it. (And really? He doesn’t have an old pair that he uses as a spare?)
A bat or a batted ball…the object doesn’t matter. That’s what Moustakas gets for drinking Jobu’s rum.
Help me out here. In the last year or two, a Royals player dropped a fly ball he lost in the sun because his flip-downs hadn’t arrived yet. Who was it? And why is history repeating it’s self?
So the Royals go into the 9th tonight (Monday) down 7-6. The Indians score 2 to make it 9-6. Then it’s 1st and 3rd with no out. I know a 3-run deficit is insurmountable to the Royals, but do they really have to concede that 10th run so they could turn a double play? I mean, they’re not even pretending they have a shot at winning here.
So how much did the Royals save by drafting Moustakas over Matt Weiters? A million or two?
I’m just curious about whether they’re paying Willie Bloomquist more money than the difference between Moustakas and Weiters.
Well at least the Royals paid up for my glasses and laser accurate arm…….
I went to Lima, Peru on vacation and heard they sold inexpensive prescription glasses. There is an entire optical district, about 4 square blocks, where every business sells glasses. They have hot looking girls outside trying to lure you in, just like at a strip club.
Well, I picked the hottest girl and told her I wanted two regular pair and a third set as sunglasses. When she learned I didn’t have a prescription, she hustled me over to the optometrist’s office that serves all the businesses on the block. He gave me a complete exam and an updated prescription for 10 Peruvian Soles, about US $3.33.
We went back to her shop and after I picked out three styles of frames we talked price. I knew she was trying to gouge me, so I threatened to take my prescription to the girl next door, even though she wasn’t as cute. The price instantly dropped by more than half.
I bought all three pair for 250 soles (USD $83.33). She promised they would be ready for one hour, so I went around the block for a cup of coffee and to sample the local ice cream.
But it turned out that the hot girl lied to me. When I came back in an hour the regular glasses were ready, but I had to wait a whole more 20 minutes for the prescription sunglasses to arrive. The cutie explained that they had to come from a different lab.
Total time elapsed: about 2 1/2 hours. Total cost for an eye exam and three pair of glasses: less than $87.
This was in a third world country.
So please explain to me again (and Eric Hosmer) how the good old USA and Wilmington, Delaware has the greatest health care system in the world???
Thank you!
Well I looked it up myself, which I should’ve done in the first place– the Royals “saved” $2 million by drafting Moustakas instead of Matt Weiters.
They’re paying $3 million for two years of Willie Bloomquist, and way more than that for guys like Farnsworth and Guillen.
Wouldn’t it be worth way more than $2 million to have a young homegrown catcher with loads of potential who is already in the major leagues, rather than a guy who isn’t hitting much in A ball? Shouldn’t they “save” $2 million by not signing mediocre big league veterans, and instead go ahead and draft the best players they possibly can, instead of “saving” money by paying $4 million to sign their third or fourth choice?
I guess I just don’t understand the process.
[...] at least he’ll be there at the top to make excuses about injuries, or something (or lost eyeglasses). Trust the [...]