Glory and Spelling
Posted: August 19th, 2009 | Filed under: Other Sports | 47 Comments »
This was supposed to be a three-paragraph gag about Brett Favre. Then it got too long. And then I ran out of time to cut it back down. So you get the whole thing.
Well, it took a tweet — and a tweet from Ken Tremendous, no less — to pull back the weights from my eyes and allow me to see what has been happening with Brett Favre all along. I mean, this thing has been weird, right? He’s in. He’s out. He’s retired. He’s playing. He’s crying. He’s happy. Weird.
We all know that great athletes have a hard time saying good bye, and I don’t think it’s fair to judge them for finding themselves torn apart by the decision to stay or go. It certainly has been overdramatized through the years, but it seems to me there is truth in this: A great athlete dies a little bit when he can no longer play the game that has overwhelmed his life for most of his life. It isn’t just leaving the cheers. It isn’t just the paycheck stopping. It isn’t just stepping off the stage and, as the line goes in Goodfellas, live the rest of life as a schnook.
No, more: Retiring goes against every impulse in their bodies. The great shooter believes the next shot is going in no matter how many misses led to the moment. The great quarterback believes that if he can just get the ball back with a little bit of time on the clock, they can still win the game. The great hitter believes he if he can get just one-more at-bat, he can figure out the pitcher, he can turn on the fastball, he can do some damage.
And retiring, well, that’s like admitting that those all things are no longer true. That first step is gone. That nerve is gone. That bat speed is gone. The pain is no longer worth it. A sports retirement is a lot like a small funeral — people say nice stuff about you and the casket closes. No, it’s not especially kind to mock those athletes who have a hard time saying good bye.
But, I think we all would admit that Favre has taken this thing to some kind of silly extreme. Fair or unfair, his maneuverings and gambits, especially lately, have seemed kind of crass. What’s going on here? All those years in Green Bay, playing for adoring fans who named their children after him, and then at 39 years old he talks about signing with hated Minnesota? Then he says he won’t? Then he does? Does he need attention? Is he driven by bitterness? Does he find himself shaking with boredom when he’s at home with his family? What gives?
Well … I think I figured it out.
Brett Favre wants people to spell his last name correctly.
Yes, I know. You scoff. You mock. But it all makes sense to me now. This is how I have it crafted in my head: Long ago, when Brett Favre was a young and wild quarterback coming out of Southern Miss, he had this dream, a dream as old as mankind. His dream: “Someday, people will know my name.” Isn’t that the thing that drives so many? Name in lights. Name in history books. Picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Light up the sky like a flame. Baby, remember my name.
At first, people did not even know how to pronounce the name. Who is this guy? FAY-vor? FAH-vur? Fahv-RAY? What the heck is this guy’s name? But then, his first year in Green Bay, he tossed the football all over the field. And he was good. Team won eight of his 13 games. Not bad, not bad at all. And people called him Majkowski.
Ah, but his second full year he led the Packers to the playoffs, and believe it or not the Packers had not been to the playoffs in 20 years — TWENTY YEARS — that is unless you want to count the strike season, which of course nobody does except maybe Redskins fans. And suddenly people looked at this young Favre in a whole new way. And in Green Bay they pronounced his name properly. Fahrv. It was the most beloved name in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
But … this young man wanted more. He wanted his name to be known in other places too, not just within the city limits of Green Bay. He wanted to be known throughout the Fox River cities. He wanted to be known as far away as Kenosha. Maybe even Milwaukee. And once a young man has his sights set on Milwaukee, there is no choking his ambitions. Favre led the whole NFL in touchdown pass in 1995 and 1996 and then again in 1997. Soon his name was on the lips of every football-loving fan in America, and especially the lips of John Madden. They all all knew his name, and they all said it out loud. Favre as in carve. Favre as in starve. Favre as in Marv.
Still … there was more. Because while they could pronounce his name, no one could spell it. And this ate at Brett Favre, taunted him — daily he would get letters from people misspelling his name. Constantly on message boards, the people would put the R in front of the V. Like he was a Recreational Vehicle. He had to do more. And so he did more and more — he threw for more yards than any quarterback ever had. He threw more touchdown passes than any quarterback ever had. He also threw more interceptions, and he got sacked more and, well, if there was a category for quarterbacks he was sure to lead it. The wife of King Mausolus had made sure to build a tomb for him so gaudy and ostentatious that the very word for gaudy and ostentatious tombs would be named for him. Brett Favre intended to be on the top of every single statistical list. They would remember his name — and the proper spelling.
Alas, it was no use. People continued to misspell him. Favre took desperate measures. He loved Green Bay — he had played there for 16 seasons. It was a lovely place. But apparently Green Bay was not big enough to get the word out, to get his name spelled right on Facebook updates. He needed to be someplace bigger — and he chose the biggest place in the whole country. He went to play for the New York Jets. And he spent a year there garnering back pages and getting on television and ticking off teammates. And when that year was over, he knew: He had done all one man can do. They would have to know how to spell his name. He stepped away from the game, content to spend time with his beloved family, confident that the name Favre would go down in history — spelled correctly all along the way.
That’s when he saw some other jerk misspell his name, and he signed with the Minnesota Vikings.
And the ending, as Ken Tremendous noted, goes like so: When he signed with the Vikings his name was one of the 10 trending topics on Twitter. The ultimate in fame. A nation, an entire nation, was talking about him. Unfortunately, the name people kept typing again and again on Twitter was “Farve.”
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It makes sense, I suppose, although Minnesota doesn’t seem to be the media hotspot to really get your name out. After all, a certain .380-hitting catcher playing in Minnesota has been finding it hard to get support for the MVP over the big guns in New York.
Speaking of which, Mark Teixeira also has a mad difficult name to spell.
And I suppose, as does Bert Blyleven, which is probably why he’s having such a hard time getting into the Hall…I’m sure voters prefer guys with names like ‘Rice’ and ‘Dawson.’
Hilarity. Great job Joe. Only you could make the whole Favre craziness funny like this. Thanks for the smile.
I typed his name as Farve and Farvre on Twitter out of disrespect. I suspect a lot of people who misspelled it yesterday were mocking him. He needs to go away once and for all.
We’ll never forget you, Brent!
Circle me, Bart.
Did the play the Super Bowl?
Of course it counts! Strike seasons count!
Do you want to know what shouldn’t count? So-called dynasties who only had one core group of players. A dynasty should have turnover, even while it succeeds at the highest level. Otherwise, it’s just a really good team over a few years.
Do you want to know what else shouldn’t count? Helmets with stars on them. I mean, get out of 3rd grade here. And helmets with wannabe fish on them. I mean, seriously. Fish? Mammal? Not acceptable. And teams whose best players did lots of cocaine and sent prostitutes to opposing players’ rooms.
I’m just sayin’.
Joe-
love your stuff, but this was pretty weak.
sorry.
“live the rest of life as a schnook”
I believe it was schmuck, not schnook.
OK, so online “Goodfellas” scripts say it’s -schnook- but I’m fairly certain I hear -schmuck-. To the DVD archives!
Wow, I really fucked up that one. Nothing to read here. Carry on!
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As far as Favre himself goes, if he wants to keep playing, that’s his decision and he’s entitled to make whatever decision he wants.
But can we cut this whole “I’m retiring” thing? Once can happen, but this is two times now where he’s stated he’s definitely retiring (not considering it, not “Well, we’ll see”, but definitely retiring) and then come back? You know what, if you’re not sure…just SAY THAT. Don’t say you’re 100% retiring when that’s not true. Once I can see, maybe he believed he was going to and realized it was a mistake, but come on, by this year he had to realize that he’d play if someone offered him a contract.
And isn’t it for 2 years? How does a guy go from retiring two years in a row to already deciding he’s playing in 2010? I don’t know, doesn’t make tons of sense to me. You’d think he’d want to take it year to year so he can retire again for a couple months in 2010.
” And once a young man has his sights set on Milwaukee, there is no choking his ambitions.”
No truer words were ever spoke.
I know this post was undertaken in a lighthearted manner, but the name spelling thing has bothered me for years now. If that piece of garbage wanted people to spell his name correctly he probably should pronounce it correctly. What a joke of a human. I hope he fails in the most humiliating way possible.
I say let the guy play! Yes he is wishy washy – but who isnt? we all do it but we dont have media coverage when we cant make up our minds. He is at the brink! Joe, you are right – he cant say at 50 yrs old “I think I will play” Here’s one 41 year old rooting for him and his consecutive game streak to keep on going!
As a desk guy in Newport News in the mid-90s, one weekly responsibility was doing all the prelim layout for the Sunday section on Friday – fishing pages, stock stat packages, etc. We always used the N.Y. Times wire capsules for our NFL preview page. The highlight of every Friday for two consecutive seasons was pulling that off the wire and checking to see if, once again, the freakin’ New York Times would misspell it Brett “Farve” in its Green Bay capsule. Never disappointed. Not one single time in two years. I left Bad Newz after those two seasons and didn’t get my weekly dose of the N.Y. Times NFL caps. But I like to think it kept on misspelling it “Farve” right up until the end … which apparently will be never.
Damon, you definitely effed that one up, good job calling yourself out and moving forward. It’s always been schnook.
And Favre is just a douche. That is really what it comes down to.
“I ordered spaghetti marinara and I got egg noddles with ketchup.”
I blame the media for following Favre like a lapdog all these years. He’s just playing them like the fools that they are, getting attention, playing the aw shucks persona to its full extent.
He’s a mediocre quarterback living off decades old glory that wasn’t really all that good anyhow.
And his teammates all like him a lot more after he leaves.
“And once a young man has his sights set on Milwaukee, there is no choking his ambitions.”
This is a Coen brothers worthy quote. Like something the Stranger would’ve said on Big Lebowski.
I continue to be amazed by how often I see Cal’s last name spelled “Ripkin”.
It makes perfect sense that the trending topic on twitter would have his name spelled wrong……….the only people who still find this charade interesting are casual fans who don’t seem aware he single handedly tanked the Jets season last year……….and espn analysts who want to bear his children.
Which one of Favre’s critics would turn down 25 mil over two years to lead a primed Vikings team in an offense you could run in a coma? Especially if you felt you could do it physically. What is the problem here? Sit back and enjoy the drama – stuff like this doesn’t happen too often. I for one, can not wait to see him play and the GB games? C’mon – which one of you will honestly not be glued to that spectacle? So he flip flops – he’s not running for president, he’s throwing a ball.
Now now, I think we all know the real reason he signed was because of the incredible amount of resources being wasted…I mean used!… to cover Michael Vick. How dare a convicted felon be the talk of the preseason. If people weren’t going to talk about Favre not being around, by God, he’ll just have to make sure to be around!
I don’t get the Favre hate.
A loaded team calls up and offers him $10M+ to play.
Why again, should he say no?
To save sportswriters the trouble of writing more retirement stories? Um, OK.
Mark “McGuire” is my pet peeve…
Here’s a thought: if Childress’ latest phone call was such news to him, he needs to get a secretary or learn how to check his messages or something.
Nobody’s really saying he shouldn’t take a cushy gig — let’s just not have months and months of this whole, “no, I’m not going to…” followed by the inevitable “oh, all right, if you insist.”
Scripture saith, “Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no,” but this guy obviously has some kind of over/under bet going on how many times he should be asked before he “reluctantly agrees”.
I’m a huge fan, Joe. I love every word you write.
But this one was pretty dumb.
Marco
Reason for Farve hate:
1. People are sick of his phony country boy personna.
2. People see how he has screwed up two teams by his indecision.
3. He comes off as a manipulative attention hound.
4. People, in general, don’t like being lied to multiple times.
5. People see through this latest three week stunt as a way to get out of training camp, people tend to not like lazy players.
6, People tend to respect people who can make decisions and disrespect people who are indecisive.
7. People are simply sick of this story, especially fans of teams who this does not affect.
God forbid a story should revolve around a football team not in Dallas, New York, or Boston.
I can’t wait to see Favre’s offense cavre up NFC central defenses this season.
I wonder if Favre retirement games would have been different if he would have had sons instead of daughters. If he had sons that played football he’d still get to be around the game with an emotional investment. You hear people say all the time that they miss the rush and excitement of the crowd but my guess is that parents get that rush when their kids are the ones playing.
Olentangy nailed all the reasons for my exteme dislike of Fahv-ray. I always disliked him for all that phony country-boy BS, but all the other stuff has really put him over the top. And I really don’t know why he gets such a pass for all his substance abuse problems – his Vicodin addiction surely could have impacted his performance.
As a ‘Sconsin boy, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Kenosha is further away form Green Bay than Milwaukee.
But that’s the only thing that was wrong.
Hey Posnansky,
I think your original thought of three paragraphs was the way to go. It’s never to late to edit something down.
I have never been a Brett Favre fan.
It is nice to see that it only took everyone else* about 10 years longer to reach the same conclusion as me.
* everyone else that isn’t an ESPN employee or Peter King.
Love the snark, Joe.
As for Farve [sic], I have two words for him:
Mike Mussina.
I loved to watch him pitch. And as much as I wanted to see him come back for another chance at a ring, I totally respect his decisiveness for deciding to retire. Now that’s a man who knows his mind and sticks to it.
Mike Mussina has about four times the intellect and ten times the maturity of Fahv-ray. And this is coming from an Orioles fan.
The ‘I don’t wanna grow up’ aspect of pro sports is part of its appeal. But past a certain point it’s just pathetic.
Twice retired and Dancing With The Stars still hasn’t called? I don’t blame the guy for coming back.
How great would it be if Favre did go on Dancing With The Stars, got voted off and then a week later shows up with a new dance partner.
Can you dance the Tango with your own ego?
Holy crap! In 19 years I’ve never noticed that the ‘r’ was after the ‘v’. Funny how your mind sees what it wants to see.
Can someone tell Favre that there actually his a world outside of football! A shame he continues to look back rather than forward. Nice theory Joe.
“Phony country boy persona”?
You ever been to southern Mississippi, olentangy?
[...] Further into Left Field: It seems I can not spell ol’ Brett’s last name (it is Favre, no… [...]
What’s so hard to spell about Brent Faver? I’ve always spelled it that way, and I would think that everyone else would too.
Watch: “Go away Brent Faver.”
It’s easy, try it: “Stop retiring and un-retiring and holding teary press conferences, Brent Faver.”
“Know who is an overrated quarterback? That’s right, Brent Faver.”
“Sports media, STOP COVERING EVERY MOVE OF BRENT FAVER!”
http://yfrog.com/0bbrenttj