Farnsworth Facts
Posted: June 11th, 2009 | Filed under: Baseball | 68 Comments »
Brilliant reader T.B., after reading the previous post on awful things that have happened to the Royals the last few years, notes that they sound like the opposite of the Chuck Norris facts* that make the Internet rounds. Matt Wieters facts.** Cole Hamels facts.*** Whatever.
*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.
If at first you don’t succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
**Matt Wieters bobblehead is projected to be a mid-first round draft pick.
Matt Wieters beat cancer. Literally. With his bat. There is no more cancer.
Matt Wieters’ at-bat music is a moment of silence. For the pitcher.
***Cole Hamels pitches left-handed so he can be satisfied. If he pitched with his right it would be over too quickly.
Cole Hamels makes coffee nervous.
Cole Hamels pities Mr. T.
Well, it seems to me that if there is an anti-Chuck/Matt/Cole page to be done, it should be done for Kyle Farnsworth. I say this with affection: I have never known a pitcher quite as disliked as Kyle Farnsworth … I mean all around the league. I heard from dozens and dozens of people from all over the country after the Kansas City Royals signed Farnsworth, stuff like: “Oh boy. Have fun with THAT.” Every fan on every team seems to have some bad memory of Farnsworth.
Farnsworth has had a pretty remarkable career. The guy had a 195 ERA+ in 2005. He also had a 55 ERA+ in 2002. He has struck out more than one batter per inning, he has a better than 2-to-1 strikeout to walk ratio, he allows fewer than one hit per inning, the league is hitting .250 against him in his career … and yet his ERA+ is less than 100 and he has blown 32 of the 59 save opportunities*. Now, seriously, how’s that possible?
*Farnsworth is one of only three pitchers in baseball history — along with Ryne Duren and Oliver Perez — to strike out more than one batter per inning and have a below average ERA+. Farnsworth is the only one of the three to have a better than 2-to-1 strikeout to walk ratio.
How’s is possible? I don’t know, really. This year has been instructive: On Opening Day, Farnsworth came into a 2-1 game, Royals leading, and he gave up a three-run homer to Jim Thome. So, as they say, he announced his presence with authority.
A week later, he came into a 2-2 game … gave up a double, a single, balked, another walk and came out of the game with a loss. Four days later, he came into a 5-5 game in the ninth in Texas and promptly gave up the walk-off homer to Michael Young. So he was 0-3 and that quickly managed to spark strong feelings.
But … then it all changed.
Next time up, he came into a game with the Royals down 6-1. He pitched a scoreless inning.
Next time up, he pitched the ninth with the Royals up 7-1. He pitched a scoreless inning.
Royals down 6-1 next time up, first and third, gave up Horacio’s two runs but none of his own.
At this point, the Royals decided that the time to pitch Kyle Farnsworth was when winning by a lot (rare) or losing (not as rare).
Down 7-5: Scoreless inning.
Up 9-1: Scoreless inning.
Down 4-2: Two scoreless innings.
Down 12-2: 1-2-3 inning.
Down 9-5: 1-2-3 inning.
Up 8-1: Scoreless inning.
Down 5-2: Scoreless inning (actually got the win, Royals scored four in ninth).
Down 8-3: Scoreless inning, three strikeouts.
Down 3-0: Bases loaded situation, gave up run scoring single, didn’t give up own runs.
Down 8-3: 1-2-3 inning.
Down 10-0: First and second situation, gave up run-scoring double, didn’t give up own runs.
Down 9-0: Man on third. Scoreless inning, didn’t allow runner to score.
Up 5-2: Big game situation actually, there were runners on second and third. He got out of it, pitched 1 1/3 scoreless. Confidence building!
Up 9-0: 1-2-3 inning.
And then, finally, Thursday, Farnsworth was brought into a tie game for the first time since early April … he had not given up a run of his own in weeks and weeks. People who should know better were clamoring for the Royals to put him back in key situations, and here it was.
Farnsworth gave up the game-winning run without recording an out (but with a ball plunking a seagull).*
*Brilliant reader Jeff brings up a completely unrelated point that I actually spent a great deal of time thinking about Thursday night. With the score tied in the top of the ninth, with Cleveland’s Kerry Wood pitching, Royals manager Trey Hillman decided to pinch-hit for first batter Tony Pena Jr. Well, it only makes sense. You need to do whatever you can to get your leadoff hitter on base in the ninth.
But here’s what Trey did: He pinch hit Luis Hernandez. For those of you that don’t know: Luis Hernandez can’t hit. No, I’m serious, he can’t hit. Best I can tell, you couldn’t pick Luis Hernandez out of a lineup filled with Tony Penas. Hernandez is a lifetime .246/.292/.316 hitter … in the MINOR LEAGUES. To be fair to him, Luis Hernandez never claimed the ability to hit, he (like Tony Pena) is a good defensive shortstop and his value is as a late inning defensive replacement and day-game-after-a-night-game stand-in. There are worse things.
This is the man Trey Hillman decided to use as a pinch hitter to lead off the ninth inning with a tie score. Trey did this even though he had Mike Jacobs and Mark Teahen on the bench, both left-handed hitters, both a million times better than Luis Hernandez and both (as Jeff pointed out) hit home runs off of Kerry Wood just a couple of weeks earlier in the Royals stunning ninth inning comeback. I stared at the television blankly, like I was looking at one of those magic eye puzzles and I couldn’t see the sailboat.
My friend Joel Goldberg was filling in for the hoarse Ryan Lefebvre as TV announcer, and so it was left to him to try to explain this mystery — it was like asking a Coca Cola employee from another department to explain the strategies behind New Coke. I thought Joel tried hard: He suggested that Trey was probably “saving” Teahen (and, presumably, Jacobs) for a situation when they might drive in a run.
Well, that makes as much sense as anything else. Here’s the problem — it was absolutely apparent from looking at the lineup that the Royals were not going to have another pinch-hit opportunity. After Pena was the top of the lineup — David DeJesus, then Coco Crisp, then Billy Butler — and Hillman wasn’t going to pinch-hit for any of them. It was obvious that Teahen and Butler would die on the bench, like those unused timeouts in NFL games.
But, you know, baseball managers make strange movies — Trey Hillman makes more than his share. So, in the end, you move on. Here’s the punch-line though: Teahen did get into the game. Next inning, Billy Butler led off with a single. And this is what Trey Hillman did: He put in Mark Teahen. To … pinch-run.
Anyway, yes, Farnsworth’s career is hard to explain. So, yes, if someone wanted to start a different kind of facts page, an anti-Chuck Norris page … I think Kyle Farnsworth would be the No. 1 candidate. You know:
– Every dog has his day … except Kyle Farnsworth.
– When Kyle Farnsworth gets 21, it’s not blackjack.
– A rolling stone gathers no moss … it’s all on Kyle Farnsworth.
– A broken clock is right twice a day … which is more than Kyle Farnsworth.
– When Kyle Farnsworth lands on Free Parking in Monopoly, he has to pay.
– Two wrongs don’t make a right. They make a Kyle Farnsworth inning.
– There’s no crying in baseball, except when Kyle Farnsworth comes in.
And so on.
Loading ...
Cricle me Richard Aronson
Things just get curiouser and curiouser…
There’ve got to be a million stories one could concoct by perusing his career stats:
http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/f/farnsky01.shtml?redir
Gotta appreciate his streak while it lasted. The no-pressure streak, that is.
A few years ago when the Chuck Norris facts were all the rage online I went to visit my brother and he wore shirts with Chuck Norris on them two days in a row (different shirts).
We had the following discussion:
Man, those Chuck Norris facts are hilarious
-What are you talking about?
Haven’t you seen the Chuck Norris facts?
-Nope
Why two shirts then?
-Because I like Chuck Norris.
Fair point.
Joe, let me stop you right there. As an Orioles fan who watched lil’ Louie all of last year, I must assure you that not only is he a terrible hitter, but he’s a crappy shortstop. I know everyone likes defensive stats, and I haven’t even looked at the stats for Louie, but he’s like the reverse Jeter. Just like everyone who watches Jeter thinks he LOOKS like a good shortstop, every O’s fan who watched Luis last year is convinced that he’s a butcher out there. I would be shocked if someone came up with a metric that makes him look good. Someone please prove me wrong.
UZR/150 would tend to agree with you. Hernandez had a very good year at short in 2007… and has not been good there since. Fangraphs has him as worse than a replacement player, both hitting and defensively, last year and this one (so far).
By the way, I like Farnsworth… but only the fictional Farnsworth from The Dugout.
BTF posters already did an anti-Norris/Wieters thread, using Adam Eaton as the butt of the jokes:
http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/newsstand/discussion/the_matt_wieters_facts_website/
Choosy moms don’t choose Kyle Farnsworth.
There’s no place like home. Unless your home is Kansas City and your pitcher is Kyle Farnsworth.
Kyle Farnsworth wakes up in the morning and pisses uselessness.
A lot of managers in recent years seem to fall into the strategy of “I must pinch hit for player who plays position X with another player who plays position X” and as Joe says thus saving their real hitters for invisible situations. Maybe they really need to manage a few games of Diamond Mind or something, just to prove they know how to do the basic things.
When Kyle Farnsworth gets a strikeout, he gives up a home run.
anyone else get a notice from AMAZON that 9/9/09 is now going to be 9/28/09 for THE MACHINE?
We’re writing about the order you placed on February 17 2009 (Order# XXXXXX21). Unfortunately, the release date for the item(s) listed below has changed, and we need to provide you with a new delivery estimate based on the new release date:
Joe Posnanski “The Machine: A Hot Team, a Legendary Season, and a
Heart-stopping World Series-The Story of the 1975 Cincinnati Reds”
[Hardcover]
Estimated arrival date: September 28 2009 – October 02 2009
If you still want us to ship the delayed items when they do become available (though they may arrive later than expected) please visit this address to approve the delay:
Joe, you forgot the best Cole Hamels fact: Cole Hamels will win one cy young award… and 7 cole hamels awards.
Two wrongs might make it a “good” Kyle Farnsworth inning!
@Jerry: I got the same notice, but was told the 18th, not the 28th. On the Amazon page right now, it seems as though 09/09/09 has changed to 09/15/09.
Water walks on Kyle Farnsworth
Kyle Farnsworth once gave up two home runs on one pitch.
Both were walk-offs.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy if he was Kyle Farnsworth.
In Soviet Russia, Kyle Farnsworth is a good pitcher.
Kyle Farnsworth once came into a game in the bottom of the 10th and gave up six runs.
I got an email from Amazon too, and it told me 09/09/09 is now 11/09/09. Two freaking months!What’s up with that?
Joe,
Love the work, but have to point out one mistake you made in your list of fun facts about Farnsworth. You say that he has blow 32 of 59 save opportunities, but he has really had 141 save opportunities in his career (Saves + Holds + Blown Saves). Mike Timlin, who spent most of his career as a setup guy, was constantly ragged on about this by the Boston media and talk show hosts. This distinction should in no way diminish the hopes of any opponent seeing Farnsworth enter a game to protect a lead.
Kansas City chiropractors now refer to “whiplash” as “Farnsworth”.
Kyle Farnsworth once lost a ball game and killed a sea gull with one pitch!
Kyle Farnsworth’s broken clock is never right.
Players use Farnsworth’s blood to mask steroids.
Oh man…the Adam Eaton facts are phenomenal. A sampling:
The reason Chuck Norris can divide by zero is that he was once asked to compute Adam Eaton’s ERA.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing man that Adam Eaton is a pitcher.
Adam Eaton has been within 26 outs of a perfect game.
When Adam Eaton gets in trouble on the mound, the manager doesn’t send out the pitching coach, he sends out a priest.
Adam Eaton was not born. He was shat.
Adam Eaton debuted on May 30th, 2000. It was the most 0s ever seen in a Adam Eaton box-score.
Dirt is steaming mad at Kyle Farnsworth.
Kyle Farnsworth has taken steroids for ten years, but no one thought to test him.
Jake Peavy refuses trades to the American League because he’s afraid he’ll catch Farnsworth’s Disease.
BTW, nice Mallrats reference.
“You dumb bast*#&. It’s not a schooner… it’s a sailboat!”
Kyle Farnsworth is where fly balls go to become triples.
Kyle Farnsworth has never blown a save he wasn’t paid a $100,000 for.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/f/farnsky01.shtml?redir
Just noticed that Farnsworth’s BB-Ref ID is “farnsky01.” Farnsky would be a really good nickname for him.
“Oh no, not Farnsky again!”
Joe, as a Yankee fan I feel your pain on Farnsworth. Trust me. One of the funniest things I ever saw in person at an MLB game was two years ago against the Tigers in Yankee Stadium when Farnsworth entered the game to boos (because he was Kyle Farnsworth) and left at the end of the inning to cheers (having just struck out Gary Sheffield close on the heels of his ‘Joe Torre is a racist’ comments). Only in New York.
Sports forum infractions have begun to be handed out for using the word “Farnsworth” to dodge swear filters.
“Farnsworth” is an obscenity in at least 39 languages.
Yo mama so ugly, she look like Kyle Farnsworth.
Has anyone looked into the possibility of hiring a hit man to whack Farnsworth? I mean, from what I read, there are guys who will do a professional job for less than one-tenth what Farnsworth’s contract costs. Just ask your waitress at the (notoriously mob-owned) Italian Gardens to introduce you to Fat Philly, Sonny Red and Lefty Guns.
Wow.
This is the meanest thing I’ve ever read from you, Joe.
Funny, but with a strong element of mean.
I’m not sure that this any meaner than the (richly deserved) Francoer arbitration hearing dramatization.
Farnsworth also appeared in the eighth inning of Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS … yeah, THAT inning. His contribution was allowing a bases-clearing double by the great Mike Mordecai.
You know, I think it’s only because Joe has reached his breaking point with frustration over the Royals’ ineptitude in signing players, developing players, keeping players, etc. in the time he’s been here watching them. Year after year, he sees the positive and “drinks the Royal blue Kool-Aid” in the spring, only to see hope die eternal with odd front office moves (e.g., Jacobs, Guillen, Farnsworth) that make no long-term sense to anyone. Aren’t YOU mad? Yes, it’s mean, and not what Jesus would do. But the guy just doesn’t seem to have the mental make-up to pitch in the bigs. Let’s hope they actually allow their kids in the minors to develop before bringing them up, and that the front office actually picks a strategy (e.g., OBP) and sticks with it instead of just giving it lip service (see Jacobs).
My ma urged me to get out of this game. When I was a kid, she pleaded with me. And I meant to, you know what I mean? But she
died.
Now look at me. I’m Kyle Farnsworth, and I’m choking to death!
Kyle Farnsworth made Brad Ausmus a hitting hero.
Maybe we could trade Farsnworth to the Cubs (his original) team for Milton Bradley. Nobody likes Farnsworth in Chicago, but right now I don’t think anyone is hated more in Wrigleyville than Milton Bradley.
What’s worse than genocide? Kyle Farnsworth.
perhaps kyle is just trying to get a baseball term named after himself…as in ’soria has 9 saves and 1 farnsworth so far this season’…however, i was thinking we could make it a specific kind of non-save, as in a save blown by a home run…however, that may not work, because even farnsy has got a ways to go in that category to catch up with b tomko, hillmans’ favorite tightspot pitcher from last season…as in, ‘oh, here comes tomko, this game is over.’
Strat-O-Matic had to create a special 7 column for Farnsworth’s card to accurately simulate his home runs allowed.
(Thanks for the hat tip Joe, it made my day…before the Royals ruined it by beating my Reds. Since the Reds are in town, could you write a column about batting Willy “sub .300 OBP” Taveras leadoff? Please?)
Pinch hitting Hernandez is kind of like intentionally walking TPJ. I blame John Gibbons.
Just reading the line –
“…I was looking at one of those magic eye puzzles and I couldn’t see the sailboat.”
… makes this blog worth the price of admission.
Thanks, Joe.
My favorite Adam Eaton fact: “The shortest distance between two points is an Adam Eaton curve ball.”
Juancho (#36) Let’s not fall victim to tired stereotypes. The Italian Gardens was more than just a world famous restaurant. Read about the extraordinary philanthropy of Mr. DiCapo before you rush to judgement:
http://www.pitch.com/2007-04-19/news/spoils-of-war/
The man has a gift.
Oops. Wrong link. Here ya go:
http://www.unico-kc.org/CarlDiCapoBio.html
On the 6th day, God created man. On the 7th day, God rested. They brought in Kyle Farnsworth. On the 8th day, God created the Blown Save.
How about a Ryne Duren column?
was keeping track of that game thru yahoo sports, kept thinking just as Joe did: ok, got Jacobs and Teahen on the bench, either one could pop one out, here we go – then suddenly – Luis Hernandez!?! to pinch hit?!? isn’t that like pinch hitting Tony Pena for Tony Pena??? ok, fine, Jacobs and Teahen must be hurt, hungover, out of the building, some reason they’re not in the game and not available – only then late Teahen is a PINCH RUNNER????? oh yeah, that’s right, have to use Teahen there because, after all, you CAN’T USE LUIS HERNANDEZ! sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh, unreal (and yanno what, odd as it sounds, I still like Farnsy)
I, too, received the delayed shipment notice from Amazon. This makes 9/9/09 seem like a tease.
“In Soviet Russia, Kyle Farnsworth is a good pitcher.”
This is not a good “In Soviet Russia” joke. (So in America, a good pitcher is Kyle Farnsworth? See my point?) A more appropriate one would be…
In Soviet Russia, saves blow Farnsworth.
…never mind, that was less appropriate. I apologize to the young readers and easily offended of this blog.
[...] of you out there still think Kyle Farnsworth could help this Yankee team. Read these Farnsworth facts from the fabulous Joe Posnanski and you will probably change your [...]
Many foreign baseball terms closely resemble the original English words: ‘jonron’ for homerun and so forth. In both Spanish and Japanese, the term for “blown save” is “Kyle Farnsworth.”
Chicks dig the long ball, and Kyle Farnsworth wants to please the chicks.
The only thing faster than a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is a Kyle Farnsworth blown save.
Kyle Farnsworth should become the spokesman for hostmonster.
In KC, not enough energy to “boo” Farnsky every time the ghost appears. You only hear a collective “moan” work it’s way through the crowd, when one see’s those high class tattoos, and Ala “Major league Movie” specs work their way to the mound.
I swear I think about the movie “Major League” every time I see Farnsky pitch. I keep thinking maybe there’s something everyone’s missed, that can fix him. Lasik , a 3 day trip to the Burning Tree Festival, a 40 hour session with a cosmetic surgeon to lasar off those hideous tats.
During the month of May, I had a lot of time to think about this, with Soria DL’d, Cruz proving true he’ll never be a high pressure closer, and basically the rest of the Royal’s bullpen imploding. But, I’ve finally accepted that Farnsky is what he is. Nobody else could fix him, and it’s just another poor acquisition, that Dayton threw bad money to the wind.
There’s a clause in every Thompson Windows contract that while they are responsible for normal wear and tear, acts of God, and the lifetime of the house, they are not responsible for damage caused by Kyle Farnsworth pitching.
I love Kyle Farnsworth. I love it when he beats people up and does things like this:
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: o rly gdry?
if you need a starter then the round mound of rebound kyle farnsworth is your rolled model
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i am going to kick this metal fan into your skull, zipperhead
http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/b64.html
[...] turn to the world’s foremost expert on the Kansas City Royals, Joe Posnanski. After marveling at Farnsworth’s career, JoPo turns to his performance. The reason Farnsworth [...]
Hey, there, don’t mess with my man, Farnsworthless. I was at the 3 game set in KC in April (all the games) with my DD who has season tickets. The “F” word actually pitched pretty well in that first game (which the Yankees won).
Actually, he was good for something, that being a massive presence during bench-clearing brawls. The Yankees, with Shelly Duncan and Kyle, were not easily challenged; if only the Worthless One could pitch that effectively.
Even Farnsy’s own dogs turn on him:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4265038
[...] Here’s the whole piece. [...]
Danny –
Bad news is, “The wound was in Farnsworth’s non-pitching hand.”
Although, now that I think about it, that could be either hand.