Bill James: Cartoon Character
Posted: May 7th, 2009 | Filed under: Baseball, Media | 61 Comments »
There are certain movie facts that just stick in my mind … I’m not even entirely sure where I heard or read them. But they’re permanently stuck in my mind, always bubbling on the surface and instantly ready for recall, pushing out much more important things I should have memorized at some point in my life, such as my online banking password or my daughter’s first names.*
*I have two daughters — Elizabeth and Katie — and I’m quite astute at telling them apart, being their father and all. And yet, nine out of 10 times, when speaking to them I will call Elizabeth Katie and Katie Elizabeth and, most often, meld the two names into some sort of fatherly amalgam such as “Katielizabeth” or “Elizakate.” I don’t know if all fathers do this, but I suspect many do. My father called me Dava-Tony-Joe for much of my childhood.
Anyway, I have these movie facts stuck up there, ready to annoy anyone who happens to be nearby. “Hey, did you know that Ronald Reagan was up for Bogart’s part in Casablanca?” “Speaking of John Travolta, I think he turned down the Richard Gere role in ‘Officer and a Gentleman.’” “Yeah, you know that was Rob Reiner’s mother who said ‘I’ll have what she’s having,’ after the Meg Ryan fake-orgasm scene in ‘When Harry Met Sally.’” And so on. And so on. None of these individual facts are particularly interesting or compelling; the usual response from the other person is “Yeah, I heard that,” or “Everyone knows that,” or “Yeah, you already told me that yesterday.” But I cannot help but relate them anyway because, like I say, these stupid things are stuck in my brain. And I have so little information to offer to the world.
This leads to something I picked up somewhere along the way: At one point, when they were making the movie “Gandhi,” people were pushing to have Gandhi portrayed by a flash of light. The idea was that Gandhi was so good, so godlike, so awe-inspiring, that he could not simply be played by a mere mortal, not even one as gifted as Ben Kingsley. I always wondered how that would work … having a movie character portrayed by a flash of light. I guess it would be a bit like the way God was played by the burning bush in “Ten Commandments.” I always that thought the burning bush was excellent.
Well, here we are now, more than 25 years later, and while Gandhi was not played by a flash of light, it does look like we will have some kind of similar movie moment. Apparently in the film “Moneyball,” Bill James will be played by a cartoon character.
“It needs a gimmick,” director Steven Soderberg said in the interview. “It needs something to make it not Masterpiece Theatre. His writer voice is so big, I thought to literalize it is going to actually harm it. I need to make his voice funny and when he comes on you’re happy to see it.”
So from reading this, I infer that Bill is simply too awesome to be played by a mere mortal. Or, I guess you could read it that he’s too boring to be played by a mere mortal. Or, I guess you could read it that his work is better read by a cartoon character in a funny voice — Daffy Duck, perhaps.
Whatever the reason, I love this. Love it, love it, love it. True, I have not yet asked Bill how he feels about being a cartoon character in a major motion picture. But, personally, knowing Bill, I think there are endless possibilities here. This does not have to end with one movie. If the Tampa Bay Rays can have a cartoon where they destroy Dr. Stat, then I do not see why there can’t be a Saturday morning cartoon where people spew nonsensical baseball thoughts and the cartoon Bill James races in to save the day.
Say, for instance, you have the not-evil-but-certainly-misguided Professor Francoeur* roaming the countryside with his .307 on-base percentage and using his anti-walk machine to remove on-base percentage from every scoreboard in America.
*Francoeur’s quote — “If on-base percentage is so important, then why don’t they put it up on the scoreboard?” — is making the Internet rounds now. My sense is that Francoeur was saying it as more of joke — I know some people are hammering him about it, but I think it’s mostly just amusing. Still, it should be noted that on-base percentage does seem to be on many scoreboards at ballparks I go to. It is in Kansas City, for sure. And it makes you wonder if they don’t put it on the scoreboard in Atlanta because … of Jeff Francoeur.
Anyway, the cartoon would start with a few fans shouting,
“Oh no, Professor Francoeur has taken on-base percentage off the scoreboard!”
“Now we’re stuck with just batting average!”
“Leave slugging percentage up there, man!”
“I have no idea what the true value of Kenji Johjima is now!”
Then, Big Bill James walks over. And he says to the last fan: “Uh, Johjima’s plate discipline isn’t too good. He has only walked once this year. He only walked 19 times in 409 plate appearances last year.”
Professor Francoeur: So, at least we meet, Mr. Bill James.
Bill: Yes, it’s nice to meet you.
Professor Francoeur: Likewise. But now, I will take your statistic, on-base percentage, off the scoreboard forever! Ah ha ha ha!
Bill: It’s not my statistic. It has been around for more than a hundred years. Branch Rickey was a big proponent of on-base percentage, for instance.
Professor Francoeur: Yes, well, if you had not written that book Moneyball …
Bill: I didn’t write Moneyball.
Joe Morgan (special guess appearance): He’s right. It was Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane!
Professor Francoeur: Um, well, fine! So, if Billy Beane had not written that book Moneyball …
Bill: It wasn’t Billy Beane either. It was Michael Lewis.
Professor Francoeur: Michael Lewis? The guy who wrote The Blind Side and Liar’s Poker?
Bill: I guess so, yeah.
Professor Francoeur: Well, um, OK, I’m confused now. Joe, as long as you’re here, can you talk about how you were able to walk as much as you did?
Joe Morgan: It’s about heart, Jeff.
And so, once again, our hero Bill James saves the day.
I think it’s fair to say I’m really looking forward to the movie “Moneyball.”
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Joe Morgan really isn’t going to take Moneyball seriously now.
This is either tongue-in-cheek or one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard.
How high was Soderbergh when he made these comments?
Is The Great Gazoo out of rehab yet? Maybe they can get him.
I have no idea how Moneyball translates into a movie. I do the same thing with my daughters’ names. And surely someone is going to draw a Bill James cartoon character.
“Hey, did you know that Ronald Reagan was up for Bogart’s part in Casablanca?”
That’s one of those things that gets repeated a lot, but isn’t quite accurate. Actually, Reagan was up for the part of Victor Laszlo, which eventually went to Paul Henreid.
Other than that, an interesting commentary.
I’m picturing a scene with Beane looking at his draft board with a cartoon Bill on one shoulder and Dusty “walks just clog the bases” Baker on the other.
I have removed every sports blog from my google reader except this one. Thanks Joe. I might have to buy 09/09/09 just to thank you for having this blog, since I have no interest in the Big Red Machine at all.
MoneyBall as a movie? Now, I do think I have heard of nearly everything!
Making this book (which was great) into a movie fascinates me. I don’t see it working. But hearing about Demitri Martin as Paul Depodesta, and now a cartoon Bill James will absolutely have me checking it out opening night.
Who is going to play Kenny Williams?
I love the FJM vibe coming from this post!
Billy Beane is going to be followed by miniature versions of Bill James and Steve Phillips, similar to the angel/devil we see in Animal House.
How did Joe Morgan walk so much? Easy: he concetrated on it.
Hilarious as usual Joe! This would be a more appropriate final line from Morgan:
Joe Morgan: It’s about [consistency], Jeff.
I always thought all parents ran through the list of kids names until getting the correct one. My mom did it all the time. My dad sometimes. I did it all the time with my three boys. and sometimes included the dog’s name! I know that elementary teachers do it sometimes with their students. I know that from experience as a teacher. Like you I don’t know why it happens.
Maybe if Pixar created the Bill James cartoon character it would be good. Otherwise I don’t like the idea.
I think it can be a movie but it’s going to be difficult. If they pull it off, it’ll be awesome.
But having a cartoon character?!?! That’s inane. It will turn the movie into a joke. I can’t fathom how this will come off well.
First, as has been pointed out around the internet, Turner Field does include OBP on the scoreboard.
Also, I’ve only got one child and I call her every name under the sun before coming up with hers, including my wife, my mother, my mother-in-law, my daughter’s teacher, our neighbor’s granddaughter, Barbie movie characters, Land Before Time characters, and inanimate objects or abstract ideas from whatever I happen to be reading or watching at the time.
It’s been pointed out in other places referencing the Francouer quote, but OBP is, in fact, listed on the Turner Field scoreboard — at least the first time players come to bat:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2367/2135744812_82e1683b54.jpg?v=0
(Silly Cinco de Mayo gimmick notwithstanding.)
Just saw on yahoo sports that Manny is suspended 50 games for a positive drug test?!? After hearing this, I don’t think anyone is clean.
Shouldn’t Milo(s) Forman have been the director of Moneyball: The Movie?
If you want to get an idea what Gandhi would have looked like portrayed by … uh, light or something, check out the South Park where they depict Moses.
The best parent confusing their child’s name moment I ever personally saw was my friends mom who went through, both of his brothers, his fathers name, and then the two dogs names before finally getting to his name. So it went something like this, “SETH!, TED!?, STEVE!?!?!?!, …NORTON!?!?, Spike?, Mark????!!!!”
It’s was great. she was so embarassed, that she forgot what she was mad about.
The stuff that’s coming out about Moneyball: The Movie is just crazy. I mean is this all some elaborate prank?
Don’t you get the feeling that in a little while Soderberg will be giving interviews like this:
Interviewer: What was the harderst part about making Moneyball?
Soderberg: Well, finding enough elephants for one thing.
I: Elephants?
S: Yeah, for the Siege of Paris scene.
I: Siege of Paris?
S: Yeah. I mean, filming the underwater scenes was child’s play compared to finding those damn elephants.
I: Underwater…?
S: Well, yeah. 2/3 of the move takes place underwater.
I: ???
S: Monkey banana raffle!
Genius?
Joe! Your boy MannyBManny just got the big hook for 50 games! We don’t yet know what the specific violation was, and of course he says his doctor prescribed him some medication and yadda yadda yadda. But whoa! I am concerned that your head might explode.
My mother-in-law used to call my wife “Blackjack” growing up. That was the name of their cat.
“Hey, did you know that Ronald Reagan was up for Bogart’s part in Casablanca?â€
Big deal. That’s nowhere near as good as this one: Groucho Marx was considered for Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind” (Margaret Mitchell though he’d be perfect for it).
http://www.notstarring.com/movies/gone-with-the-wind
Big Flax #11 and halos17: You beat me to the punch. Aarrrrgghh! (Well, I at least have to ask: did he concetrate consistently?)
A couple others have mentioned it, but oh my God, Manny! I can’t wait to hear what Joe has to say about it. I, for one, having always been a Manny apologist (and a Sox fan), refuse to believe that it was steroids or an intentional performance-enhancer. I’m prepared to withhold judgement until we know exactly what it was.
Manny is many things, but I don’t believe he’s a cheater.
They are making Moneyball into a movie?? This Yankee fan wants to know – how is that even possible??
Our host must be joking!! Ok, the jokes on me.
With the answers to the universe at my fingertips, I learned not only is this a movie but Beane is played by Brad Pitt. Its cast includes Strawberry, Justice, and Dykstra. How is this even possible?
[...] Posnanski notes that the director of the movie version of Moneyball is planning to use a cartoon of Bill James: “It needs a gimmick,†director Steven Soderberg said in the interview. “It needs something [...]
Tolstoy had a different name for “War And Peace.” The original title was “War, What Is It Good For?”
A) I miss FireJoeMorgan.com. It was very consistent.
B) I have a son and daughter, and sometimes (OK, often) get their names mixed up. Needless to say, this makes each of them indignant when it happens.
C) Your “movie fact” about Ronny Reagan is wrong, Joe. Sorry.
http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/reagan.asp
I laughed at the Joe Morgan part. I wanted to smack him everytime he’d talk about how Billy Beane wrote Moneyball. I mean, seriously, this is not that hard. It’s something I can understand someone getting wrong once, but this is a factual thing. Once someone says “Hey, umm, actually it was written by Michael Lewis. See, here’s his name on the cover.” you’d think it would have stopped there. But no.
I’m no film major, and I know Soderberg is supposed to be some kind of cinematic genius and all, but the more I read about this adaptation, the more I think it’s going to be an Unintentional Comedy Goldmine*. Seriously, a cartoon? Why not puppets? Does the price of each ticket include the peyote buttons you’ll need to understand it?
(*Copyright, Bill Simmons)
I really don’t see how they are going to turn Moneyball into a movie. They will probably put in some sort of rediculous love story and have a couple of car chase scenes with stuff blowing up left and right. I’d like to know more about this cartoon version of Bill James, because that sounds like a potentially horrible horrible thing.
A movie fact I always remember because I love the 80s western Silverado:
Kevin Costner actually was in some scenes of “The Big Chill,” directed by Lawrence Kasdan, playing the dead friend everybody came back to see. Anyway, Kasdan cut all of Costner’s scenes from that movie and promised to use him in a future project. Silverado, also a Kasdan movie, was the payback. Not Costner’s first movie but his first big role.
Paul White #33: “Peyote Buttons”….Hey, are you from near Taos, NM. Just wonderin…..
I read that after “Moneyball”, they’re going to make a motion picture out of “The Physics of Baseball”. They already have Philip Seymour Hoffman to play the role of Physics.
Bill should play himself. He would be terrific and a cartoon would just make him seem sweeter and probably less interesting than he is.
Or, they could do it like “American Splendor” and get an actor to play Bill, and then have him pop in as himself once in awhile.
After this I’ll be looking forward to the big screen version of the “1985 Baseball Abstract.”
The War and Peace/War, What is it Good For thing was actually a bit in Seinfeld (repeated by elaine in a limo). Alas, just a joke.
Shonepup…I’m 99% sure Spud knew that when he posted his comment. I.e., Spud was joking.
And since there’s nowhere else to post this right now…7 Ks through 6 IP for Banny today. Gotta be approaching a career high for him, right?
Yes, Bill could play himself and contradict everything that the actor or cartoon character had said previously. Woody Allen did this in “Annie Hall” I believe with famed writer Marshall McLuhan.
Are people not aware that the correct cartoon character for Bill James already exists? It is Jeff Albertson, the “Comic Book Guy,” of “The Simpsons.” (By the way, this character has a baseball conenction, as he is the proprietor of The Android’s Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop.)
No way this movie can be done without claymation. Maybe a few cinders thrown in.
Woody Allen also used Howard Cosell to provide play by play of his wedding night in “Bananas”. Probably the most self-deprecatory moment in the history of American cinema, or at least to that date, and I say that being fully aware of Groucho’s many negative self-references.
If I were to pick an existing cartoon character to play Bill James, it would be Mr. Peabody. “Come along, Billy Beane.” Second choice: Professor Bunsen from Muppet Labs. But I think Soderbergh’s just messing with somebody. I also think “The Bill James” story would be a FAR more interesting movie than Moneyball, much as I liked the book. I mean, for all its theoretical drama, the Moneyball A’s never won the World Series. But I strongly suspect that Bill James has achieved his life’s dream working for the Red Sox and being Bill James.
Moneyball the movie ? And then a prequel, a sequel, a JarJar Bill James…please, Pos, have mercy on us !
My father used to go through the whole name routine, finally settling on “you, you’re the closest so come here”; so in order to get away with household chores, we boys always tried to have a brother between ourselves and our father!
Easy. You gotta fictionalize it a little bit. The script runs: genius young baseball guy with great ideas (Beane / Luke Skywalker), mentored by weird genius older guy (James / Obi-Wan Kenobi), gets his chance to run a lousy team with no budget (Oakland / the Rebel starfleet), brings in his own offbeat players with certain qualities that meet his standards (Han Solo, R2D2), hooks up with hot babe (Alyssa Milano / Princess Leia) who helps him in his struggle, and eventually triumphs against all odds when he destroys the Death Star (the Yankees, of course) in the seventh game of the playoffs.
Hollywood will love it.
Mr. Peabody would defitely be miscast as Bill James. James is deep-voiced and a huge guy, like 6′6″. The beard notwithstanding, nerdy he ain’t.
I would think that Rip Torn would make a good Bill James.
I don’t like this cartoon idea at all. “It needs a gimmick.” Is this the opposite of Space Jam? In my opinion, having Bill James portrayed as a cartoon is way too gimmicky. The only accurate way to portray Moneyball in a video format is as a drama, and adding a cartoon will make my friends think that I’m talking about a comedy when I explain that one of the characters is a cartoon. I’m excited for the movie, but unless Soderberg completely amazes me, I have a feeling that I’ll already know what my least favorite part will be.
I have a son, William, and had a dog, Spike. Tattooed into my brain is the Freudian moment with withering-stare accompaniment from about seven years ago when I stood by the fridge door and asked the boy, “Would you like a beer, Spike?”
And is there a class-action suit I can join against Soderbergh? Surely he has to pay for the millions of hours lost from people’s lives – hours they will never recover – caused by the “Ocean’s†trilogy.
Hey now. Save your vitriol for Ocean’s 12 and Ocean’s 13. Ocean’s 11 was a fantastic movie. A rip-roarin’ good time, it was. The next two…not so much.
“Ocean’s 11 was a fantastic movie.”
If you mean the original version, then I wholeheartedly support this statement.
If I had a nickel for every time my dad called me “Lar er Joe” I’d be typing this from my private island.
There was a great Bill Cosby bit about his Dad calling him Jesus Christ and his brother g..damnit, one day he yells at Bill GDamnit get in the house to which Bill replies “No Dad I’m Jesus Christ”
I have one word for anyone who thinks Soderberg can’t be serious with these bizarre ideas for a film: Schizopolis.
Brad Pitt as Billy Beane talking to a cartoon Bill James doesn’t even get in the same area code of weirdness as Schizopolis.
I liked that movie, I think I was one of about 200 people who’s seen it and one of about 10 who liked it. But taking weird chances is the only way to make great art. They don’t always work, but you’ve got to try some.
“Ocean’s 11 was a fantastic movie.â€
“If you mean the original version, then I wholeheartedly support this statement.”
Not to get into a moive debate here, but the original version with the Rat Pack was highly mediocre. They were just going through the motions. The remake was a genuinely entertaining caper movie.
All of the people who are telling Joe that his Casablanca movie “fact” is wrong are COMPLETELY missing the point. It doesn’t matter if that “fact” is accurate, he’s saying that he has certain “facts” in his head. Sheesh, must you try to “correct” everything in every post?
Bill C @ #49.
I haven’t seen Soderbergh’s 11; just 12 & 13. I saw the first 11 when it was originally released – couldn’t see the point in taking in a remake.
But even if the new 11 is a masterpiece, the payout from 12 & 13 should be substantial if the suit ever gets to court. Actually, I’d settle for Stewie from Family Guy punching Soderbergh in the nose, a la the treatment meted out to Will Ferrell.
My first reaction to this was…
Bill James: Mr. Peabody
Billy Beane: Sherman
Glad to know I’m not the only one.
Great minds think alike.
‘Special guess appearance’ is an inspired pun.
When I first heard there would be a Moneyball movie, I wondered how they were going to manage to adapt the book into something that would appeal to a wide audience. Then I heard about the Bill James as cartoon character and my skepticism deepened. A lot.
What we might get is something that alienates the people who loved the book but doesn’t resonate with the people who couldn’t care less about the baseball thinking it involves. Either way, I can’t imagine many people who hate baseball (or even those who have only a passing interest in the game) deciding they’d want to see it. It really is a niche market.
We can be sure of one thing, though: Joe Morgan will absolutely refuse to see “that movie that Billy Beane directed.”
I can’t see that Bill James as a cartoon character will do anything but detract from the film. Do we really need a funny voice? Scooter perhaps? Peter Puck? They were great right? I have to think that Soderbergh figures that baseball fans will very likely want to see the film, and needs a “gimmick” to get the (sorry) majority of people who couldn’t care less about baseball to get out to see it. Not too sure a gimmick is going to do that. Bill James, can’t just be Bill James, in some sort of cut away? And giving him a funny voice isn’t just taking a crack at the person who kind of is the godfather of sabremetrics? As someone said previously, that’s not going to be my favourite part of the movie.
I have to imagine that the Moneyball movie will be primarily focused on Billy Beane’s transformation from a toolsy outfielder to somebody more firmly entrenched on “performance” scouting and market inefficiencies.
Beane’s story is a pretty fascinating one, but is obviously not the only thing discussed in Moneyball… but if there is a movie to be made, I can’t imagine the focus being placed elsewhere.
Does anybody else find it hilarious that Joe Morgan the announcer might not truly understand the value in Joe Morgan the player? Morgan was a stat geek’s dream… I know I can’t be the first one to point out the irony…