I’m a Fidel Player Too

Posted: March 11th, 2009 | Filed under: Baseball | 33 Comments »

You probably have heard: Fidel Castro has sabermetrics in his soul. The guy hates giving up outs.

In his delightfully named blog post “Fidel Castro’s Reflection on Second Baseball Classic,” Comrade Fidel ripped a sacrifice bunt by the Japanese team (“I am sure that, for our experienced team, that would seemed an error whichever elemental way it is analyzed”) and then took Cuba’s own player (and coach) to task for what he called base-running “carelessness.”

Now, first off, we should say that Castro’s bunt comment was not as revolutionary*as might first appear. Ichiro singled with one man out, and then Hiroyuki Nakajima bunted him over. You don’t have to be Billy Beane to hate the one-out sacrifice bunt. I can only imagine what they’re saying on the Japanese version of “Around the Horn.”

*Ha ha, revolutionary, get it?

And the base-running error came in a Cuba blowout victory, so that bit of baseball analysis seems a bit over the top, for me it sounds just a little bit too much like a communist dictator: “As could be appreciated, that game would have been won on the mercy rule in seven innings, with six home runs – two from Cepeda – and a record in the Classics. That would have elevated the well-deserved prestige of Cuban sport.“

OK. Pause. I love, absolutely love, sports comments that are translated into English. This is one of my favorite parts of the Olympics, listening to the athletes say something in their native language and then hearing the translator take it into this crazy 18th Century English quote.

And I say it would be absolutely great if we had a translator at every single Major League game to translate, say, Eric Wedge.

Reporter: Looked like Lee pitched well.
Eric Wedge: Yeah, he had good fastball command.
Translator: ”Yes. He ennobled himself with a performance of the highest rank.“
Reporter: You think Hafner snapped out of his slump?
Wedge: Hope so. The club needs him.
Translator: ”His erstwhile performance had brought ignominy upon his family and the glorious and stately stature of the Cleveland Indians. However, his double today suggests the resurrection we have awaited impatiently.“
Reporter: Can you talk about the bunt in the fifth inning?
Wedge: Their guy was throwing good. We needed to try and get something going there.
Translator: ”I feel strongly that the ever-changing nature of this virtuous game demands responsibility and honor, and it is incumbent upon a leader to ask for sacrifice in those difficult moments when the righteous opponent executes his duty with maximum excellence.
Wedge: All right? We good?
Translator: I must take my leave. Fare thee well, noble scribes.

Back to Fidel. In a way, it really makes sense. If you had to guess what kind of baseball man Fidel Castro is, you might guess that he’s the kind of does not want to give up any of his outs.

And it has made me wonder what kind of managerial strategies we would get from some of the great historical figures. I suspect Lincoln would be very much into the sacrifice. I think Churchill’s teams, like Earl Weaver’s, would play good defense and hope for the three-run homer. I think General Lee’s teams would be a lot like Billy Martin’s teams, lots of movement of the bases, and few relief pitchers. I have this hunch that Bill Clinton would manage a whole lot like Tony La Russa.

I would go on like this, but I fear the gimmick wore off in the middle of the second paragraph. Plus, I’m in Oklahoma City. There’s a Big 12 basketball tournament to write about.

33 Comments on “I’m a Fidel Player Too”

  1. 1: Brad K said at 11:39 am on March 11th, 2009:

    I like the comparison’s. Can I get a Dusty Baker for W.? Bobby Valentine for Nixon?

  2. 2: Mike said at 11:40 am on March 11th, 2009:

    ”Yes. He ennobled himself with a performance of the highest rank.“ One of my new favorite quotes. The whole Wedge-Translator exchange was great.

  3. 3: Briggs said at 12:10 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    George Washington = Bobby Cox

  4. 4: Justin said at 12:12 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Brad K beat me to the Dusty-Dubya punch. Both became famous for continually taking courses of action that most of the world knew were egregiously wrong-headed.

    I suppose that if Dusty = Bush, that would make Joe Morgan a Sean Hannity or an Ann Coulter.

  5. 5: Pokey Joe said at 12:21 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    General Patton would probably instruct his pitchers to bring the heat every pitch. If not they might get slapped.

  6. 6: James said at 12:25 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Hey, I’m in OKC too. But that’s because I live here (well, in Norman). Feel free to write about the tournament for the site. Also, thanks for not referring to Fidel as the “President” of Cuba, like that idiot Verducci did. I sent a couple e-mails trying to get that rectified, but instead they just promoted the article to the front page.

  7. 7: wtsherman said at 12:31 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    El Duque was one out that must have made him grimace.

  8. 8: Mikey said at 1:09 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    So awesome. Thank you.

    I really recommend reading Comrade Fidel’s post on Rahm Emanuel, which is linked on the same page as the WBC post.

  9. 9: Bellweather Johnson said at 2:12 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Wedge’s translator sounds like Woody Paige on ‘Horn…if, you know, Woody forgot to slam the bottle-and-a-half of NyQuil he does before he goes on air.

    PS – The ‘ole 810 reaches up here in the great white north of IA, and I just heard your thoughts on BTL re: Albert.

    Bravo…can’t wait to read the atricle.

  10. 10: Fidel Castro: Above-Average Baseball Pundit | MOUTHPIECE Blog // A Chicago-Addled Sports Blog said at 2:16 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    [...] (HT: JoePo) [...]

  11. 11: casey said at 2:26 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    One of many classic Ichiro-via-translator quotes:

    On his personal battles with Dice-K: “I hope he arouses the fire that’s dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger.”

  12. 12: Graphite said at 4:26 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Apparently, when Castro visted Japan he and the Japanese Prime Minister visited a bath house. The two men got on well together and at one stage the PM asked the Cuban strongman to scrub his back. At this stage one of the PM’s aides was taking a telephone call and was heard to say, “Can I call you back? I’m watching Fidel on the Loofah.”

    I’m sorry, that was terrible. But Joe started it with his heading.

  13. 13: Joe said at 5:45 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Aren’t they the people’s outs?

  14. 14: Grant said at 7:17 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    The last part was the best part, Joe.

    Can I submit Ulysses S. Grant and Rob Deer? Lot of mistakes/misses, but when they hit, they bleepin’ HIT.

  15. 15: Grant said at 7:19 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    PS – this should be a meme. I hope it becomes one.

  16. 16: Graphite said at 7:32 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Mikey @ #8

    Thanks for the pointer.

    You gotta say, the man is meticulous. In case the reader may be dismissive of his claims that the current US Administration is youthful in the extreme (“Obama and his advisor had not been born”), Fidel ladles on a kicker: “they had not even been conceived.”

  17. 17: Spud said at 7:44 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    And Buchanan = Tony Muser?

  18. 18: Chris said at 8:53 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    There’s a lot to say against Castro but you have to love the fact the guy has a blog entry on a baseball game. Kind of in the same way that I’m not a fan of George W. Bush but I did like when he picked Roy Halladay as the pitcher he would build a team around…

  19. 19: Sal Paradise said at 9:47 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    The Japanese media doesn’t have an “Around the Horn” when it comes to Japanese losses.

    As soon as they lost the game, the news were all looking toward the second round and Japan’s future opponents. Had it been an elimination game, they would have probably blamed something (the media here is good about complaining about the food for Olympic athletes overseas, and how it doesn’t suit Japanese sensibilities, or about how the Korean ice wasn’t what the Japanese were used to, or…)

    The athletes are generally good natured though. Maybe I should give you some translated Ichiro quotes (he’s rather odd in Japanese as well).

  20. 20: TimB said at 10:37 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Nixon = Pete Rose

  21. 21: Bingo Long said at 11:48 pm on March 11th, 2009:

    Cheney = Durocher?

  22. 22: Jon said at 3:10 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Napoleon = Ty Cobb?

  23. 23: Broocks said at 3:24 am on March 12th, 2009:

    I would love more Ichiro quotes. Ichiro is a wordsmith of the highest order.

  24. 24: Paul O. said at 4:56 am on March 12th, 2009:

    The Wedge bit reminded me of Raoul Duke as ambassador to China. His translator, Honey, had to bowdlerize his every public utterance in order to prevent WWIII from breaking out. Still makes me laugh.

  25. 25: 3rd Period Points said at 5:06 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Grady Little = George Armstrong Custer

  26. 26: DTRO said at 6:16 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Willie Randolph = Herbert Hoover

  27. 27: Curtis said at 7:50 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Billy Martin = LBJ

  28. 28: Erik in NYC said at 9:18 am on March 12th, 2009:

    killing me with the charlie daniels bit.

  29. 29: Brent said at 9:25 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Hmm, I would suggest Ulysses S. Grant and Billy Martin. Just keep throwing that pitcher until his arm falls off. Or just keep throwing the troops at the other side until they run out of men. Seems like a pretty similar strategy.

  30. 30: Josh said at 10:36 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Who’s GWB? Buddy Bell? Nah, he’d have to have sucked with a huge-market team. Butch Hobson?

    A couple more:
    Jimmy Carter = Pete Carroll (sorry to go off sport like that)
    FDR = Joe McCarthy
    JFK = Sparky Anderson

  31. 31: Stephen said at 11:29 am on March 12th, 2009:

    Joe, you said: “You don’t have to be Billy Beane to hate the one-out sacrifice bunt. I can only imagine what they’re saying on the Japanese version of ‘Around the Horn.’” Actually, they probably praised it. In Japan the sacrifice is sacred representing the willingness of the individual to put the good of the team ahead of himself. Does it make perfect baseball sense? No, but in a culture where the idea of being called an individual is sometimes considered an insult, it is culturally understandable.

  32. 32: JP said at 8:34 pm on March 13th, 2009:

    Joe’s fun post reminded me of a great joy of the internet when I was in high school and it was very new. Translating english text into japanese on altavista, then translating the japanese back into english. http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt

    “I think he moved the ball around the plate pretty good. Changed speeds. He put us in great shape to get a win.”

    Magically becomes……

    “I think of that sphere was moved rather around the edition where he is good. The speed which was changed. He put us in order to obtain victory in splendid shape.”

  33. 33: Jeremy said at 2:21 pm on March 14th, 2009:

    Jimmy Carter = Herm Edwards

    Oliver Cromwell = Tom Coughlin

    Still haven’t thought of one for Sarah Palin.

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