ExtenZe and Top Chef
Posted: February 13th, 2009 | Filed under: Pop Culture | 69 Comments »
I have mentioned here before that I do not watch much television. I watch The Office. And, really, that’s about it except when I’m stuck in a hotel room watching a hysterical and creepy ExtenZe commercial*, or when I get that rare and beautiful fall-asleep-while-watching-golf Sunday.
*OK, you have seen these ExtenZe Infomercial-Style Commercials, right? I have put the YouTube of it below. The commercial is not nearly as brilliantly goofy as the Snuggies commercials (four million Snuggies sold and still counting — just in case you had lost faith in America). But it is still fairly remarkable. It is, I will warn you in case you don’t know, a two-minute commercial about a penis enlargement pill. So you might be best to just move on.
One of the amazing things: They were able to do an entire commercial about a penis enlargement pill without using the word “penis.” Or “pill.” And I don’t think “enlargement” is in there either. That pretty impressive. And i have to admit, the commercial does have it’s own splendor in other ways.
Scene 1: Everyday guy in blue button down shirt begins by saying “Five years ago, few would have believed this simple capsule could make a man larger.” The camera closes in on the capsule. The guy is right, it does look like a simple capsule. He goes on: “There was a lot of skepticism that a simple capsule could do such an amazing thing.” I must admit feeling skeptical.
Then the camera pans back: “A capsule,” the guy says, “that can make a man larger?” And then, in a great television moment, he attempts to make a dubious face that wordlessly says, “I have never heard of anything so preposterous or unlikely, not even a flying car.” What makes this a great television moment is that the guy in the blue button down shirt is not exactly Sir John Gielgud, so he cannot pull off the dubious face. Instead he kind of manages the constipated look that babies make when parents insist they are smiling.
“But now, five years later, ExtenZe has sold over one hundred million capsules,” he says. “to men of all ages, all over the world.”
By the way, how can you not love the name: ExtenZe. Descriptive. And the capital Z makes it, right?
Scene 2: Woman who is, what I like to call, “Infomercial hot” pops on the screen. Informercial hot represents women who are clearly supposed to represent ultra-attractive women though the women themselves are not ultra-attractive. They are not unattractive by any means … but they’re just not quite pulling it off. This is a bargain struck between the infomercial and the audience … it’s like they are saying, “Well, as you could probably guess, we could not exactly afford a supermodel for this spot. Carla here was about the best we could do, she works in the office, and we feel like she’s reasonably attractive, so we would ask you to sort of suspend belief for a moment and pretend that she’s really super hot? OK? And in return, we’ll give you this product for free! Really! Free! Just wait and see.”
The infomercial hot woman says: “That’s because the key ingredient in ExtenZe has been scientifically proven to increase the size of a certain part of the male body.” While she is talking — and fluttering her eyes — the words: “This product has not been evaluated by the F.D.A.” appear in tiny letters toward the bottom of the screen.
She continues: “It’s not a gimmick. It’s real science.” Well, sure it is. As she says this, the camera cuts to a laboratory of some kind where men in white coats look at test tubes. This is real science, of course. I will say: I’m not entirely certain if this is supposed to be a recreation of the breakthrough moment when they invented ExtenZe or if this is a live shot of scientists trying to improve the effectiveness of ExtenZe. The great thing is that there are three scientists working feverishly at once.
First scientist: Eureka!
Second scientist: What is it Klaus?
First scientist: I believe I have found an ingredient that could alter and stretch the atomic structure of the schlongula molecule.
Second scientist: Astounding! This key ingredient could increase the size of a certain part of the male body.
Third scientist: More than that Richard. I think that with us being scientists we have scientifically proven it will increase the size that certain part.
Now, this thing gets good.
Scene three: Holy cow, Dr. Kevorkian appears. No, wait, that’s not Dr. Kevorkian. He’s Dr. Daniel Stein, M.D. the founder of the Stein Medical Institute. On second glance, he does not look like Dr. Kevorkian. No, he looks what you would EXPECT Dr. Kevorkian to look like if you had never seen him. By the way, that would be the world famous Stein Medical Institute, which offers the best cosmetic surgery options in Tampa, FL. That’s all the Web site promises, though I would say they’re being modest and I’ll bet they match up with almost anything you would find in St. Petersburg too. I think the good work done at Stein can be summed up by the first paragraph of the testimonial letter on the site: “Dear Dr. Stein. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for the beautiful work you did on my thighs and buttocks.” Above — if you are lucky enough to catch the right photo cycle — is an appetizing picture of a naked butt.
Funny thing, the Dr. Stein on the commercial does not look much (or anything) like the photo of the Dr. Stein on the Web site. I would rather not delve into that topic too deeply. I guess cosmetic surgeons, like Philip Seymour Hoffman, can change their look whenever necessary.
Anyway, let’s listen to what the good doctor has to say:
“ExtenZe is a revolutionary tablet designed to do one main thing. To increase the size of the certain part of the male body.”
OK, we have to stop here. Certain part of the male body? Really? How much am I trusting a doctor who is too squeamish to name a human body part? I mean, OK, Carla that almost hot spokeswoman, sure, I get it, she’s trying to play some sort of little game, but do we really want a doctor who is a bit blurry about precisely what part of the human anatomy he’s discussing? “So, John, I think we’re going to have to do a little surgery on that witsy bitsy wittle body part in your chest that just isn’t working quite right.”
“I personally researched the formula in ExtenZe and found it to be truly effective,” Dr. Stein says. Now, seriously, what is this supposed to mean? Is he saying he tried it out himself? Because, frankly, that really creeps me out. This guy seems one step away from saying, “Come here, I want to SHOW you something. No, it’s a certain part of the male body.”
Scene 4: Here, the announcer says that the ExtenZe people are so sure of their product, they are giving it away absolutely free — all you pay for is the postage stamp. Amazing!
Then we cut to what we are supposed to believe is a real couple. And they have one of those GREAT infomercial/commercial conversations:
Almost hot woman: “What you got there honey?”
Guy in blue shirt: “I ordered a male enhancement product called ExtenZe.”
Woman: “Male enhancement? You mean like building more muscles?” She then feels his arm.
Guy: “No! You know. Male enhancement.” He says this in about the most frightening way imaginable.
Woman: “Does that really work?”
Scene 5: Cut to ANOTHER Infomercial Hot woman, who says: “We’re so confident this will work for you, we will make you this guarantee. If you don’t see real noticeable growth, it costs you nothing.”
I’m wondering how many people have written in asking for money back with a note that says, “It didn’t work. I didn’t see noticeable growth.” I suspect zero.
Scene 6: And FINALLY we get to the people on the street, always a staple of these infomercial/commercial blends. The idea that there’s an on-location television reporter who was able to find people on the street who both (A) Used ExtenZe and (B) Would be willing to talk about it publicly is pretty staggering to me. But you can’t argue with the results.
Here’s a guy in a red tank top: “It made me … UH … heck of a lot bigger.” Girlfriend laughs happily.
Well, sure, it works for guys in red tank tops, but what about the guy in the bowling shirt who has a strange and undetectable accent. What would he have to say about it? “I’ve been very happy and I’ve felt bigger,” he says.
Wow. Two for two. But what does the guy with the horrendous hair replacement job and no girlfriend have to say about it? “Well,” he says, “what do you want me to tell you? It got bigger.”
It did? OK! I’m sold. But just in case, a guy with a ponytail confirms. A guy wearing a blue button down shirt says he too got bigger and he’s not embarrassed to say it. We are talking unanimous here.
Then the announcer comes back on and brings back the “absolutely free” offer, though if you look REALLY carefully on the screen you will see that in teeny tiny letters they are saying that you do need to give your credit card number. Hmm. Why would you need to do that for the price of a stamp? Well, it seems that the offer is conditional on “enrollment in an automatic shipping program that can be canceled at any time.” Oh yeah, that cancelation should be a snap. I’m still getting cassette tapes from the Columbia Record thing I signed up for in 1983. I wouldn’t bet on it being too easy to extricate yourself from the ExtenZe automatic shipping program without an immigration lawyer.
Woman announcer: You have nothing to lose … but a LOT to gain.
Here’s the YouTube commercial if you want to see it again.
OK, sorry, that went on a lot longer than I expected.
No, I didn’t mean it that way. Really. I was talking about television, I don’t watch hardly any. But the reason I don’t watch almost any television is … because I don’t watch almost any television. What I mean is, I am a television creature. I was born on television, raised on television, and even now I have that latent television gene in my body. If I start to watch a show, I will no doubt become obsessed by it and will watch it way too much. I’ve always known that if I watched the Wire, or The Shield (which features a friend of mine) or 24 or Friday Night Lights or 30 Rock or any of 50 other shows, I would quickly become a fanatical fan, and I would never have any time to spend writing ridiculously long blogs like this or playing the castle game with my daughters. No, I decided I would watch The Office, and that, more or less, would be it.
BUT … a few weeks ago, I was deathly ill. I wasn’t really deathly ill, but it felt that way. I couldn’t move, except to shiver, and I couldn’t eat, and I kept drifting in and out of sleep … I felt like Clint Eastwood during the sickness scene in “Unforgiven.” So, at some point, I plopped in front of the television and turned it on. I was going to watch sports. Instead, there was a cooking show on. I like falling asleep to cooking shows. They’re second only to golf for me.
But this show seemed especially stupid. I realize how out-of-touch it makes me, but I’m pretty certain that I had never even heard of Top Chef before that day, and I certainly did not know anything about it. And I did not want to know. It was a reality TV show — I do not like reality TV. It was one of those shows where people criticize each other on the air — I get enough criticism in my own life. Just today, I had at least 20 people take the time out of their day to call me an idiot.* And beyond that, it was a cooking competition show, which did not hold much promise for me. I do like falling asleep to cooking shows, but that’s more or less the effort I want to invest in them.
One hour later, I was entirely hooked on the show.
*I just looked. It was 32 people.
I cannot tell you why I was hooked. Well, actually, I can. Top Chef has all the hooks. You have the beautiful host (who was once married to Salman Rushdie), the special guest star chefs who are like Charo from the Love Boat, the charismatic and successful chef who is constantly disappointed by these bumbling young chefs, the bumbling young chefs (these include the arrogant Finnish/German, the lovable Italian, the wacky caterer, the Colorado fish guy, the dark-haired and neurotic New Yorker, the mom from New Jersey, the talented and tattooed lesbian from San Francisco, the male model … it’s like the cast of Gilligan’s Island only with knives). And then there’s the music, the interaction, the in-fighting, the bizarre contests, the Foo Fighters (yeah, the Foo Fighters), and so on.
So, yeah, I’ve been hooked on the show for the last two months. I didn’t need that in my already crowded life* but these are the choices we make.
*09/09/09 … I just got the first draft of the book cover. It looks really good, I think. I’ll see if I can post that for everyone.
And the other day, when I could have been working on this big, huge, epic steroid post that will be coming to this blog at some point real soon, I was instead watching the five remaining young chefs try to make it to the final four. There was this moment — I don’t want to ruin it for you, but if you are this far in the post, I assume you either already know or don’t care — when Leah, the dark-haired New York neurotic, was making eggs benedict. And she was making her hollandaise sauce, only it was coming out too thick. And so she added something to thin it out.
And I turned to my wife and I said, “Oh, she’s going to regret doing that.”
And that’s where I am in my life.
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That was, hands down, the most brilliant thing I’ve ever read about male enhancement in my life. Goodness, Joe. This would be one of those rare times where I could use the term “LOL” and actually mean the “out loud” part.
There’s another ExtenZe commercial running on TV that’s even better. It features a guy and his (I assume) wife talking about the product. Aside from the horrendous acting, the funniest part is right near the beginning where the guy makes it very clear that “I didn’t really need the extra size…but the improved performance, now that could be interesting.” He might as well have said “Look, jerks, just because I’m in a commercial for a penis enlarging pill doesn’t mean my penis is small, okay? It is HUGE. I’m talking GIGANTIC. I didn’t need help. I swear. What do you mean why did I order it? I’m ummm….just not very good in bed. Wait, crap, that doesn’t sound good either. Dammit. Stop looking at me like that!” I can only assume that line was somehow the a part of the actors contract. Anyway, it cracks my roommates and I up every single time.
Also, I’m hooked on Top Chef too, so you can be confident that you’re not the only male in the world who watches it. My old girlfriend loved it, so I watched last year, then saw it on again this year late at night and got sucked in again. Damn her. Cooking shows, competition, AND Padma? I can’t turn that down.
Top Chef hooked me in too. My wife has watched if for years and I finally tried it this season. I also watching Project Runway with her last Fall and found it very compelling. That is where I am in my life.
Also, nice use of schlongula.
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I was sucked into Top Chef from watching West Wing reruns… Bravo ends every commercial break with a promo, usually for TC or one of their Real Housewives shows. Watching on DVR, zipping through commercials, the only part of the break I typically hear is Padma saying “only on Bravo, watch what happens.” Thanks to her Siren’s call I couldn’t resist.
“schlongula molecule” Im stealing that as if it were my own idea!
Joe,
I don’t mind if you blog a little less or write posts that are a little shorter because you’re watching “30 Rock” or “The Wire.”
The first show needs help in the ratings, and the second one never got its full critical due, except at the very end.
Here I am at 4:00 am. I am dealing with a critical issue in the business that I own so I wake up at 3:30, can’t go back to sleep, get up to do some work on my critical business issue. Of course, before I start working on this critical business issue I have to check out what Joe is up to. So I read (at 3:30 am) about ExtenZe and Top Chef.
Now that life has been put back into the proper perspective, I can return to thinking about my critical business issue.
Thank you Joe.
And that’s where I am in my life.
Dear Joe,
Here I am at 4:00 am. I am in need of a solid BM so I wake up at 3:30, can’t go back to sleep, get up for a solid BM. Of course, before I head for the toilet I have to check out what Joe is up to. So I read (at 3:30 am) about ExtenZe and Top Chef.
Now that life has been put back into the proper perspective, I can return to thinking about my BM.
Thank you Joe.
And that’s where I am in my life.
I’m guessing the “Unforgiven” sickness is somewhere between “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” dehydration, And the “Fistful of Dollars” cave of death.
“*I just looked. It was 32 people.
Joe, you need to revise your “idiot counting system”. It’s more like the plus/minus system of card counting.
For each person that calls you an idiot, subtract 1.
For each person that complements you, thanks you, or otherwise agrees with you, add 1.
So look again, I think you’ll see that you have a pretty rich deck.
east bound and down is the most amazing new show in the past few years.
please watch it
also, i watched the entire series of the wire in a week. i know you can too. it’s worth it. the wire is probably the best show ever made.
and one more thing, as a designer i am interested in knowing who designed your book cover. care to share?
I can top you. My wife got me hooked on Project Runway. I of course bought some ExtenZe to stabilize my rapidly shrinking schlongula molecules.
Stefan rocks!
Stefan is really the best Top Chef character ever. I knew he blew the salmon but really, the guy has won about half of all of the competitions; if they didn’t put him in the final, then the show would be a sham.
I can’t wait for him to take down captain whiny, the fish master. I will relish it.
Top Chef hasn’t been the same since the ravenous and zaftig Gail Simmons was replaced by faceless (I’m not being figurative — the man has no face) troll Toby Young. Still a fun show, though.
I read a lot of Top Chef recaps and blog posts. I never thought I would read a post about TC that was 83% penis enlargement commentary, 6% about a death illness, and 11% Top Chef.
I’m so completely with you on TV. I had to stop watching Lost because I knew I would go NUTS if I fell behind or missed an episode. Same with Battlestar Galactica. I just save up my TV urges until my wife goes out of town and go an a TV DVD orgy!
You HAVE to watch the Shield. It is, in my opinion, perhaps the best show ever made start to finish. There never is a “Status quo” with the Shield. Truly remarkable television. I have been told that the “host” guy on the ExtenZe commercials is actually a softcore porn “actor”, which makes the whole thing even better.
Why do you think my handle is BigM? Proud subscriber to junk enlargement capsule of the month club. Just kidding. I use it for the performance. That’s like saying you look at Swank Magazine for the aritcles.
Charlie Kerfeld will be the guest next Wed. on J.D. and Dave’s Excellent Offseason Adventure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J.D._and_Dave%27s_Excellent_Offseason_Adventure
The show airs from 10-11 am central time in Houston on 790 AM. You can listen to it live here or check out past shows. This should be fun.
http://www.790kbme.com/cc-common/podcast/single_podcast.html?podcast=jdanddave.xml
No thoughts on the Super Bowl episode of Top Chef?
I have to say that I enjoy the office as well. If you ever wich to extenZe your tv viewing circle of shows, may I suggest Flight of the Conchards. It is great tv about a couple of Kiwis.
That is the same way I started watching Top Chef. Home sick. Nothing on. Now I’m three seasons in.
I’ve got to stop reading stuff like this in the computer lab… Getting a bunch of looks for the few times I wasn’t able to completely suppress my laughter.
Re the ExtenZe:
A buddy, who may or may not be a bit immature received a plain cardboard package {double entendre not intended, but it is staying}, so another buddy starts ragging on him about how it’s Girls Gone Wild, or something of that nature. Original buddy doesn’t get too riled up, genuinely seems like he doesn’t know what the deal is, so he rips open the package to find: ExtenZe and two porno films.
That was all the ammunition we need. He says he ordered it when he was all pissed up {probable} late at night {likely the only time infomercials make any money due to aforementioned alcohol consumption} and that he’s yet to try the pills. Not sure where I stand on the whole thing, but it doesn’t matter. We have carte blanche to rip him anytime.
But the gift keeps on giving… A week or two later another ‘discreet’ box showed up and two more pornos were in there. ‘Well, I thought I canceled it, but these two look pretty good, so I’ll keep ‘em and cancel again.’
So yeah, that’s the ‘automatic shipping program’. And no, I have not seen the videos and ‘the buddy’ is not me.
And regarding reality shows, I am sure Alec Baldwin’s band of Hulu aliens engineered them to gelatinize brains. I avoid them on principle, but if someone else is watching or I flip through and land on one, I’m done until it’s over. Not a good situation when this past week I’ve gotten jammed on: The Real Housewifes of Orange County and The Bad Girls Club {at the insistence of the prior buddy’s girlfriend – and for which I will remain ever ashamed}
Ah, Joe, there IS a show that combines cooking with “male enhancement.”
It’s called: Ask Aida
http://www.foodnetwork.com/ask-aida/index.html
http://blog.foodnetwork.com/fn-dish/files/2008/11/aida_mollenkamp_ask_aida.jpg
…roooowwwwwwwrrrrrr….
As usual, great post Joe. Getting to the last two lines made it all worth it, I did genuinely laugh out loud.
I want to second Adam’s point about the other male enhancement commercial with the husband and wife team. Both the husband and wife say basically the same thing about not caring about size but that the “improved performance could be interesting and fun.” And then my favorite part is the punchline – “Oh yeah, and being larger? That was fun, too!” accompanied by a knowing grin.
BigM, if you were north of the border we’d be thinking you were Frank, if you were LittleM we’d figure you were his brother Peter.
Aka Frank and Peter Mahovlich
Joe,
Please watch the Wire, it’s a fabulous show. Plus, I think a lot of us would love to read about your take on the series, which is the greatest of all time.
And that’s where I am in my life.
Born on television? Your mom must have a great sense of balance.
Solid, Joe…Very Solid. I am, of course, speaking of that certain part of your schlongula blog!
Since they don’t come out and say it in the commercial, I’m going to assume that ExtenZe actually increases the size of some OTHER part of the male body. Enjoy those 11-inch-long back hairs, gentlemen!
Maybe it’s just me … I don’t consider Top Chef to be a guilty pleasure. I think it’s pretty well done. And I HATE reality TV and am in no way a “foodie.” To me, Top Chef, like American Idol (although that show has enough other foolishness in it to qualify as a guilty pleasure), is more of a game show than a reality show. You see people competing in interesting challenges, but you get enough of a taste in their personalities to have favorites, but nothing close to ridiculous Hills/Real World-esque drama. (Granted, this season has had a little more reality show drama stuff mixed in, and the new judge is way over the top in a Simon Cowell kind of way. It’s still quality programming.)
There’s a great late night infomercial (I think it’s for ExtenZe) that’s shot on what has to be a set made either for a high school play or the old Merv Griffin show where the smarmy host talks to “adult film stars” about the important topic of certain parts of the male body. Which is hilarious when one considers what these young ladies do for a living, yet seem hesitant to discuss male genitalia.
There’s also a version that’s hosted by ultra-creepy porn star Ron Jeremy. His efforts to seem interested in this vital medical discussion is priceless. “Trust me, I’m a porn star.”
Good thing I have today off, cause I can now devote my full attention to finding ways to work “shlongola molecule” into polite conversation. Awesome!
And you missed the best part of the infomercial — watch the expressions of the significant others from the man-on-the-street interviews. Priceless.
Sounds like you had a man cold.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE
What advances we are making in medical science that products like ExtenZe and Rogaine will only target certain parts of the male anatomy! Otherwise, there would be a bunch of guys walking around with elongated noses and hairy palms.
Yeah, I’m a Top Chef fan as well. I can’t help it. Go Hootie! (Carla)
What you call fluttering I thought was just excessive blinking.
witsy bitsy wittle.
That set me into a fit of laughter that my manager had to come out of her office and tell me to shut up, but I heard her laugh several times when I forwarded this to her.
classic line, Joe.
I don’t cook, enjoy fast food as much as fine cuisine and yet love Top Chef so don’t worry about that one Joe.
I thought The Wire was the best show I’d seen until the last season of The Shield which was so good and heightened the other seasons in hindsight, so now its no. 1. You should watch both.
Couple of things: I would buy more blades for my Mach XII if they didn’t cost $30/each.
In reference to your upcoming long steroid blog post, I would like to reiterate one of my favorite positions in sports: Bud Selig is an idiot.
On ESPN’s ticker yesterday in reference to Alex Rodriguez they quoted Selig saying something like: “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Steroids was illegal then, but it wasn’t a banned substance. I’ll have to consider these things, when contemplating pushing him.”
In today’s AP stories, the lead paragraph starts off that Selig can’t punish A-Rod, because steroids wasn’t illegal at the time, but that Selig was very disappointed in A-Rod.
Give me a break. I have no sympathy for the players that took steroids. It was illegal, potentially harmful, and it sets a horrible example for young athletes in this country. That being said, everyone in baseball is culpable for the steroid era including Selig.
This is what Selig needs to say: “The impact of steroids on baseball is an institutional failure, for which I hold equal, if not more, responsibility than the players, the players union, management (and the press.) Everyone involved owed it to the game of baseball to keep it as clean as possible, and we failed. It’s up to the players who took steroids, whether or not to confess or not about taking performance enhancing drugs. In taking responsibility for the institutional breakdown for which the entire game is to blame, baseball hopes to look forward to a new era of responsibility and fair play. We owe it to the fans, the players and everyone involved in the game before us, and to the future of our national pastime.”
Selig does not help the game of baseball move past this issue, when he keeps promising punishment or insincere disappointment in players who have admitted using steroids. He creates more headlines by issuing such statements, as well as looking as inept CEO/commissioner who was out of touch with the game he is paid millions of dollars to manage.
I mean to say that Selig contemplated “punishing” A-Rod. Not “pushing” him.
Alright, y’know what’s weird? I have seen exactly one episode of Top Chef in my life and it was that one. I think it was over the summer. I was really pulling for Lisa.
Big-time Top Chef fan here. During the first 10 minutes of this season, my girlfriend and I made a bet as to who would win, based purely on nothing more than the first sentence each person said in front of the camera during their “talking head” intros – literally, “my name is X and I cook X” and nothing else. Out of 17 people, she picked Stefan (god damn her), and I picked Hosea. They’re in the final four, so we got real lucky, but judging by Stefan’s utter dominance, I think I’m going to owe her dinner after Wednesday’s finale. Fabio has also made me laugh out loud at least three times per show each episode this season.
On TV-products: am I late to the party with the Amish-made “natural fire-like” heater boxes? Or was I just dreaming? Please, someone confirm.
The Wire is essential.
Top Chef seems to be getting meh; it might just be repetition, but I think that by this point they’ve thinned out the talent pool. There can’t be THAT many great young chefs out there.
Watch Friday Night Lights people, it is a great show.
Dim: I brought up the Amish heater mantles/boxes for discussion on this blog when Joe originally was going off on the snuggie or whatever. No one responded…Damn, if these things really work we need one. And, I don’t mind giving some of my hard-earned cash to the Amish. They are always in need of some new harnesses and pitchforks here at home rather than sending it to the damn Chinese or Saudi sheiks.
Oh BTW, I just saw Tony Kornheiser actually wearing a Snuggie today during his PTI show. Is this wise product placement by the Snuggie Corporation?
I want to be 33rd …… You are an idiot ……
But it appears that you are our idiot
Watch the Wire-Best TV show ever.
I am hooked on top chef via the significant other.
In my defense, I will mention that I was a chef for years.
My GF just read this and laughed,said, “That’s where we are now.”
And Joe,
The Gilligan’s Island with knives comment…
Classic.
During the holidays, my fiancee and myself flew back to her parent’s house in Boston. My future father-in-law is a professor in finance, knows nearly everything about everything, in fact he’s the closest I’ve come to an encyclopedia since my sophomore year in high school. I’m a little intimidated by him. My vocabulary stopped sometime during the elementary years and than gradually declined during the three years I worked in construction. Before our visit he had recently had hip surgery and was stuck in the couch in front of the tv. We had no car and there was a foot of snow on the ground, so my day was basically filled by whatever he felt like watching. After watching the previous season and than a few episodes of the latest of Top Chef (in a row), one of the contestants adds something to the recipe of another’s. It was than that my future father-in-law made a comment similar to the one Joe gave his wife that I was able to conclude that he finds me tolerable. Thanks Top Chef!
[...] by scootage81 Joe Posnanski, who normally blogs about more prosaic things like baseball, offers the greatest description/analysis ever of ExtenZe, the “male enhancement” product that doesn’t actually specify how it enhances [...]
I disagree a bit with Dim–I actually think that, going into the last 4, this is the most compelling Top Chef season thus far in terms of the personalities. Stefan is a phenomenal reality show villain. He has this tremendous, almost robotic talent; he’s German, but in a ruthless soccer player kinda way rather than a leather-fetish dance club kinda way; and he’s clearly a total jerk. It’s also worth noting that, in the last couple shows, he’s made mistakes–the pressure seems to be mounting and he seems to be showing some cracks–is he the Dirk Nowitzki of cooks? Add to him the fact that the three people gunning to take him out are all big, nutty personalities in their own ways, and I dunno–I think that it should be interesting down the stretch. So, although I’m not accepting bets, my odds:
Stefan: 4-5
–He wins and wins and wins. The late-season challenges generally allow for a lot more forethought than the earlier ones, and I don’t see this guy blowing it when he has time to plan. Also, history suggests that clear favorites (notably, as I recall, Harold and Hung) do well at the end.
Carla: 7-2
–She’s obviously nuts. Like if I had a friend who was dating Carla, there would be a big, long, serious talk. But she’s talented, and she’s putting it all together late in the year. Has some ‘97 Arizona potential.
Fabio: 4-1
–Not quite convinced he’s got the chops, and now he’s playing hurt. But he has had a lot of good moments, and if there are any opportunities to serve food publicly and charm people, the advantage he has over the other three is substantial.
Hosea: 8-1
–He’s had his moments, but he’s been close to getting cut several times, and most importantly, Stefan seems to be way, way inside Hosea’s head. Carla and Fabio both seem a little too crazy to understand the odds, but I think Hosea realizes deep down that his A-game can’t beat Stefan’s A-game.
This is interesting .. I found another site with alot of information at http://www.extenzetruth.com .. what do you guys and girls think?
Joe…I discovered your blog about 2 months ago. Your articles are tremendous. I thrive on your baseball stories, and even your non sports related stuff. If you’re ever in Liverpool PA, I will buy you a beer!
Len
[...] I realize how out-of-touch it makes me, but I’m pretty certain that I had never even heard of Top Chef before that day, and I certainly did not know anything about it. And I did not want to know. …More [...]
you need to watch 30 Rock, best show on tv. make more time or quit watching the Office which is going downhill very quickly.
I might be late to this, but Joe, if you like top chef, you should check out this blog. It’s like JoePo for Top Chef, if such a thing could exist.
http://www.skilletdoux.com
I don’t know the real name of the 40ish guy with grey hair that “doesn’t really want to increase his size” but might get a lot more fun with his wife, but today, I saw him in a Life Alert commercial playing a dispatcher looking very concerned about helping someone get rid of a burglar. I just wonder if the Life Alert people would approve of a quackery commercial pitchman in their commercials. Probably not since Life Alert is a little on the shady side themselves.
I agree with everything about extenze, but it seems as though alot of people are saying it works. If you read on alot of the “extenze is scam” sites .. most people only complain about the automated billing process, never really say if the product is working or not? So my suggestion is if your going to order, order from a site like http://www.extenzeenhancement.com as they at least dont put you on an automated billing.
Now we just have to determine if the product really works?
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I sell Extenze, and even I get creeped out by the commercials
Ever see the Extenze energy drinks they have out now? Imagine sitting in the gym drinking extenze… lol
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I agree with the whole thing about extenze pills, but it seems as though a lot of people are saying it works. If you study on a lot of the “extenze is scam” sites. Most people only protest about the robotic billing process, never really say if the product is working or not?
I was wondering if anyone had a contact number for the President of Extenz so that I may tell him how full of shit he is
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that I have really liked reading your blog posts. Anyway
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Regards,Linda C Barksdale
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