Football on the Radio

Posted: November 17th, 2008 | Filed under: Baseball, Other Sports, Pop Culture | 74 Comments »

Many people romanticize baseball on the radio. Football is something else entirely. On Sunday, while I was driving home from the Big Red Machine reunion in Cincinnati*, I listened to the entire Kansas City Chiefs-New Orleans Saints game on my brand new “Best of Sirius” radio package. I cannot even remember the last time I listened to an entire NFL game on the radio. It was probably when I was a kid listening to the Cleveland Browns game through radio static. Bernie Kosar, when he was young, could throw with accuracy through static. Paul McDonald … not so much.

*Did I mention I’m writing a book on the 1975 Cincinnati Reds?

The Sirius package, though, comes in clear as an air horn, and listening for three hours reminded me that there are forgotten joys to football on the radio. Sure, everyone understands that football, at its core, is a television game. Or more to the point, it’s a VISUAL game, much more than any other American sport. And by visual I mean that when you see even a single NFL play, you are not really seeing it. No, you need to see it from a second angle, a third angle, a fourth and fifth sometime, to REALLY understand it, to see who missed the block, who was open but did not get picked up by the quarterbacks, who fell for the play-action and as such opened up the middle zone, who held the receiver after getting beat, who jumped into the hole too tentatively, who did not get both feet in bounds, on and on and on and on. There is a reason that coaches in football, unlike the coaches in any other sport I know, talk afterward about needing to see the film before they can fully discuss the events. They have no idea what happened. They need to see it on TV.

After a while, as a football viewer, you come to rely on replays, even when you’re at the game and watching live. In fact, there are few things more infuriating as a fan than watching a play and noticing something (it looked like he fumbled at the end; it looked like he might not have caught the ball; it looked like the receiver set a pick) and them NOT showing the replay. In football, replays are much more important than what you see live.

And that’s different. Baseball replays can come in handy — sometimes replays clarify a close play or finalize a fair/foul ball or show you just how badly a pitcher missed his spot on the home run — but I don’t think it’s the same thing. In baseball, replays simply validate what you saw or, in rare cases, contradict what you saw. But football, because it involves 22 men, all with their own unique jobs on every play, every replay tells a whole new story, it’s like watching a whole new play.

And so, I have grown used to that football-watching rhythm, grown used to seeing a play and then immediately looking up at the television to see what actually happened. I have grown used to appreciating the specifics of football, the smallest things, to observe where the Steelers blitzes are coming from, two see how Bill Belichick’s defense drops backs, to marvel at how Tony Gonzalez gets off the line of scrimmage, to groan as a safety jumps a short crossing route while a receiver runs open behind them, to watch a tackle lunge helplessly at a defensive end after getting beat off the snap.

Football on the radio strips the game down. It isn’t about specifics anymore. It’s all about the main thing. Baseball on radio opens up other worlds, there is time between pitches to tell stories, to relive history, to imagine trades, to get out of town scores, to throw out a little bit of trivia*. It’s all very relaxed and friendly and slow.

*You surely know this bit, but it’s still fun — you can put together an entire team of players who won back-to-back MVP awards: Before Bonds, it was a perfect team of nine (assuming you could put Murphy in left field — thanks to those who reminded about Hal Newhouser as the team’s pitcher):

1B: JImmie Foxx (1932-33), Frank Thomas (1993-94)
2B: Joe Morgan (1975-76)
SS: Ernie Banks (1958-59)
3B: Mike Schmidt (1980-81)
CF: Dale Murphy (1982-83), Mickey Mantle (1956-57)
LF: Barry Bonds (1992-93, 2001-04)
RF: Roger Maris (1960-61)
C: Yogi Berra (1954-55)
P: Hal Newhouser (1944-45)

In football on radio, the exact opposite is true, it’s all football in the moment — there isn’t TIME for anything else.* One play piles on top of another, faster and faster, and while football itself may be, as the old line goes, five seconds of action followed by 30 seconds of meetings, on the radio you NEED those 30 seconds just to explain what the heck happened.

*OK, so if I write, “This has GOT to be the alley-oop, there isn’t TIME for anything else” — you are probably enough of an NFL Films geek to appreciate the line. It comes from an old film when the old 49ers quarterback had to throw a high pass to receiver R.C. Owens. I love that line and use it in conversation with my buddy Vackie all the time. In fact, Vackie and I have about 250 different lines that come from various snippets of pop culture life and we use these lines constantly, and we constantly crack ourselves up with them, and we drive our wives absolutely up the wall. These lines include:

“Champagne — champagne cocktails.”
“You just went down a notch in my, in my book.”
“I said they didn’t take me. And he said, that’s good.”
“What did you want me to do, catch it and rehabilitate it?”
“This song is not a rebel song.”
“How come you don’t tell that nice girl you love her.”
“Two and two to Harvey Kuenn.”
“You see this watch? You see this watch? This watch costs more than your car.”
“They’re killing me, Whitey.”
“It’s a lovely marriage of words and music.”
“How can I be the man when you’re the man?”
“Good shot. I’m a good shot.”
“Oh bless his heart, he’s got to be the sickest man in America.”
“My offer is this. Nothing.”
“Down goes Frazier.”
“There’s a gleam, men. There’s a gleam.”
“And don’t you just love that Jack Ruby got into the garage.”

I suspect all friendships have lines like those (and I KNOW you can place them all). I figure good friends don’t even have conversations anymore — we just repeat lines over and over to each other, and this is somehow supposed to represent a conversation. Whenever my wife asks, “So you talked to Vackie, how’s he doing?” I realize that I have no idea, technically speaking, how he’s doing. But we did relieve that moment when Hawkeye ordered ribs from “Adam’s Rib” in Chicago.

So, anyway, listening to the Kansas City Chiefs on the radio clarified something I already knew but had never quite seen from the radio angle: Wow, they stink. It’s one thing to watch the Chiefs lose in person, to see the various close calls, to appreciate the small improvements, to see the individuals in action and appreciate how slight the difference is between a successful play and an unsuccessful one, to view things sympathetically through the eyes of coaches who are working hard.

On the radio, it’s so much plainer. The Chiefs defensive line gets NO pressure on the quarterback. The Chiefs offensive line can’t block well enough to get a third and 1. The Chiefs defensive line gets NO pressure on the quarterback. The Chiefs receivers don’t get open. The Chiefs special teams are awful. Chiefs coach Herm Edwards punted on fourth and a long one (or a short two, depending on if your an optimist/pessimist) in the fourth quarter from inside New Orleans territory — now, seriously, there is absolutely no reasonable reasoning for that.

Also the Chiefs get NO pressure on the quarterback.

Let’s focus on that for lack of pressure for a minute. You want a statistic that will blow your mind? Here goes: The Kansas City Chiefs have played 10 games. They have six sacks. That would be as a team. Six sacks. There are 19 individual PLAYERS in the NFL with six sacks or more. The Chiefs are on pace for TEN sacks all season, and that’s actually rounding up.

Fewest sacks for teams since 1969:
1. Baltimore Colts, 1982 (9-game season), 11
2. Buffalo Bulls, 1982 (9-game season), 12
3. Baltimore Colts, 1981, 13
4. New England Patriots, 1972 (14-game season), 14
5. New York Jets, 1976 (14-game season), 16
6. Los Angeles Rams, 1991, 17
7. Atlanta Falcons, 1987 (15-game season), 17
8. Philadelphia Eagles, 1975 (14-game season), 17
(tie) Buffalo Bills, 1977 (14-game season), 17
(tie), New Orleans Saints, 1970, 17

So as you can see, this year’s Chiefs team has a chance to be the least intimidating defense ever. And by quite a lot. And while that kind of historic ineptitude is hard to watch on television or in person, it’s absolutely staggering on the radio. Every single time the quarterback drops back, you hear the the announcer — in this case, the very informative Mitch Holthus — say, “Brees is back. He’s looking. He’s flushed from the pocked, and he’s looking. He’s still looking. He’s going to run, no, he’s still looking, still looking and he throws, complete for a first down.” It’s horrifying. It’s torturous. It’s like breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, only in slow motion.

And it’s just plain, it’s stark, the voice on the radio will not negotiate. In person, on television, you might see that a defensive lineman got held, or you might feel a little bit of the tension, but on the radio that defensive line is just a dead battery. On the radio it feels like Drew Brees could stand back there for one hundred years and never be touched. On the radio you realize that a defensive line with two first round picks, one second rounder and one third rounder and a linebacking corps with a first-round pick and a former Pro Bowler is playing some of the worst football in the history of mankind. On the radio there are no reasonable excuses. Everyone involved deserves to be fired.

There are other things you get listening to football the radio, such as the “Real Men of Genius” commercials which, I sense, may have run their course. There is also an astonishing Pizza Hut commercial where, if I got the plot right, a man is taking his wife out for dinner. And she says, “Wow, this is great, we never go out.” She actually says this. And then she says, “Hey, why are we back home, did you forget something?” And he says, “Nope, surprise!” And it turns out that instead of going out, he has invited some people over to have PIZZA HUT PIZZA at the house. And this woman in the commercial, apparently, is supposed to be thrilled by this development.

I find this to be the single least believable commercial in the history of the world, and let’s face it there have been some remarkably unbelievable commercials through the years. I keep waiting for the follow up commercial where the couple gets divorced and she gets the house and the car but he gets the leftover pizza. I mean, is ANYBODY AT PIZZA HUT married? Even the actress in the commercial should have perked up and said, “Um, listen, um, I know we’re trying to sell this barely edible pizza and all, but you know, there isn’t a single woman alive who would be HAPPY to lose a night out so they could eat Pizza Hut with all of her husband’s jerky friends. Can we just shift the theme a little bit?”

When the game ended and the Chiefs had lost again, I turned to the Pittsburgh-San Diego game and listened to the Steelers broadcast for a while. I really started to enjoy the rhythm of radio football. Plus those Steelers guys are very entertaining, though half the fun was just listening to people with Pittsburgh accents talk for three hours. Also, I got to hear what a sack sounds like.

74 Comments on “Football on the Radio”

  1. 1: Andrew said at 11:33 am on November 17th, 2008:

    Don’t they call it a “bag” on the East Coast?!

  2. 2: Tom said at 11:33 am on November 17th, 2008:

    Actually, you can put a full team of nine out there. Don’t forget “Prince” Hal Newhouser won back-to-back MVPs in the ’40s.

    And you also left off Frank Thomas (‘93-’94). Maybe he could DH (though he was a 1B those years)?

  3. 3: Vardibidian said at 11:34 am on November 17th, 2008:

    … and your starting pitcher on the MVP twopeats: Hal Newhouser.

    Thanks,
    -V.

  4. 4: Gate said at 11:43 am on November 17th, 2008:

    A couple of years ago, I enjoyed the MLB.com radio package so much, I bought the NFL one too. The most important thing I learned was how much worse a bad football announcer is than a bad baseball announcer.

    As annoying as I found (former Red Sox annoucer) Jerry Trupiano, his badness never really interfered with knowing what was happening during the game – especially when you realized that he went into his home run call for pop ups to shortstop. In football, that’s not really the case.

    This realization struck me as I was listening to a game (I think it was the Rams) and got to hear this:

    “Bulger back to pass, looks over the middle and OH! OH! NO! Was it? Fumble? He’s running!”

    I did not renew my NFL on the radio subscription for this year.

  5. 5: Andrew said at 11:44 am on November 17th, 2008:

    Pretty sure Bonds wasn’t playing in 1901.. Although I would love to have seen that Bonds- Mathewson matchup.

  6. 6: Andy L said at 11:47 am on November 17th, 2008:

    I could actually only place four of those quotes. Can someone provide me with a complete guide?

  7. 7: Preston said at 11:47 am on November 17th, 2008:

    Aah, Tom beat me to the punch with Newhouser – specifically, he won in 1944 and 1945. He was actually better in 1946 than in 1944 (showing he could stand out in a non war-depleted Major Leagues as well), but by that time The Splendid Splinter was back and won his first MVP, with Newhouser finishing 2nd.

  8. 8: Concerned Citizen said at 11:49 am on November 17th, 2008:

    “My offer is this. Nothing.”

    Sure I can place that… it’s from “The Freshman,” right?

  9. 9: Andy L said at 11:52 am on November 17th, 2008:

    Actually only three – number 3 from the live “The River,” 14 from Godfather 2, and 15 from Ali-Frazier.

  10. 10: Gate said at 11:55 am on November 17th, 2008:

    The lovely marriage of words and music is Sinatra.

  11. 11: Alex said at 12:03 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    The “My offer is this. Nothing.” is from the Godfather part 2. Or did I miss the sarcasm?

  12. 12: lost in the so. cal smoke said at 12:10 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I’m impressed. A Godfather and two Godfather II’s!

    Concerned Citizen:
    “My offer is this. Nothing.” is from Godfather II. Early in the movie when Michael is talking with the corrupt senator from Nevada about fees for the gaming commission. Shortly before the ‘champange coctails’ line appears.

    Aside from that, I’m stuck at four with “Down goes Frazier!”.

  13. 13: Mark H said at 12:12 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Ok, some thoughts on Radio Football…
    1. Driving from Albany to Harrisburg PA, I listened to the entire “miracle comback” Bills-Oilers playoff game on 660 WFAN. I got home just in time for the game-tying kick at the end of regulation. I saw the end on TV, but the FEELING was so different. After hearing the big comeback described on Radio (and hearing the crowd’s reactions, MUCH different on Radio too) it felt SO much bigger on radio, so much more remarkable. It was as if I was listening to a “book on tape” that built the drama mich differently. Imagine reading a book, except for the last chapter. Then go watch the last 30 minutes of the movie version… That’s what it was like. I wanted to go back to the car and listen to the end, but after sitting in the driver’s seat for 5+ hours while the car was moving, sitting there in the driveway wasn’t going to happen.
    2. Joe, if you had only been able to hear Myron Cope do a Steelers game. If you thought the new guys were “burghers”, you could be a local just repeating some of Myron’s sayings. In fact, I think there are some who belive it’s the other way around… Myron didn’t have a Pittsburgh accent, Pittsburgh had a Myron Cope accent.
    3. When the Eagles are on, I prefer to turn the sound down and listen to the radio broadcast. Merril Resse also has a unique sound, and they say things of value while the TV is showing you a replay that you don’t need the sound for anyway.
    4. Radio doesn’t always take all the TV timeouts that the TV commercials do. You can actaully get something of quality while the TV is selling you the latest Gilette razor.
    5. Yes, the broadcast team makes a difference. Living in Harriburg, PA, I can say I’ve listened to (and rank) teams you can (or could) hear here:
    1. Eagles – Merril’s voice quality gives it a whole different feel. Like listening to masterpeice theater.
    2. Steelers – Was #1 w/Myron Cope. He was a classic. He is missed.
    3. Redskins – Solid performers, but no gimmicks
    4. Ravens – How do you get excited over a 6-3 Ravens/Bengals game? It doesn’t sound any better on the radio than it is painful to watch.

  14. 14: Tim said at 12:22 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    #6 from The Godfather

    Clemenza to Michael in the kitchen after Mike hangs up from talking with Kay.

    Do football radio announcers still give you the orientation of the game vis-a-vis your radio???

    “The Chiefs are going left-to-right on your radio.”

    I used to love that. Don’t listen to football much on radio anymore.

  15. 15: tex said at 12:40 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Maybe there is not as much time in football for extraneous information, but I did learn from a football radio broadcast that Jared Lorenzen weighed 13 pounds when he was born.

  16. 16: Bellylard said at 12:44 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    All the lines in Diner, and that’s what you guys use?

    “I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll kill your whole family”
    “We all know most marriages depend upon a firm grasp of football trivia”

  17. 17: Nathan said at 12:56 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “On the radio you realize that a defensive line with two first round picks, one second rounder and one third rounder and a linebacking corps with a first-round pick and a former Pro Bowler is playing some of the worst football in the history of mankind.”

    When you put it like that….ouch.

  18. 18: gogiggs said at 1:00 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    #5 is from Bono of U2. Comes before Sunday, Bloody Sunday on the Under a Blood Red Sky live ep, if I recall correctly.

    #8 was Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross.

    #16 was something Marty Schottenheimer said in a sideline huddle when he was coaching the Browns and for which he was roundly mocked in the local media ever since.

    #10 is Frank Sinatra on a live album that I actually have. I think the song he’s talking about is Send in the Clowns, but I don’t feel like checking. Actually, I could stand some Sinatra, so I will check.

    I know I know #s 6, 9 and 11, but I can’t quite call them up. Looking forward to the “oh, yeah” moment when someone identifies them.

  19. 19: GARY said at 1:24 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Joe,

    Up until several weeks ago, I was able to listen to Chiefs game broadcasts on the kcfx101 web site or the Chiefs Radio website.

    Monday through Saturday, their live stream is alive & well, but on
    game day, it is silent, and the cumulus media player doesn’t activate.

    As a Chiefs fan from Wisconsin I really appreciated being able to
    listen in on the action. Mitch & Lenny keep the game interesting and also provide alot of background that you don’t get from the
    TV announcers.

    Do you know why the games are no longer being streamed by kcfx on the web?

    Thanks.

    Gary

  20. 20: Mike S said at 1:26 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Quote from the wife, re the Pizza Hut commercial (which i told her about out of context):

    “So after reading this- my first thought is that this commercial aired during a football match (or some male orientated show) where women won’t normally see this commercial and the men watching TV are hungry for football or man food and feeling a little guilty ignoring their woman. When men see this commercial, they aren’t normally thinking that the woman would be happy eating at home. But the commercial puts the woman into the picture after the man is probably feeling gulity that he has ignored his woman at home because he is watching TV sports.”

    In short, Joe, you’re not supposed to be thinking that hard about the commercial.

  21. 21: Connecticut Mike said at 1:32 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    #7 Vin Scully call before Sandy Koufax delivered the final pitch in his perfect game.

    #9 Lou Saban on the sidelines to Whitey Dovell

    #13 Vern Lundquist when Jackie Smith dropped the touchdown pass against the Steelers in the Superbowl

    #17 A line from a Dennis Miller standup routine about a conversation between the guy who owned the parking garage (where Oswald was shot) and his employee.

    If someone can identify 4, 11, and 12 so I can stop thinking about it, that would be great.

  22. 22: Josh in DC said at 1:49 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Enter “Catch it and rehabilitate it” into google and you’ll get seven hits. This page is number 2.*

    *In that it’s second on the list. Not an editorial comment on the quality of this site.

  23. 23: Richard said at 1:51 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    What I don’t like about football on the radio is the “homer” quality of many of the announcers that doesn’t happen in baseball. Of the broadcast crews I’ve heard over the years, the Redskins crew strikes me as the worst.

    Now my bias is based on growing up in WNY but hearing Van Miller do Bills games since the 1960s was a treat. Listen to Bill Rosinski do the Westwood One Sunday games, and you’ll a bit of Van Miller – because, like Miller, Rosinski hails originally from Western New York.

    The NY Giants radio team is probably the most professional of the ones I hear regularly nowadays, but they will miss Dick Lynch, who was the color analyst for decades.

    Sorry, but I found Myron Cope hard to listen to, with his gravelly voice.

    The Merrill Reese — Stan Walters tandem was very good in Philadelphia, but Merrill can get whiny if the Eagles get some bad breaks. Mike Quick isn’t as good as Walters was.

    I miss Pat Haden on the radio…he was very clever and articulate…

  24. 24: Goetzo said at 1:51 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    #3 Bruce in his live intro to “War”. Man, I love knowing that.

  25. 25: Josh in DC said at 1:56 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “Bless his heart, he’s got to be the sickest man in America” could be the Joe Biden character on Saturday Night Live talking about McCain.

    “He’s a dear, dear friend. I’d trust him with my life. But he’s mentally unstable, G-d love him.” (Okay, I don’t remember the lines. But they’re highly underrated.)

  26. 26: stepbaker said at 2:01 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I can’t believe it’s Verne Lundquist who made the “Bless his heart” call. Man, he’s been on TV forever. He was a big enough announcer to be doing the Super Bowl in the mid-70s and he’s still the #1 broadcast pairing on CBS’ college football. That’s a long time to be a top tier network play-by-play guy.

    Oh… “There’s been a lot of talk about this next song. There’s been too much talk. This song is not a rebel song. This song is Sunday Bloody Sunday.” Great intro.

    I’ve never been a big Dennis Miller fan, even before he became a MNF announcer. Besides, my favorite single line from a comedian is either “If it weren’t for that horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college” or “Cake or death?”

  27. 27: Paul White said at 2:02 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “You ordered ribs all the way from Chicago and didn’t get cole
    slaw?”

    “Forgive us, we’re draftees.”

  28. 28: Carl Spackler said at 2:06 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Jared Allen has 8 sacks! I’m glad he’s gone. We really have a shot at this record. Fingers crossed!

  29. 29: Question Mark said at 2:18 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Most underrated radio sport: hockey. Since the action is so back-and-forth and can suddenly explode at any time, it’s incredibly tense to listen to. I have fond memories of listening to Leafs-Senators playoff games back when I delivered pizza — I basically sprinted up to people’s front doors since I was so anxious to get back to my car and get the game back on. Hilariously, several of the customers were doing the same thing. I once got to the front door, gave the guy his pizza, got the money and got back to the car in approximately 0.5 seconds.

  30. 30: play the last stand 2 game | Digg hot tags said at 2:27 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    [...] Vote Football on the Radio [...]

  31. 31: Mike said at 2:33 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    What strikes me about football on the radio is how the game gets shorter. The replays that, as Joe points out, help us understand the plays also help us accept them, come to terms with them. But on the radio, on the other team’s longer possessions — those plays come fast and furious, and I get this feeling as if the replays could mitigate the reality of the drive; listening on the radio, I am always sure that if I could see the replay, the other team would have committed a penalty or something. Which, presumably, the refs would see on replay as well. There’s an analogous feeling when my team has the ball, especially on incomplete passes, a feeling like they’re squandering the possession so quickly.

    Your announcer’s name is Mitch Holthus? Reminds me of a guy I worked with named Chuck Feltus, and another co-worker’s line about him: “Chuck Feltus — is that a name, or an accusation?”

  32. 32: Adam said at 2:34 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Gary –

    It’s still on the web. You just have to have patience, and well, a lot more patience. Half of the time I have to load it a million times (and yes, that is with letting it try to load for five minutes unmolested). Firefox, with the wmvplayer plugin, is usually the best chance I have.

    I console myself with the NFL Network play by play visuals while I cannot hear Len Dawson going “oh, my” before the Chiefs do boneheaded thing #50000000. Sometimes I wonder if 101 is doing me a favor by trying to make me give up on listening.

  33. 33: Bill C. said at 2:41 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    The only ones I could place off the top of my head were #3, #14, #15 and #17. But I only knew #17 because Joe was just talking about it in a recent post.

    I also knew #7 was Vin Scully, and I was pretty sure it was from Koufax’s perfect game so I’m giving myself half credit for that one. I’m pretty sure I would have come up with the Alec Baldwin line from Glengarry eventually.

    #9, #10 and #16 were the only ones that didn’t even ring a vague bell for me.

  34. 34: Colin said at 2:50 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I’m a big fan of ultra-homer announcers, so the Vikings’ Paul Allen has to be way up on my list, if only for the best radio football call ever…

    “TOUCHDOWN!! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THE CARDINALS HAVE KNOCKED THE VIKINGS OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS!”

  35. 35: Concerned Citizen said at 3:01 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Oh my gosh… yes, you missed the sarcasm…

    In the great Matthew Broderick/Marlon Brando movie “The Freshman,” in Clark Kellogg’s first film class they were showing that scene from Godfather 2… and when the scene finished, Professor Fleeber (Paul Benedict, who played Harry Bentley on “The Jeffersons”) repeated the line (badly): “Senator, my offer is this: Nothing.”

    Pardon the esoteric attempt at humor…

    And #11, isn’t that from Letterman when he and Paul Shaffer were trading “You’re the man!!” “No, YOU’RE the man!!” back and forth? Emmitt Smith was a guest on that show and was getting into it.

  36. 36: Mike Williams said at 3:08 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Joe, your post brings up something that I’ve never understood. You point out (rightfully) that football is a much more visual game than baseball, and baseball, by inference, surely appeals more to those creatively inclined. (Or more preciscely, people with better imaginations?).

    What I don’t get is that women, as a whole, seem much more inclined to enjoy football, while being indifferent, at best to baseball. And yet, from everything we read about the differences between the genders credits women with being more likely to relate to things via verbal/creative/intuitive thought processes, and men to relate to things more via the visual sense.

    I guess I’ll never truly understand women. (Will any of us?)

  37. 37: Concerned Citizen said at 3:11 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    And #12… it’s from Goodfellas after Pesci shot Christopher Mol… I mean Spider… dead because he told him to go **** himself…

  38. 38: Craig said at 3:11 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    How disgustingly ironic is it that a team with the least intimidating pass rush in recent NFL history knocked out the reigning MVP and league icon in the first quarter of the first game of the season?

    Bernard Effing Pollard = Bucky Effing Dent.

  39. 39: Paul White said at 3:18 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “Professor Fleeber (Paul Benedict, who played Harry Bentley on “The Jeffersons””

    Also known as the third-most illustrious member of the Class of 1956 at Boston College High School, the second-most being Medal of Honor recipient Thomas G. Kelley, and the most illustrious (to me at least) being my father.

  40. 40: Andrew said at 3:22 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    You know, I don’t revel in the fact that Brady got hurt, I would never wish something like that on anyone.

    But these Pats fans who are still whining are just classic. Shut up, seriously. You’re still going to make the playoffs, Cassel is playing better each week, and any playoff win you guys might have will have ESPN tripping over themselves to anoint you guys the “ultimate underdogs.”

    Suck it up Pats fans, in the words of Buddy Bell, things can always get worse.

  41. 41: Jeff said at 3:38 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “On the radio you realize that a defensive line with two first round picks, one second rounder and one third rounder and a linebacking corps with a first-round pick and a former Pro Bowler is playing some of the worst football in the history of mankind.”

    Apparently on the radio they fail to mention that Hali, Johnson, and Edwards didn’t even play and that McBride’s shoulder is so banged up that they thought he would be out for the season.

    When you play guys like Rocky Boiman and Weston Dacus you start to wonder how they even held the Saints to 30 points. At least I did. I guess watching on TV is much different than listening on the radio.

  42. 42: JuJu said at 3:42 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Craig,

    I actually find it more ironic that fans who cheer for Rodney Harrison complain about cheap shots.

  43. 43: Mark W. said at 3:55 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “Two and two to Harvey Kuenn” – I love it! I didn’t know too many of Joe’s listed one-liners so I guess I’d better pay closer attention but how Vin Scully (I always wanted to hear someone call him Vince Cully!) says that line brings shivers to my neck – and I never much cared for the friggin’Dodgers either!!

  44. 44: Melody said at 4:01 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “What did you want me to do, catch him and rehabilitate him?” is from Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. Great scene.. after he kills the spider in her apartment (which she called him over to do) and then gets upset that he killed it. He asks her the above (to nitpick, he actually says “him” not “it”… yes, I’ve watched this movie too many times. Lots of great lines :)

  45. 45: Melody said at 4:12 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    What I don’t get is that women, as a whole, seem much more
    inclined to enjoy football, while being indifferent, at best to baseball.
    And yet, from everything we read about the differences between the
    genders credits women with being more likely to relate to things via
    verbal/creative/intuitive thought processes, and men to relate to things
    more via the visual sense.
    I guess I’ll never truly understand women. (Will any of us?)

    Well, being a woman, I guess I have more perspective than some others on this thread :) And personally, I absolutely love baseball while I’ve never gotten into football… I love the line about its combining the two worst aspects of American culture, violence and committee meetings. But so far as more women getting into football, I’d just guess that it’s because football is more widely followed by the general population, so more women are pulled in. For example, I live in Boston, and there are FAR more female sports fans here than in other areas where I’ve lived. The greater the penetration of a particular sport or team, the greater number of “unlikely” fans they’ll pick up.

  46. 46: Jeff B. said at 4:17 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    What does a sack sound like? I listen to parts of Chiefs games on the radio, and I’m not sure I remember. For me the best part of listening to the Chiefs as opposed to anyone else is Len Dawson. Maybe it’s because I hadn’t heard him in a while, but he’s honest and of course he knows the game.

  47. 47: Thomas said at 4:26 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “I said, ‘They didn’t take me.’ And he said, ‘That’s good.”

    Bruce telling the story of his draft physical at the start of The River, from the recording found on Live/1975-85. Couldn’t tell you any of the others if my life depended on it.

    Liked this a lot, Joe, as I like nearly all your stuff a lot.

  48. 48: Bellweather Johnson said at 4:55 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I’ve always loved Holtus on the radio. Living in Iowa in a city that can claim the Bears, Vikes, Rams, and Pack as well as the Chiefs as the NFL team, Mitch is the most of the time the only Chiefs football I get.

    Some people don’t like his homerism, but c’mon, in a season like this, anybody that can still get up for a Chiefs game is fine by me. I still don’t know what my favorite call is: Holtus calling a KC touchdown, or Bob Davis calling a KU three-pointer (‘Chalmers for three!!………………….GOOOOOOD!! And the Jayhawks lead 103-52!!’)…Neither ever get old…

    Plus, Joe…a whole post about football on the radio, and ont ONE mention of Lenny Dawson?!?! What gives?? For those not familiar with our pain: the typical KC Chiefs call this year:

    Mitch: Chiefs with a thrid-and-two from the Saint’s 32. Here’s the snap
    Len: Oh, no…
    Mitch: Thigpen is back
    Len: aww, geez…
    Mitch: he’s flushed out of the pocket
    Len: you see that lineman??
    Mitch: he’s looking down the field
    Len: [sound of top of flask opening]
    Mitch: and he will be sacked for a loss of eight on the play
    Len: [gulp, gulp]

  49. 49: Buchholz Surfer said at 5:49 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Hey I listened to the Chefs on the Best of Sirius package on the radio yesterday too.

    I have to agree with the comments about Lenny Dawson, his groans in the middle of the play calls are the best. The sound just encapsulates the feeling that these Chefs give us. “Uhhh… Oh-oh… ahhhh….”

    Got to be painful for the guy who was the QB of the best team in franchise history to have to describe this crew every week.

  50. 50: Wade said at 5:59 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Bellweather wins for comment of the month.

  51. 51: Adam said at 6:19 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    Football is definitely much better on TV, and that’s how I try to follow a game if I can, but I always secretly get really excited when I know I’m going to be driving during the Iowa game and I get to listen to Gary Dolphin call it on the radio. I’m not sure why that is. I mean, he’s good and all, but I like getting all the replays and being able to see what actually happened (God bless Dolph, but he is homer in the way and only a team’s radio announcer can be, and we seem to see completely different things at times) which you obviously don’t have on the radio. There’s just something indefinably cool about listening to a game on the radio.

  52. 52: matt in seattle said at 6:48 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    How about Kevin Harlan calling the game for the Chiefs? (wikipedia says ‘85 – ‘93).

    “Handoff to Okoye … He breaks free!! To the 50! The 40! The 30! Rumblin’, bumblin’, stumblin’ to the 15 yard line!! OH BABY WHAT A PLAY!!”

  53. 53: Ryan JL said at 9:12 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I can’t even imagine listening to NFL on the radio.

    It’s bad enough sititng through the 98319383193131 commercial breaks (in the 4th quarter) on TV, but on the radio? Ye gads.

  54. 54: Anthony said at 9:38 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    “Touchdown, KANNNSSSAAAAASSSS CITYYYYYYY!,” is as good as it gets. I try to listen to Holthus and Dawson call the game, while still watching it on TV. 101 is considerate enough to broadcast the call about in sync with the telecast, so you can follow along. It’s not the same to watch a KU basketball game while listening on the radio, and hearing the play 5 seconds before it happens. Wonder why.

  55. 55: MonkeyHawk said at 11:17 pm on November 17th, 2008:

    I assume most of you Kansas Citians have seen this:

    If not, you should.

    Pretty funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuU-vcWqdoU

  56. 56: Graphite said at 3:29 am on November 18th, 2008:

    “And yet here we are.” How come this line is not on the list?

  57. 57: dusty said at 7:04 am on November 18th, 2008:

    it’s really starting to seem like you LIKE this whole “every team i follow is horrible” thing. like that garbage song (“i’m only happy when it rains”)

    thigpen + bowe helped me win in at least 2 fantasy leagues this week.

  58. 58: Rocketman said at 7:06 am on November 18th, 2008:

    Gary, what Adam said: “Firefox, with the wmvplayer plugin,” with the caveat that it just stops about every 30-40 minutes and then I have to reboot the computer to get it started again.

  59. 59: Brian said at 8:06 am on November 18th, 2008:

    I could have sworn the watch/car line was Ric Flair, but now that I think about it, Flair said, “my shoes cost more than your house”

  60. 60: Brent said at 9:11 am on November 18th, 2008:

    Two comments on things said above.

    First, Kevin Harlan’s calls of Christian Okoye would have been better, had he not done the same call on a 2 yard run as he did on a 15 yard run. You would hear how he broke 4 tackles, sidestepped another tackle and then fell forward and you would be thinking it was going to be 2nd and 1, then Kevin says, “gain of two, 2nd and 8″

    Second, for the comment about getting the orientation of the field from the radio announcer (“they are going left to right on your radio dial), I HATE that. I remember thinking, “Wait a second, what if I was sitting on the other side of the field?”

  61. 61: Mikey said at 9:23 am on November 18th, 2008:

    The Steeler radio broadcasts with Myron Cope were the only NFL broadcasts I’ve ever heard that rivaled the best baseball radio broadcasts.

    The whole Alec Baldwin scene from Glengarry might be the most quotable movie performance ever. I see Joe went with a G-rated line here but I suspect that in real life some of the other, funnier lines get more use.

  62. 62: BANG BANG | Kranepool Society :: A New York Mets Blog said at 9:26 am on November 18th, 2008:

    [...] this post by Joe Posnanski he writes about listening to football on the radio and how football in person is much tougher to watch than on TV as you need to see replays from three [...]

  63. 63: Perry said at 9:39 am on November 18th, 2008:

    Got a few.

    “I said they didn’t take me. And he said, that’s good.”
    Springsteen telling his draft induction story on Live 1975-85.

    “What did you want me to do, catch it and rehabilitate it?”
    Woody Allen in Annie Hall, after killing the spider.

    “How come you don’t tell that nice girl you love her.”
    Godfather

    “Two and two to Harvey Kuenn.”
    Vin Scully, just before the last pitch of Koufax’s perfect game.

    “You see this watch? You see this watch? This watch costs more than your car.”
    Alec Baldwin’s “pep talk” in Glengarry Glen Ross

    “They’re killing me, Whitey.”
    Some coach — Sid Gillman? — on an old NFL game film.

    “Good shot. I’m a good shot.”
    Joe Pesci in Goodfellas after he kills Spider.

    “Down goes Frazier.”
    Howard Cosell.

  64. 64: Craig said at 1:58 pm on November 18th, 2008:

    Juju, please go back and tell me where I said that the hit on Brady was a cheap shot. I compared Bernard Pollard to Bucky Dent, as in “this nobody played a significant role in dooming my favorite team’s season.”

  65. 65: Farkus said at 2:01 pm on November 18th, 2008:

    Joe,
    Back in 93, I was driving cross country during the NFL playoffs and listened to a game on the radio to keep my mind off the endless Iowa cornfields. It had been a while since I’d listened to an NFL game on the radio, and I don’t think I’ve listened to one since. Pity…

    The game I listened to was a classic: Buffalo’s Frank Reich leads a monster playoff comeback against the Oilers. To this day, I have never seen the video of the game, but the radio broadcast gave me goosebumps that afternoon. I’m not sure it would have left such an indelible impression on me had I been casually watching TV on my couch and trying to ignore the commercials. Not sure anymore who the radio announcers were, but they called an awesome game, and I don’t think I missed any of the excitement by not seeing the game on TV.

    Maybe it’s time to break out a radio at home and try to take in another game that way.

  66. 66: Travis Ploeger said at 4:29 pm on November 18th, 2008:

    Great post… but one very important point of contention:

    Stephen Sondheim (the guy who wrote SEND IN THE CLOWNS) is one of America’s most renowned and brilliant composers in the history of musical theater. You will not get anyone able to make a credible argument to the contrary.

    Frank Sinatra, while also being one of the best voices to ever grace our planet, was never particularly great at taking songs from musicals and making them better “his way.” Some of the GUYS AND DOLLS songs are exceptions to this… but, remember, he actually was in the movie for that one, so they don’t really count.

    My point it this: for your dislike of his rendition of SEND IN THE CLOWNS, blame the singer… not the song.

    P.S. I don’t like his rendition either.

  67. 67: Richard Aronson said at 5:19 pm on November 18th, 2008:

    RE: women watching football versus baseball. My wife dislikes all sports, although she enjoys going to batting cages. But she’d rather watch football, because the tight uniforms give her more physiques to admire. Which brings me to a private line between my wife and I, whenever we decide a movie’s only redeeming feature is nudity. “Three times!” It happened on “Dave’s World” television show based on the writing of Dave Barry (and may well have been written by Dave Barry). Dave’s wife was going out to see a tender love story, so Dave had to stay home with the kids. Harry Anderson (who played Dave) asked her, “And how many times in this tender love story do they show Mel Gibson’s butt?” “Three times!” said with a gravely voice and a definite leer. We also start whistling “Jingle Bells” whenever we want to indicate that somebody is too stupid to be allowed to reproduce.

  68. 68: Mike said at 3:58 am on November 19th, 2008:

    Legit LOL at the “Apparently on the radio they don’t mention that (all the high picks Joe mentioned) is out injured” post.

  69. 69: per14 said at 10:03 am on November 19th, 2008:

    Sports on the radio–with a good announcer, hard to find these days–is always better than on the TV. There is a lot more suspense. You can’t see things developing but have to hear about them after they develop. More dramatic. Good times.

  70. 70: JO'C said at 1:11 pm on November 19th, 2008:

    “Down goes Frazier” is indeed Howard Cosell describing Frazier’s fight with George Foreman, not Ali as another poster stated. Ali never put Frazier down in any of their 3 fights.

  71. 71: » Football on the Radio Joe Biden On Best Political Blogs: News And Info On Joe Biden said at 7:23 pm on November 19th, 2008:

    [...] on the Radio Posted in November 17th, 2008 by in Uncategorized Football on the Radio “Bless his heart, he’s got to be the sickest man in America” could be the Joe Biden character [...]

  72. 72: Andrew T. said at 9:39 am on November 20th, 2008:

    Pretty much everything Joe writes is in the upper 1% of sportswriting. This is in the upper 1% of things Joe has written. I’m serious — it is pretty much the perfect column/blog post.

  73. 73: David in NYC said at 11:15 am on November 20th, 2008:

    #3 — After Bruce says this, correctly described above as the intro to “War” on the Live 75-85 set, the audience applauds. To which Bruce responds, “Ain’t nothing to applaud about.” Beautiful.

    #4 — After Woody/Alvy kills a spider “the size of a Buick” in Diane/Annie’s bathroom with a tennis racket.

    #8 — Any quote re watches always makes me think of Christopher Walken in “Pulp Fiction”. BTW, Walken plays Annie’s rather disturbed brother in “Annie Hall”. After describing one of his more bizarre suicidal fantasies, Woody/Alvy replies, “Right. Well, I have to – I have to go now, Duane, because I, I’m due back on the planet Earth.” That last line is one of my friend-shortcut lines.

    #15 — Yes, that’s Cosell from the Foreman-Frazier fight in Jamaica, calling (IIRC) Foreman’s 5th (of 6, in 2 rounds!!) knockdown of Frazier. In one of the most amazing feats I have ever seen, Foreman’s last punch (causing the last knockdown) literally lifted Frazier off the canvas, just like in a cartoon. BTW, that was HBO Boxing’s first broadcast.

    Anybody with any clues on #2, #13, or #16?

  74. 74: Johnny said at 9:49 am on November 24th, 2008:

    Word to your Mother…

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