A Reverse Interview with Michael Rosenberg

Posted: September 10th, 2008 | Filed under: Interviews | 121 Comments »

So, here’s what happened: I asked Michael Rosenberg, star writer for the Detroit Free Press, weekly columnist for Fox Sports, and author of the outstanding book War As They Knew It* to do a reverse interview. In this interview, I had him send a long series of answers, and I told him I would provide the questions. I’m not sure how this will come out, but frankly I don’t care, this format is a whole lot easier on the interviewer. From now on I would like to do nothing but reverse interviews. I hope this can be arranged with most college football coaches, who don’t answer the questions you ask anyway.

*He is also owner of this outstanding Web site, which coincidentally was designed by my wife. I say “coincidentally” because I would say it was an outstanding Web site even if it was designed by your spouse or, if you don’t have a spouse, your significant other, or if you don’t have one of those, your third cousin.

* * *

Question: OK, well, first of all, loved the book — “War As They Knew It: Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler and America in a Time of Unrest,” you already know that, I finished reading it over the weekend and I just thought you did a fabulous job capturing the essence of two complicated men and intertwining their story with what was going on in America during those Vietnam and post-Vietnam years. So tell me, why in the heck did your Detroit Tigers suck this year?

Michael: When I started, I knew a few nuggets that piqued my interest: Woody Hayes …

Question: DAMN IT! I asked the wrong question right off the bat. OK, let me try this again what did you know about Woody and Bo when you first started this project?

Michael: When I started, I knew a few nuggets that piqued my interest: Woody Hayes turned down pay raises; visited the troops in Vietnam four times; walked to work to reduce American reliance on foreign oil; and was friends with Richard Nixon going back to the 1950s. I knew Ann Arbor was a radical hotbed in the late ’60s and early ’70s, like Berkeley or Madison. I knew Michigan football was not terribly popular when Bo arrived in 1969 and that the athletic director, Don Canham, filled Michigan Stadium for the 1969 Ohio State game by selling a third of his seats to OSU fans.
 
That was all interesting stuff. But on its own, what does any of that mean? Was Woody just quirky or did all those traits fit together? Why wasn’t Michigan football more popular among students? How did Bo – who I had always thought of as an outspoken conservative – feel about what was happening on campus? For that matter, what exactly was happening on campus?
 
I had a lot of questions, and the more answers I got, the more questions I had. I felt early on that there was an untold story there, partly because when I explained my general concept to Bo, he said he thought the real story of his rivalry with Woody was the times in which they faced each other, and it had never been told.

Question: That’s interesting. So I guess trading for Gary Sheffield wasn’t really as good an idea as everyone in Detroit though, eh?

Michael: I discovered a story that has a real arc to it …

Question: Oh, you still want to talk about the book. OK, fine, what did you discover once you started getting into the research and writing of War As They Knew It?

Michael: . I discovered a story that has a real arc to it. There is a lot of forgotten history in this book, and I hope people enjoy that aspect of it, but it’s not a textbook; I’m trying to tell a story, first and foremost. Woody saw his program as a model for the country, and when the country dismissed that model he really struggled to cope with it. You talk about the game passing a coach by; that happened with Woody, but more than that, the world was passing him by.
 
Bo didn’t care if his program was a model for anything, at least in the ’70s. He wanted to run the best football program in the country, just because that was what he always wanted to do. Woody’s approach was admirable in its own way, but Bo’s was much better for the coach’s sanity.
 
Now pit those two coaches against each other in 1969 and watch them go at it for 10 years while the country is swirling around them.
 
Question: That’s awesome. It really is a great book. So OK, explain to me this Matt Millen situation. I mean, seriously, at this point could this guy get fired by the Detroit Lions or does he have the letters of transit from Casablanca and now cannot be rescinded, not even questioned?

Michael: I told my wife early in the process that I wanted this book to be suspenseful …

Question: Oh, OK, more book stuff. I get it. Hey, I understand. I know what it’s like to try and sell a book. OK, so what are you trying to accomplish with this book?

Michael: I told my wife early in the process that I wanted this book to be suspenseful – and not just the suspense of a football game, where you wonder who will win, but the suspense of a novel, where you wonder what happens to the characters. From there, I decided I’d try to make it read like a novel, as much as possible – I wanted it to read like a novel consisting entirely of facts.
 
There is a line in the book that is relevant to your question: “Other teams knew what Ohio State did, but Schembechler knew how the Old Man thought.” That is how I define success for this book: I wanted readers to understand how Woody thought and how Bo thought. I wanted them inside the heads of secondary characters like Don Canham, the legendary Michigan athletic director who pioneered collegiate sports marketing; Mike Lantry, who begins the book as a soldier in Vietnam and then plays a pivotal role in the rivalry; and radicals like Bill Ayers, Pun Plamondon and John Sinclair.
 
QUESTION: So where do you …

There is no judgment in this book. I don’t get on a soapbox and say Woody Hayes was wrong or John Sinclair got a raw deal or The Weathermen were horrible Americans. I was not all that worried with whether you like the characters. I just want you to feel like you know them. I want them to stay in your head after the book is closed. I don’t know if I succeeded or not – that’s not for me to say. But I was lucky to be writing about such fascinating people, and I hope that comes through.
 
QUESTION: Oh, OK, sorry, you weren’t finished there. I grew up with Woody Hayes … I don’t even know if “fan” is the right word because Woody was like television in Ohio, it didn’t matter if you liked or hated, he still had a deep effect on your life. I always sensed that Woody lived as close to the surface as anyone who ever dominated American sports, you know what I mean? He was just entirely real, as Ohio as Lake Erie, the Mudhens, Skyline Chili and Bob Evans (down on the farm!), as combustible as Patton, as caring as your grandfather, as mean as your cranky old neighbor.

MICHAEL: Great question.
 
QUESTION: Wait. I didn’t ask the question yet. That’s how I view Woody — an American original. Bo, though, I just saw him as a really good football coach. Maybe that’s just The Ohio State in my background. How do you think Woody and Bo were different?

MICHAEL: Great question.

QUESTION: Thanks!

MICHAEL: Bo could have coached 21 years in Columbus as happily as he coached 21 years in Ann Arbor. Woody would not have lasted 10 minutes in Ann Arbor.
 
I’m getting away from what Ohio State and Michigan fans think here and talking about the general public. Woody has become a two-dimensional figure to a lot of people: of all the crazy, obsessed football coaches in the world, he was the craziest and most obsessed. If nothing else, I hope this book rescues Woody Hayes from caricature. Nobody can possibly read this book and think he was simply a nut and that’s that. (They might think the author is a nut, but that’s a whole other conversation.) When Woody died in 1987, the obits were largely about his temper. The headlines might as well have been “Relic Dies.”
 
Bo, meanwhile, is probably as beloved as any coach of the last half century in almost any sport. That might be hyperbole, I don’t know – you could probably come up with a few others who are as beloved, but not many. When he died ESPN did wall-to-wall coverage – which was largely because Ohio State and Michigan were playing in a 1-2 battle the next day, but I think also because of what Bo meant to people. Bo, in the last 25 years of his life, made people think of what they loved about their grandfather.
 
Yet paradoxically, people also think of Bo and Woody as one and the same. A good chunk of my time was spent figuring out how they were alike and how they were different, and why these two men who genuinely loved each other evoked such different reactions in people. Why do people think of them as a two peas in a pod – but love one pea and not the other?
 
QUESTION: Funny, I read the book cover to cover, and went back and checked again. Did you or did you not mention Duane Kuiper in this book?
 
MICHAEL: No, I’m sorry. I know this was his era, but he does not appear anywhere in the text. I suppose I could have found a way, since Bo was a Cleveland Indians fan as a kid. But it just didn’t fit, and besides Woody was a Reds fan. Hey, did you mention that you’re writing a book …
 
QUESTION: Well, now that you mention it … no, the idea (today and today only) is for people to buy YOUR book and this is not the right time at all to say that I am writing a book about the 1975 Cincinnati Reds, the Big Red Machine, coming to a store near you March 2009, maybe, assuming I finish this interview at some point and get back to writing it. This is your first book …when did you start working on it?

MICHAEL: Spring of 2005. So it’s been a long time. I interviewed almost 200 people for the book, read all or part of 50 books and put together 13 looseleaf binders filled with newspaper and magazine clips (thanks partly to my wonderful researcher at Ohio State, Kevin Bruffy). One reason it took so long is that my professional metabolism is not as fast as I would like it to be. The other reason is that I didn’t really know what the book was when I started. When we were lucky enough to sell it to a publisher, I thought “Great! Wait, what the hell am I writing?”
 
What I love most about writing – and what made writing a book so gratifying – is the chance to deconstruct the world and put it back together in a way that has greater meaning and makes more sense to me. Choosing what to leave in and what to leave out – that is writing to me. There are dozens of choices in every sentence. I could have written 100 different books about Woody and Bo, and maybe some of them would have turned out better. But for better or worse, this was the story I chose to tell.
 
One example of those choices: I knew Woody was a big Ralph Waldo Emerson fan. This had been written, and several people mentioned it in my early interviews. But I needed to figure out why he loved Emerson so much. That meant reading 500 pages of Emerson. At times, reading essays like “Compensation” or “Heroism,” I felt like I could hear Woody’s voice in the words. I could really see how much he had influenced by Emerson. So I decided to sprinkle Emerson quotes throughout the book.
 
QUESTION: That’s great. Really. It’s a great book. OK, can we start talking about other stuff now? Like, OK, what’s your favorite Pixifood?
 
MICHAEL: On one of my many drives back from Columbus, I suddenly found myself in the mood for Combos – those pretzels with cheese filling – for the first time in 15 or 20 years. So when I stopped for gas, I bought a little bag, because I figured if I bought a BIG bag I’d eat them all on the ride home and feel sick. I ate the first one and thought, “Why the hell did they wrap a pretzel around a piece of poisonous chalk?” It was beyond awful. I had a similar, though not as brutal, experience recently with a Charleston Chew.
 
QUESTION: Charleston Chew! You know that in my latest Pixifoods post, I confused Charleston Chew with a Marathon Bar. Do you think anyone noticed that?

MICHAEL: Your friends, your neighbors, your friends’ neighbors, your neighbors’ friends.
 
QUESTION: Thanks. Your next answer is obviously a trick answer — you are trying to get me to guess who you are talking about. And I have absolutely no idea … I’m guessing you are talking about John SInclair, the poet and one-time leader of the White Panther party, who played a beautiful role in your final section of the book. So, that’s my guess. Did you talk to John Sinclair?
 
I only interviewed him on the phone, never in person – though these days, with his name in the news again …

QUESTION: Oh wait. Name in the news again. Sorry, it’s not John Sinclair is it? He’s not in the news. Let’s try again. Bill Ayers, the University of Chicago professor who founded the radical Weatherman back in the 1960s, plays a big role in your book. He’s obviously in the news again because Barack Obama knows him. Did you talk to Bill Ayers?

MICHAEL: I only interviewed him on the phone, never in person – though these days, with his name in the news again …I don’t think he is even giving phone interviews. So I was lucky I talked to him when I did. He was engaging and passionate; his politics have evolved, but he is still planted firmly on the end of the spectrum where he stood during the era in my book.
 
At one point I mentioned that we always think of the current time as an endpoint, that we have gone through this journey over the years and landed permanently wherever we are right now. I remember his response almost word for word: “Absolutely! But the current moment in history is by definition as alive with possibility as any moment that came before it.” The difference in the late 1960s and early 1970’s is that everybody knew it. There was a genuine fear (or hope, depending on your politics) that the future of the United States was in limbo. That’s true now too, I think, but there was even more uncertainty then.
 
QUESTION: Well, I hope that was Bill Ayers you were talking about. OK, now — since you are one of about 28 people in my life who keep trying to convince me of the brilliance of the band Wilco, go ahead and take your best shot.
 
Finally! The question you should have been asking me for years. There have been several incarnations of the band, but at their best, they explore that area between passion and numbness, between love and hate, desire and fear – and show that the gap between those states of emotion is really tiny. You can get from one to another in an instant. These lyrics come from one of their best songs and show what I’m talking about:
 
I know I’ll make it back
One of these days
And turn on your TV
To watch a man
With a face like mine
Being chased down a busy street

When he gets caught, I won’t get up
And I won’t go to sleep
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Via Chicago
 
Meanwhile, the music goes from pure rock n’ roll riff to somber ballad to heavy distortion – amplifying the sense that these seemingly disparate states are often one and the same. The result, needless to day, is the greatest music ever produced in the history of this world.
 
QUESTION: Yeah, OK. I mean, the beautiful thing about music is that everyone responds differently to it, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s Abba that gets you going or Springsteen or Beethoven or George Jones or Public Enemy or even Wilco. But I still don’t get it. Their stuff just doesn’t do anything for me. I mean, hey, it’s fine. But I don’t even get those lyrics. Why is he coming home Via Chicago? Is he flying American? I hate flying through Chicago … the weather there always sucks. Maybe that’s what he’s saying. That it sucks to fly through Chicago. You think?

MICHAEL: I don’t agree with that at all.
 
QUESTION: No, I guess not. OK, final question … seriously, the Detroit Lions? What’s going on there. I mean, Detroit’s a good town, good people, good sports fans, how in the heck are they allowing this travesty to continue?

MICHAEL: Yes, it is true. That story is usually told to show how much Woody hated Michigan …

QUESTION: OK, wait, I asked the wrong question again. Man, this is harder than I thought. All right, let’s see, do you think that the Michigan football team will ever win its first game of the season again?

MICHAEL: Yes, it is true. That story is usually told to show how much Woody hated Michigan …

QUESTION: Nope, that’s not it. OK, how badly do you think Southern Cal will beat Ohio State this week? And did you know that people at Southern Cal HATE being called Southern Cal, that they get all huffy about it? I guess they don’t want to be confused with other California Schools so they want USC, though I lived in South Carolina for a few years and so when I see USC I think about the Gamecocks. I’m sticking with Southern Cal. What do you think?

MICHAEL: Yes, it is true. That story is usually told to show how much Woody hated Michigan …

QUESTION: All right. Fine. There’s a great story about how Woody always refused to fill up gas in Michigan. The guy really hated Michigan, didn’t he? That was no act at all.

MICHAEL: Yes, it is true. That story is usually told to show how much Woody hated Michigan, which I understand. But I think the full story is more interesting on several levels.
 
The assistant coach was a terrific guy named Ed Ferkany. Woody had never really recruited in Michigan before – he assumed That State Up North felt the same way about him that he felt about it. But his coaches finally convinced him to look at a couple of prospects, so in the winter of 1972, he and Ferkany traveled north to recruit. It was a snowy night.
 
Ferkany and a couple of other people casually mentioned that Woody never let them have the radio on in the car. Tidbits like this are the fun of reporting a book – without them, the narrative has no life. So they’re in the car, and the radio is off, and it’s dark and snowy, and the visibility is made even worse because Woody has the overhead light on so he can read one of his military history books. Picture that in your mind for a moment. I think it says a lot about Woody’s total lack of fear, his determination to be engaged in something serious at all times, and the distance he was capable of creating, almost accidentally, between himself and somebody sitting right next to him.
 
So Ferkany notices they are low on gas and will have to stop. Woody’s reply (pardon the language): “Bullshit. Keep going.”
 
Now, forget about football for a moment. Forget that Woody Hayes is probably the most famous man in Ohio. Ed Ferkany had been on the job for all of three weeks. He has not come close to understanding his new boss; all he knows is the guy is unusual and has a temper and is inexplicably telling him not to stop for gas when they need it. At night. In a snowstorm.
 
Ferkany asks again, and Woody says no, and he asks again, and finally Woody erupts:  “We’re not stopping in this goddamn state and paying taxes in the state of Michigan!” They made it over the border and stopped at the first exit, Alexis Road.
 
QUESTION: OK, I want to thank Michael for being such a good sport and allowing me to turn this interview into one of those beer commercials where goofballs ask fake questions of vintage football coach video. This really is a fabulous book … I mean, I would not have dedicated a whole week of blog posts for “1,000 More George Bush Jokes.”

And as appreciation to Michael for his fine work and you readers for making it down this far, we will now have a special contest. We’re going to give away five free copies of “War As They Knew It,” to you brilliant readers. This should not in any way prevent you from buying the book right now but maybe you want a second copy, or a copy for a friend, or you need an extra one to hold up that short leg on your chair.

Here’s the deal: We have one more Michael answer. The people who post the five best questions in the comments section will get a free book delivered to their homes. They’re not just free books, they are SIGNED free books! OK? You ready? Here’s Michael’s final answer. Have fun.

MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

121 Comments on “A Reverse Interview with Michael Rosenberg”

  1. 1: Don said at 10:26 am on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What do you think Woody would have said if he asked for Coke and the waitress asked if Pepsi was okay?

  2. 2: Steve said at 10:28 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Joe-

    For all your love on the Rays this season, why you didn’t list at least one in your AL MVP survey? Granted, they don’t have many legit MVP candidates, but considering they have the second best record in baseball right now, I feel like Longoria or Pena or Upton should at least be in the discussion.

  3. 3: Ron Zucker said at 10:38 am on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: I know that Art Schlichter played for Woody Hayes. Do you think that, if Woody had asked him, he would have thrown a game in the pros for a discounted rate?

  4. 4: Mike said at 10:38 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: What would Woody have said had he looked up from dinner in the hotel restaurant to see Bo standing over him, asking if he could join him?

    Or, alternately:

    Question: Will there ever be another Detroit Piston starter under the age of 43? I mean, seriously, who are they trying to fool?

  5. 5: Andrew said at 10:41 am on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What would Woody have said if he were in a resteraunt and was approached to coach the Lions, with the option of being paid in beautiful women and fast cars?

  6. 6: Jim Haas said at 10:43 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question:
    Did Woody ever give autographs, like to a pretty waitress if she asked real nice?

    Answer:
    He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  7. 7: Jim Haas said at 10:45 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Mr. Rosenberg’s phrase “professional metabolism” is excellent. I plan to use it often to describe why I spend so much time on this blog and not, you know, that other stuff they’re paying me to do.

  8. 8: Van said at 10:52 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Once Woody was dining in Skyline Chili when Duane Kuiper passed by on the sidewalk. How did he respond when Ed Ferkany said, “Coach, I think we should just finish our meal.”

  9. 9: fasolamatt said at 11:11 am on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Woody say? “Doug Adair and Mona Scott are dining across the restaurant. Do you want to meet them?”

  10. 10: Fezzik said at 11:18 am on September 10th, 2008:

    When the waitress asked Woody is he would ever permit one of his quarterbacks to throw more than five passes a game, he said……

  11. 11: Fezzik said at 11:19 am on September 10th, 2008:

    BTW, how the hell can Pedroia be so far ahead of Sizemore? IS the media influence that prevasive?

  12. 12: roarke said at 11:19 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: If Woody were alive today and Matt Millen came up to him at a restaurant and asked if he could sit with Woody to talk about hiring him to coach the Lions, what would Woody have done?

  13. 13: Fezzik said at 11:20 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Pervasive, not “prevasive”. My bad

  14. 14: Jonathan said at 11:22 am on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Woody have said if he and Bo were at the Last Supper and Jesus asked him to pass the bread to Bo?

  15. 15: Alex said at 11:25 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Q1: What would Woody have said if he hated Idaho as much as Michigan and a fast food employee asked him, “Do you want fries with with?”

  16. 16: James said at 11:28 am on September 10th, 2008:

    “OK, you’ve got a battle in front of you that will win the war and you need to choose one historical figure who’s going to make the battle plan and lead the troops. Your choices include Rommel, that canny German fox with his masterly strategic ability, Lee, noble son of Virginia with his unparalleled inspirational qualities, the individually courageous, Napoleon-defying Jan Josef Václav hrab? Radecký z Rad?e from old Bohemia, and blustery, indefatigable tank commander Patton. Knowing your reputation, it has to be Patton, right?”

    So Woody says, “Hell no,” and asks for the Czech.

  17. 17: Cory said at 11:37 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: What did Woody said to the waitress when he was asked if he was THE Woody Paige?

    Answer: Hell no, and asked for the check.

  18. 18: Daniel said at 11:47 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: So two years from now, Dayton Moore calls Jose Guillen into his office on the last payday of the season. He says, “Jose, as you know, this is your third straight year with an OBP less than .300. That contract we gave you? I had been drugged by your agent the night before, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. Anyway, what do you think, instead of paying you, you give us the $30 million back, we send you to counseling and forget the last three years ever happened? What do you say?” What do you think Guillen’s response would be?

  19. 19: Tim said at 11:50 am on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Woody have said if the waitress told him the manager wanted to take care of his bill out of sympathy for a recent loss to Michigan?

  20. 20: Tim said at 11:54 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question:
    Tell us about Bo’s response to the waiter in a diner in Columbus who asked him if he had ever worn a sweater vest.

  21. 21: Vart said at 11:54 am on September 10th, 2008:

    If William Clay Ford and Barry Sanders went to dinner shortly after Sanders’ retirement and Ford asked Barry to come back what do you think Barry’s response would have been?

  22. 22: Noel said at 11:58 am on September 10th, 2008:

    Question:
    You’re finishing a meal in a Miami restaurant and Dan Le Batard comes up to your table. He asks if you’re interested in the best Italian meal you’ve ever had in your life. How would any sane sportswriter respond?

  23. 23: Josh said at 12:01 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Having coffee and pie in a late-night diner in Toledo, following a Tuesday-evening, fund-raising junket across town, Hayes experienced violent stomach rumblings which convinced the old coach that he might be forcibly disabused of his normal routine. When it came to discipline, Woody practiced what he preached to his players and so permitted himself bowel movements only on Thursday and Sunday, all year round. The imminent colon explosion was emergency enough for Hayes to go number two on Tuesday–so long as news of it never left the table, of course. In response to Hayes’s inquiry as to the location of the restroom, the middle-aged waitress cautioned that “some heathen hippy” had used the entire stock of toilet paper, adding, “We still have several copies of this morning’s Detroit Free Press. How about wiping up with that?”

    “Hell no!” Woody exclaimed and asked for the check.

  24. 24: kj said at 12:02 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Jim Leyland say if a waitress asked him if he’d bench Gary Sheffield if Sheffield’s average fell below .200?

  25. 25: Curt said at 12:04 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: Would you like some maize with your blue lettuce salad Mr. Hayes?

  26. 26: Jeff said at 12:05 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: What was your favorite part of the pizza, Mr. Hayes? It was the crust, wasn’t it?

  27. 27: Aryeh said at 12:06 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would have happened if Woody Hayes had been sitting in a diner eating alone and a college kid came over to him and nervously said, “Mr. Allen, I just loved Annie Hall, can I have your autograph?”

  28. 28: Clayton said at 12:14 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: A waiter at Denny’s spots Woody sitting by himself in the corner eating eggs and bacon. Fashioning himself quite clever, the waiter walks up to Woody and says, “Nobody can eat breakfast unless they regard the meal positively and agree to pay the price that success demands of a Denny’s patron.” What would have been Woody’s response?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  29. 29: Matt said at 12:19 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: So Woody and Schembechler are at a pizza joint sharing a pie, and Schembechler asks his companion if he agrees that the crust is by far the most important ingredient in a pizza. What does Woody say?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  30. 30: Oddibe Kerfeld said at 12:20 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    WAR…HUH….WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING…WAR….HUH…..

    Is this horrible song mentioned in the book at any point?

  31. 31: Erik said at 12:36 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: Imagine Ohio State employed Woody as a fundraiser when they were druming up funds for the expansion/renovation of The Horseshoe. They’d send him door to door, figuring that loyal Buckeye fans would fall all over themselves and do everything short of giving him their ATM card and a post-it with the PIN# on it. What do you think he would have said if some stodgey nincomepoop made him say “Please” when asking for money?

    Answer: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  32. 32: Bill C. said at 12:36 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    If you were at dinner with your publisher and you were trying to convince him to let you write a book about the 1975 Cincinnati Reds, what do you think his response would’ve been?

  33. 33: Drew said at 12:38 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Let’s say you offered Bob Bryan the opportunity to drop Navratilova as his mixed doubles partner, and swap in Anna Kournikova instead. What do you think he’d have done?

    ANSWER: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the Czech.

  34. 34: Mikey said at 12:42 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Woody Hayes have done if he was asked to donate a portion of his paycheck to blind children with cancer in Detroit?

  35. 35: John Pontoon said at 12:45 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question:
    I hear that Michigan was really hockey-mad in those days. They had a little-known policy that drivers could have speeding tickets waived if they stood in an ice rink and let themselves get full-body checked into the crease. Woody wasn’t all that young, though. If pulled over and asked, would he have chosen to avoid harm and just pay the ticket?

    Answer:
    He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  36. 36: Mikey said at 12:45 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Wilco < Uncle Tupelo

    But I’ll give Wilco this: If you took the double-album Being There, cut it down to its best twelve tracks and released it as a single album it would be one of the best rock records of the last twenty years. Some phenomenal stuff there dragged down by too much clutter.

  37. 37: Brad said at 12:46 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    If Matt Millen and Mike Williams were dining together before training camp in 2005, and the waitress asked if anyone wanted desert, what would Millen have responded?

  38. 38: Andrew H said at 12:47 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    question: What would Bo’s reaction been if Bill Freider over dinner in Seattle in 1989 had asked for his old job back (think Dana Altman and Creighton) and to coach Glen Rice and company at the Final Four that year?

  39. 39: Perry said at 12:53 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Can’t wait to read the book.

    I had an encounter with Woody once. It was 1974 and I was a soph at Ohio State. I had a job as a dorm security guard, which basically meant sitting at the front desk all night, staying awake, and making sure anyone who came in was a resident. We unlocked the front door at 7 am, before then we had to go to the door when someone knocked and check IDs before admitting them. About 6:45 there’s a banging on the door, and it’s Woody. He was there to PERSONALLY make sure his players got up for 8 am class.

    (I should add that football players didn’t have their own dorm, they were scattered in with everyone else. So he was going dorm to dorm.)

    No, I didn’t ask for his ID.

  40. 40: Marco said at 1:03 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    question:
    Do you think Woody would have particpated in a moronic fake question game in an attempt to save twenty five bucks?

  41. 41: Jake said at 1:08 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: So I heard that at one point Woody was invited to a state dinner at the White House with John F. Kennedy, while he was President of the United States. What do you think would have happened if President Kennedy had asked him, during dinner, to watch his daughter’s favorite dog, Charlie, as a “personal favor” while he and the family were out of town?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  42. 42: Brett said at 1:28 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: The Detroit Lions obviously need some help. If he were still alive, what would Bo Schembechler’s reaction have been if Matt Millen asked if Bo was opposed to coming out of retirement to coach the Lions?

  43. 43: Mac said at 1:29 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: If Woody Hayes was so great, why was he Bear Bryant’s b*tch?

  44. 44: Bellweather Johnson said at 1:42 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    If two weeks ago, Randy Moss were given the choice between taking half of his salary in one lump sum payment, or relying on having Matt Cassell throw him the ball the entire season, what do you think he would have said??

  45. 45: Mitch said at 1:50 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Rumor is, Matt Millen was confronted on Monday morning by Lions ownership after losing badly to the lowly Atlanta Falcons. It also rumored that William Clay Ford asked Millen if he thinks he really deserved to be paid for this latest fiasco. How do you think Millen responded?

  46. 46: BostonSteve said at 1:54 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Would Woody have supported Dustin Pedroia for MVP, or would he demand we double-check the vote count?

  47. 47: Steve B said at 1:54 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would have happened, if after Woody died, he was standing at the pearly gates and God told him there were two ways he could get into heaven. He could go to purgatory for 1,000 years and pay a fee of $300, (a princely sum in the afterlife) or he could lead the heavenly choirs in a rendition of the Michigan Fight Song and enter heavenly immediately?

    He would have said, “Hell no.” And asked for the check.

  48. 48: BostonSteve said at 1:58 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: If Woody was GM of the Royals, would he allow Jose Guillen to keep playing and keep his $36million paycheck?

  49. 49: BostonSteve said at 2:00 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Would Woody have supported Dustin Pedroia as MVP, or would he demand we check the vote count again?

  50. 50: Mark said at 2:03 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Posnanski have said if he was told he won the chance to attend a Wilco concert with Angel Berroa?

  51. 51: Aaron said at 2:15 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: Let’s say a situation comes up where Woody, while writing out his memoirs, comes to a point where hes having some trouble with his spelling. A friend of his knows a Nobel Prize winning author and editor who happens to be Michigan graduate. Given the opportunity to have this person look over his memoirs do you think he’d have taken it, or would he just used the spell check on his computer?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  52. 52: michael said at 2:18 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and decides to pull ‘em over. The officer asks the man ‘Have you been drinking tonight?’, what did the man say?

  53. 53: Andy said at 2:39 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Some of these jokes are REALLY lame. You brought this upon yourself, Posnanski.

  54. 54: Man in Black said at 2:43 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    So, If I ran into Woody at a Skline, and I asked him if he was going to the Royals game to get a free Tony Pena Jr. bobblehead, what would he have said?

  55. 55: Man in Black said at 2:46 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Erik- ’stodgey nincomepoop’ was very funny.

  56. 56: Greg said at 2:55 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would Woodrow have said if a waitress asked him if she wanted him to “loosen up” his quarterback?

  57. 57: nightfly said at 2:58 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Q – so Woody Hayes is sitting across the board from Kasparov, and thanks to his solid, three squares and a cloud of dust style, he has held his own against the Grandmaster. Unfortunately, he loses on time. Afterward, Kasparov resets the position and says, “It’s a shame. You can force perpetual check and a draw in this position; or, you can play this unsound sacrifice and either win or lose in spectacular fashion. Would you like me to show you the line?”

    And Hayes would have said, “Hell no,” and asked for the check.

  58. 58: Jay B said at 3:00 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    A booster walks up to Reggie Bush with his wallet in hand, and says,”Are you sure you want to do this? Aren’t you worried people might find out and tarnish your name and the name of USC football?”

  59. 59: Tim said at 3:05 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: After reading an obscure free blog, Steven Spielberg has finally admitted he got the ending to AI all wrong and wants to remake it. This time using two of Hollywood’s legendary actors, Costner and Cruise. Just for hypothetical sake, let’s say Woody’s still with us. If you could have asked him over coffee at a local Ohio diner to be the first to give an honest critique of the new ending or, failing that, to blind himself with thousands of tiny paper cuts from the nearest object he could find, what do you think he would have said?

  60. 60: Logan said at 3:20 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Q: Let’s say your having lunch with Woody. What would he have said if you offered to “reverse interview” him?

    A: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  61. 61: tedd said at 3:33 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What would have happened if I asked Michael Rosenberg if he would be interested in trying some pizza in Cincinnati while in Cleveland.

  62. 62: MSS said at 3:39 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION:
    Okay, we’ve talked about Ohio and Cincinnati. Let me ask you a Cincinnati question. Jerry Springer is lying in bed, in post-coital bliss. How would he reply if the prostitute rolled over and asked him if he wanted to pay for the afternoon in cash?

  63. 63: Hambone said at 4:25 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: How do you think Woody would have answered if he were offered Lions’ season tickets in lieu of a ten-dollar check?

  64. 64: Matt K said at 4:30 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: How would Woody react if you caught up with him at the candy counter and asked him if he thought Twix were just “Fake Kit Kats, with caramel added”?

  65. 65: Sean O said at 4:40 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What would Woody have said if I had told him “Hey Woody, here are your options: Either you go to the doctor and get your prostate checked out or you might die. Who do you think you are, Warren Zevon? Do you want to die?”

  66. 66: nightfly said at 5:46 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Q – So, Mr. Hayes, would you like your salary paid in dot-com stock options?

  67. 67: BobDD said at 6:11 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Joe, you had a typo in your answer . . .

    Q: Do you want me to send a girl to your room, or would you rather have a male stripper?

    A: Hell no! Send me the chick.

  68. 68: Laurence said at 6:14 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Woody’s doing an interview, and the journalist says “Hey, since we’re paying you for this interview how about we try something a bit different: you give me some answers and I’ll make up the questions afterwards.” What would Woody have thought of that?

  69. 69: Llarry said at 6:31 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: Woody’s about to go on TV to be interviewed, but there’s been an accident and his jacket has been ruined by a spill. Wardrobe comes back with a choice of two jackets: One is a gawdawful green and purple-checked monstrosity that looks like a color-blind Italian restaurant tablecloth threw up. The other is a very tasteful Cornflower and Maize number which got left behind the last time Bo was on the show. Does Woody go for the good jacket?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  70. 70: Julia said at 6:31 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Since we’ve introduced wordplays into this thing, I have a submission:

    Question: Satan approached Wayne Gretzky near the end of his career and let him know that he was demanding his payment for allowing Gretzky to dominate the NHL for so long. He gave Gretzky two options: “Either I can send you straight to hell right now, or I can call in a favor with Scott Stevens and have him run you into the boards. Which will it be, Wayne? Have you ever been to hell?” How would Gretzky have responded?

    Answer: He would have said, “Hell? No…” and asked for the check.

  71. 71: Damon Rutherford said at 6:36 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    You beat me to the Twix theme, Matt K.

  72. 72: Phil said at 6:52 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Woody Hayes arrived at the pearly gates and was greeted by St. Peter: “Welcome, Coach! Before entering eternal paradise, I need you to answer one question. If you answer correctly, I will put an “x” by your name on my list and allow you to enter immediately. But if your answer is not satisfactory, I will place a check by your name, and you must spend some time in purgatory.

    Are you ready to apologize to Charlie Bauman now?!?”

  73. 73: Damon Rutherford said at 6:53 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Imagine a young (and single) Woody Hayes at a dinner party after a game when a friend comments that he has two women available for Woody. One woman has yet to arrive at the party, but his friend said that while she wasn’t beautiful, she had a great personality and was born in Prague. Woody rolls his eyes. The second woman happens to be approaching them, and she was the most gorgeous women Woody had ever seen. Woody’s friend points to her and says she’s his other option. But as she comes closer to the two fellas, Woody notices a blue “M” tattoo on her cheek.

    QUESTION: Guess what Woody would have said next?

  74. 74: Zack said at 7:18 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What would Michael Rosenberg have said if you offered him the chance to cover the Kansas City Royals for a career?

  75. 75: Zack said at 7:23 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What would Bo have said if a genie offered him a one million dollar check, but also told him that if he were to pass up the check, he could guarantee a National Championship for Michigan?

    Answer: He would have said “Hell No” and asked for the check.

    (That Schembechler was really all about the money)

  76. 76: EABinSTL said at 7:30 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Technically, it’s not Alexis Road. It’s Monroe Street. Alexis Road forks off of Monroe Street just East of Monroe Street’s interchange with US-23.

    Despite this, it looks like Michael Rosenberg’s got a winner.

    Unlike some of these joke-writers.

  77. 77: Damon Rutherford said at 8:08 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Ah, crap. I apologize to James for overlooking his story and Question. I didn’t mean to copy someone’s idea. Please disregard my lousy entry into this contest.

  78. 78: stepbaker said at 8:11 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: If you were to walk up to Woody Hayes at a bar and ask him if he would like to talk about his favorite pixifoods, how would he have reacted?

  79. 79: Sam said at 8:12 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Wilco is the greatest thing in the history of the world…except for Operation Ivy…and The Beatles…and Dylan, of course.

    When you said that “I Will Follow You into the Dark” was the best love song of the last twenty years, I thought, “Yeah, except for ‘Reservations.’”

    Try these lyrics:

    You were right about the stars,
    Each one is a setting sun.

    No? How about:

    How can I convince you it’s me I don’t like
    And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
    When I’ve always been distant
    and I’ve always told lies for love?

    I’m bound by these choices so hard to make
    I’m bound by the feeling so easy to fake
    None of this is real enough to take me from you

    Oh I’ve got reservations
    about so many things
    but not about you.

    Also, this blogpost was also very high on the list of greatest things of all time.

  80. 80: Sam said at 8:17 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Also, Joe, have you heard Death Cab’s new album? Thoughts? I think “Grapevine Fires” might be their best song ever. It’s at least close to “I Will Follow You” in my book.

  81. 81: Greg said at 8:24 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    What do you thing woody would have said to a sports blogger who approached him in a restaurant and asked him to do a reverse interview?

  82. 82: Justin said at 8:27 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Good lord. Joe, what have you wrought?

    As for the question about the poll, it does appear that people are drinking the Dustin Pedroia Kool-Aid. Once again, however, the question’s ambiguous enough to allow multiple interpretations. Is it “who will be the AL MVP?” or “who SHOULD be the AL MVP?” The answers to those two questions are, as we know, very often very different.

    Pedroia’s got the winning team, the hot streak at the right time, the short, scrappy white guy thing going on…he’s the guy sportswriters WANT to vote for. Plus, it’s kind of a weak field among guys on contending teams (and the voters looooove those guys on contending teams).

    Maybe someone like Morneau will get red-hot over the next few weeks and steal some of the right-time vote, but right now, Pedroia’s probably the safest bet to win (though not the right choice.)

  83. 83: Sam said at 8:37 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/dialed_in/discussion/al_mvp_race_offense_plus_defense_opd_through_sept_02_2008/

    Come on, guys, it’s Sizemore (I actually voted for Lee, but I understand if you’re leary of voting for pitchers). If not Sizemore, Mauer. Dustin isn’t even the best player on his own team.

  84. 84: Old Man Duggan said at 8:55 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Question: Let’s say, hypothetically, Woody was sitting in a roomy corner booth by himself at a Shoney’s that was at capacity just off the highway in Dayton. He sat there casually flipping through the latest issue of Highlights for Children with a stack of other magazines at his side. Ted Nugent walked in–instantly recognizing Woody, of course–and approached Woody’s booth. Now, while it was the Nuge’s first instinct to ask if Woody had the latest issue of Guns & Ammo, he thought better and began to effusively praise Woody, going so far as to disavow any and all connection he had to the State of Michigan and agreeing without having been asked (or even having been spoken to) to insist that no one refer to him as the Motor City Madman from that point on. The Nuge then asks Woody if he can join him at his table. What does Woody say?

    (I’ve not read any other questions and realize someone else may or may not have used the Nuge in their question. My apologies if I’ve unknowingly stepped on someone else’s turf, but I did not want to be swayed in anyway by what I’d read.)

  85. 85: Joe said at 9:05 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Michigan Gas Station Attendant: Sir, we don’t accept out of state checks, would you like to put it on credit?

    Answer: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  86. 86: John R said at 10:56 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Was anyone else anyone by this format? Wouldn’t it have been more entertaining and interesting for Joe to just interview Rosenberg? Is this another Championship Caliber Guys?

    MICHAEL: Woody and Bo’s relations was such that…

    QUESTION: Whoops! Asked the wrong one! Again!

  87. 87: John R said at 10:57 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    And a typo left the above post incomprehensible. I meant to ask if anyone else was ANNOYED by this format.

  88. 88: Neel said at 11:00 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Michael, if you saw Joe Posnanski at a restaurant and you made him an offer that you would buy 100,000 copies of his new book about the 1975 Cincinnati Reds and the Big Red Machine (coming soon in March 2009) AND pick up his dinner tab if he were to stop mentioning Duane Kuiper and the mention of his new book in every blog entry, what would he have said?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  89. 89: Damon Rutherford said at 11:37 pm on September 10th, 2008:

    Damn, I thought of a question involving Barry Sanders, but I see that’s already been presented as well! Good one, Vart.

  90. 90: Bob Dernier's Hair said at 12:03 am on September 11th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Did Woody ever bring small luggage on a plane with no overhead compatment and limited leg space?

  91. 91: Damon Rutherford said at 12:27 am on September 11th, 2008:

    QUESTION: What would Joe have said if he were transported back in time to 1946, bumped into Donna Reed while hiking for hours upon hours in the woods, and she surprised him with, “Do you think you’re tick free right now?”

  92. 92: Scott said at 2:23 am on September 11th, 2008:

    If Bo Schembechler was finished eating lunch, and the waitress, as she was clearing his plates, asked if he really hated Woody Hayes, how would Bo have responded?

  93. 93: Snuckles said at 3:11 am on September 11th, 2008:

    Q: It’s rumored that prospective Popes are made to sit in the Porphyry Chair while nude. This horseshoe-shaped chair has a gap in its undercarriage, and an eyewitness has the job of looking underneath, inspecting the goods, and reporting, “Testiculos habet et bene pendentes” (or in English, “He has testicles, and they hang well.” But surely a man of Woody’s caliber would not have been suspect. What would he have told the College of Cardinals if they offered to waive this demeaning ceremony before pronouncing him the Bishop of Rome and the Successor of the Prince of the Apostles?

  94. 94: Patrick said at 5:12 am on September 11th, 2008:

    @ EABinSTL — Rosenberg’s got it right. Alexis Road is the first exit south of the border on I-75 coming home from Detroit.

  95. 95: Frank said at 5:43 am on September 11th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Woody’s waitress comes to his table as he’s dabbing his mouth with a napkin and says, “I see you’ve finished your ‘three yards and a cloud of dust’ meatloaf dinner.” “Would your care to see our ‘deep receiver route’ dessert cart?”

  96. 96: Mike said at 6:05 am on September 11th, 2008:

    QUESTION: Don’t you agree, Mr. Hayes, that to help low-income Ohioans, a community organizer could probably accomplish just as much or more than some small-town mayor angling for government money to build a Pop Warner football complex?

    ANSWER: Hell, no!

    [Asks for the check]

  97. 97: Josh said at 7:42 am on September 11th, 2008:

    The question is: Would you ever let a wide receiver change his name to Ocho Cinco…

  98. 98: Eric J said at 7:59 am on September 11th, 2008:

    The funny thing is, the voters had their choice of scrappy white guys who were batting title contenders in 2006, with Jeter and Mauer both having great years. Somehow, they still found an unqualified RBI man to pick.

    Oh, and I apologize in advance for this:

    Consider the following hypothetical. Woody Hayes is in a grocery store, looking for his favorite cereal. He’s offered a free box of Frosted Flakes by a store employee. How would he have responded?

    He would have said “Hell no,” and asked for the Chex.

  99. 99: Tim said at 9:31 am on September 11th, 2008:

    Question: “Sir, all we carry is Chicago-style pizza. Would you like to wait 2 1/2 hours while we bake this monstrosity?”

  100. 100: Brent said at 9:59 am on September 11th, 2008:

    I guess I don’t get the Sizemore love (or the Pedroia love, for that matter). Sizemore is not in the top 10 in BA, OBP, SLG, OPS, runs, hits, rbis, adjusted OPS. And he plays on a sub .500 team. Why is he the MVP?

    The clear choice for MVP broke his wrist a week and a half ago. Now, I don’t know who the best choice is.

    If it is going to come from a non-playoff team, then ARod is the best choice. If a playoff team, probably Youkilis.

  101. 101: Damon Rutherford said at 10:14 am on September 11th, 2008:

    Brent wrote: “I guess I don’t get the Sizemore love (or the Pedroia love, for that matter). Sizemore is not in the top 10 in BA, OBP, SLG, OPS, runs, hits, rbis, adjusted OPS. And he plays on a sub .500 team. Why is he the MVP?”

    You omitted defense in that rant. That’s where Sizemore sneaks up on you.

  102. 102: Handful of links including DePodesta « MLB Interviews.com said at 10:24 am on September 11th, 2008:

    [...] Right Now, I’d say 20-1″ JoePosnanski.com – Joe does it again. Uses his creativity to put together something purely amusing with his [...]

  103. 103: FredCDobbs said at 10:58 am on September 11th, 2008:

    Ding-Dong!

    “Hello Mr. Hayes, my name is Justin Smithcoth, and I’m here to talk to you about MoveOn.org! You may have heard about our full page add in New York Times that gave the commander of our troops in Iraq the clever moniker of “General Betray–Us!” I know, pretty awesome!”

    “I here today to help make it easer for you to make a contribution and become part of the online resistance. In fact, we’ve taken the liberty of preparing a blank contribution check for you. All I need you to do is provide us with your banking information, fill in your preferred amount, and endorse the check! You can choose $50 or $100, although currently we’re offering the dollar a day-level membership for only $300. Can I count on your signature this morning?”

  104. 104: Nick said at 11:00 am on September 11th, 2008:

    A waitress asks Woody, “Is there a better all-around writer working today than Joe Posnanski?

    MICHAEL: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

    -OR-

    A waitress asks Woody, “Will the Chiefs will ever win a Super Bowl with Carl Peterson at the helm?”

  105. 105: Aryeh said at 1:42 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    You and Woody are together scouting available tackles for your football team. You are considering drafting Michigan’s Jake Long, or, an alternative, is to sign Will Svitek as a free agent. Ultimately you recommend going with Long in the draft.

    Woody of course responds, “Hell no”, and asked for the Czech.

  106. 106: Chuck said at 2:28 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    My father’s sitting in DTW when he looks over and sees Bo waiting for a flight in the bar. What do you think Bo’s response would have been if my father asked, “Bo, could I have your autograph. Really its for my 11 year old son; would you believe that he read all the way through your autobiography and loved every minute of it?”

    Answer: He would have said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

    True story, but he gave him the autograph anyways. It still sits displayed with the book on my shelve over 15 years later.

  107. 107: nightfly said at 3:22 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    So the president of THE Ohio State University tells Woody, “You know, we’ll have to chuck you under the bus if you don’t apologize to that kid you slugged. What do you say?”

    And he said, “Hell, no,” and asked for the chuck.

  108. 108: pete said at 4:41 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    Question: What would Michael Rosenberg have said if Joe Posnanski came up to him in a bar and asked him to do another reverse interview?

  109. 109: RJL said at 5:11 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    Mr. Ford asked Schembechler, during a lunch, to hire Matt Millen in some sort of management role to take him off of Mr. fords hands, Mr. Ford stated he’d even pay Millens salary. Schembechlers response: He said “Hell no” and asked for the check.

  110. 110: Sam said at 11:12 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    @Brent

    The other thing you’re missing about Sizemore: 34 sb, 4 cs

  111. 111: Ben said at 11:59 pm on September 11th, 2008:

    Q: What would Matt Millen have said if, during lunch at the NFL meetings, Carl Peterson had offered him Tony Gonzalez, Dwayne Bowe, three unconditional first round draft picks, and the missing contents of Rudi Johnson’s luggage for Mike Furrey?

  112. 112: Kyle K said at 1:30 am on September 12th, 2008:

    I’ve heard a story about Coach Hayes taking a double arm-amputee to watch Ivan Lendl. When asked about the why they went to see Lendl play, what did old Coach Hayes whisper in response?

    He, Wood, half-said, “Hell, No-Hand asked for the Czech.”

    *rimshot*

  113. 113: Micaiah said at 6:56 am on September 12th, 2008:

    Woody was eating in a Columbus diner. He suspected the diner owners of being closet Michigan sympathists, as there was no mention on the menu of their outright loathing for any residing north of Toledo. His suspicions were confirmed when he slightly mis-heard the waiter, who asked whether Woody wanted to “hear about our amazing blue plate special”. Woody said “Hell no”, and asked for the check. He choked the waiter forthwith, and burned down the diner for good measure. The flames were scarlet and the smoke was gray.

  114. 114: Jeremy G said at 2:02 pm on September 12th, 2008:

    How would he have responded to this situation: “Woody, there’s a hockey player outside that wants to check you. He said he won’t if you put on this Michigan cap. Will you put on the cap?”

  115. 115: David said at 3:30 pm on September 12th, 2008:

    What Woody would have said if the waitrees asked, “Would you like the free CD ‘Best of Wilco’ that comes with your meal, it’s complimentary, of course?

  116. 116: Lyrics » A Reverse Interview with Michael Rosenberg said at 11:04 pm on September 14th, 2008:

    [...] A Reverse Interview with Michael RosenbergMichael: When I started, I knew a few nuggets that piqued my interest: Woody Hayes turned down pay raises; visited the troops in Vietnam four times; walked to work to reduce American reliance on foreign oil; and was friends with Richard … [...]

  117. 117: Brent C said at 7:33 am on September 15th, 2008:

    Question:

    Would you take mind taking 30 Aesculus glabras in lieu of pay this week?

  118. 118: Brent C said at 7:34 am on September 15th, 2008:

    Question:

    Would you mind taking 30 Aesculus glabras in lieu of pay this week?

  119. 119: Lyrics » American woman lyrics said at 11:04 pm on September 15th, 2008:

    [...] A Reverse Interview with Michael RosenbergMichael: When I started, I knew a few nuggets that piqued my interest: Woody Hayes turned down pay raises; visited the troops in Vietnam four times; walked to work to reduce American reliance on foreign oil; and was friends with Richard … [...]

  120. 120: Lyrics » Andy Samberg's Young Chuck Norris - Lyrics said at 11:05 pm on September 16th, 2008:

    [...] A Reverse Interview with Michael RosenbergMichael: When I started, I knew a few nuggets that piqued my interest: Woody Hayes turned down pay raises; visited the troops in Vietnam four times; walked to work to reduce American reliance on foreign oil; and was friends with Richard … [...]

  121. 121: arbie said at 8:37 am on September 22nd, 2008:

    A new John Sinclair video “The Screamers” is posted today at My Damn Channel. It’s from the 2008 Concert of Colors in Detroit:

    http://www.mydamnchannel.com/channel.aspx?episode=916

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