A Better Offer
Posted: August 1st, 2008 | Filed under: Other Sports | 21 Comments »
To: Ted Thompson (Packers GM)
Subject: A better offer.
Dear Ted,
I apologize for sending you another email — I’m sure your email box is overflowing these days! But I did want to get back to you on that Ben Holeton offer I made on a couple of occasions in the last 24 hours. OK, to be precise, yes, I have sent you 12 emails on the subject. I must admit I’m very surprised to not hear back. Maybe this is lucky 13!
Of course, I have been thinking about it, and I realize it is possible you did not see the previous 12 emails because of all the “fan” letters you are getting these days. I completely understand. It cannot be much fun wrestling in the media with a “local legend” like Brett Favre. There probably weren’t any classes at General Manager school to help you deal with this sort of thing! Well, let me be one of many to say that I think you are doing a great job.
In any case, I want to make clear that me and my client Ben Holeton are trying to relieve your troubles, not add to them. That’s why I am writing again. We have noticed that you and the Packers have offered Brett Favre $20 million to stay retired. I think this was definitely a shrewd move on your part. If only more people in leadership roles could think in those terms!
That’s why, as an agent representing Ben Holeton, I would like to pass along his amazing offer: Ben will not play for the Packers for half that.
There are no strings attached to this offer either. Ben has assured me that for $10 million, he will not take one snap, not throw one pass, not put on one shoulder pad for the Green Bay Packers in 2008. I can assure you, there is no hidden agenda here. You will not get Ben Holeton’s services for literally half the price you are willing to pay Brett Favre to stay away. I am not a football general manager, of course, and certainly do not claim to know the “inner workings” of the game, but I can only begin to imagine what you and the Packers might do with $10 million savings. Cheeseheads for everyone!
Ben is also willing (and I will admit that, as his agent, I did try to discourage him) to extend the offer so that he promises to not play for the Packers in 2009 and 2010 as well. If you know Ben as well as I do — and I think you do since I only met him via email today — you know that he is not to the type to renegotiate at the last minute. He’s not the type to just show up at the gate later and say, “Pay me or Play Me.”
I do sense from your lack of response that you might be a bit reluctant — completely understandable. That’s why I would like to “sweeten the pot,” so to speak. I have been talking to Ben, and while I cannot say this for sure, I do think that if I push him a little, I can get him to agree not to step into the state of Wisconsin at any point in the next three years. I also might convince him to not eat any cheese, or at least to avoid those cheese products produced in the Badger State! Like I say, I’m not sure. I don’t know how Ben feels about cheese.
I hope this will give you an idea of how serious Ben is about not playing football for the Packers this year. And finally, while I have not mentioned this to Ben, I think that if we can work out this deal I can make you the promise that I won’t play for the Packers either. Two for the price of one! We look forward to hearing from you. So that you won’t hear from us.
Sincerely,
Ben Holeton’s Agent
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Best commentary on the GB offer I’ve heard. Hilarious. Great job, Joe.
No Nolan Ryan on your best living pitchers poll. Thats a big omission.
I won’t play for me mere $5 million.
For A mere I mean. Give me the cash and I’ll stay home.
Brian – that’s silly to call it a “big omission.” Most who know a lot about the game wouldn’t put Ryan in the top 20. So it may be your opinion that Ryan should be in the poll, but you’d be in the minority. Not a big omission…
congrats on being listed as the 14th most popular sports blog, joe:
http://www.thesportsdollar.com/2008/08/top-50-sports-blogs-2nd-quarter-2008.html
Favre should talk to some of those farmers getting paid millions not to grow crops. I’m sure it’s a good life.
On a related note: for a hundred bucks, Joe, I’ll agree not to post any more comments here…
Jerry- Bill James listed Nolan Ryan as the 24th best pitcher of all time in his Historical baseball abstract. Now considering many of the fellows ahead of him are now… um… dead, I see no problem placing Ryan in the top 20 living pitchers.
My going rate for not playing for the GB Packers is a mere 10,000 dollars, enough to by some new lenses and pay a babysitter a few days a month.
I agree on the Nolan Ryan thing. His detractors will sight his career record, walk #s and the 0 cy youngs. However, how can THE pitcher with the best career H/9 rate, 5700 Ks, 7 no-hitters, 12 one-hitters, 61 shutouts and a lifetime era under 3.30 not even MAKE THE LIST??
seriously, someone argue to me that Whitey Ford, Gaylord Perry, Fergie Jenkins, or Marichal are better pitchers.
and those are just the stats I know off the top of my head, let alone all of Ryan’s other notable achievements.
Ryan’s problem as a great pitcher is all the walks. His K/W career was barely 2-1, and only because the last six or seven years were the best of his career for K/W. He led the league in K’s 11 times…and in walks 8 times. let’s see…an argument that Marichal, Jenkins or Ford was better than Ryan…
How about ERA+, which is convenient in that it is adjusted for league.
Ryan — 111 career, peak seasons of 142, 141 and 139 (in less than 200 IP)
Marichal — Career 123, peak seasons of 169, 169, 167, 144, all in over 260 IP, 3 around 300
Ford — career 133, peak seasons of 176, 170, 156, 143
Jenkins doesn;t do great in this comp — 113 career, comparable to Ryan, peaks of 142, 131, 127
How about WHIP? Career WHIP — Marichal 1.101, Jenkins 1.142, Ford 1.215, Ryan 1.247
Prefer a different advanced stat? How about Baseball Prospectus’s PRAA and PRAR, adjusted all time.
Ryan — 170, 1621; Marichal 169, 964 ; Jenkins 297, 1390; Ford 176, 969
Ryan looks better here, particularly in PRAR because his career was so long, but in PRAA, a pretty unremarkable performance. Ryan’s best season was only 33 runs above average, and he has several seasons as a below average pitcher by this metric. Marichal had seasons of 52, 46 and 36; Jenkins 47, 40 and 37; Ford only 26 and 25.
Frankly, none of these 4 really belong in the discussion, but Ryan is far from obvious for the list. There’s really only 6 or 7 legitimate candidates.
Joe, Joe, Joe:
This is the only trade of substance those in KC should be focused on:
Mr. Posnanski,
I am a charter member of THE JOSÉ GUILLEN SOCIETY, a group of modest notoriety on Geoff Baker’s Seattle Mariners blog in the Seattle Times. Our SOCIETY is very aware of Señor Guillen’s temperamental nature, and believe that this same trait that has become a detriment for the Royals, was an integral part of the M’s success in 2007, one team’s junk being another team’s treasure). Consequently, THE JOSÉ GUILLEN SOCIETY is lobbying the front offices of the Mariners and Royals through these public blogs to enact a simple trade.
THE JOSÉ GUILLEN SOCIETY believes that it would be in both organizations best interest if:
1). The M’s re-acquire José Guillen by assuming his ‘09 and 2010 contract, OR
2). The M’s trade workhorse pitcher, Carlos Silva, straight up for José Guillen. The next three years of Silva at $12m per year for the next two years of Guillen at $10m per year.
Win/Win
Respectfully,
THE JOSÉ GUILLEN SOCIETY
I am a native Texan who grew up watching Nolan Ryan pitch for the Astros. I can appreciate his allure, especially to a young fan. Heck, Nolan Ryan and my Dad are still my heroes. Be that as it may, neither one of them belongs in a discussion of the greatest living pitchers. Joe got it right, per usual.
seriously, someone argue to me that Whitey Ford, Gaylord Perry, Fergie Jenkins, or Marichal are better pitchers.
Gaylord Perry had a better career ERA+ than Nolan Ryan, 117 to 111, in the same number of career innings.
You forgot to mention that he also holds the all time records for walks and wild pitches, both of which are far less likely to ever be approached than his record for strikeouts.
Your turn.
Gaylord Perry is also tied* for the record for which pitcher has the worst name if they wanted to live in England.
* Tied with Randy Johnson
The pitcher who gave up the fewest hits per 9 innings in baseball history while pitching in over 5,000 innings deserves to be on any list of greatest pitchers, dead or alive. I’m speaking of course of the ‘Ryan Express’.
Nice.
Gaylord Perry threw spitballs 40 years after they were declared illegal. And told everyone about it.
Why worry about Nolan Ryan? Feller and Gibby are so far ahead of him, Ryan’s not even in the conversation.
Jeez Jerry…”Most who know a lot about the game wouldn’t put Ryan in the top 20″
That’s pretty vague and self congratulatory, don’t you think? Why don’t you just call Brian a dumbass and kick him in the nards.
How can anyone think that Nolan Ryan doesn’t even belong in the discussion of the top 20 living pictures? He may not ultimately make the list but let’s not act as if he’s barely a step above Ernie Camacho.
I think he should be on the list if only for his beatdown of Ventura.
Joe,
You mudt have wowed them at the Seymour Conference. The latest SABR Notes credits you with giving “one of the most entertaining and candid keynote addresses in recent memory”.
Bob Tholkes
Halsey Hall Chapter, SABR
Minneapolis