By Max Mercy
NEW YORK — Emil “Frenchie” Lajong, a player New York Knights scout Scotty Carson found while vacationing in Canada, won the Home Run Derby yesterday afternoon by clouting two glorious round trippers in the final round on a sun-dappled afternoon in the big city. Lajong defeated his forlorn teammate Roy Hobbs, who managed only one home run in the final round, this after hitting 383 home runs in the first round.
“I thought ze Derby was never to end,” Lajong said. “I mean, what was zat, eh, six hours? I fell asleep two times. Roy kept hitting zem out. I guess he, how you say, tuckered out.”
Hobbs knocked the cover off of 12 balls, smashed two light towers, knocked out three sportswriters (but continuously missed your humble correspondent — work on that aim, Roy!) and cracked 19 car windshields. He did unwittingly admit afterward that he was not entirely in command of the Home Run Derby rules.
“Are you telling me all those home runs I hit earlier don’t even count?” he asked afterward. “I mean, hey, congratulations to Emil and all, but he hit like three home runs the whole day. I hit that many over the D Train. What the hell is going on here? Are you telling me I didn’t win?”
That is indeed what they were telling him, and the slugger from nowhere was not happy to hear that he would not get the $500 bonus put up by the Judge. Instead, that money will go to Lajong, who said that he felt badly for Hobbs but added that he could use the extra dough.
Lajong advanced to the final by hitting one home run in the first round. It seemed unlikely that would be enough to advance him, especially with home run killers like Slugger Kompulski, Jumbo Johannessen and Muscles Marmaduke due up. But they would never get the chance to step into the box because Hobbs hit next, and he hit home runs for the next two hours and 43 minutes. Officials twice ran out of baseballs. The first time they made an announcement to the fans asking them to please throw their baseballs back on the field. And since there were numerous Chicagoans in the stands, many did. The second time they ran out, your humble correspondent was sent to a local Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy another bag’s worth (which, not incidentally, cost a fortune, and there has yet to be reimbursement) while a visiting party of league officials and ESPN executives was sent to try and convince Hobbs to stop hitting home runs. Hardheaded Hobbs refused.
“Is this a home run derby or isn’t it?” he reportedly asked. “I was told to hit home runs, and by golly, I’m gonna hit ‘em. I didn’t carve my own bat out of the tree hit by lightning to lay down for anybody.”
Finally, after Hobbs’ 383rd home run and with no end in sight, the baseball commissioner George Scheitinger announced that Chris Berman had given him such a headache that he was terminating the first round. Many cheered. His Royal Baseballness pronounced that the contest would move to the final, with Lajong and Hobbs to do battle. Not to repeat myself, but it is, in your correspondent’s humble opinion, this sort of nonsensical reasoning that inspired the ineffectual Scheitinger to allow Hobbs’ obviously corked bat “Wonderboy” to be used in league play in the first place.
Only Kompulski among the home run combatants complained about the unfair ruling however, because Johannessen and Marmaduke had left the stadium hours earlier.
In the final, Lajong batted first, and he managed a pop fly off the left-field foul poll on his first swing. After nine outs, he punched a ball down the right field line that probably sliced foul, but the umpires, perhaps weary and exhausted by Hobbs’ display and perhaps feeling some pity for the little French-Canadian, called it a home run.
Then, Hobbs stepped into the batter’s box, and on his first swing he hit a ball that lodged into the overhang of the Yankee Stadium third deck. It remains there; several stadium crew members were not able to dislodge it even using a screwdriver and a can of WD-40.
Then, Hobbs swung and missed the next nine pitches. He seemed to do this on purpose, he would later said he did this to add some drama (though it was noticed that known gambler Gus Sands was watching very closely). And then, with one out left with which to win the Derby, Hobbs dug in his cleats, spat on his hands and readied himself. Just before the pitch was thrown a woman in a black dress stood up, and Hobbs blew a kiss to her. Mighty Roy then swung ferociously and missed entirely, ending the Home Run Derby and giving the title LaJong.
“I think the rules are the bunk,” the sore loser said afterward, and he raced off with the woman in the black dress. In addition to their torrid affair, which has scandalized the reputation of the Knights, it also has been rumored that she has been injecting him with performance enhancing drugs, although it should be noted that your correspondent does not concern himself with rumors.
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28 Comments, Comment or Ping
sidd finch
Oh. My. God. This is right up there with accounts of my story in spring training many years ago.
Jul 15th, 2008
Aryeh
Great job, Joe!
Finally someone who knows how the story really ends - with Roy Hobbs striking out.
Jul 15th, 2008
Oddibe Kerfeld
This is one of the best posts ever! The Natural is my favorite film by far (the book is stellar, too) and this post is fitting as well since Josh Hamilton says his favorite movie is The Natural.
Here’s a question Max Mercy should ask Pop Fisher. Why when Hobbs ends up in the hospital is Fisher seen crossing out Hobbs name in the 3rd spot in the line up and simply writes another name into that spot? Shouldn’t Old Pop have reshuffled the line up a bit after losing his slugger? That would be like Barry Bonds missing a game and thus the manager puts Calvin Murray or Lloyd McClendon into the 3 hole to replace him. It makes no sense. No wonder the Knights were always losing!
Jul 15th, 2008
Brian
Oddibe, Pop made a similar mistake earlier in the movie. Based on batting practice alone, Pop should have figured that Roy was his 2nd best player behind Bump. And yet he didn’t make Roy a starter until Bump died simply because they both played the same position. But couldn’t he have put Bump in RF and Roy in LF? It’s silly to sit your 2nd best player just because your best player plays the same position. It would be like if the Cardinals had Lance Berkman, they’d sit him because they already had Albert.
Insane, right? Pop was right, he shoulda been a farmer.
Jul 15th, 2008
MookieFL
I thought Hamilton’s favorite movie was “The Basketball Diaries.”
Jul 15th, 2008
Travis M. Nelson
Excellent stuff, Joe, er…Max.
Jul 15th, 2008
B.E. Earl
A buddy of mine was in the last row of the right-field bleachers. He never thought he would have a chance to catch a ball. The guy next to him and the guy in front of him each got a Josh Hamilton dinger. Crazy.
Jul 15th, 2008
sidd finch
Oddibe and Brian, I agree about Pop’s handling of the lineup, but it’s kind of like saying that ‘Casey at the Bat’ could never had happened, because the opposing manager would have intentionally walked Casey with runners on second and third and two out.
We have to suspend disbelief for a moment.
Jul 15th, 2008
Brian
Yeah, but suspending disbelief allows things like Rookie of the Year to happen. And Fever Pitch. And Major League 3. And the last 30 minutes of The Scout.
Kidding, I agree with you. Pop’s curious managerial moves don’t stop me from enjoying the movie whenever it’s on. But pointing them out gives me cheap laughs, and that’s what I’m about.
Jul 15th, 2008
DAN T.
Listening to Berman is like chewing on foil.
Jul 15th, 2008
Other Craig
Fittingly, “The Natural” was on Bravo late last night. Didn’t quite stay up through the whole thing, but caught enough to get my fix after watching Hamilton’s rendition.
Jul 15th, 2008
Keith K.
I think that was Pop Fisher pitching to Hamilton last night.
Jul 15th, 2008
Bellweather Johnson
Today @ FJM:
“The lesson, as always: it’s better to do heroin and then stop doing heroin and then lose the Home Run Derby after an impressive first round than it is to not do heroin and then keep not doing heroin and then win the Home Run Derby after a pedestrian first round. Of course, I’m not telling you anything you haven’t heard a thousand times already.”
Thanks, Junior.
Jul 15th, 2008
Creston
“Finally someone who knows how the story really ends - with Roy Hobbs striking out.”
Ugh, who wants to see that? Here you have this great feel good movie, and then, hey, let’s have reality crap all over you and make Hobbs strike out!
Seriously, if I want to watch Hobbs strike out, I don’t go to the movie. I’ll watch A-Rod in the playoffs! (ooohhh burnnnn.)
Anyways, that entry made me giggle. And I agree it’s ridiculous that a guy puts on a show (which EVERYONE wants), and is then too tired to hit a few more in the final round, so Justin Morneau wins. That’s the second award he’s won that he didn’t deserve.
Jul 15th, 2008
Johnny
“Why when Hobbs ends up in the hospital is Fisher seen crossing out Hobbs name in the 3rd spot in the line up and simply writes another name into that spot? Shouldn’t Old Pop have reshuffled the line up a bit after losing his slugger?”
You can’t just ask a 5 hitter to bat 3rd in the biggest game of the season. Guys have to know their roles. Ask Jim Riggleman.
Of course, the biggest problem with the Knights-Pittsburgh playoff is that it never would have been at night in 1939, but then you wouldn’t have had the light scene at the end. Although they could have started the game in the daytime and had to turn the lights on as it got dark. That would have worked.
Jul 15th, 2008
Oddibe Kerfeld
Sidd Finch,
I’m with Brian. The Natural is my favorite movie. I just think its funny some of the goofy moves Pop Fisher made or didn’t make. After you’ve seen it about 100 times you catch those little things. I also liked the movie more than the book. Additionally, I bought the director’s cut when it came out and think that the original is still the best, though it was fun seeing scenes that were taken out (for obvious reasons.) I think Joe needs more posts on The Natural. He wrote one about Scotty Carson I think. Some good topics would be where Roy Hobbs is really from (I’d vote for Idaho for some reason), what the Knights did in the World Series, how did Bump Bailey die (was it blunt force trauma to the head? Did part of the fence cut his jugular? Did he impale himself on something behind the fence?) , how much did it cost to rewire all of the ballpark after the lights blew out?, why Pop hated losing to the Pirates, etc. In the book there is a lot of detail about Pop’s background and how jinxed he was as a player, too.
Jul 15th, 2008
caryn
and i know all of you heard the theme from the natural being played when hamilton came up to bat in the second round.
only inaccuracy is that if you asked a stadium in the bronx to throw balls back on the field they would throw a whole lot of other things too.
i realize everyone thinks that it’s funny to make fun of addicts but jim carroll also made it through to the other side. we should praise these people and not mock them.
Jul 15th, 2008
ClevelandMo
Okay, now that the excitement of the Home Run Derby is behind us, can you announce what soccer team you have chosen? The preseason in Europe is starting.
Come On You Whites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul 15th, 2008
Oddibe Kerfeld
The Costner vs. Cruise contest is tied right now at 830 votes a piece. Amazing! I think I smell a recount coming complete with hanging, pregnant, and dimpled chads and perhaps a Supreme Court case as well. When do the polls officially close? Look for some nasty last minute mudslinging before this election is over.
Jul 15th, 2008
Joe
Brilliant post as always…
And while I shouldn’t mix sports movie metaphors, it seems like Hamilton is more like Roy (Tin Cup) McAvoy. He may have lost the tournament, but he won the hearts of the fans with his exploits.
What fun to watch last night. The fans were the winners.
Jul 15th, 2008
Bellweather Johnson
“Of course, the biggest problem with the Knights-Pittsburgh playoff is that it never would have been at night in 1939, but then you wouldn’t have had the light scene at the end. Although they could have started the game in the daytime and had to turn the lights on as it got dark. That would have worked.”
Sure Johnny, that would have worked, but:
Up to the 1939 season, six Major League teams had played night games at their home parks. The Cincinnatti Reds, the Brooklyn (Trolley) Dodgers, The A’s and Phillies of Phillidelphia (both at Shibe Park), the Cleveland Indians, and the Chicago White Sox.
In 1939, the Reds won the NL Pennant with a record of 97-57 and were able to clinch with 2 games left in the season and finished 4.5 games ahead of the Cardinals. They also did not have a start time past 2:00 in their last series of the season…against Pittsburgh. The National League’s New York representative did not play a night game the final month of the season. In fact, they seem to only have played a handful, and only from May thru August.
It is unlikely that a team from NY would wait until the night time on October 1 to play a game that would decide the Pennant. I can’t remember if the game in the movie was the last game of the season, or a one game playoff a’la C’s and G’s 1908 or D’s and G’s 1951. If it were, that would render things moot, as the first Postseason night game occoured October 13, 1971; Game 4 of the 1971 World Series.
Also unlikely is the game starting in the late afternoon, and moving into the night where lights would be necessary. Games usually started between 1:00 and 2:30, with sunset in New York generally around 6:28 PM on October 1, the day that the NL’s last game was played in 1939. That would mean that the game would have lasted into the 3.5-4 hour range for the last scene to happen in the dark. However, the game was pretty much a pitcher’s duel, and would have surely been much shorter than that.
The thing that has always bothered me about the movie is when Hobbs knocks the cover off the ball, it is not yet raining, yet by the time the runners are rounding third, they are already running thru puddles…that had formed by the time the ball (or what was left of it) had hit the gound in RF.
Jul 15th, 2008
Nathan
That was ridiculous. I loved every word…
Jul 15th, 2008
concered citizen
If Simmons can devote entire mailbag entries to figuring out Jimmy Chitwood’s final box score in “Hoosiers,” we can debate Pop’s dubious lineup decisions…
And yes, for goodness sakes … what soccer team did you pick?
BTW, there was a guy who started a blog called “If I Blog It They Will Come,” for the sole purpose of getting Kevin Costner to send a picture of himself reading the blog. Last year he succeeded:
http://ifiblogit.blogspot.com/2007/09/success.html
Afterward he turned his attention to get Robin Williams to do the same. Still nothing… and to be quite honest, looking over the sheer volume of posts asking Robin to sent a picture creeped me out…
Jul 15th, 2008
Johnny
it’s Soria time!
Jul 15th, 2008
Thomas
Sometimes, I think to myself: “Hey, self, you could be a pretty good, entertaining, thoughtful writer.”
Then I come here.
Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us, Joe. Seriously, thanks.
Jul 16th, 2008
Fezzik
I read the book before I saw the movie. That made the movie that much more exciting. I was never sure until the bat met the ball that Hobbs would hit the HR. Now that I am a cynical adult, I wish Redford had been more true to the book.
Having said all that, I still list “The Natural” as my all-time favorite movie (at least when I don’t bump “Airplane” into first).
Jul 16th, 2008
Richard Aronson
Couple of things. People attribute Hamilton’s slowing down to batter fatigue. But 38 swings isn’t a ton, especially with the breaks. I know a lot of guys who go upwards of 75 at the batting cages. On the other hand, 38 pitches (more, actually, with the non-swings) for a 71 year old guy is a lot, and since one natural side effect of fatigue would be for the pitches to drop in the strike zone, making them harder to hit out. I know, there’s a myth that LHBs love the low pitch, but the FX links pretty well prove that lefties and righties mostly hit homers on pitched up and over the plate, just like Ted Williams said. And another side effect would be for his fast ball to slow down a little, even if the location remained perfect, meaning that Hamilton would have to hit them harder himself to reach the fences. So maybe the problem is the pitcher. Hamilton shouldn’t have made an old man work so hard.
As for the night game in The Natural, it seemed to me that the scheduled day game hit some postponements because of rain (as evidenced by the rain after the game) which delayed it until the lights were necessary.
Jul 19th, 2008
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