I don’t like breaking news on this blog because that’s a small part of my actual day job, and anyway breaking news is, like, a whole lot of work. Really. Did you see how hard Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman worked to break Watergate? It took them well over an hour. They had Max Dugan down their throats the whole time. They had to file through all those cards in the library with that crazy music playing in the background. Hoffman had to go over to Jane Alexander’s house and keep her talking. Redford had to keep meeting Lou, the morose and ineffective trader from “Wall Street,” in parking garages. Who needs that kind of aggravation?
Still, every so often, I think, it’s important to break away from the serious and significant blog matters of our day, such as why Brett Favre wants to destroy his entire football playing legacy in one off-season (take your time, Brett, you’re retired, sort of) or if Happy Days has held up over the years*. It’s important every so often to just “hit the pavement” and “break out the notebook” and do some “old-fashioned reporting” and “take a stand” and “drink eight glasses of water,” and so on.
*It has not.
So, here goes: You know how Barry Bonds’ agent said that Bonds has offered all 30 teams his services for the minimum salary, and he would give that money to kids, and he would go on a hunger strike to end the strife in Darfur? You remember that little offer. Well, come a little closer …
I have heard from some very good sources that Bonds’ people never made their offer to the Kansas City Royals. In fact, according to my highly placed sources, Barry’s people have never made any offer at all to the team. In fact, according to my incredibly sound sources, one whose name just might rhyme with Peyton Smore, Barry’s people probably do not even have the Kansas City Royals phone number.
Yeah, that’s right. Apparently when Barry’s agent Jeff Borris told reporters that he offered Barry to all 30 teams for the minimum, well, he may have missed that number by one. Dayton Moore told me in an exclusive interview that he did not know was exclusive or an interview (we were just kind of talking) that the Royals absolutely, positively and definitely have not been called about Barry Bonds, and they absolutely, positively and definitely have not been offered Barry Bonds services. Moore further went on to ask how my family was doing. I told them that they’re doing great. Elizabeth is beginning piano lessons, and Katie’s just growing up so fast. That Dayton: Nice guy.
Anyway, I could not believe this bit of news. I mean, why would an agent just lie to the media? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Plus, I felt so sure that Barry Bonds just wanted to play ball, just wanted a chance to put on that uniform again, feel the dirt beneath his spikes, smell the freshly cut grass. He just wanted a chance. That’s all. This had to be a mistake! So I sent Borris and a couple of his people emails to allow them to clear up this little matter, but mostly to alert them that, for some crazy reason, their Royals offer must have gotten lost in the mail. I felt sure that they would want to know this. Their response, I thought, was quite interesting and revealing.
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details
Auto-submitted: auto generated (failure)
Return path: < >
Your message cannot be delivered to the following recipients:
Reason: Illegal host and domain name found.
Ah, those tricky agents. They have nothing to say when you type in their email addresses wrong. Thing is, then I typed in their email addresses correctly and … well, no, they never responded to that. I can’t say I blame them entirely. They are probably really mad at themselves over the Kansas City oversight. They were probably too busy sending one of those, quirky “Geez, I can’t believe I forgot,” greeting cards …
We are very, very sorry
That this is so dated
But we’re offering Barry
At the minimum (prorated)
Believe us: Barry can still hit
He’s so much more than science
Sign him and we’ll buy the
burnt ends at Arthur Bryant’s
Of course, I suppose you can’t entirely write off the possibility that Barry’s people may have, you know, stretched the truth a little. I suppose it does sound a lot better to say, “We have offered Barry’s service for the prorated amount of the league minimum to all 30 teams,” than to say “We have offered Barry to all 30 teams, except, you know, Kansas City, which is like, a sucky team and it’s so hot there in the summer and like it takes forever for some of the art films to get there.”
Anyway, I have no doubt that Barry was offered to 29 clubs — I have no doubt because, you know, I did not really feel like calling the GMs in Pittsburgh or Milwaukee or Minnesota or, well, anywhere really. Before it’s all said and done we might find that rather than being offered for the minimum to every team, Barry was actually offered to the New York Yankees for $28 million, which is a slightly different story.
But I will say this: On Monday, there was another Barry story, and this time Jeff Borris said that he had offered Barry’s service to “numerous” clubs. That’s a good agent word: “Numerous.“ It could mean anything.
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31 Comments, Comment or Ping
David Dubbert
I’m sure Barry himself would claim that to the best of his knowledge, his services were never knowingly not offered to every team for the league minimum.
Jul 14th, 2008
Old Man Duggan
I am outraged! Jeff Borris lied? About his client, Barry Bonds?
Say it ain’t so, Joe.
Jul 14th, 2008
Devon Young
Next thing you know, they’ll be claiming collusion by the owners to not sign Barry.
Jul 14th, 2008
McKingford
I don’t know, I kinda think making public statements that your client is offering his services to all 30 teams at the pro-rated minimum is a form of offering your client’s services to all 30 teams at the pro-rated minimum.
Jul 14th, 2008
Johnny
Maybe they forgot to dial the “1″ before punching in the Royals’ number.
Jul 14th, 2008
JamesE
So Joe, the obvious question to Moore is “would you sign Bonds for the minimum if you could?”. If yes, you could tell him to pick up the phone and call Borris rather than waiting for a call. Like MCKINGFORD just posted, Borris has offered Bonds in the paper to all teams.
Jul 14th, 2008
D.B. Cooper
Max Dugan!
All those great roles, and I always thought of Robards as Max Dugan.
Jul 14th, 2008
D.B. Cooper
Though Hal Holbrook will always be Mr. Dixie Carter to me.
…and here’ on my TV is “Bookman” starring in a Holiday Inn commercial with Cal Ripken.
Jul 14th, 2008
Char
Go easy on Borris. I saw a quote from him today where he said he couldn’t believe his phone wasn’t ringing off the hook with offers for
Barry. The man is obviously mentally handicapped.
Jul 14th, 2008
Kyle
I’m with MCKING and JAMES above, until some GM dials Borris’ number and says, “We’ll take Bonds for the league minimum”, I don’t think GM’s have much room to argue that Bonds isn’t really offering his services.
Jul 14th, 2008
Mike
Barry wants to go to a team that can win this year. Hence, not the Royals.
Jul 14th, 2008
Minda
Mike, don’t be ridiculous. The Royals can win this year.
…ohhhh, you mean more than one more game? Hrmph. Fine.
“Peyton Smore” made me giggle a little too hard, and then made me hungry for marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers.
Jul 14th, 2008
Richard Aronson
Just for yuks, I went here:
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/stats/byposition?pos=DH&conference=MLB&year=season_2008&qualified=1&sort=25
and sorted the results by OPS. These are just those guys with enough plate appearances to be eligible for consideration.
Garret Anderson: .690 OPS. Plays for the Angels, who have the best record in the AL, tied for the best in the majors. You don’t think the Angels would be better off with Bonds at DH?
Okay, most of the other qualified leaders on good teams are actually doing pretty well. So I expand the filter to all players.
Sheffield’s OPS .662. The Tigers are certainly in the playoff hunt.
Cliff Floyd’s OPS is .799 for the Rays, also a team that looks like a playoff contender.
I don’t know how many winning teams, or potential winning teams, there are in the AL; there’s a lot of judgment there as to whether all those AL Central teams have a shot, and Texas (who does not need Bonds), and maybe Oakland (who also isn’t hurting too badly at DH). But these are at least three that might consider Mr. Bonds’ service, including one that quite badly needs his service. I’m assuming Big Papi comes back and all that.
Bonds’ OPS last season was 1.045, OPS+ was 192. He could drop 200 points off his numbers from last year and still be an improvement in Tampa Bay and a huge improvement in Anaheim or Detroit. Okay, Sheff’s coming off injuries, and Floyd ain’t terrible, and the Rays are working hard on clubhouse spirit for their young players. But Anaheim is a veteran team with one of the best managers in baseball and in addition to Anderson (legitimately one of the three best outfielders on the team) features these outfielder/DH types with these OPSes:
Gary Matthews: .660, OPS+ 77
Juan Rivera: .667, OPS+ 78
Reggie Willits: .510, OPS+ 40
Given that Torii Hunter plays center field for the Angels, effectively relegating these players to corner outfield and DH most of the time, it’s crazy that these three stiffs are all on the roster. Heck, they make Anderson look good. Okay, I can see keeping Anderson; long time Angel, holds many team records. And I can see keeping Matthews; he can backup any of the three outfield positions. But if the Angels actually turned down Bonds in order to shove at bats at Rivera, Willits, and to a lesser degree Matthews, then they deserve to lose in the playoffs same as they have the last several years.
And of course, there’s no reason to think Bonds would drop off a full 200 points in OPS. San Francisco is a pitcher’s park, and if Bonds didn’t have to stress his ancient and brittle knees standing around in left field, he might not drop off much at all. Of course, he might be dreadful, the last year of clear and cream being undetectable. But until you try him, how would you know? Send him to AAA for two weeks of extended spring training and if he doesn’t OPS .800, don’t call him up. Major league minimum salary is peanuts compared to the profits from winning just one more playoff game, and certainly peanuts compared to getting home field advantage for the first round of the playoffs. And while Bonds might be a negative in the clubhouse, I think it would be a very good thing if Howie Kendrick (4 walks in 187 at bats) and Casey Kotchman (17 walks in 330 at bats) and Erick Aybar (7 walks in 216 at bats) got to watch Bonds take four plate appearances a game. Because when your AL team OBP is only .318 (league average .332) and team OPS+ is 90, there’s a lot of improvement possible. That shows just how well the Angels pitch, field, run, and are managed, and even then they are winning over their heads. So before Mr. Pythagoras shows up and knocks them out of the playoffs, the Angels should take Bonds up on his offer. It’s not like the Angels and the Giants have a long history of hated rivalry between them.
Jul 15th, 2008
SBG
I heard that the Twins are going to sign him and Ron Gardenhire is going to have Barry bunt over Joe Mauer so that Craig Monroe can have a chance to knock him in.
Jul 15th, 2008
Matt
I heard the Indians are going to sign him so then can move Sizemore to the 3 hole.
Jul 15th, 2008
Matt
Ooo, no–better rumor: The Mariners are going to sign him to platoon with Vidro.
Jul 15th, 2008
Max
Did you ask Dayton if he would consider Bonds if he WERE offered to the Royals?
Jul 15th, 2008
Creston
When you originally mentioned that Barry’s agent had said he had offered him for 300,000 dollars yadda yadda yadda, I said it was a lie, because SOMEONE would have snatched him up and Bud Selig be damned.
So, surprise surprise, the agent was lying. Barry’s ego is way too big to play for 300 grand.
Jul 15th, 2008
Creston
“I heard that the Twins are going to sign him and Ron Gardenhire is going to have Barry bunt over Joe Mauer so that Craig Monroe can have a chance to knock him in.”
It is my fervent wish that this happens. Since Barry’s agent keeps saying what a great clubhouse guy Barry is, I want to see one manager FORCE Barry to bunt. It will be glorious.
Jul 15th, 2008
Wally
All I know is that IF he’s really available to ANY team for 300K, and he doesn’t get signed, the I’m going to have a hard time thinking this isn’t collusion. Drugs or no drugs, purjury charges or not, the man is the HR king and that will bring people to the stadium. He’s also still, you know, REALLY GOOD, so if you’re in it, you stand a better shot at the playoffs. So monitarily speaking, I don’t see how this wouldn’t happen unless there is something else in play here.
Jul 15th, 2008
statscbl
Greeat post Richard. Not only did Barry have an ops of over 1000 last year, he has done it each of the last 16 years.
I’m sure when Borris began negotiating, he was asking for a lot of money from some of the best teams. Now that he didn’t get any offers, he publicly said he would play for free on any team. Therefore, he has made that offer to Kansas City(without a phone). Joe, tell your buddy Peyton Smore to call him up and sign him. Better yet, have Mr. Smore make the offer through the media.
If Barry declines(which he won’t), then you have a story.
Jul 15th, 2008
Alejandro
“I don’t know, I kinda think making public statements that your client is offering his services to all 30 teams at the pro-rated minimum is a form of offering your client’s services to all 30 teams at the pro-rated minimum.”
Except that the context of the original statement was “poor-pitiful-us” and phrased in the past tense.
Jul 15th, 2008
John
Happy Days was aged when it aired. But if we didn’t have Happy Days we wouldn’t have these classic Simpsons line.
Homer: It’ll be great to see the old gang again. Potsie, Ralph, the Fonz.
Marge: That wasn’t you, that was Happy Days!
Homer: They weren’t all happy days. Like the time I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.
Jul 15th, 2008
James
Lou was a morose broker but he was effective. The guy who was ineffective was the guy who lived next door to the Jeffersons. White guy with the black wife. Tom
Jul 15th, 2008
Carlos
I think your blog writing is at least as good as your day job. I swear. You’re awesome, Joe. Keep it up.
Jul 15th, 2008
Dusty
I don’t understand the sentiment of this post. With public statements floating around, it’s up to a GM (Dayton Moore) to call him and up and see if he’s bluffing. If he is, you have a huge story and you can call bullshit on this collusion nonsense, and if not you have a probably-very-good, future-hall-of-fame player for, like, the same cost of some dude just drafted out of high school.
Why sit on your ass and wait for Bonds to call up your team while playing the woe-is-we card when you can call him up and put his b ack to the wall to see if he’ll defend his public offers?
Jul 15th, 2008
statscbl
Good call Dusty
Jul 16th, 2008
John
Joe, you are my favourite writer. And you blew this one big time. The agent has stated publicly in the MSM that he will play for any team. While Dayton Moore can truthfully claim he has not received a phone call, we both know that is unnecessary - ALL GM’s know that Bonds is available. The simple question to ask was “Are you interested in Bonds if he plays for the minimum salary?” The answer would be newsworthy.
Jul 17th, 2008
foo
Agree with previous commenter.
This comment thread is seriously off kilter.
Bonds would play for the minimum, and should be playing already. He could help a lot of teams.
Jul 17th, 2008
Jer
It is not up to Barry or his agents to “offer his services” to any team or every team … it is up to a team to offer Barry a contract.
No team has offered Barry a contract, even for the MLB minimum salary. That is collusion and it is ordered by the Commisioner’s office and it is illegal.
You should know better, Joe.
Aug 4th, 2008
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