Have you seen a Molina?

Posted: June 23rd, 2008 | Filed under: Baseball | 14 Comments »

Brilliant reader Michael Booth passes along this quiz (which has been slightly adapted and enhanced for clarity). It asks: Which Molina brother are you?

This is perfectly timed as it is just after Bengie Molina hit a hard ground ball into the hole between short and third, Kansas City’s Mike Aviles dove, smothered the ball, got to one knee, recited the Gettysburg Address, solved two Sodokus, took three ballroom dancing classes, grew a full beard, became fluent in French, got his Masters in finance, recorded an album of Tom Waits covers (oh no, wait, that was Scarlett), invented a practical electric car and then threw to first where he just barely threw out Molina by eight steps.

Anyway, here’s the quiz.

1. What is your favorite color?

A. Red
B. Orange
C. Black
D. Pink

2. What is your favorite food?

A. Pollo con arroz
B. La hamburguesa
C. Cerveza!
D. Ceasar Salad w/ Cucumber dressing

3. Hitting philosophy:

A. Put the ball in play
B. Swing for the fences
C. I’m generally afraid of ball unless I’m wearing the catching gear.
D. This is a good time to lay down a bunt

4. How fast are you?

A. Not very fast … really, kind of elephant in mud slow.
B. OK, imagine a Merchant & Ivory movie on a Boston highway during rush hour traffic. Got it? Now throw in a two-hour wait to get into Times Square restaurant. OK? Now add a book by Theodore Dreiser and a congressional hearing on protecting the Everglades. You have all that? Yeah, I’m slower than that.
C. I prefer to think of myself as careful … like a guy rehabbing my ACL.
D. About average

5. My parents …

A. Are proud that I have made it even though I am the youngest.
B. Are proud that I have set a good example for the younger children
C. Don’t know my name and keep calling me Juan.
D. Didn’t have any other kids.

6. What is your favorite American saying?

A. “I like to play in the World Series.”
B. “I like the challenge of a new team.”
C. “I’m so lucky to be here.”
D. “I actually know other American phrases.“

7. I made it to the big leagues because:

A. I followed my brothers path.
B. My Mom shoved newspapers articles about me in a scouts face.
C. My Dad looked at me and said, ”Ugh, you gotta be a catcher.“
D. Of my speed and athletic prowess.

8. Best part about baseball

A. Having fun playing the game
B. Money
C. Wearing the pinstripes.
D. Stretching a double into a triple.

9. People say I look like …

A. A younger version of my brothers
B. An older version of my brothers
C. A middle version of my brothers
D. Brad Pitt

10. How would you describe your running style?

A. My legs have a disease.
B. I run like I’m dragging my entire catching family and all their gear behind me.
C. I almost beat David Wells in a race … trouble is he didn’t know we were racing.
D. No, I’m fast. Really.

Every A is worth 1 point, every B is 2 points, every C is 3 points, and every D is 4 points.

If you scored 0 to 17 points: You are Yadier Molina.
If you scored 18 to 25 points: You are Bengie Molina
If you scored 26-33 points: You are Jose Molina
If you scored 34 or more: You are no Molina.

14 Comments on “Have you seen a Molina?”

  1. 1: Former Army Person said at 7:22 am on June 24th, 2008:

    After the first question, I was already for this to be part of the quiz.

    “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

  2. 2: SMK said at 7:34 am on June 24th, 2008:

    I think if you score 34+ you are Alfred Molina.

  3. 3: Jerry said at 7:45 am on June 24th, 2008:

    Too bad Izzy Molina isn’t playing anymore…

  4. 4: Craig said at 8:23 am on June 24th, 2008:

    African or European swallow?

  5. 5: Doug said at 8:24 am on June 24th, 2008:

    The T-Bones have game called “Fish, No-Fish” at Community America Ballpark. The Royals should start “Molina, No-Molina” at Kauffman.

    That’d be good for hours of entertainment.

  6. 6: erik said at 8:32 am on June 24th, 2008:

    As a New Yorker living off Times Square these days, my advice to all of the Molinas is to avoid Times Square Restaurants… (of course, apparently thousands of people do come thousands of miles to eat at TGI Fridays, Red Lobster, or Bubba Gump) The Molinas should walk two blocks west to 9th Avenue (or maybe those guys would rather take a cab…) and find some of the best food in NYC. Just a pointless piece of advice.

  7. 7: Don said at 8:38 am on June 24th, 2008:

    You think watching Molina is bad, you should have been following the Blue Jays in 2006, when the only man in the Major Leagues slower than Bengie Molina was hitting right behind him in the lineup.

    If we take one molina as a measurement of the time it takes Bengie Molina to get down to first base, it takes Jason Phillips a full molina and a half.

    (Jose Reyes and Joey Gathright make the trip in .05 molinas.)

  8. 8: wcw said at 8:48 am on June 24th, 2008:

    There is no way anyone takes a full 1.5 Molinas down the line. Even Bengie himself when his quadriceps was at his worst this spring was making it in ~1.2 Molinas. I am completely comvinced that the zombified corpse of Carl Hubbell could make it down the line in 1.4.

    Now, I have a soft spot for this Molina. For one thing, he is as noted good for hours of amusement. Even my wife sometimes looks at the teevee when he is “running” the bases and heaps a little good-natured invective on his speed. For another, he is good enough at making contact that while he is a Giants Special (a veteran hacker with a modicum of power and a surfeit of flaws that render him roughly average on balance), I forgive him more than most for swinging at balls a foot out of the strike zone, since he has pretty good contact ability even out there.

  9. 9: Aaron M. said at 9:45 am on June 24th, 2008:

    Should we just rename Bengie Molina, Zombie Molina? He “runs” like a zombie, and not those new fangled zombies that run either. I’m talking Night of the Living Dead zombies. If Carl Hubbell’s zombified corpse can beat him, he must be a zombie!

  10. 10: roarke said at 11:02 am on June 24th, 2008:

    I think Doug Mientkiewicz might be slower than the Molinas. I swear I once saw Doug hit a groundball to shortstop and get beat down the line by the catcher running to backup the throw.

  11. 11: John Peterson said at 11:13 am on June 24th, 2008:

    Did you forget about Gustavo?

  12. 12: Mark LaFlamme said at 11:43 am on June 24th, 2008:

    Sweetest words uttered anywhere on Sunday: “One the ground left side… diving play… long throw… GLOAD’S GOT IT!”

  13. 13: Travis M. Nelson said at 12:52 pm on June 24th, 2008:

    Hey, the Flailing Molina Brothers aren’t all bad.

    Last August, Yadier hit two homers off Dave Bush, on the same day Bengie hit one off Atlanta pitching. This was on August 16th, which just happened to be the 30th anniversary of the death of Elvis Presley, who also had a brother, a twin, who was still born. The Molinas all look like they’re practically still when they’re trying to run. Also, Bengie was originally signed by the Angels, and of course Elvis is dead.

    Coincidence? I don’t think so.

  14. 14: KCJoe said at 9:37 pm on June 24th, 2008:

    Classic! I laughed harder at the comments than the original entry but they were both very good.

    Awesome

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