Super Joe
Posted: June 9th, 2008 | Filed under: Baseball, Cleveland | 65 Comments »
First, you have to understand the desperation. This was 1980. Every day the newsmen reminded us how long the hostages had been held in Iran. Jimmy Carter announced an Olympic boycott. Cars lined up for blocks to get gasoline. All that stuff. Television more or less sucked — the top three shows going into the 1980 baseball season were: 1. 60 Minutes; 2. Three’s Company*; 3. That’s Incredible. I think that tells you where America was that cold winter.
*3/25/1980 — The Goodbye Guy. Jack, Janet and Chrissy think that Mr. Furley is going to kill himself and they show praise for him. If there could be a singular description of that show … yep, this is as good as any.
The music more or less sucked throughout 1980. Disco had lost whatever energy it might have had, and the syrupy Captain and Tennille were now singing the uncomfortably blue “Do That To Me One More Time,†Billy Joel was singing about rock and roll, Kenny Rogers was singing about ladies. Yeah. It was bad. And the third worst song* to ever hit No. 1 on the charts appeared — that, of course, is “Sailing.†By Christopher Cross.
*The two worst songs to ever top the charts are, in no order, “Broken Wings†and “We Built This City.†By this blog’s bylaws, this is not debatable. However, to clarify, it is very much debatable which is worse … thus, the poll.
And as brutal as it was everywhere else, it was worse in Cleveland. It was always worse in Cleveland, where the factories were closing and families were fleeing along I-77 South toward Charlotte and and Columbia or I-71 toward Louisville, Southern places where winters did not feature snowdrifts that climbed to Himalayan heights. The Browns started 4-0 in ‘79 and missed the playoffs. The Cavaliers were owned by incomparable nutjob Ted Stepien and were making their carefully planned transition from mediocre to clownish. The Indians were, of course, the Indians — non-contenders for the 21st straight year — and that March we read in the paper a story about some crazed fan in Mexico stabbing an Indians rookie with a pen. The paper gave intense details — apparently the fan hated Americans, and then pen penetrated more than in inch, and created a four-inch stab wound. The stabber, of course, was fined 50 pesos. Perfect. None of us even understood why the Indians were PLAYING baseball in Mexico, much less who this poor kid was who had been bayoneted by a Bic.
It turned out the kid was a prospect. Well that figured. He’d hit .352 in Chattanooga a year earlier — that was a Southern League record — and he bashed 21 home runs in only 372 at-bats. We obviously did not know about OPS back then, and we obviously did not care about minor leaguers then … but looking back this guy had put up a .352/.422/.597 line with a 1.019 OPS in Double-A, and this was one year after he had put up a .350/.437/.549 in high A. The guy apparently could swat, and now he’d been stabbed by some psychotic pen-wielding lunatic in Mexico. Fortunately, the beat writers told us, the Indians already had newly signed Jorge Orta slated for the outfield spot, so they would be fine. So there was that.
Somehow, the kid was back in uniform two days later, and now we were paying attention to the papers. According to the stories, this kid was hitting long, long home runs in batting practice. Sure, but what about the games? Then he hit a couple in games. Interesting. And it looked like he was kind of goofy. When asked about the stabbing, he said that he wanted to do some advertising for Bic because he could prove that the pens can write through blood. Funny … in a twisted, sick, cynical Cleveland sort of way.
Who was this kid who got stabbed with the pen? “We like what we’ve seen of him,†Indians President Gabe Paul said. Who was this kid? “He swings the bat pretty good,†Indians manager Dave Garcia said. Who was this kid? “I think I’m ready now,†Joe Charboneau told reporters. “I thought I was ready last year. Basically, what I’m saying is, I’m ready.â€
He was ready. We were ready. Joe Charboneau, eh? Reporters were calling him “Super Joe†before the end of spring training. And also “Bazooka Joe.†And, blasphemously, they were calling him “Joltin’ Joe†too. Well, hey, you couldn’t blame the writers, we badly needed a hero in Cleveland. We didn’t have time to wait around for one. The population was dwindling. The city was collapsing. Between 1970 and 1980, George Hendrick led the Indians in home runs and he was gone, Buddy Bell led the Indians in RBIs and he was gone, Rick Manning led the Indians stolen bases and he was still around but now slower than January. Rick Waits was the team’s best pitcher and he wasn’t really any good.
So, OK, we were ready for Super Joe. And in his very first Major League game, in his very first Major League at-bat, Joe Charboneau … well, OK, yeah, first at-bat, he hit a ground ball to third. But in his second at-bat, Super Joe smacked an opposite field homer off of Dave Frost … and yes, it is true, Dave Frost was the opening day starter for the California Angels. What of it? Dan Spillner was the Opening Day starter for Cleveland.
The point is that Charboneau homered in his very first game. Super Joe was for real. And if we needed more proof (we did not), a week later, when the Indians had their home opener, Charboneau got three hits, and slammed a homer to straight-away center, this time in front of 61,753. Wow. Super Joe was MORE than for real. Two Cleveland guys in Section 36 that day — Don Kriss and Stan Bloch — were so excited about the possibilities that they drank lots of beer and wrote a song about Joe Charboneau.
Who’s the newest guy in town!
Go Joe Charboneau
Turns the ballpark upside down!
Go Joe Charboneau
Yeah, it sucked. So what? It was better than Sailing. And we needed it. We needed HIM. Super Joe started hot, at the end of April he was hitting .354, with three homers, nine RBIs, he was among the league leaders. True, the Indians were off to their usual bad start, and they were 5-9, but so what? The kid was for real.
And it was right about then that the stories started coming out. Reporters asked Super Joe about getting stabbed by the pen in Mexico, and Charboneau said he’d been stabbed lots of times in his life by lots of things. Really? Stabbed? Sure, he said, by knives and stuff. Knives? Well, yeah, he had scrapped a little. He’d had his nose broken so many times that he could drink beer through his nose. No, really. Watch.
And we watched Super Joe drink beer through a straw through this nose. He had set that nose himself once with pliers. Well, sure you break your nose enough times you better learn how to handle it yourself. And then he got the beer bottle out and opened it with his eye socket. Obviously. How else would you open beer? You want to talk about someone who was born to be a Cleveland hero in that troubling year of 1980. He dyed his hair crazy colors … the man was punk! He told us how he almost quit baseball because he had a pretty good job as an electrician. He told us about his home technique for removing tattoos with a razor. He told us about how he had stitched up his own wounds with a needle and thread. He told us about removing an aching tooth with a vice grip.
Our cup runneth over.
It didn’t matter that Super Joe went cold in May and June, so cold the Indians started to platoon him. His average dropped to .264. We didn’t care. We needed him. The song, Go Joe Charboneau, played on the radio even while he stewed on the bench. All the banners were for him. All the autograph seekers were for him. True, Miguel Dilone was having a miraculous season — he would end up hitting .341 with 61 stolen bases — but really, how excited could you get about Miguel Dilone? Len Barker was leading the American League in strikeouts. Yippee. Mike Hargrove was slicing a lot of hits the other way. Whoop-de-doo! It was all about Super Joe. Did you hear that he once walked 10 miles with a broken leg? Did you hear he once fought off four muggers using only a ham sandwich? DId you hear he hammered a nail through wood using only his pinky? Did you hear he could do 25 knuckle pushups with a fridge on his back?
Super Joe began to hit again … from June 13 to July 3rd he hit .390 and raised his season average to .307. He cracked two long home runs in the Kingdome in late July, the second a grand slam in the 11th inning. He hit five home runs in a nine game span. He smashed a couple of those home runs into upper decks. The song, Go Joe Charboneau, went up to No. 3 on the local charts.
The thing about Joe Charboneau — the thing he began to notice — is that everything he did was blown up all out of proportion. There was a constant intensity surrounding him — Super Joe began to worry. Cleveland wanted him to be … well, he didn’t know quite what. Something superhuman. Something beyond. It was becoming less fun. When reporters started to ask him for more crazy Super Joe stories, he began to shy away. It was getting to be too much for him.
“That was a long time ago,†he began to say.
“The stories weren’t exactly untrue, but …†he began to say.
Nobody heard. Nobody listened. It was too late. There was no turning back … he was our Cleveland folk hero now, for better or worse, in sickness or in health. Super Joe hurt his pelvis and wasn’t quite right the last month or so. Funny thing is he hit .412 his last 12 games of the season. The guy was indestructible. He finished up by hitting .289 with 23 homers and 87 RBIs in 453 at-bats. It would win him rookie of the year, for sure.
And he was everything to us, everything to me. It’s hard to explain. There is something about growing in Cleveland in the 1970s, something about all the Cleveland jokes and all the sports losses and all the times the car got stuck in the snow and slush and all the potholes and all the gray days that sticks with you. You learned to expect the worst. You learned to brace yourself for disappointment. Your eyes adjusted to the gray and black. And that rookie year of Super Joe Charboneau, well, it was was like walking out of a movie theater into a bright, lemon, blinding sunshine.
And because we were Clevelanders, I don’t think any of us thought it would last. Sure, I was 13 years old, and I’m sure that on the surface I was convinced that Super Joe would go to the Hall of Fame and he would break all the records worth breaking and all that. Looking back, hey, he did He did put up a 129 OPS+ in 1980 … the list of players who did that in their 25th year include Mark McGwire, Jim Edmonds, Willie Stargell, Matt Williams, Scott Rolen and Amos Otis (also Ivan Calderon, Lee Walls and Fred Luderus but that’s beside the point).
Still, I don’t recall anyone being overly surprised or devastated the next year when Super Joe hurt his back sliding headfirst at a spring training game. Maybe our Cleveland weariness had kicked in. Maybe we had already seen this act with Mark Fydrich in Detroit. Maybe we just understood that good things don’t last in Cleveland. In 1981, Super Joe managed only 138 at-bats, and he hit .210. The next year, he got 56 at-bats and hit .214. Injuries crippled him. We all knew it was over.
He hit his last home run on May 12, 1982 in Seattle — Super Joe loved Seattle, he hit .438 with five home runs in the Kingdome. He it off Floyd Bannister, Banny’s pop, a lefty. Super Joe loved lefties, he hit .306/.380/.481 against them in his career.
And that was it. Every so often, we would hear another story about how Joe Charboneau was on the comeback trail, he was cracking the ball in the minors again, but we never believed it. Pittsburgh picked him up in 1984 and gave him a chance, and he hit OK in Prince William, in high A ball, but he was 29 and he was beat up, and he quit for real. That year, the Indians drafted Cory Snyder, who would become the next folk hero, an Olympic star with a bazooka arm and power to spare. He would hit 24 homers his rookie year, 33 his second, 26 more his third … then he began his own descent.
Anyway, Snyder never had a song written about him. Super Joe settled in Cleveland after his playing days, and he got a job, and every so often his name would pop up in the paper. He played an extra in “The Natural.†He played softball around town. He was in a celebrity golf tournament. He was becoming a coach for some Independent team. Something. Over the years, he became trivia, a one-year-wonder, an offbeat symbol of a time … like the song “Mickey†or the brief fascination America had with Joyce Hyser and Father Guido Sarducci.
Super Joe always meant more than that to me. My Dad got a job in Charlotte that year, 1980, and I didn’t want to go, of course. I didn’t know anything about the South. I remember friends telling me people there didn’t wear shoes … that was our level of geographical understanding. Before Dad left to start his job — we wouldn’t join him for a few months — he took me and my brothers to an Indians game. I’ll never forget this, it was a Friday night, and they were playing Oakland, and there was a pretty decent crowd at the game — 16,439 I see on Retrosheet — and I recall it being hot and muggy, maybe it was even raining a bit. Rick Waits pitched for the Indians, my Rick Waits, the guy I expected ever year to emerge into stardom. He pitched well that night … gave up two runs in 8 1/3 innings. Unfortunately, Brian Kingman and a trio of relievers pitched better for Oakland. It was 2-1 A’s going into the ninth.
The Indians quickly grounded into two outs in the ninth, things looked bleak. And then Mike Hargrove did what he did … he poked an opposite field single to left. Toby Harrah followed, and he drew a walk. First and second, two outs, and who should come up? Super Joe Charboneau. And suddenly, Cleveland Municipal Stadium was alive. You couldn’t say that often for baseball games at that masoleum. There was cheering and stomping, people holding their beer cups high above their heads in a sort of toast to the man of the hour, the man who could drink those beers through his nose. And that moment was how I would always remember Cleveland, loud, bullish, tipsy but not drunk, down but not out, trailing but not without hope, down to the last out but with Super Joe up at the plate.
I don’t need to tell you that Super Joe lined out to left field for the third out, and the Indians lost 2-1. If you know Cleveland, you already knew that ending. But the point wasn’t the ending. The point was the hope.
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Super Joe also played one of the “Additional Knights” in The Natural.
well, it sounds like you would understand why cincinnati is head-over-heels in love with jay bruce these days.
If it isn’t debatable, why is it a poll question? And why did I vote? Was order not specified? There is no way I am trying to find that paragraph to see whether you stated that “Broken Wings” was the worst and “We Built This City” was second worse, or whether I read that into it.
Did the Macarena never top the charts? That would be a QED against your argument, but I don’t want to violate the bylaws so I am stopping now.
By the rules of the baseball package, I was thwarted in my attempt to see the game, and I guess that is probably a good thing. Banny against the Yanks is tough – you need raw stuff to get them, so Greinke was always our best chance this weekend.
At my first job out of college, one of the ladies I worked with was getting married to a guy with the last name “Sherbno”. When I found that out, I said to her, “Did the family used to spell it ‘Charboneau’?”
Clearly surprised, she answered, “Yes, how did you know?”
“Just a guess. I was thinking of Super Joe Charboneau. Are they any relation?”
“Beats me. Who’s Super Joe Charboneau?”
That might be the most depressing answer I’ve ever received to any question.
Brilliant, just sparkling. Thanks.
And then in the fall, the Kardiac Kids would break our hearts anew. There is no number you could have shown me at age 16 that would have convinced me that Brian Sipe wasn’t the greatest quarterback of his generation: in fact, he wasn’t even very good.
Excuse me, there’s something in my eye.
Yep Joe, you hit all the high notes here. Let me add on to the Super Joe apocrypha. Ostensibly Joe was a descendant of Toussaint Charboneau, Lewis and Clark’s interpreter and Sacagawea, their Indian guide. Not sure if it’s true, but it adds a little more spice to the stew.
What an amazingly good bit of prose. Tremendous as always, Joe.
Do any of you also recall that I think Toby Harrah was the the first name that Harry Carry when he was with the White Sox on WSNS -44 said was spelt the same backwards? The rest is history!
I wrote this elsewhere, but I maintain that “We Built This City” has kitsch value, whereas “Broken Wings” has no value.
Sounds like the country was drowning in a sea of sorrows. Well I’ve got your life jacket right here. It’s called the ’80s and it’s going to be around forever!
At least Broken Wings is catchy enough that you may hum a bit under your breath on accident, and then swear at your subconscious for being such a traitor.
We Built This City has no redeeming factor. None. It is quite possibly the mysterious, late-blooming 11th plague.
Brilliant story as always.
Now, to the poll question. We Built This City is the worst song of all time. How Grace Slick, she of the sell-out corporate rock band with three name changes, could sing “Who cares they’re always changing corporation names” with a straight face is beyond me.
Do any of you also recall that I think
Nope, I did not recall that you thought that.
In 1980’s defense musically, that was the year The River, Remain in Light, and Get Happy!! came out. And of course the Browns made it to the Super Bowl when Sipe threw the ball out of the end zone and then Cockroft came in and kicked the FG that beat the Raiders 15-14. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Great piece yet again, Joe.
I don’t care what the subject is, any post on any blog that includes the phrase “Super Joe hurt his pelvis” is worth a read.
Joe,
Don’t you have a book that you are working on? You better get busy…not to mention you are on vacation with your wife…an anniversary no less.
I absolutely love this thing but seriously man, I think you are as consumed by it as we, your faithful readers/commentors, are.
Great description of all that! I started getting into baseball in May ‘82…Id read all the magazines & books I could get my hands on about it. I remember seeing Joe in the stats from 1980 and seeing he was Rookie of the Year… but I had no idea who he was. Oddly, I got excited about him because he was, to me, this “mystery great player” who shined for a moment and made me curious. Over the years I’ve learned a bit about him, but this really gave me a picture that I couldn’t get anywhere else… a picture of what he was in Cleveland at that time. Cool.
“Do any of you also recall that I think Toby Harrah was the the first name that Harry Carry when he was with the White Sox on WSNS -44 said was spelt the same backwards?”
Yes. I don’t know if he mentioned anything in later years when Robb Nen was pitching.
And speaking of the Indians of the ’70s, the Harry of the South Side years also loved Charlie Spikes … as he usually said, “what a great baseball name.”
Joe, your story about Super Joe is classic. I am younger so I am remember Synder a better. It reminds of a kid I grew up with, a Yankee fan, who put all his hopes and dreams into Kevin Maas. Fortunately for me he was so hooked he would routinely trade me Kevin Maas rookie cards for Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards!
“I wrote this elsewhere, but I maintain that “We Built This City†has kitsch value, whereas “Broken Wings†has no value.”
No, no, no,no.
Mr. Twister or whatever came from nowhere with no expectations, much like Joe Charboneau. They also had that Kyrie song, which was Gaelic chanting or something, but hummable.
Grace Slick and Mickey Thomas were household names to rock and roll fans, and the song was co-written by Bernie freaking Taupin and Peter Wolf of J. Geils.
It was a major crime and they should have all been cashiered from the Music Guild.
They were old enough to have known better.
Sorry, Joe, but you’re wrong. In February of 1980, the US Olympic Hockey team beat the Russians at the Lake Placid Olympics.
And while it might not have been so great in Cleveland, for the rest of the country, we were on a high that lasted at least 2 years.
Hey, I’m a baseball fan, first and foremost. But we beat the friggin’ commies. Life was good.
Excellent story Joe. I won’t debate those are the two worst songs, because clearly they are, but sailing? Come on that songs a classic!
Sailing, eh? Actually, to a songwriter Sailing is sort of interesting because it has something like 7 key changes in the bridge. I gotta think there are worse #1 songs that Sailing. But right now I can’t think of any.
The worst song ever recorded, however, has to be “He Hit Me And It Felt Like A Kiss.” It’s even worse than it sounds, and was written by none other than Carole King. Produced by none other than Phil Spector (no surprise there), and recorded by one of the girl groups in the early ’60s, The Chiffons maybe.
Amazingly, it was recorded again in the ’80s by The Motels, and yet again about 10 years ago by…………Courtney Love. Who else.
Thanks. Any post that combines songs and baseball is a 129 OPS+
Thanks, as always, for the great post.
“Broken Wings” is burned into my memory for the strangest of reasons. I was driving through the New York area, listening to the radio. Howard Stern was still a radio DJ (outrageous, but not as widely distributed), and his show was about to commence. Ricky Nelson had just died and the previous DJ closed out his set with a sentimental tribute to the singer. The next two songs, chosen by Howard, were “Goodbye To You” and “Broken Wings”.
Cooooold.
> co-written by Bernie freaking Taupin and Peter Wolf of J. Geils
I couldn’t figure out how Wolf fit in with Starship so I had to do some additional investigating. Fortunately allmusic.com mentions that it was “not the former singer of the J. Geils Band.” I’m down with it. A little perturbed that I just spent five minutes reading a biography on Starship, though.
BTW He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss) was recorded by The Crystals. It’s horrible but they also did great work with Spector on He’s a Rebel, Then He Kissed Me, He’s Sure the Boy I Love and Da Doo Ron Ron.
The Royals didn’t acquire Jorge Orta until 1984 so I believe you meant the Indians signed him (which they did, I looked).
I read Joe Charboneau’s book that came out after his rookie (Super Joe?) and if half that stuff were true then he was the oldest 25 yr old in baseball history. He was basically Kimbo Slice except without youtube.
Dave Frost may not have did much in 1980 but in 1979 he was the Angels best pitcher and they just lost Nolan Ryan so he was the best option for opening day. And he was certainly better than some of the opening day starters KC has trotted out (Elarton, Lima, & Anderson to name just a sad few).
To Ron – Joe was right. The US boycotted the summer Olympics that year. We beat the commies in the winter Olympics.
Didn’t AC/DC release “Back in Black” in 1980? For some of us that record is the quintessential rock album of our high school years.
I think if you’re going to call one of those eighties songs the “worst ever” you have to qualify it with something like “the worst ever…since I stopped paying attention to the Hot 100 charts” or the “worst ever…since actual music bands seemingly ceased to exist”.
With the charts dominated these days (and really, for about the last decade) by “artists” with names like “Mo Killah, featuring Schnozz-Wizzle”, you’d have a hard time convincing me that Starship or Mr. Mister produced something worse than this dreck. Seriously, some of the recent #1 songs:
“Hey Ya!”
“Grillz”
“Ridin”
…and (I kid you not)
“Yeah”
And if not them, then definitely MMMBop.
I can’t argue with the other three, but Hey Ya! is a fantastic song oozing with artistic talent.
worst #1.. “Love Touch” by Rod Stewart?
another vote for “MMMBop”…
Celine Dion’s Titanic song
I agree Billy, that Hey Ya! is a fantastic song. When it hit my friends and I knew it was immediately a song we would hear for the rest of our lives–a dance hall anthem in 11/4 time, based around an accoustic riff with irresistable call-and-responses. You just don’t find that everyday. For what it’s worth it was the most recent song to make Rolling Stone’s 500 greatest songs list (#180).
I find Travis’ rant rather rockist.
John R.- then I’ll gladly wear the “rockist” label as well because “Hey Ya!” made me want to rip my own ears off every time I heard it in the summer of ‘04…which was approximately 70 bazillion times. Ugh.
There are other songs I could make the case for, but “We Built This City” is definitely in the mix for worst song ever (pre-2000 division), so I’m happy to vote for it. “Broken Wings” — lord, I’m not saying it’s good, but it’s a distinctly lower level of hell.
The commentary above is largely correct, the 21st century has PLENTY of worse #1’s that you’ve likely never heard. Hey Ya! and MMM-Bop are not good examples, though. For real horror, you need to look for Akon or Mims or T-Pain (oh, seriously look for T-Pain, it’s HIDEOUS stuff) or of course Fergie….but my nominee for worst song ever, “post-2000 and therefore all-time division” is “anything by Lil’ Jon”. Take “Who Let the Dogs Out”, remove anything remotely musical or pleasant, add obnoxious noise, iterate this process 47,000 times….and enjoy.
I’m sorry, but nothing special happened at midnight on 31. December 1999 to change the fact that “We Built This City” is the worst pop song ever. All that other pap may be bad, but I have a crate full of worse records in my garage. The thing is, nobody ever heard them, so they don’t matter in this debate.
By contrast, “We Built This City” was on the radio non-@#$%!-stop for what seemed like thirty years. And that was just the first time you heard it. By the second time, it seemed like fifty. By the time you last track of how many times that misbegotten monstrosity had been foisted on your ears by the local top-forty station, it felt as though time itself was turning itself inside-out in a vain attempt to escape the song. It was, I grant, only #1 for two weeks, but the song is so bad it bent space and time.
As a result, no other #1 can come close. And the rest of that stuff wasn’t even #1. But if you must try, here’s your list: go to it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_number-one_hits_%28United_States%29
I was just discussing with my wife the three genres of music that I find to be the most intolerable:
1) The dead homey tribute. Example: “I’ll Be Missing You” by a cast of thousands.
2) The flagrant right wing country song. Example: Almost anything by Toby Keith.
3) Songs where the singer is overly in love with themselves. Examples: Almost anything by Celine Dion, Mariah Carey.
While it doesn’t fit the above three categories, my vote goes for “We Built This City”.
“We Built This City” is used as the theme to a popular news program in Japan…
“We Built This City” is so bad I don’t think anything could possibly be worse. Perhaps, some day, something might equal it ,but it can never be topped. And yes, the obscene amount of airplay and the fact that otherwise talented folks collaborated on it is part of why it is so miserable.
Interestingly, the 80’s get a bad rap. There was plenty of great music created in the 80’s. The problem is that none of the great stuff is the music that defines the 80’s, the vast majority of which would make the world a better place if it was never heard again. What do you expect when the defining instrument was an electronic gizmo designed to poorly imitate real instruments. On the other hand, U2, The Police, John Lennon, Springsteen, Dire Straits, just off the top of my head, all had great albums (and they were that back then) that came out in the 80’s…
“In February of 1980, the US Olympic Hockey team beat the Russians at the Lake Placid Olympics.”
February, hockey, Lake Placid Olympics.
That would all seem to point to the winter Olympics, even if I didn’t say it. Next time, I’ll be Mr. Literal and spell it out.
Although technically released in 1979, no song is worse than Rex Smith’s, “You Take My Breath Away”
You
I don’t know what to say
You take my breath away
You’re every song I sing
You’re the music that I play
And you take my breath away
You
You smile and it’s okay
You take my breath away
Like water from a stream
On a sizzling summer day
You take my breath away
There are words for the magic of a sunrise
Only none of them will do for you.
You Take My Breath Away (repeat 900 times and fade out)…
Runner Up: “True” – Spandau Ballet
“At This Moment” from Billy Vera and the Beaters has to get consideration for the worst number one hit of all-time.
Great post. I was 13 years old in 1980 and still own a 45 of “Go Joe Charboneau.” There are Herb Score HR calls sprinkled in with some real cornball lyrics. Not as bad as “We Built This City,” though. That song is the worst.
I went to an Old-Timer’s Game in ‘90 or ‘91, and Super Joe (playing for the Indians) hit a soft Texas Leaguer off Al Hrabosky with two outs in the bottom of the last inning to score a huffing and puffing Jerry Dybzinski to give the Indians the win. The crowd went absolutely crazy, as did I, because we all remembered what he meant to us in that one year.
What should I do with all the Super Joe baseball cards I have? They have been keeping the Ron Kittle cards company for so long but maybe it’s time to sell high?
Super Joe spells his last name wrong.
Was “Broken Wings” ever lampoon’ed in a comedy sketch at the MTV Movie Awards by Will Ferrell and Jack Black?? I think not.
Grace Slick all the way
As a kid growing up in KC, 1980 wasn’t too shabby. George Brett chasing .400 and residence in the White House (my grandma had a “George Brett for President” bumper sticker) and a World Series.
I also fell for the Cory Snyder Era, though. It was fun while it lasted…
When I first read the title, I thought you’d start talking about this Super Joe.
It’s a shame that Starship killed themselves with “We Built This City.” They did do some other good music too, like the eminently rockable Jane.
Okay. End of debate.
The Google of “worst song ever” and “we built this city” yields 514 hits. The Google of “worst song ever” and “broken wings” yields 288 hits.
On the other hand, the VH1 “Behind the Music” special on Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Starship/Jefferson Airplane is a laugh riot. Spinal Tap has nothing on that trip.
Joe,
For a brief second – I’m pretty sure this was just a groggy, half-awake thought – when I read the title of the post I thought you were writing about yourself.
My all-time worst songs:
1. “American Pie”
2. Clapton’s version of “I Shot the Sheriff”
3. “My Humps”
I think “The Sign” by Ace of Base is the worst #1 song every. Either that or “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.
I’m pretty sure the radio stations used “We Built This City” as a fight song during the Royals’ title run. Something like “We Built This City On Royals ballllllllllll.”
I might be wrong about that.
Sailing, by Christopher Cross, is one of the 10 best songs of all time.
A pox on you, sir.
I do feel compelled to point out at this juncture that “Ice Ice Baby” was, in fact, a #1 single.
The 80s gets a bad rap mostly due to hair metal, but it was actually one of the greatest decades for music in history, if you go a little deeper — past the charts. With the rise of post-punk and no wave in the late 70s, the annals of music were treated to such legendary bands as wire, sonic youth, (early) r.e.m., the cure, joy division (and later, new order), the church, the sound, echo & the bunnymen, etc, etc. Not to mention the amazing evolution of the indie scene in the late 80s that included the pixies, nirvana, etc. The 80s is probably my favorite music decade.
I gotta think there are worse #1 songs that Sailing. But right now I can’t think of any.
The guy with the Wikipedia list certainly helps, but I can name my all-time worst #1 without even looking: “Afternoon Delight”. The band that recorded it is so forgettable that many people think the band’s name is the Starlight Vocal Band — the actual name of the band is the Starland Vocal Band.
An insipid #1 song where even many fans can’t get the artists’ name right? Gotta be the winner.
Songs about baseball players, on the other hand…I remember that around the time the Twins opened the Metrodome, they used to play a song over the PA system before games featuring Bombo Rivera. (Hit a touchdown, Bombo!) It was about all we had to look forward to in those days.
“Afternoon Delight”, for sure. Thanks. And how about “These Boots Were Made For Walkin’”
Actually if you go back far enough in that wikipedia list, a lot of the early ’60s #1s (before the British invasion) are freaky pathetic.
What about bad baseball songs? Anybody remember “Willie, Mickey and the Duke”?
A 3-minute gag-fest.
I have been hoping that you would write about the six week radio show, not Joe Charboneau. (Hey- that rhymes.)
“These Boots Were Made For Walkin’â€? How about another Nancy #1 – “Somethin’ Stupid”?
That’s a worse song than Boots, for sure.
The top rated TV shows in 1980 were better than the top rated ones now– at least 60 Minutes was #1. This year, the top FIVE rated shows were two nights of American Idol and three of Dancing With the Stars. Point, 1980.
I have no idea what the top three songs of this year have been, but I’m 99% sure that they are terrible.
Afternoon Delight is a horrible, lame, wimpy- sounding song, but the lyrics are actually disturbingly sexual, as the hilarious karaoke scene in the TV show Arrested Development proves.
Shows like Arrested Development are never top rated.
Brian G. :I am so with you on #s 2 and 3. If “My Humps” had made #1 I’d be willing to go against the bylaws and argue it was the worst (what can I say, I’m a rebel who doesn’t play by anybody’s rules but my own) but it peaked, if you can call it that, at #3.
Flanders: Shut up, Flanders.*
G Young: “Something Stupid” was actually the first 45 I ever owned. I loved that song. Of course, I was 4 years old.
* Just a reflex answer from years of Simpsons watching, not to be taken seriously. (although I happen to think “True” is a great song)
Out of curiosity and boredom, I went and took a cursory look at the wikipedia entries for no. 1 songs going back to 1980 and compiled a quick-and-dirty list of the songs that I believe are either “good” or “tolerable.” Actually, it only took like ten minutes, and I love me some totally subjective, unscientific, analysis. Anyway, maybe I’m a bit of a music snob, but I counted nine good songs. Eight. In twenty-eight years. And a couple are borderline. I counted another eight songs as “tolerable,” which I defined as “if I hear this song on the radio, I will not change the station.”
My point is that no. 1 songs usually suck, and often suck quite badly, so the fact that they were bad at any point in time kinda….expected.
Five of the nine “good” songs were by Outkast or U2, four from two albums (“Speakerboxx/The Love Below” and “The Joshua Tree”). The only year with two good ones not by either Outkast (2 in 2004) or U2 (2 in 1987)? 1980.
1980 had “Another Brick in the Wall (Part II)” by Pink Floyd and “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen. While neither is exactly an amazing musical achievement, they’re both good, catchy, rock songs in my opinion. Though “We Built This City” is comically bad.
Just figured I’d make that point, even though it’s totally just one person’s unqualified opinion. I probably should spend my time doing something else.
Oh. I counted eight good songs. Not nine. Man, that made me look like a moron.
I stumbled across this while Googling Super Joe, because I have to occasionally pay homage to my first athete crush. You nailed it. Even though I no longer live in Cleveland, I still maintain that “wait until next year” attitude that started when Super Joe won his Rookie of the Year and was temporarily quashed when I learned the definition of “sophomore slump.” I’m actually living in a town that won a Super Bowl, and I still think I will be happier the day the Indians finally win the World Series or the Browns take home the Vince Lombardi trophy. Thanks for the walk down Memory Lane.
P.S. I had “Go Joe Charboneau” on a 45.
Great article on Cleveland Indians legend Super Joe Charboneau. i recently watched the Len Barker perfect game on mlb.tv and Charboneau was in LF, it’s the only video I can find of Super Joe. I remember hating Dave Garcia for not playing Charboneau yet never sitting Manning down. I still think Manning should have been on the bench, with Dilone in CF and Charboneau in LF but I have to admit after watching Charboneau hit during the Barker game, he clearly was not right up there. Still my memories of that era are great as they are of Super Joe