All Hail Patty, the King of them All (Y’All)

Posted: April 21st, 2008 | Filed under: Interviews, Media | 4 Comments »

Scott Raab’s concession speech came in at roughly Midnight Central Time, a few hours after his beloved Cleveland Indians bullpen blew another game. This time it was Raffy Perez giving up the game-losing single to Justin Morneau. Of course, you cannot blame pitching when you lose 2-1 to the Minnesota Twins and manage just six hits against Scott Baker et. al.

In any case, he wrote:

I’ve bowed to vox populi and conceded the contest. I’m grateful to you for the fun (and the book link) — and to Pat for bothering to get lit up. I count it as a privilege and a thrill, and I hope you’ll tell him so.

Patty responded as a Swear-Off champion should.

Polski. Tell Scottie that was a lovely concession speech, and I’m looking forward to taking a shower with him. He can call or email anytime. i will supply the soap. i just won’t drop it.

And we all can go back to everyday life.

4 Comments on “All Hail Patty, the King of them All (Y’All)”

  1. 1: Oddibe Kerfeld said at 8:02 am on April 21st, 2008:

    Was Meg Ryan’s “coke head boyfriend” Dennis Quaid? Wackypedia seems to indicate that on her page.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meg_Ryan

  2. 2: robustyoungsoul said at 8:14 am on April 21st, 2008:

    Despite harsh words earlier both contestants definitely provided some choice lines that I will be stealing for use in my own conversations.

    Kudos to both for participating in the fun.

  3. 3: Lance Richardson said at 12:01 am on April 22nd, 2008:

    ASTA DOG, I believe you’ve referred to my own use of “felching,” and really, I suspect we all ought to use the word, in its various forms, far more frequently.
    Seriously, I doubt that Jordan even knows what “felch” means (although he likely performed the act in at least one locker room, in a vain search for a protein source that would make his fastball exceed that of Tom Seaver.).
    Raab, on the other hand, is almost certainly a veritable felchaholic, not in the sense that HE IS ADDICTED TO FELCHING (calm down, ass-slurping degenerates), but rather in the sense that he, in all probability, carves up his opponents with frequent references to their proclivity for the felch. And if he doesn’t…well, then it’s only a matter of time, now that I’ve made the suggestion.
    Nonetheless, “swearing” be damned, I still curtsy at the oozing wake of the following passage:
    “As for Jordan, I’m a fan. Pat Jordan can write, and Pat Jordan can swear — and he also gets full credit for the seven decades he has spent milking his stunted minor-league career. The pride he takes in having learned to swear before, during, and after showering with other men is well-earned, and I have no doubt that, despite the homoerotic yearning at the heart of his oeuvre, his own sphincter, like the rest of his muscles, is still as supple as his prose.”
    Pat Jordan hasn’t displayed anything in same fucking zip code; at least not in the pinch.
    We’ll never prove that there’s such thing as a “clutch” hitter. But Scott is most assuredly a “clutch” writer. Despite Pat’s exhaustive background, I say,”Out with the OLD, and in with the NEW!!!”
    Now help me unzip, an’ lemme know if this thing looks infected, would ya????

  4. 4: I thought ... said at 8:26 am on April 22nd, 2008:

    So, they’re funny, and I like cursing as much as the next guy. But aren’t we supposed to be beyond the gratuitous homophobic comments and all? Seems to me some athletes have been beat up over this sort of thing, and by sportswriters, no less. Based on what I’ve read of you, Joe, you seem like too thoughtful a guy for this.

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