Perquist
Posted: April 12th, 2008 | Filed under: New Words, Other Sports | 11 Comments »
They need to invent a new word for golf announcers so they will stop saying putts are “perfect†when the ball does not go in the freaking hole. I appreciate what they’re going for here, but it just sounds stupid. It cannot be a perfect putt if it doesn’t go in the hole. For that matter, any shot that does not go in the hole is not perfect. Drives hit into the center of the fairway are not perfect. Iron shots hit to 12 feet are not perfect. Bunker shots that nestle up nicely to the hole are not perfect either.
We tend to have a fairly high standard for “perfection.â€
The problem is, golf announcers are limited by language. They don’t want to call a 310-yard drive down the center of the fairway “a nice drive.†They don’t want to call a great shot, “a great shot†every time. They want in their voices to express to us hackers and non-golfers the extraordinary difficulty of what these golfers do, and I don’t blame them one bit.
And that’s why, I have come up with the word for them.
“Perquist.â€
I will hope that golf announcers from here on in use this word. Every great drive, they can say, “Wow, that’s just a perquist drive under pressure.†Every remarkable chip, they can (in whispered tones) call “Perquist.†Every twisting, double-breaking putt that a golfer manages to get within two feet of the whole is a “Perquist putt.†It’s a versatile word that I would define as so:
Perquist [PURR-kwist], adj., a golf shot that does not go into the hole and, as such, falls short of perfection. But is still, like, a really skillful shot.
Perquist, as you no doubt figured out already, derives from “Perfect†and the name of one of my favorite announcers “Lundquist.â€*
*Verne in all seriousness is terrific, and his call of Jackie Smith’s dropped touchdown pass in the Super Bowl (“Bless his heart, he’s got to be the sickest man in Americaâ€) ranks as one of the all-time greats.
Loading ...
Does this mean we can get “Hub-side” for the NBA Draft? (Hubie + upside)
I was thinking the same thing today when long putts that came up a foot short were called perfect over and over.
I have no problem with a drive in the middle of the fairway being called perfect, but putts that don’t go in are fundamentally imperfect.
Lundquist is my favorite.
The Laettner shot, even though the wrong team won. Nicklaus in ‘86. The Woods shot on 16. Countless incredible SEC football games. The list of big moments he has called goes on and on and on.
You guys are ignoring the fact that if a tornado ripped through Augusta National and killed ten people Nantz would call it the perfect tornado.
There are no imperfections at Augusta, only perfections that we are not able to understand.
Augusta works in mysterious ways.
I really like Verne too. He’s a pro’s pro. His call of Jackie Smith’s drop actually only aired on local Dallas radio but has of course taken on a life of its own thanks to NFL Films.
Joe, I know this is a free blog and all, but I’d like to see you introduce a new feature to the site.
It’s called “Settle The Score,” where you, the righteous blogger, get a chance to weigh in on issues that trouble (and confuse us) every day.
I’ll provide the first topic for “STS” … tipping a server.
Is it OK to round to the nearest dollar when leaving a tip? I say no, but my friends do it all the time. If a check comes to, say, $15.73, they will leave a $4.27 tip. Meanwhile, I might leave less ($4) or more ($5) … but the bottom line is that the price does not affect my tipping. It’s all about the service.
Can the blog fairy responders please pass this all-important legislation through? It’d be a great addition to the site! (but not nearly as good as FTN, Pozcars, etc.)
I love this idea, and I readily accept perquist into my vocabulary.
Now, can you work on something to replace “majesty” or “splendor”? ESPN ran so many ads with Mike Tirico’s disembodied voice telling me that I’m supposed to tune in to the Masters for the majesty and splendor that I eventually started hitting the mute button when they came on. Sometimes I turned the channel completely. Something makes me think that’s not the outcome they were hoping for from those commercials.
As a side note, the word perfect actually means “complete” in Latin.
Hence, you’re absolutely right in saying that a shot can’t be perfect unless it ends up in the hole, thus completing the hole.
There are better words that actually mean what you think it means.
Banny: 3-0!!!
Vern’s call of the Duke/Kentucky game is also priceless: “Yeeeeeeeeees!” Then silence. Today’s I fear would be like, “OH MY GOD,” blah blah blah but that’s all he needed to say.
I grew up watching Verne on Dallas TV as the sportscaster at WFAA-TV. I’ve never seen a better local sports guy and he just devastated the various pretenders the other stations brought in for years and years.
And don’t forget the Nicklaus call at the ‘86 Masters with perquist inflection: “Yes…SIR!”
I agree with your premise on putts, bunker shots, chips, and even approach shots (pretty much any shot on which it is physically possible for the ball to go in the hole). However, I take issue with your contention that a drive down the middle of the fairway is not “perfect” – the golfer is not aiming for the hole because it is not physically possible for them to hit the ball that far, so they aim for the best spot from which to hit their next shot and, if they hit it there, that’s “perfect”.