3706 words about nothing

Posted: February 18th, 2008 | Filed under: Baseball, Other Sports, Pop Culture | 70 Comments »

So, I take a couple of days off from this blog so I can try to catch up on, I don’t know, LIFE, and I come back and you people are BETTING on how many words this will be? And my dear Minda is setting the line at 4,325 words? Are you serious? That’s longer than Mitch Albom’s novels. I cannot live up to these expectations, people. I’m going to crack. I’m going to end up in some institution, and I’ll be mumbling about Jack Morris’ ERA and how much I wanted to marry Pam Dawber*, and it will be your fault people. Your fault!

*You may not know that Pam Dawber, beyond her brilliance as Mindy, was actually quite the singer. According to Wikipedia, which is where I get all my information, she has a “four octave soprano voice.” I love when stars have a talent that seems entirely at odds with the rest of their career. I won’t soon forget the first time I saw the George Costanza McDonald’s commercial where he sings and dances.**

**And I still love how at the end Jason Alexander says the McDLT “could be the best tasting lettuce and tomato hamburger … ever.” Could be. That seems like a fairly unimpressive boast, no? Could be? Seems to me that if you are going to write a song about a hamburger and hire dancers to hoof it up in that burger’s honor, you might want to promise that it pretty much WILL be the best tasting lettuce and tomato hamburger ever. I mean, seriously, you’ve got a Broadway troupe doing a Bob Fosse choreography to illuminate the wonders of this stupid sandwich*** and then at the end you’re too modest to proclaim superiority over other lettuce and tomato hamburgers? I don’t see it.

***This obscure reference reminds me … why did Dennis Miller have to go all right-wing nutso on us? I mean, hey, look, I have no problem with people believing whatever they want to believe politically. Just today here in Arizona I had an absurd but enjoyable political conversation with a baseball guy. I love all points of view. It’s just that, Dennis Miller, the guy used to be hilarious. His bit on Jack Ruby getting into the garage was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard; I was spitting up Diet Coke. “And don’t you love the fact that Jack Ruby got into the garage that day? ‘Hey boss, the guy who owns the local titty bar is here. He’s got a handgun? Let him in?’ Sure, let him in. Who exactly were they turning away?” The guy was an absolute genius.

And then, one day — blammo, he’s Ann Coulter with better hair. I don’t care about the political views, I really don’t, I care that it was precisely on that day when he went fair and balanced that he started being about as funny as Sean Hannity. It’s just a tragic loss, that’s all. I don’t see why he can’t be a political commentator on his own time and still do bits on how cranky fight attendants**** can be.

****OK, so tell me if I’m wrong here. I’m on the plane coming to Arizona*, and I’ve paid extra money to be upgraded to first class. I’m not going to tell you what airline I was on because that wouldn’t be nice to U.S. Air, plus I still have to fly back home on U.S. Air, and I don’t want to … OK, what the hell. I upgraded to first class because I spent pretty much all day in the airport on Sunday waiting out the snow and ice, my first flight was canceled, my second flight was at night, I just thought, hey, this way I get a meal, I get a comfortable seat, it’s worth the trouble.

Fine. I get on the plane — I’ve paid 100 bucks to upgrade for a three hour flight, mind you — and it’s the smallest first class I’ve ever seen. Eight seats. What’s the point there? That’s not first class, that’s like getting to sit shotgun in a Buick. Well, whatever, I get in my seat, and the plane finally takes off (13 hours after my original flight was supposed to go) and I’m starving. Absolutely starving. Those of you who have been in the Kansas City airport know that while it’s a wonder of convenience for those who live in town — I wouldn’t trade it for any airport in the country — it does not exactly offer a smorgasbord of food options. So I’m starving. The flight attendant comes over with a basket.

My food choices: A granola bar, cheese crackers and a bag of Sun Chips.

I say to the guy: “Um, is there a meal on this flight? Like a sandwich or something?” And the guy looks at me like I’m insane, like only some loser born and raised on a distant planet — some planet not even in our Solar System — would dare to think they would serve a MEAL in FIRST CLASS on a THREE HOUR FLIGHT. He gives me that, “Uh, no no sir, no meal on this flight. Although we do have snack boxes available for five dollars.”

OK, you with me so far? I paid 100 hard-earned bucks to upgrade on this flight, and they’re offering me Sun Chips and the option to buy a five dollar snack box. Well, fine, I’m starving right? So I say: “OK, uh, yeah, give me the snack box.” He brings it over and puts it down on my tray. Still with me? He puts the snack box down on my tray.

I hand him a credit card. At which point he says, “Uh, sir, we don’t take credit cards.”

Now, I don’t know how often you fly. I don’t know you at all. But if you have flown at all in recent days you might know that ALL AIRPLANES now take credit cards. Every last one. It only makes sense. Flight attendants don’t carry around cash, they never have change, it used to be they had to go around the plane begging passengers for two fives so they could give Billy Bob in 8C his Bloody Mary. So, they all invested in that credit card thingamajig that costs, what, 18 bucks? Swipe the card, punch in the code, voila, everybody’s happy. It’s called technology.

Apparently U.S. Air could not afford to buy those credit card things. So no credit cards.

So, I look into my wallet. And … you already know what’s coming. I don’t have any cash. I’ve got one $1 bill. I had spent the last of my cash in the morning on a Rice Krispie Treat and water back before my first flight got canceled (you will laugh but that combo cost me eight bucks and change). So I look up at this guy and — I want you to remember now that I paid ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to upgrade to first class — I look up at the guy and say, “Uh, sorry, I don’t have any cash.”

And you know what this flight attendant does? Oh yeah. He takes away my snack box.

I will say in his defense that after repeated requests, he did at some point finally bring me a second bag of Sun Chips. Maybe it was because he noticed that I was eating the complimentary pillow.

* Today’s my first day in Arizona for spring training. I’m just ready for baseball to begin. I’m hoping that Andy Pettitte’s coronation as Our Greatest American will be the final steroid story, at least for a while.

Sure, I’m as baffled as anyone how Pettitte managed to turn an HGH admission and, oh yeah, another HGH admission, and a semi-sort-of-squishy-kind-of charge against Roger Clemens into a place on the “Most Trustworthy People Ever” board of directors. I’ll tell you this though: If it’s this easy, then I think Clemens, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and many others made big, big, big mistakes. I don’t care if they used steroids or not. They should have just SAID they did, just a little bit, said they were sorry, invoked God and maybe turned in a little circumstantial evidence on an old friend. Apparently this is the way to get into the hearts of people. I think Andy Pettitte has a better chance of getting into the Hall of Fame NOW than he did before he admitted using HGH (and then, after a newspaper story came out, admitted it some more).

ANYWAY, I’m hoping that this will be the end of things for a while. It’s spring training time, and you know what that means**.

**Report: Grass Is Green Again This Year

SURPRISE, Ariz. — After an off-season of doubt, several unnamed sources have confirmed that the grass at spring training sites across America is, in fact, green.

“There’s nothing better than coming to spring training and seeing the green grass,” said one baseball executive.
“It always amazes me to come out here and see how green the grass looks,” said a Major League player.
“Yep. Green,” said a sportswriter.

The color of the grass, which was reported in more than two dozen newspapers across America, is caused by chlorophyl that is used in a process called “photosynthesis.” A quick survey indicates that the grass is a brilliant green at the Mariners complex in Peoria, it is a vivid green at the Rays camp in St. Pete, immaculate green in Clearwater, and, and officials are anticipating emerald green at Fenway Park. Sources in Surprise call the grass here viridescent, but those were sources with a Thesaurus handy.

It marks the one millionth consecutive year that grass has come out green.

“And somehow, it’s always a surprise,” one source said. He would not indicate if the green grass had anything to do with baseball’s recuperative powers or offered positive proof that time begins on Opening Day. He did say it is good to “hear the crack of the bat.” The source also conceded that there is no better five-word combination in the English Language than “Pitchers and catchers report today.”***

*** What about ”Free money handed out here?”.
Or “World peace begins right now.”
Or “Britney and Paris disappear together.”
Or “Chocolate cake with raspberry sauce.“
Or ”Michael Bolton gives up singing.”
Or “American Idol canceled; Simon tortured.”
Or: “I found your baseball cards.”
Or ”Scarlett Johansson asked me out.“
Or: ”Matt Damon asked me out.“
Or: ”We will double your salary.“
Or: ”All you can eat spaghetti.“
Or: ”We only serve Coke products.“
Or: ”Go sleep three more hours.“
Or: ”Chocolate Haagen-Dazs with strawberries“
Or: ”They bid above list price.“
Or: ”Belichick fell in a manhole.“****

****I jest, of course. I love spring training and get all romantic about it too, the grass, the dirt, the crack of the bat, the sound of spikes running on gravel, all of it. It’s comfortable. I remember the first time I went to spring training — I was in college then, and I drove down with a buddy to Florida to watch the Mets train and then we went down to MIami and watched the Orioles. I don’t remember too much about the trip, but for some reason I remember talking to Eddie Murray while he was in the on-deck circle. In that old Miami stadium, the seats were practically on the field. And though Murray was, at the time, viewed as somewhat surly and uncommunicative, I had a very interesting conversation with him.

Eddie Murray: ”How ya doing?“
Me: ”Hi!“
Eddie Murray: ”Where you from?“
Me: ”Hi!“
Eddie Murray: ”All right. I gotta go hit this guy now.“
Me: ”Hi!“

I had a similar conversation later that year when I went to get an autograph from Ozzie Newsome — I’m pretty sure that’s the last autograph I ever asked for. I was too old even then to ask for autographs, I was probably 20 already, but Ozzie was by far the greatest athlete of my Cleveland childhood. He’s the only Hall of Famer in any sport that I watched on a regular basis.

Me: ”Mr. Newsome, um, I’m a, you know, um …“
Ozzie: ”How ya doing kid? You want me to sign that?“
Me: ”Well, um, you know, um, I grew up, um …“
Ozzie: ”Here you go. Did you enjoy the game?“
Me: ”Um, well, uh, Hi!“

These two conversations will give you a fair idea of my interviewing style to this very day. Anyway, I do believe there is something kind of magical about spring training. Of course, there’s the weather, and the various shades of green in the grass, and the baseball sounds that you missed for more than a year. But the part I like the most — the part I have liked the most since that very first trip down to Miami — is the casualness of it all. It’s the one time of year when Major League players don’t really seem distant and rich; they’re standing RIGHT THERE, they’re talking to you, they’re laughing at stupid stuff, they’re not really in a hurry.

I don’t think people always appreciate how long a baseball season really is. We all want to believe that baseball is a game, the game we played when we were young, and of course it is that — but when you play 162 games, plus 30 or so in spring training, plus the playoffs if you get there, well, that’s not a game anymore. That’s work. It’s good work. It’s fun work. It’s also painful, exhausting, demanding and stressful work. One of the the things that amazes me about Pete Rose the player is that the more research I do, the more people I talk to, the more I study this, the more I realize that this guy really went to the ballpark every single day with joy and passion and intensity and the unbreakable desire to rap out four hits and break up a double play. He drove other players on his team mad because he never stopped. He really was a unique guy.

But the point I’m making is that while it’s hard over a long season, it’s fun during spring training. The body feels somewhat fresh. The arm feels lively. Teammates are pulling practical jokes*. Everyone believes that this will be a good year. It’s fun to be around that sort of energy. Baseball really does feel like that kid’s game during spring training, and I think that’s what draws us in. Also the grass is green.

*OK, I will admit that I thought the Kyle Kendrick fake trade to Japan thing was kind of funny … but didn’t you think it went WAY too far? They’re getting the manager involved*, the assistant general manager, players, his agent, and they’re gathering the media around for a fake press conference? Seemed like a whole lot of effort to blow up a kid. Maybe I don’t appreciate practical jokes as much as I should. Anyway, I thought that when it ended, Kyle Kendrick was the clear winner of the ”dignity under duress” award. I thought he could not have handled it much better. Maybe all those people praising Andy Pettitte should switch allegiances to Kendrick.

*OK, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: ”Gee, I wonder which teams in baseball have hitting coaches and pitching coaches who could actually hit and pitch.“ Funny thing is, I was thinking the same thing. It’s a perfect spring training question. Here’s how I have them ranked.

1. Giants: Carney Lansford and Dave Righetti
A batting champion with 2,000 hits and a pitcher who threw a no-hitter and saved 46 games in a season. To me, they are clearly the best combo in baseball, though when I mentioned this concept to Bill James, he said: ”Well, they’re not exactly Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford, are they?“

2. Braves: Terry Pendleton and Roger McDowell:
An MVP and the spitter who saved 159 games in his career.

3. Dodgers: Mike Easler and Rick Honeycutt
The Hit Man did not play his first full season until he was 29, and did not get even 500 at-bats in a season until he was 33. But he raked that year — .313/.376/.516, 27 homers. He took a step back the next year, came back with a good year 1986 with the Yankees, got released the next year and then was done. Strange career. Honeycutt’s career, if anything, was stranger — he was a better than average starter until he was 33, then went 3-16 with a 4.72 ERA, then went to the bullpen and pitched another 10 years.

4. Cardinals: Hal McRae and Dave Duncan
Hal was, of course, a proefssional hitter. … I believe Duncan is the only non-pitcher who is a Major League pitching coach — he hit .214 in his career, but he hit with some pop, and he was highly regarded defensive.

5. Red Sox: Dave Magadan and John Farrell
Neither are stars but both had memorable enough careers. Magadan was a personal favorite; I loved having him in Strat-o-Matic because all the guy did was get on base. I will say that I have no idea how a 6-foot-3, 200 pound guy with great plate discipline and good bat control could hit just 42 homers in more than 4,000 major league at-bats. Weird. … Farrell won 14 games in 1988 when he was 25, was much better the next year (though he only won nine games) and then got hurt and never threw 100 innings again.

Those are the only five teams that have hitting and pitching coaches who had fairly lengthy and memorable Major League careers.

Here are a few interesting combinations in no particular order with some thoughts:

Marlins: Jim Presley and Mark Wiley
Presley had 134 career homers at 28. He finished with 135. Wiley won two games and had a 6.06 career ERA when that really meant something.

Padres: Wally Joyner and Darren Balsley
Wally World had more than 2000 hits and 200 homers; No big leagues for Baisley.

Mets: Howard Johnson and Rick Peterson
Hojo was a unique player — he had three 30 homer-30 stolen base seasons. The only other third basemen to do the deed once: Tommy Harper and David Wright. Peterson has a 5.67 ERA in the minor leagues which might explain why he started studying biomechanics.

Reds: Brook Jacoby and Dick Pole
Jacoby had that famous .300, 32 homer, 69 RBI season. He also scored 73 runs that year. Dick Pole won 25 games in the 1970s.

Baltimore: Terry Crowley and Rick Kranitz
Crowley was a pinch hitter deluxe; Kranitz didn’t pitch in the show.

Nationals: Lenny Harris and Randy St. ClaIre
Harris was a pinch hitter deluxe; St. Claire won 12 games.

Tigers: Lloyd McClendon and Chuck Hernandez
McClendon was a pinch hitter deluxe; Hernandez didn’t pitch in the show

Cubs: Gerald Perry and Larry Rothschild
Perry was a pinch hittter — am I repeating myself? It’s getting late. Rothschild pitch 8 1/3 innings with 0 wins.

Angels: Mickey Hatcher and Mike Butcher
Hatcher had 946 hits and a famous baseball card where he wore a giant glove (see below); Butcher won 11 games.

879-large10.jpg

Phillies: Milt Thompson and Rich Dubee
Milt Thompson had a nice career with more than 1,000 hits and 200 stolen bases; Dubee DNP.

And here, as they said in the original Gilligan’s Island song, are the rest:

Rays: Steve Henderson and Jim Hickey.
Astros: Sean Berry and Dewey Robinson
Diamondbacks: Rick Schu and Bryan Price
White Sox: Greg Walker and Don Cooper
Mariners: Jeff Pentland and Mel Stottlemyre
Brewers: Jim Skaalen and Mike Maddux
A’s: Ty Van Burkleo and Curt Young.
Rockies: Alan Cockrell and Bob Apodaca
Royals: Mike Barnett and Bob McClure
Blue Jays: Gary Denbo and Brad Arnsberg
Indians: Derek Shelton and Carl Willis
Pirates: Don Long and Jeff Andrews
Rangers: Rudy Jaramillo and Mark Connor
Twins: Joe Vavra and Rick Anderson
Yankees: Kevin Long and Dave Eiland

OK, that’s it. I’m done. I didn’t quite make it to the Minda-set betting line, but then again, I should get some credit because this blog post is about absolutely nothing.*

Tuesday morning addition: I have been scanning the Internet this morning and for some reason I’ve run across a few stories that have mentioned Carolyn Maloney’s (D-NY) very odd performance during the Clemens hearings, including her bizarro, ”I’m sure you’re going to heaven,“ signoff. I don’t want to stand up for Maloney here because, frankly, her meandering line of inquiry was harder to follow than the movie “Ronin.”* But several people have wondered why she was not in my eight favorite people in Congress.

Here’s why: I believe that this heaven quote, while incredibly strange and misplaced, was misunderstood. At the time, Maloney was asking Clemens in her uniquely roundabout way why he kept sticking with and paying Brian McNamee even after the guy (according to Clemens testimony) secretly shot up his wife with HGH. Clemens, in his uniquely roundabout way, was saying that he is a trusting sort of guy. Then she kind of asked again, and he kind of said again that he was, you know, really trusting. The whole thing was impossibly silly, like some old vaudeville skit. Then, suddenly, her time was up, and I think Maloney simply wanted a way to sum up. So I think her, “I’m sure you’re going to heaven line,” was supposed to be a withering, “Anyone who would be THAT trusting certainly will have a place in heaven,” jab, which I think was supposed to represent an, “I don’t believe a single word you are saying, Mr. Clemens” conclusion.

Of course, nobody took it that way because the line — like everything else that crossed between Maloney and Clemens — made no sense without a Congress-to-English dictionary (after completing the Clemens Rosetta Stone language course). I don’t claim to have any more insight into this than anyone else. But I really took her line to be a rebuke of Clemens’ goofiness rather than a celebration of his general nobility and moral excellence.

*I’ll tell you exactly when I knew I was in trouble with the movie “Ronin:” Right at the start. Right there, you have this long explanation of what a “Ronin” is — I guess it’s some sort renegade samurai who lost his master either through death or grudge or something. And I thought, “Wait a minute, so, Deniro’s character isn’t named Ronin?” I never caught up from there.

70 Comments on “3706 words about nothing”

  1. 1: Jim said at 3:39 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe this was hilarious! I think I had that same conversation that you had with Eddie Murray, only mine was with George Brett and I was 16. Funny stuff, Also that Costanza commercials was hilarious! McDLT! Keep up the good work Joe, and we’re still waiting for the second half of that Royals preview!!!!!

  2. 2: rpa said at 3:59 am on February 19th, 2008:

    simply brilliant post. it could be the best summary of the beginning of spring training – ever.

    here’s to belichick falling in a manhole.

  3. 3: B.S. Blues said at 5:18 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe, I think you actually exceeded Minda’s benchmark because man, that picture of Mickey Hatcher’s baseball card is worth FAR MORE than the usual 1,000 words.

  4. 4: Mauichuck said at 6:31 am on February 19th, 2008:

    What, no new blog format?

  5. 5: Dave K. said at 7:53 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Thanks, Joe. What a great way to start the morning trapped here in the numbing cold of the upper midwest. Here’s to “We only serve Coke products”.

  6. 6: TC said at 8:19 am on February 19th, 2008:

    The Phillies left Clearwater? Where’d they go? My father-in-law is going to be upset when he shows up there next week. Also, Charlie Manuel definitely helps with the hitting–at least, he gets quoted about in Philly papers more often than Milt does, and ole Chuck was a masher in Japan back in the 1850s.

    Editor’s note: Fixed.

  7. 7: Oddibe Kerfeld said at 8:57 am on February 19th, 2008:

    I love the 86 Fleer card of Hatcher. Funny stuff. Some of my other favorites are the one of Gary Pettis’ brother posing as him (85 Topps I think) and the infamous Billy Ripken profanity bat (88 Fleer?)

    I just picked up the Sporting News baseball guide on Sunday. Two things of note that were interesting.

    1. Sporting News and Street & Smith have merged. That was sad to me. Back in the day they were my two favorite guides (especially in the 80s)

    2. Sporting News has a yearly subscription for just 29 cents an issue! That’s less than $15 for the year. They are basically giving it away. You also get a free jacket out of the deal, too. Things must not be good there.

  8. 8: Josh in DC said at 9:00 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Best five words:

    Joe’s got a new layout.

  9. 9: Mikey said at 9:14 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Great post*

    *And by great I mean I loved everything** about it

    **Except all the asterisks***

    ***What, plain old paragraphs aren’t good enough**** for you?

    ****But I don’t mean to complain because this is the best***** sports blog out there.

    *****Really.

  10. 10: Steve F said at 9:18 am on February 19th, 2008:

    The Phillies are still in Clearwater. They built a new stadium further east than the old Jack Russell Stadium (Bright House Networks Field) that’s right off of US 19.

    As for Dennis Miller, he was freaked out by 9/11, which turned him into a right-wing gasbag. I’m with you on this, Joe: he was one of my absolute favorites – I even regularly watched his short-lived late night syndicated talk show circa 1992 or so (with Nick Bakay as his sidekick, and if there were only a YouTube of his hilariously condescending interview with Shannon Doherty out there I could die happy), and his HBO show was the greatest. And I could even take his right-wing politics if he still were actually funny. But he just isn’t.

    Of course, that’s my opinion, and I could be wrong.

  11. 11: Brian said at 9:37 am on February 19th, 2008:

    I second that sentiment Mikey*

    * I don’t really. I like the asterisks**

    ** Kudos*** for spelling “asterisks” correctly.

    *** I hate the word “kudos”. I can’t help but think that every time a grown man uses that word, it makes him sound like a pansy. And yet here I am using it. It’s like seeing a guy driving a Saturn. I have never been in a fight**** with a guy who drives a Saturn, but I have no doubt that if I were, I’d win. Guys who drive Saturns cannot be tough, just like guys who say “kudos” cannot be tough.

    **** I’ve actually only been in 2 fights in my entire life. I’m not proud of either one.

    Great post Joe.

    My favorite 5-word combination in the English language: “Joe Posnanski updated his blog”

  12. 12: Sven said at 9:44 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Whew! Glad to see you’re back.

    The comments link on the main page goes nowhere (actually to a cute 404 page, but not what I was looking for)

  13. 13: Oddibe Kerfeld said at 9:51 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe,

    Dennis Miller is no An Coulter. Coulter is a nutty loon that says she’ll vote for Hillary over McCain. Miller supported Giuliani (someone that is hated by the rabid Coulter types) and remains very libertarian on most issues like abortion and gay marriage. I think he’s still pretty funny.

  14. 14: Paul White said at 10:16 am on February 19th, 2008:

    On the subject of hitting coaches, I wonder if the ones who actually played in the big leagues have a predisposition to teach their hitters to hit the same way they did. For instance, Mickey Hatcher wouldn’t take a walk to save his life as a player, and now the Angels are one of the teams that are regularly in the bottom half of the league in walks with him as their hitting coach. Dave Magadan, as Joe mentioned, walked a lot as a player, and now he’s coaching the walk-happy Red Sox. (Though it shoud be noted that their previous hitting coach, Ron Jackson, wasn’t a patient hitter himself, yet the teams he coached were.)

    I don’t have the time or inclination to do any research on this, so I’m just throwing this out there as a topic of interest in case someone knows if it’s already been examined in any depth.

  15. 15: Minda said at 10:34 am on February 19th, 2008:

    There came a time yesterday evening when I was going to suggest that we lay down money on the over/under for the word- and tangent-counts of this post. I’m glad we didn’t. We aaallllmost hit my ludicrous guess of 11 asterisked tangents, though.

    Paul, I like your thought about hitting coaches’ “infecting” their team with their hitting styles. I’ll try and figure it out for you.

    For the record, Joe, I think some people were genuinely concerned about you, and prepared to call in a search party.

  16. 16: Owen said at 10:51 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Good to have you back Joe.
    Re: Everyone should have done what Pettite did- well some of them. Palmeiro for sure. Bonds and Roger though? I think Pettite benefits from 1) Not being the best of the best at anything. Average people are allowed to get help. The best, for whatever reason, must be all natural. 2) He’s got this dopey innocence to him that makes you wonder if he just happened to stumble into a syringe filled with HGH.
    Re: Rose. That reminded me that last night I dreamed that I was reading your Red Machine book. The rest of the dream I’m not going to describe, even anonymously on the internet. Thinking about Rose and Roger makes me wonder: are the truly great players inclined to be crazy? Or do we just notice it more? Or does greatness make you crazy? Is Greg Maddux really the most normal guy ever, or is it all part of his master plan? I’m a lifelong Mets fan, but if Maddux has a master plan, I want in.
    Re: Ronin. I think I remember basically getting it except for how that explanation in the beginning had anything to do with anything else. They should have cut that part and called the movie “Robert De Niro.”

  17. 17: Mikey said at 10:56 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Also Joe, thanks for giving some props to Mike Easler, a guy who could flat-out rake and was incredibly entertaining to watch at the plate, and yet never became a star.

    When Mike Easler was at the dish, you stopped and watched. Most of the guys that you would say that about then and now were star players.

    Who are some other guys who weren’t stars but you had to stop and watch them hit? It’s hard to think of any. The Hit Man was kind of a rare breed.

  18. 18: Concerned Citizen said at 10:56 am on February 19th, 2008:

    That wasn’t Maloney, it was Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC) that made the “going to heaven” comment.

    http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/02/13/clemens-hearing-report-card-congresswoman-eleanor-holmes-norton/

    BTW, finally bought TSOB this weekend — very nice so far, got to the point with Satchel Paige’s son…

  19. 19: Minda said at 11:18 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this before…Joe, I’m glad you pointed that out about Rose. I have always liked him, but my mom (hi, Mom!) and I have gone around and around about the whole betting thing. I say he belongs in the Hall, she disagrees, and around we go again. (For the record, the ONLY things about which my family members argue are sports-related: the wild card, the DH, Pete Rose, etc.) But to hear of your continued findings that he played with that kind of zeal for the game makes me more sure that I like him, which is a hard conclusion for a young whippersnapper like me to come to with regards to a player who played before I was even close to being born.

  20. 20: Mauichuck said at 11:21 am on February 19th, 2008:

    Mikey – I think Joe’s a little biased about Easler since Mike’s from Cleveland – played at Benedictine for Augie Bossu – may he rest in peace. And throw Rico Carty into the “guys you hadda stop and watch” mix.

    As regards Ronin. One of the better DeNiro flicks where he’s doing his ROBERT DENIRO bit and not some goof ball Bobby DeNiro mocking his own image like in “Analyze This”. Anyway, a great action flick and the plot is not all that hard to follow. Plus Katarina Witt look terrific even if they hadda jump through some plot hoops to get her in.

  21. 21: Tony B said at 11:38 am on February 19th, 2008:

    I’ve always been fairly certain Maddux is the mastermind behind some S.P.E.C.T.R.E. type organization.

  22. 22: pizza in a cup said at 1:31 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Has anyone signed Chet “Rocket” Stedman? he is worth a flier on a minor league deal. And anyone who needs a backstop with a cat could pick up Jack parkman pretty cheap.

  23. 23: Patrick said at 1:33 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    First time reader, first time commenter. I just wanted to say that reading this blog has been a revelation. I read that first post and haven’t been able to stop reading them, laughing throughout. Good stuff, Mr. Posnanski.

  24. 24: Devin McCullen said at 1:43 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Call me a Philistine, but during the ice-skating scene in Ronin, I nudged my friend sitting next to me and then mimed trying to operate a remote control to fast-forward through it. Overall, very good movie, though.

  25. 25: John Peterson (B!T) said at 1:45 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Ronin is an excellent movie. No character ever actually says anything TO another character. Truly bizarre and wonderful.

  26. 26: Andy said at 2:11 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Why is it that comedians are glorified when they are overtly liberal (see John Stewart) and vilified when they come out as conservatives (see Dennis Miller and Bill Cosby). It’s ridiculous. Miller’s always been hit or miss as a comedian to 90% of the population and he’s still hit or miss for me. Sometimes he’s hilarious. Sometimes he’s obnoxious. That hasn’t changed since he became vocal about his conservatism.

  27. 27: Perry said at 2:17 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    On Rose: You’re dead on. I was lucky enough to grow up watching him — in fact, he autographed my scorecard at the first major league game I ever saw, in 1965 when I was 10 years old and he was in his 3rd year. Off the field he’s obviously not somebody you’d want to emulate, to put it as gently as possible. On the field I suspect he’ll always be my favorite player ever. Absolute pure electricity on a ballfield.

    Although I’ll tell you who might be the closest I’ve seen to Rose’s passion and intensity — Troy Tulowitzki. Keep an eye on this kid, he’s special.

  28. 28: Byron said at 2:20 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Jon Stewart is not overtly liberal. He just doesn’t like George Bush or his administration.

    If you watch his show, you’ll see that he skewers both sides fairly equally.

  29. 29: Mel Hall said at 2:47 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    I would not call Bill Cosby conservative. Just because he doesn’t like hip-hop and out of wedlock babies, doesn’t make him a conservative.

  30. 30: Mikey said at 2:49 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    I don’t think Bill Cosby has been vilified. I think his comments drew at least as much support as criticism.

    The Dennis Miller conversion smacks of just blowing with the wind. His career was in decline, conservatives were in power, and all of a sudden he had this political awakening.

    If Obama is elected, Dennis Miller will be ripping the right again within three years. He’s a windsock.

  31. 31: smperk said at 2:53 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    LOVE the Rose comment.

    But Joe, CMON!! You reference Dick Pole and that’s all you write?!! haha, just kidding with you.

  32. 32: Aaron B. said at 2:56 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe, I think if I ever met you, our conversation would go similarly to the conversation you had with Murray, with me as the panicking one.

  33. 33: Justyo said at 3:24 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Hey Joaldo–

    1) I feel your pain on the US Air flight. But still sounds better than American. Every time I fly cross country on American my kid gets sick, which means we all get sick and has anyone else noticed how disgusting American Airlines has become, seats that don’t lie fit, broken tray tables and three inches of damp crumbs in the magazine compartment in front of you. (Also the last two trips on American the bathroom was literally DUCT taped together.)

    I know I’m digressing here but I had to fly cross country a lot last year and OK once and for all let’s just say it out loud – THEY DON’T CLEAN THESE PLANES! The flight (running late) from Singapore finally arrives at the gate. The three hundred of us sardines are anxiously awaiting boarding our 5.5 hour flight from LA to Boston. We watch as HUNDREDS of dead tired, sleep walking people crawl, drag, stumble, drone out of the runway in all sorts of various states of joy and disbelief at being on the ground. The attendants then announce that as soon as the cabin is clean, you’re in. So next thing we know two guys (one pushing 80 the other about 21) in blue rubber gloves and 24 ounce coffee’s carrying a torn garbage bag and what looks like raging hang-overs come lumbering onto the runway to “clean” the plane. 5 minutes later, no really, 5 minutes later they return, still holding the 24 ounce coffees, but not the torn garbage bag and the plane is “clean”.

    Yum, let me sit right there for the next 6 hours Yeah, where the guy with the weird rash just slept, ate and whatever else for 12 hours all the way from Asia.

    1A) Go Delta.

    2) Rose THE PLAYER was one of my top 5 players EVER to watch play – and this comes rom die hard Red Sox fan who was 10 in 1976. Just amazing. (And nuts)

    3) Maloney couldn’t have been more facetious. You nailed the exchange exactly.

    PEACE!

  34. 34: Noel said at 3:30 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Life, schmife! A new post from Joe! Huzzah!

    Great 5 word combination: “Joe’s got a post up”

    Great 6 word combination: “Hot side hot! Cool side cool!” I used to eat the McDLT simply based on their marketing campaign.

    As a weekly flyer, I absolutely loved your Useless Air -err, US Air story. The irony is that they always plug their own credit card DURING their flight. Without fail they make this announcement right when I’m about to fall asleep. And despite this, they don’t take credit cards. Go figure.

  35. 35: Kyle said at 3:31 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    #11 But if a guy who drives a saturn gets into a fight with a guy who says “kudos”, who wins? Forget the sound of one hand clapping, that’s some deep zen sh**, right there.

  36. 36: Kyle said at 3:34 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Although, #11 himself used “kudos” and seems convinced he can take a Saturn driver, so maybe it’s not as zen as I initially thought.

  37. 37: Randy said at 3:53 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe:

    **** One sentence of yours beats two entire Mitch Albom novels.

    **** Your column on Clent Stewart’s mom beats all of Mitch Albom’s novels and columns put together.

    **** What Dennis lost was this: in the introduction to his HBO show, Miller grabs a pool ball from the table to indicate that he is above the “spin” from either political wing. In the Bush era, Miller would have grabbed the pool table and tilted it to the right, sending all the balls into those pockets. You can be funny left or funny right, but I don’t think you can maintain your comic persona when you go from disinterested to rabidly interested.

  38. 38: s1c said at 4:18 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    A post, a post, thank god a post. Why it is almost like the seeing the grass turn green on the other side of the fence.

    When is part 2 of Royals preview up?

  39. 39: J Rydzel said at 5:01 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    I grew up in KC many yrs ago. I remember Dave Duncan was a “bonus baby” with the A’s when that meant that anyone who received a signing bonus of more than 50 cents had to spend the entire year on the major league roster. Duncan was about 18 when he signed and must have had all of 3 AB’s that year, at a time when the A’s couldn’t win and the crowd at Municipal Stadium must have averaged about 1200. It cost more to pay kids on the street to watch your car during the game than the tickets cost. We could lean over the bullpen and talk to Duncan because we (and he) knew there was no chance of his playing.

  40. 40: Perry said at 5:57 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Just saw on ESPN’s site that Bob Howsam died at 89. He (1) co-founded the Denver Broncos, (2) was the Cardinal GM who traded for Orlando Cepeda, and (3) was the Reds’ GM who built the Big Red Machine. Not a bad career.

  41. 41: Perry said at 5:59 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Oh, and Howsam also (4) was on the commission that landed the Rockies franchise for Denver.

  42. 42: antoniomo said at 6:17 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Andy (#26), I think comedy is funnier when you’re bashing those in power, not so funny when you bash the down-and-out. Dennis Miller, who I used to think was very funny in a hit-and-miss kind of way, now is all focused on siding with power. Not so funny, in my opinion.

  43. 43: Jim Haas said at 6:51 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Hilarious post, Mr. P.! Made my week.

    The Hatcher card reminded me of an incident at a Twins game last year. Jason Kubel was playing left field and could not run down a line drive that was pretty much right at him. Somebody behind me yelled “Mickey Hatcher woulda had that.”

    Hatcher was a lovable nutball. I don’t know what he’s doing as a major league batting coach, though.

  44. 44: Thomas said at 7:52 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Ronin: the 2 greatest car chase scenes this side of “The French Connection.” So it’s got that going for it. Which is nice.

  45. 45: Snowman said at 8:20 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    I have to slightly disagree, Thomas. The chase in Friedkin’s To Live and Die in L.A. slots in there in-between The French Connection and Ronin.

    Other than that oversight, you’re spot on, though.

  46. 46: jjf3 said at 8:39 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Joe,
    we’ve missed you.

    That said, Minda, I think you win on both counts (I’m willing to accept his word-count before the addition, and I thought I counted more than eleven various asterisk combinations, though without the previous colorized “tangents” appearing…)

    Oh, and thanks, JoePoz, for figuring out how to kill me on both counts! :)

    Minda, you set the numbers well…Congrats…

    Joe

  47. 47: ajnrules said at 10:29 pm on February 19th, 2008:

    Hmm…it may be my memory playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn that ten or so years ago, they used to serve meals on those three-hour flights. One thing that is so irritating about plane flights now is that there’s just so little food on them now.* Your first class experience may seem no different than coach.

    *Speaking of which, I may be different than almost everybody, but I actually find the meals they serve on plane trips to be quite good, except when they have foods that I don’t like, such as celery. Otherwise, I can’t get enough of them.

    Anyways, I mainly remember Dick Pole for being credited as the pitching coach who had turned Greg Maddux’s career around after the 1987 season when he went 6-14 with a 5.61 ERA. He went 18-8 with a 3.18 ERA in 1988.

    And I agree with you about how it’s probably better for people to just admit their steroid/HGH use. If Roger Clemens would have done that, the media probably would have moved on by now, he wouldn’t be in as much scrutiny, and he probably would be standing next to Craig Biggio in Cooperstown in 2013.

  48. 48: MlbFan30 said at 12:17 am on February 20th, 2008:

    I like your work, but it kind of is too long unless I have nothing to do. Get to more team previews

  49. 49: JT said at 12:45 am on February 20th, 2008:

    Dennis Miller is hosting a game show. That is usually not an indicator of a thriving show business career.

  50. 50: Jeff Erickson said at 1:31 am on February 20th, 2008:

    I’ve had similarly bad experiences with USScare, minus the first class upgrade. For that matter, pretty much all of the consortium airlines are pretty brutal. It’s too bad that Jet Blue and Southwest don’t fly to more locations.

    Oh yeah, great post, as always.

  51. 51: Shawn said at 4:55 am on February 20th, 2008:

    This probably isn’t the appropriate place, but count this as my 1470 word “yay” vote on the annual “Royals will win the pennant” column.

    Nine Reasons the Royals Win the Series

    1. The Trey Hillman Effect

    Tony Pena delivered the We Believe season and Buddy Bell began the process of returning the Royals to respectability once believing went south, but both men brought significantly more negatives to the dugout than positives. For the first time in a long time, Royals players and fans can look to the manager and see someone with experience as a winning manager, even if those wins happened on a far continent. It will also be a breath of fresh air for the players and fans to have a manager manage to the skills of his players instead of trying to force them into a style of play they lack the profile for. This season when Royals hitters double into the gap at Kauffman stadium, thousands of fans won’t be sitting there thinking: “If only Bell hadn’t tried to steal second two pitches earlier with a player slower than me.”

    2. They get off to a fast start

    A season ago, the Royals finished April 8-18. A MLB season is 162 games long and each game matters, but they do not all matter equally. The Royals are not the Yankees, a team that can fall way off the pace and rely on the size of their payroll, the epic nature of their scoring potential, and the possibility of adding star parts at mid-season.
    Hillman won’t do anything silly like risking injuries to key pitchers, but he will manage the first three weeks of the season like it’s the postseason. He has to. In a division where the Tigers and Indians are both threats to win 100 games, the Royals simply cannot afford to finish the first month under .500. Possibly more than for any other franchise in baseball, getting off to a good start is key to legitimizing Moore, Hillman, the absurd contract for Jose Guillen, and the renovations to Kauffman Stadium. If the Royals finish April above .500, the K will be the place to be this summer. This year at the end of April the Royals will only be a few games off the pace.

    3. A dynamic lineup emerges

    Jose Guillen will likely miss the first 13 games, giving Hillman a chance to see what he has in Gathright. Joey had an on base percentage of .371 last year, a big jump from his previous time in the majors. By my unofficial count, the Royals were 31-36 in games where Gathright played a season ago and 38-57 when he did not. That’s a huge difference for a player expected to return to the bench this season. Gathright could win a spot during the first two weeks, and if he does, the day-to-day lineup will be something similar to this: 1. Gathright 2. DeJesus 3. Teahen (1B) 4. Guillen 5. Gordon 6. Butler 7. Grudzielanek 8. Buck 9. Pena. That’s a pretty good lineup when you consider item #4.

    4. An offensive star is born

    Either Gordon or Butler will emerge as the Royals first legitimate offensive All-Star since Mike Sweeney’s last big year, and both will give the Royals above average production from their position. With DeJesus and Teahen reverting to their 2006 form, Guillen producing in line with his past, and the two youngsters emerging, the Royals hitters will do their part this year.

    5. The Royals finally have depth

    After laboring through the Baird years and a 2007 season where Emil Brown, Jason Smith, Ross Gload, and Jason LaRue were called on to start numerous games, the Royals finally have the depth to weather injuries and matchup against opponents pitchers late in games. After being somewhat overexposed a year ago, Ross Gload will be one of the American league’s best utility players and the key left-handed bat off the bench late in games. With a projected lineup featuring four lefties in the top six spots in the order, right-handed pinch hitting will be key. The Royals will be able to respond with power (Shealy, Olivo) or on base production (German). With Alberto Callaspo, they can bring in a switch hitter to bat leftie at Grudz’s spot in the order, and being able to pinch hit at SS and C with impunity will allow the Royals to keep late-inning rallies alive. It could be argued that all of Kansas City’s bench players in ’08 would have found themselves starting 90 or more games a season ago.
    With dynamic starters and great depth, the Royals will not go through the prolonged slumps of 2006 and 2007 that mired the team’s production in the 1 and 2 run range for weeks at a time. As a result. . .

    6. Multiple starters will win 20 games

    Hidden in last year’s 69-93 season was the realization that few teams in the majors have two starters with the talent of Gil Meche and Zack Greinke. Meche claimed not to be bothered by the lack of run support or the pressure of the big contract, but his emergence is actually proof he was mentally tough enough to overcome both. The pressure of the big contract is now all but gone. Guillen’s contract has now trumped Meche’s on a per year basis, and if Gil can come anywhere close to last year’s production, the last three years of his contract will suddenly look like one of the best bargains in all of baseball.
    If anything, Greinke’s emergence was the more startling. Most baseball observers felt that the Royals’ insistence that he throw harder was undermining his pitching brilliance (well that, and the fact that he hated playing baseball). For once, it looks like the Royals were right. Practically unhittable early in the count after the All-Star break, Greinke needs only take the final step of reintegrating some of that early career unpredictability with two strikes to become one of the best pitchers in baseball.
    With above average run production and a stellar bullpen behind them, both men will win 20 games.

    7. The 3-4-5 starters will be better than league average.

    Brian Bannister is the obvious #3 and while his likely ERA is in the low 4s, that’s good production from an American League 3rd starter. Even the oracle that sees the Royals winning the pennant doesn’t know who will win the 4-5 jobs, but whoever comes out of the battle will have not have done so in usual Royals fashion (by default) but by fighting off other high-quality challengers. The other two men will almost certainly be from among Hudson, De La Rosa, Davies, Maroth, and Tomko. Hudson, De La Rosa and Davies all sport the kind of stuff that would make them above average back of the rotation starters if they can overcome their various issues. Maroth and Tomko were better-than-average #4 type starters until their respective careers imploded a year ago. Their prolonged runs of competency would seem better predictors of the future than their relative short stints of putridity.
    The Royals are finally in a position where they don‘t need to force a starter from a young group including Hochevar, Lumsdem, Pimentel, and Rosa. It is diminishingly unlikely, but should one of those players rise up to claim a spot in the rotation, it would be even better news.

    8. The Bullpen will be one of the league’s best

    During the 90 game stretch in the middle of last season where the Royals were arguably one of the best ten teams in baseball (when you adjust for the huge gap between leagues), they sported one of the league’s best bullpens. Dotel is gone and Greinke is back to starting, but the bullpen will be even better. The Royals will be able to come at hitters from the right (Yabuta, Hochevar, Tomko, Peralta, Braun) from the left (Gobble, Mahay, Musser). They’ll be able to throw out middlemen with the potential to shut down a lineup in case the Royals hitters rally (Nunez, De La Rosa), and they’ll feature the best young closer in baseball (Soria).

    9 The Royals catch fire late

    By September, Meche, Greinke, and Soria will be terrorizing hitters, Gordon and Butler will be ascending stars and the Royals will have one of the best late-game situational lineups in baseball. With the Tigers, Indians, Twins and Royals all beating each other up unmercifully, the Central powers will eliminate each other from wild card contention. Over the last week of the season, the Royals sweep the Tigers and Twins to get to 93 wins, edging the Tigers and Indians who finish with 92. Battle tested by the brutal American League Central and with nothing to lose facing a playoff run against big-spending Yanks, Sox, and Angels, the Royals run the table. Their aces then battle head-to-head with the Diamondbacks elite one-two punch, but the superior Royals lineup allows them to win the Series in 6 games.

  52. 52: Oddibe Kerfeld said at 7:52 am on February 20th, 2008:

    Joe,

    You voted for Obama in the MO primary, right? I think we know (and love) you from reading your posts enough to have figure it out. Here’s some basic evidence, 1. You hate Chief Wahoo, 2. You got mad at Bill Clinton for some of his comments in SC, 3. You admit to following politics on some XM or Sirius radio channel, and 4. You called Dennis Miller a right-wing nut like Ann Coulter. That all points to a vote for Obama.

  53. 53: Mauichuck said at 8:04 am on February 20th, 2008:

    Shawn – stop it you’re killing me! The Royals with 93 wins – hysterically funny!!!

  54. 54: Bowzer said at 8:48 am on February 20th, 2008:

    I nominate Shawn to fill in on Joe’s days off.

  55. 55: Jason said at 9:47 am on February 20th, 2008:

    Joe – you are now officially the David Foster Wallace of the blogosphere.

    Kudos.

  56. 56: Craig said at 10:56 am on February 20th, 2008:

    One of my favorite baseball traditions is when a surprising team starts out hot and is unexpectedly in first place in mid-May. Then you hear the quotes coming out like “There are no egos on this team” and “I’ve never been in a clubhouse like this before – everyone cares for one another.”

    Then the team gets swept at home by their division rivals, go on a 13-34 swoon and you hear “Everyone has their own agenda” and “People need to align their priorities and help this team.”

    Chemistry: Proven To Win Since 1897!

  57. 57: Kyle said at 10:57 am on February 20th, 2008:

    Now to be fair, I have not seen Ronin, but there is simply no way on God’s green earth that it has a car chase that is superior to the chase scene in The Bourne Identity.

  58. 58: Brent said at 12:55 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    Had it not been for this post, I would have sworn Lenny Harris was still playing. Maybe the Nationals will go to a 24 man roster with Harris being the old coach/player combo — he can still probably hit better than most of the guys on that team.

    Mickey Hatcher. I have like 35 of his baseball cards from the 1983 Topps collection. I think I got one in every pack of baseball cards I bought that year and I had no idea who he even was at the time.

  59. 59: Creston said at 1:08 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    You can easily skip the first hour and ten minutes in Ronin, right up until that incredible car chase begins. A car chase which is still considered to be the second best Hollywood car chase ever (right after Bullit, which will reign supreme forever and ever, Amen.)

    And sorry, but as cool as the Bourne Identity’s car chase was, it doesn’t win because he’s driving a little piddly car and he’s being chased by FRENCH police officers. I could escape French police officers while driving one of those bangkok tuk-tuks.

  60. 60: Creston said at 1:21 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    Since I’m on Bourne anyways, did anyone else think that the car chase in the second one (Bourne Supremacy) was ridiculous? The first one was very good, with the minor caveats of the car being pathetic and it being French cops.

    But then he starts racing around Moscow, gets absolutely pancaked by 18 different cars, and yet he keeps going.

    If you’ve ever watched some car chases on Cops or something, you’ll notice that once the police hit a suspect’s car a few times, it will just stop. That’s because it breaks down. Those are just fairly minor nudges too.

    In Supremacy, Bourne gets mauled at least a dozen times to the extent where it would put both vehicles onto the scrapheap, and yet his care keeps going.

    Worst of all, he drives a flippin’ Skoda! And while for the longest time that might have been Russia’s “best” car, that’s not really saying much in Skoda’s case.

    Bleh. Cool car chases involve harrowing escapes through small alleys, great scenery and real driving (none of this CGI’d junk.)

    They do NOT involve completely absurd scenarios where a SKODA keeps going after having been hit 18 times.

  61. 61: Carl Spackler said at 3:30 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    Breaking News!

    The Royals are famous. We made the Sportspickle today!

    http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume7/2008-0220-steroids.html

  62. 62: Snowman said at 3:31 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    Quite frankly, I can remember almost nothing about any of the three Bourne flicks. Completely forgettable. They decided they didn’t care about having a plot, or characters that weren’t thinner than a sheet of paper, therefore it failed to hold my interest much.

  63. 63: Pefacommish said at 3:56 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    Hey, Joe – it’s the 20th. Where’s my daily lunch hour read? And where is yesterday’s?

    You’ve got responsibilities to us. And to my dog, who demands that I read your column to him as he is digesting a meal.

  64. 64: MonkeyHawk said at 4:24 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    And forget that the guy who plays Bourne (is it Damen? one of those guys) in the movies told Jon Steward a 4th film would have to be called “The Bourne Redundancy.”

    I saw the first remake of the original Bourne, and was dragged to the theater to see the 3rd one.

    As much as I wish I could grow up and be Steve McQueen, the “Bullit” car chase didn’t have any traffic! “The French Connection’s,” is far better despite introducing the crashing-through-the-fruit-and-vegetable-cart cliche to the genre.

    I just watched a doc on the NFL Channel on Jim Brown. But at the same time Sabo was telling us that Brown averaged 5.7 yards per carry, NFL Flims was showing Brown (albeit, incredibly) breaking 30, 40, 80 yard runs. Which tells me the average had to include an awful lot of getting stuffed at the line. We dob’t see those plays on NFL Films.

    That probably led to JB’s problems with Paul Brown, who would have just as preferred someone who could be counted on for 4 yards every time he touched the ball. But JB was, well, JB!

    Okay, this isn’t gonna be any 3706 words, but the question arises about people who have the skills to play the game and those who really PLAY! the game.

    Brown says he always took his time getting up so that the other team could never really tell when he really was hurting from a hit. That’s playing the game! I love that.

    I particularly love Player-Caused Rule Changes. Like the Hal McRae Rule. If Hall was gonna be the first out in a double play, he went after the pivot, regardless of where the poor sucker might be. The Hal McRae Rule states that you gotta be going somewhere near 2nd Base if you wanna get away with thundeding into a helpless Shortstop of 2nd Baseman.

    It’s like the “Lew Alcindor” rule against dunks in college ball in the 60s, or the widening of the “keyhole” when Chamberlain was coming up. Putting the goal posts back at the end zone border could fairly be called the Pete Gogolak Rule.” The Ray Chapman Rule, which introduced fresh live game balls in late innings almost certainly helped Babe Ruth become Babe Ruth.

    We often talk about people who “changed the game,” and mostly think about what happened on the court or field. I like those people who changed the game when it came to re-writing the rules.

  65. 65: Snowman said at 5:48 pm on February 20th, 2008:

    I’m pretty sure Ray Chapman would have preferred to not change the game.

  66. 66: dprat said at 3:33 am on February 21st, 2008:

    Enjoyable post, to say the least. Miller did go from funny to unwatchable almost overnight. Now when I see him, I just think, “What an asshole,” and hit the remote.

    Re: Ronin… it’s the only movie I’ve seen many times and can tell you nothing about the plot. I just watch it ’cause a good chunk of it is filmed in Arles… a place I’ve visited three times and just love… and I watch the movie and remember the people, and the food, and the wine, and pray I get there another time or two before I die… look, there’s that place with the fantastic restaurant in the cellar… see, right there, behind the burning car…

  67. 67: Brian said at 11:10 am on February 21st, 2008:

    “Or does greatness make you crazy? Is Greg Maddux really the most normal guy ever…?”

    I don’t know – is pissing on your teammates in the shower normal?

  68. 68: Boyd said at 2:57 pm on February 21st, 2008:

    I just watched a doc on the NFL Channel on Jim Brown. But at the same time Sabo was telling us that Brown averaged 5.7 yards per carry, NFL Flims was showing Brown (albeit, incredibly) breaking 30, 40, 80 yard runs. Which tells me the average had to include an awful lot of getting stuffed at the line. We dob’t see those plays on NFL Films.

    That probably led to JB’s problems with Paul Brown, who would have just as preferred someone who could be counted on for 4 yards every time he touched the ball. But JB was, well, JB!

    This has to be the first time I’ve ever seen someone somehow interpreting the high yard/carry number to mean a player *didn’t* consistantly get yardage. It’s not like the guy was Dave Meggett who only ran the ball 5 times a game, Brown averaged 20 carries per game thoughout his career.

  69. 69: dgoold said at 10:55 pm on February 21st, 2008:

    Shoot, Joe. You and your footnotes, going all David Foster Wallace on us. …

    As I close up shop here in Jupiter for the day, here’s an interesting side note to your rankings of hitting/pitching coaches who could actually hit/pitch: This will be Duncan’s 29th season as a pitching coach, breaking Galen Cisco’s record for most years as a pitching coach.

  70. 70: Geoff Young said at 8:36 am on February 22nd, 2008:

    Fun stuff. For the record, the Padres pitching coach is Darren Balsley, not Baisley.

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