Stupid things that I like doing …

Posted: December 21st, 2007 | Filed under: Baseball | 11 Comments »

OK, so a friend of mine sent me the address to this site which answers the question, “If you played (soccer) for Brazil, what would your name be?”

Now, I have no idea if this is anything new — I suspect not. I’m always like the last person on earth to find out about cool things on the Internet. Like someone told me you have to go to YouTube and watch this guy play “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” on the the ukulele. Yeah. That’s what I said. Ukulele. So for whatever reason I actually go on there, and it’s the single most freaking amazing thing I’ve seen in my entire life (if you are one of the nine people who has not seen it, you have to stick around to the end. Of course you will anyway because it’s INCREDIBLE). So, I mention this to several friends who say things like, “Oh yeah, that was really cool, uh, back in 2001 when it first went on the Internet.” That’s how it always is with me.

So I’m not suggesting that this Brazilian name thing is new … I suspect it’s very 1998. But it’s new to ME. And I LOVE it. I LOVE Brazilian soccer names. Ronaldo. Ronaldinho. RonaldMcDonaldinho. So yeah, you bet, I spent pretty much all day translating whatever name that came to mind into a Brazilian name (plus I also counted Pozcars votes — the registrar’s office is closed now. I took in everybody who sent emails up to now — you’ll get your invitations by the weekend — and even included you party crashers who boldly sent in ballots. But we can’t take anymore since “we” is actually “me by myself.” I do want to thank a few loyal Pozcar voters who offered to help count. You’ll be sorry for doing that. Anyway, I’ll try to open up the invitation again for the next vote).

Anyway, here are some of those Brazilian soccer names for you folks.

Curt Schilling — Ca (funny, many think this is Curt’s first name right now. Not me, of course. I like Curt. Always have. But man wouldn’t it be great if he would start going by Ca. “Looks like Ca definitely doesn’t have fastball today. I would say Ca will really need to work his slider down in the strike zone).

Barry Bonds — Bildo (Close. So close).

Roger Clemens — Cleminhosa

Michael Vick — Dogkila

Bert Blyleven — Blylevundo

Michael Vick (for real) — Viano

Bill Belichick — Belichisco

Mark Teahen — Mildo

Derek Jeter — Poorfieldo

Jim Rice — Jegra

Derek Jeter (for real) — Derildo

A-Rod — Regra

Manny Ramirez — Mundo

David Ortiz — Davildo

Randy Johnson — Johnsundo Santos

Alyssa Milano — Alyssisco (this only makes me want you to host the Pozcars more Alyssa).

Paul Rudd — Paio (my wife still things he would make the better host. I’m OK with that. Maybe co-hosts. She also has a fun post on the White House dog video … speaking of the most amazingly goofy Internet things).

Duane Kuiper — Kuipimo

Johan Santana — Santanisco

Brandon Webb — Weiro

Bob Costas — Bardo

LeBron James — Traito

Emil Brown — Brauro Pau (oh yeah — someone needs to sign Brauro Pau)

Jose Guillen — Kevin McReynolds

Dave Barry — Felix Bito

Bill James — Jamardo

LeBron James (for real) — Jamiano (how awesome is that)

Steve Garvey — Papasito

(I know I’ve told you the time I was interviewing Pete Rose and he decided to tell a joke. He said: “Did you hear about the Breeder’s Cup this year?” I said no. He said, “Elway rode in it, I bet on it and Garvey won it.” I can’t help but love Pete).

Darryl Strawberry — Daca

Bud Selig — Selinho. I’m not joking. This is really it. Punch it in yourself. The longer I do this, the more this program seems to be reaching and stretching for the truth.

Natalie Portman — Portmaldo Peres. So true.

Hillary Clinton — Clintardo. No comment.

Tony LaRussa — Tao. Oh my God. I’m not kidding. Tony LaRussa’s Brazilian soccer name is Tao. I have to stop on that one.

By the way, from now on you can call me Joaldo

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