Every so often, we like to add a new feature to our old blog (just as every so often we like to refer to ourself in the plural — I have no idea where that came from and I apologize for whenever that might pop up). Unfortunately, I don’t really have any new ideas, and I certainly don’t have any technical skills that would allow me to add, you know, something technical to this blog.
So, instead, I will add a little something I like to call “Free Advice.” This will feature some little nugget of wisdom that I have learned in my 40 years on this earth, something that I would like to pass along to the children. Unfortunately, no children would be nerdy enough to find THIS site — they’re too busy doing God knows what on the Internet — so I’ll pass it along to you and maybe you can pass it along to the children.
Today’s bit of free advice: Don’t invoke Hitler to make a point. Ever.
This one might seem pretty obvious to you. But for some reason, every so often someone thinks that what the discussion needs is a good ol’ monstrous fascist dictator. You probably remember Marge Schott’s famous, “He did some good things too,” interview. Every now and again someone, to make a point, will compare an American politician to Hitler, which is always, without exception, disgusting.
Recently, Bill Conlin — one of the gruff legends of our sportswriting business — has gotten into trouble after e-maiing some in-poor-taste joke to someone about how the only positive thing he could think to say about Hitler is that he would have eliminated bloggers.
So, if you want to expand the free advice into something practical, consider never using the words “only,” “positive,” “Hitler” and “eliminated” in the same paragraph.
Gary Gulman, a hysterical comedian I recently ran across (his 15 minute bit on cookies is pure comedy legend) was talking about how postage stamps should be fancy like the stickers girls had on their notebooks in the sixth grade. You know, a puffy George Washington stamp with googly eyes or a scratch-and-sniff Abe Lincoln stamp which, once scratched, smells like gunpowder.
That will always get groans, of course, and then Gulman will say, “What? Too soon? I normally wait 150 years before I make fun of an assassinated president. I’ve got this McKinley joke that will knock you on your ass.”
(How about that? Another Abraham Lincoln reference in this blog … and so soon).
But he’s right. There is a comedy moratorium on all tragedy (or as the amazingly annoying Alan Alda character said in “Crimes and Misdemeanors” — “Comedy is tragedy plus time!”). A monster who conceived and executed the Holocaust and set in motion a war that killed anywhere between 50 and 70 million people is not fair game for jokes (except maybe from Mel Brooks) or sick comparisons or petty points. This happened less than 70 years ago. There are survivors who lived through this nightmare living all over the world.
Look, I don’t think Bill Conlin — a man I’ve always respected from afar; I mean this is the guy who got Steve Carlton to shut up — is anti-semitic, and I don’t think he really wants all bloggers dead, and I truly hate to see him dragged through the mud in his golden years. The man has made a beautiful career out of being grouchy and tough-minded and sensitive and asking hard questions. He’s one of the most influential sportswriters ever. He simply made a very stupid and callous misjudgment here.
He should have used Atilla the Hun. There’s a monster from 1600 years ago. That’s safe. Any good blogger knows that.
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14 Comments, Comment or Ping
Minda
I’m a kid (well, kind of, depending on which facets of U.S. law you wish to invoke), and I’m on this here site. Does that make me nerdy?
Genghis Kahn is fair game. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, anyone?
Nov 28th, 2007
Joe K.
By American politician, I’m assuming you’re talking about modern American politician? Now, I’m not going to go on and say that ANY single politician in American history did anything as terrible as what Hitler did single-handedly, but the perpetuation of slavery doesn’t rank all that far behind the Holocaust (that I will go on record saying).
It’s worth mentioning that the justifications used for slavery and for the Holocaust weren’t all that different. According to Southern politicians, blacks were savage and were better off not free, because they wouldn’t be able to handle themselves. Not only did they claim that slavery was better for them, but it actually PROMOTED liberty and equality. Get this: if you have black people doing all the menial labor (which is all they were thought to be good for anyway), then white people don’t have to, and you have greater equality among white people. According to Hitler, the Jews were the source of Germany’s problems. Eliminate them, and you make life better for Germans. (And I don’t want anyone flaming me for this, I’m just telling you the things that these people said themselves)
Now, there were people who defended slavery who DID do some good for this country. Andrew Jackson held the Union together during the nullification crisis. John C. Calhoun was a faithful public servant throughout most of his life, but also one of the biggest proponents of this “equality justification” of slavery. Martin Van Buren revived the old party system, obscuring sectional issues and probably staving off disunion for decades. James K. Polk is responsible for our acquiring what is now the western part of the nation (though one may justly dispute whether he did this rightfully).
And sure, Hitler did some things that benefited German people. He pulled them out of a terrible depression. That seems like a good thing.
Does it make him any less evil? No, not in the least. Then why do I bring it up?
Because we often shake our fingers at other historical figures but fail to do so to our own, at least for the right reasons (and yes, Hitler would deserve a finger, gun, cattleprod, and whatever else you could find pointed at him; the point was that they should also be pointed at our history). The pro-slavery leaders of our past get a pass because they were brought up with slavery all around them, and were taught to accept its brutality, where the actions of Hitler are isolated to him and his followers, with less of an ingrained social pattern. It’s not wrong that we don’t consider the contributions of men like Jackson and Van Buren tainted by their approval of slavery; doing so would be presentist, irresponsible history. However, we can’t simply ignore the fact that GENERATIONS of American politicians defended and perpetuated an institution every bit as evil by nature as the Holocaust. These statesmen committed evil together in the same way that Hitler did by himself. In some ways, that makes them less responsible as individuals; however, it doesn’t change the fact that they played a part in the evil. And really, what makes their justifications for slavery any better than Hitler’s? The point here is that America has its own dark past, and we cannot unequivicably condemn anyone unless (and the “unless” is very important here) we can condemn the terrible actions of our own great men.
FINAL DISCLAIMER: DO NOT take this to be an excuse for Hitler, or some way to mitigate his terrible crimes against humanity. Whatever little good he may have done is clearly far, far outweighed by the tragedy of the Holocaust. However, the point is to abandon our exceptionalism, and to admit the fact that we’ve done some terrible things, too.
Nov 28th, 2007
morisseau
I’m pretty sure the referring to one’s self in the plural thing came from Jayson Stark.
Nov 28th, 2007
D.B. Cooper
Conlin was especially nasty in those emails, separate and apart from the idiotic Hitler reference. The “I make more money than you” stuff was pretty obnoxious.
In short, he wasn’t dragged through the mud. He dove in, wallowed around, and started throwing the mud every which way.
Nov 28th, 2007
Aaron
You know who else liked to give out free advice?
Nov 28th, 2007
Guelphdad
And what about referring to yourself in the third person? The Rickey was always good at that.
Nov 28th, 2007
Paul White
No offense Joe, but I don’t see much to admire in a guy who was an unrepentent a-hole for a living. This latest chapter of boorish behavior is not the exception with Conlin, it’s the rule. I hope he’s forced into a long overdue retirement in disgrace.
Nov 28th, 2007
Jim Steele
Larry David did a bit about Hitler in the first ever Curb Your Enthusiasm (the special that came before the series) where he said something along the lines of, “The only good thing about Hitler was he didn’t take any guff from magicians…” it was very brief, and goofy, but it has been done.
I’ve been reading the blog for a while, and, in honor of my first post, will ask for your book for Christmas since I haven’t picked it up yet, (not that I’m not interested, I’m just cheap. I loved that story you told of Buck O’Neil in the elevator) and this is a good excuse to have someone pick it up for me.
Nov 28th, 2007
Snuckles
Johnny Carson did the “Abe Lincoln… too soon?” bit on several occasions.
Nov 28th, 2007
Andrew
I’m 19 and I’ve read you since you were on blogspot.
Nov 28th, 2007
EB
23 and reading. Through the magic of RSS feeds. I don’t know how I ever lived before them.
Nov 29th, 2007
wcw
On the one hand, good advice.
On the other, the original Producers film — most especially the fake musical’s opening scene — is just amazing.
The best response to a fascist is ever and always laughter.
Nov 29th, 2007
Joe
I agree completely with your advice about not invoking Hitler to prove a point. While we’re at it, can we extend the advice to “Nazi” also? I always thought that calling the person in your office who is always nit-picking at your fashion choices the “dress code Nazi” to be a little extreme.
I know the implication is simply that they are taking a ridiculously hard line on something petty. At the same time, I don’t think they’re going to send everyone who isn’t wearing a tie to a concentration camp. It kinda devalues the atrocities that Hitler and the Nazis perpetrated.
While we’re at it, and while I’ve got this small forum in the corner of the internet, I’d like to also suggest eliminating the word “starving” from our everyday vocabulary. When it’s 2 p.m. and your buddy asks if you want to go to lunch and you say, “Great, I’m starving,” well, you’re not really starving now, are you? There are people in this world who are truly starving, who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, who may not eat for an entire day or two due to circumstances beyond their control. They’re starving. You’re “really hungry.”
My two cents. I’m sure I’ll receive change back on it.
Dec 6th, 2007
Clayton
Woody Allen in Zelig.
Dec 8th, 2007
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