One Knee Equals Two Feet In Mouth …

OK, more ATGs tomorrow, but I did have to share this little item with you. I get several billion emails ever day, at least half of them from various public relations people trying to get me to read their book, see their movie, pump their show, promote their client, eat their food, take their medication, mention their charity, etc.

I don’t say this like I’m someone important — most of them are addressed to “Dear Journalist or Trivial Person Who Happens To Be On Our List. Or both.”

One of my favorite of these PR mass emails — that is to say one of four that I don’t immediately delete — is the weekly NBC Universal football email I get. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why they send this to me, but every week I get an email featuring what I suppose is supposed to be a “memorable quote” uttered by one of NBC’s football announcers. These will often be a zinger by Keith Olbermann or Bob Costas or some reasonably insightful or controversial comment from Cris Collinsworth (who I think is really good, by the way). They usually make me chuckle. I guess the NBC people hope I will include one of these comments in a column. Or I’m on their email list by mistake. Or both.

Anyway, I have noticed that these quotes are NEVER from John Madden. Ever. I’ve mentioned on this blog before that I used to like Madden back in his Pat Summerall days, but then (I credit/blame the impressions of Frank Caliendo) it finally got through to me that he NEVER says anything that isn’t bluntly, stunningly obvious. Ever. I mean, he seems like nice guy, and he was a terrific football coach, and maybe there was a time when he did add something to the game. But wow, now every game is an evening at the Improvious, it’s a whole night of “Well, what happens when a receiver doesn’t hold on to the ball, is that you have an incomplete pass,” and “The important thing about punting is you want to kick the ball high.”

So I kept waiting — I mean, sooner or later the NBC PR people HAVE to offer up a big John Madden quote right? The guy is their lead color commentator, for crying out loud. I mean, you know those PR guys have been flipping madly through all the Madden quotes to find ONE that would be good enough to send to journalists and others across this great land of ours.

Well, it happened on Wednesday. I got the email, and there it was, right in the subject line, a direct quote from John Madden.

And it read: “When you’re talking about the Indianapolis Colts, you’re talking about one of the top two teams in in the NFL.” — NBC’s Madden.

You think? This man will NEVER let you down.

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