Heartbreak City …
Posted: October 10th, 2007 | Filed under: Cleveland | 31 Comments »
OK, we are ready to unveil the official HCQ Ranking for 2007 — that would be the “Heartbreak City Quotient,†— where I use my extraordinary statistical skills to tell you, to the final 100th of a point, just how much heartbreak you are dealing with as a sports fan in your hometown. I would explain to you just how I came upon these numbers, except, well, I believe my ninth grade math teacher reads this site, and if she saw the kind of damage I“m doing to numbers, she might never leave the house again.
I will tell you that I tried to take numerous things into account to measure heartbreak.
1. How many championships (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL) the last 40 years (well 42 years actually — I’ll explain in a bit).
2. How long it has been since the last championship
3. How many horrendous seasons those teams/fans endured.
4. How many “near misses†the fans have had to endure such as the Drive, Buckner’s bungle, Bartman, the tuck, etc.
5. Various complicating factors such as teams leaving town, athletes leaving town, the quality of ownerships, the kind of weather fans have to endure, the prominence of any specific athletes (one Michael Jordan cane make up for a lot of Cubs losses), style of play, etc.
I will also tell you that this is an attempt to rank CURRENT pain. Before 2004, Red Sox fans would have, of course, contributed major suffering to the city’s HCQ ranking. But the Sox won the World Series, and they have great ownership that spends money, they have my buddy Bill James, they have Ben Affleck as a fan (OK, that’s a negative) — it’s awfully good to be a Red Sox fan these days. I’m not discounting the suffering years Red Sox — I’m just saying a championship washes a whole lot of that way.
This is a ranking for well-rounded fans — meaning fans who more or less equally love all their teams. If you live in Detroit, for instance, but don’t like basketball, baseball or hockey, your score would be a lot higher.
One last thing — I have tried to make the score so that long ago suffering — say, the Miracle at the Meadowlands for Giants fans — doesn’t score nearly as high as more recent suffering, say the Music City Miracle. The reason for this is probably obvious, but to spell it out, there are a lot of Giants fans who were not even ALIVE for the Miracle @ Meadowlands, which depresses me but is, nonetheless, reality.
One last, last thing: I have not had time to go over these numbers, so if you are a fan of one of these teams and see factual errors — forgotten championships, misplaced championships, pointless Tony La Russa bashing whatever — and are so moved, you can email me at “joe att joeposnanski dawt com.†(Did you see how I misspelled some words there to try and fool those email spambots. Unfortunately, you probably have no idea where to email me now. So it goes).
Here we go. In reverse order. We rank 26 cities (the perfect HCQ score is 10.0). I apologize in advance to Tampa, Phoenix and a few other cities that simply did have enough years of pain to register on the scale.
26. Boston/New England
HCQ: 1.00
Total championships: 15
Last championship: Patriots 2005
World Series: 1
Super Bowls: 3
NBA/NHL: 11
Pain Report report: Buckner … The whole Yankees thing … Belichick’s clothing selection and general surliness … The Celtics since Rick Pitino … The Bruins since Bobby Orr. … Whatever, they’re going to win another Super Bowl this year, maybe another World Series, this is the best place on earth to be a sports fan these days.
25. Los Angeles
HCQ: 1.86
Total championships: 14
Last championship: Angels, 2002 (Lakers, 2002 for Dodgers fans)
World Series: 4 (Dodgers 3, Angels 1)
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 9
Pain Report: Having no NFL team though LA is 4.9 billion-smillion times bigger than Green Bay is painful (though my friends in LA say they love it; they don’t want a team) … Kobe is a pain in the butt … Grady Little’s voice … All in all, it’s still not too bad being in LA.
24. Miami
HCQ: 2.01
Total championships: 4
Last championship: Heat, 2006
World Series: 2
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: The drivers down there are terrible … There is some leftover Nick Saban slime that won’t come off … OK, seriously, how much pain could there be when you don’t even care about your baseball team and you still win the World Series every few years?
23. New York No. 1
This includes fans of the: Yankees, Knicks, Giants, Rangers.
HCQ: 2.14
Total championships: 11
Last championship: Yankees, 2000.
World Series: 6
Super Bowls: 2
NBA/NHL: 3
Pain Report: It can’t be too painful being a Yankees fan (or LeBron wouldn’t have become one), but there are a few rough spots — those occasional moments when George Steinbrenner comes out and decides whether or not there will be six more weeks of winter … Everything Isiah … Would you want Tom Coughlin as your coach? This guy makes Dick Cheney look open and communicative.
22. Pittsburgh
HCQ: 2.29
Total championships: 9
Last championship: Steelers, 2006
World Series: 2
Super Bowls: 5
NBA/NHL: 2
Pain Report: Nobody wants to manage the Pirates … The Penguins almost left town … Sid Bream … Nobody likes playing with Moses Guthrie … Honestly, with the Steelers and memories of Mario, it’s been pretty good in Steel Town even with the collapse of the Pirates.
21. Dallas
HCQ: 3.14 (hey, it’s Pi!)
Total championship: 6
Last championship: Stars, 1999.
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 5
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: The Rangers are the essence of pain, but fortunately nobody cares as long as Tony Romo’s out there. … Mark Cuban. Discuss.
20. St. Louis
HCQ: 3.43
Total championships: 4
Last championship: Cardinals 2006
World Series: 3
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: The Blues have never won a Stanley Cup, which amazes me. I mean, it’s hockey. Don’t they award the Cup to the ninth caller? Heck, didn’t Carolina win one? Anyway, it isn’t baseball, so it doesn’t matter. Hell, the Rams have been to two Super Bowls in a decade, and they blacked out last week. … The Cardinals won the World Series last year. So everybody’s happy.
INTERLUDE: A friend brought up a rumor, I have no idea if it’s true, that the Yankees want to hire Tony La Russa to be the manager next year, replacing Joe Torre. I want to say right now that I am 100 percent in favor of this. I’m 40 now, and I simply don’t have the time to do all the things I need to do in my life. There are so many projects I want to get involved with but I lack the time. So I’m always looking to consolidate. It would certainly help my schedule if, instead of spending so much time despising BOTH LaRussa and the Yankees, they could be together in one easy-to-loathe package.
19. Detroit
HCQ: 3.66
Total championships: 8
Last championship: Pistons 2004
World Series: 2
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 6
Pain Report: The Lions … The Lions … Also the Lions.
18. San Francisco
HCQ: 3.71
Total championships: 6
Last championship: 49ers 1995
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 5
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: It really has been a rough go for Giants baseball fans, but you know what? Joe Montana and living in San Francisco really might make up for that.
17. Baltimore
HCQ: 3.72
Total championships: 5
Last championship: Ravens, 2001
World Series: 3
Super Bowls: 2
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: Lots of pain for the old-timers who remember the moving van … Orioles are as tough to root for as just about any team … I tried very hard not to mark down the fans because the city stole the Cleveland Browns and then won a Super Bowl with them. It’s not the fans fault. I tried. Really.
16. Denver
HCQ: 4.03
Total championships: 4
Last championship: Avalanche, 2001
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 2
NBA/NHL: 2
Pain Report: I tried hard not to mark down the fans because of whatever lingering personal pain that may have been induced by John Elway. I tried. Really. I am, in fact, over that Elway thing, or as my psychiatrist says: “Well, we’re making slow progress.†… There does have to be some pain involved with having Mike Shanahan as your football coach. I don’t want to say he’s confident in his abilities, but I’m pretty sure he came up with that “Mastermind†nickname himself. And even if he didn’t, I’m even more sure he has it monogrammed on his bathroom towels.
15. New York No. 2.
This includes fans of the Mets, Jets, Nets and Islanders.
HCQ: 4.43
Total championships: 9
Last championship: Mets, 1986
World Series: 2
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 6
Pain Report: Well, for one thing, the Islanders don’t rhyme with the other teams. Who’s running things over there? … Actually there is lots of pain with with this version of New York fanhood, but there’s too much mixing and matching in New York for my taste. I have one friend who is a Mets-Jets-Knicks-Rangers fan, another who is a Mets-Giants-Nets-Islanders fan and still another who is a Yankees-Jets-Knicks-don’t-give-a-damn-about-hockey fan. There are too many escape clauses in New York. In Kansas City, if you grow tired of the Chiefs, your next step is the Kansas City Shockers.
14. Oakland
HCQ: 4.86
Total championships: 6
Last championship: A’s, 1989.
World Series: 4
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: The death of Moneyball … Al Davis … You know, when I worked up these numbers, I forgot that the Raiders were actually in Los Angeles when they won the Super Bowl in 1984. So if you want to move Oakland up a couple more city spots, you can. Personally, though, I think Raiders fans have so much fun being Raiders fan — it’s like Halloween every week — that they have, like Superman, become impervious to pain.
13. Washington
HCQ: 5.02
Total championships: 4
Last championship: Redskins, 1992
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 3
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: The various baseball escapades … You never want a football coach who was more successful in NASCAR … There was that whole sad Michael Jordan period.
12. Milwaukee
Total championships: 4
Last championship: Packers 1997
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 3
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: I really thought the Brewers the best team in that division this year. In fact, when the Royals played them around mid-season, I thought the Brewers were the best team I had seen in baseball. They were knocking the ball all over the place, they had the good young pitching, they seemed together, I really liked that team. And then … hey, I’ve always loved Milwaukee — to me, it’s Cleveland West. I feel your pain people. You do have the Packers, though.
11. Atlanta
HCQ: 5.57
Total championships: 1
Last championship: Braves, 1995
World Series: 1
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: This Michael Vick thing will leave a mark on you as a fan, no? I’ve wondered sometimes about the father having THAT conversation with his eight year old son, Daniel (I’ve always thought I would name a son Daniel):
Dad: Son, I know you like Michael Vick.
Daniel: Yeah, he’s the coolest, Dad. The neatest! He’s the bomb! He’s super-bad! (Please insert whatever phrase 7-year-old boys are using for “cool†these days).
Dad: Well, he won’t be playing this year, son.
Daniel (tears i his eyes): Why?
Dad: Well (pause), he got into a little bit of trouble.
Daniel: Well, what did he do? Did he not clean up his room?
Dad: Ha ha! No, not exactly. He had deadly dogs fight each other so people could gamble on it.
Daniel: Oh.
Dad: Well, there’s more. You know the losing dogs? He killed them.
Daniel: He killed them?
Dad: Well, yeah, but (nervous laughter) you know, not by conventional means. He, um, electrocuted them, drowned them, hung them.
Daniel: Oh. (Looks down at the ground) Dad?
Dad: Yes, Daniel.
Daniel: I don’t think I want to wear my Michael Vick jersey anymore.
Dad: I understand, son. (They hug).
Daniel: Except when we’re having dog fights in the backyard.
10. Seattle
HCQ: 5.71
Total championships: 1
Last championship: Sonics 1979
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 1
Pain Report: That Mariners team has definitely provided some pain, especially when they lost Unit, Griffey and A-Rod in a four-year period. … Plus, Pearl Jam just hasn’t been as good since their second album. (Question: Can you still call them “albums?†I have never gotten a ruling on this. Does “album†refer specifically to the vinyl packaging, or is “album†a collection of songs placed together in one grouping, however it is distributed? Looking for a ruling here).
9. Chicago
HCQ: 5.72
Total championships: 9
Last championship: White Sox, 2005 (or for Cubs fans, Bulls 1998)
World Series: 1 (White Sox)
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 6
Pain Report: Two different worlds if you are a White Sox fan or a Cubs fan. White Sox fans are probably back with Detroit and St. Louis, it’s been pretty good for you guys lately … Cubs fans have had it hard, but the good Michael Jordan makes up for a whole lot. Plus, there was Ditka. I’m not sure that any town, any city, ever enjoyed a coach more than Chicago enjoyed Ditka.
8. Cincinnati
HCQ: 5.86
Total championships: 3
Last championship Reds, 1990
World Series 3
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: I had this discussion with an NFL insider recently:
Him: The great thing about the NFL is that, because there’s so much money, and the salary cap is in place, if you want to win, you will win sooner or later. It’s not like other leagues. Baseball, the NBA, you need a lot of commitment, but you also need luck. The NFL is all about motivation. The only teams that will keep losing are the teams that are not trying.
Me: Interesting.
Him: So, that means you can cross off Cincinnati.
7. San Diego
HCQ: 6.06
Total championships: 0
Last championship: Chargers, AFL, 1963
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: Well, there was the Marty Schottenheimer pain of a year ago followed by the Norv Turner fiasco this year … The Padres have been tough to take … Generally, though, it’s tough to feel bad for any fans who live in/near San Diego.
6. Minneapolis/St. Paul
HCQ: 6.86
Last championship: Twins 1991
World Series: 2
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: The Bud Grant Vikings … The Denny Green Vikings … The Wasted Years of Kevin Garnett … The window closing on the Twins … But they lose a few suffering points for moving football into a Dome. It’s not true football suffering unless you’re so cold you want Harrison Ford to slice open a camel/horse/tauntaun so you can warm yourself on its innards. And, yes, I had to look up the fact that the animal was called a “tauntaun.†I’m not a Star Wars geek. Really.
5. Philadelphia
HCQ: 6.94
Total championships: 5
Last championship: Sixers, 1983
World Series: 1
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 4
Pain Report: Oh yeah. Plenty of pain. Phillies’ collapses. Eagles’ near misses. Flyers’ destruction. Iverson. It’s pretty bad. But the good news is the fans in Philadelphia handle the losing with grace and patience. … I love Philadelphia. Love it. As should be apparent by now, I tend to compare cities to my hometown, and Philadelphia is like Cleveland after a few too many drinks.
4. Kansas City
HCQ: 7.13
Total championships: 2
Last championship: Royals, 1985
World Series: 1
Super Bowls: 1
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: The city has lost three sports teams in 40 years, and look at the teams they were left with. In the last 11 years (or, “since I arrived hereâ€) the Chiefs have not won a single playoff game, the Royals have lost 100 games four times, there have been countless comical moments but no classical ones, each of the major colleges nearby has had at least one crushing near miss, and the single championship of any kind was when the Kansas City Wizards won the Major League Soccer title, which did not set off any ticker-tape parades. It’s been bad.
3. Houston
HCQ: 7.43
Total championships: 2
Last championship: Rockets, 1995
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 2
Pain Report: There’s sports pain pretty much everywhere you look in Houston now. Although I have a friend from Houston, and he insists that the very best Chinese Restaurant in the world is in Houston. So you have that. When we visited the city together, he drove me out there — it took 50 minutes, because any and all drives in Houston take 50 minutes — and then we came upon a strip mall and fast-food Chinese restaurant. You may ask: Was it the best Chinese food you’ve ever had? And I will answer it this way: It was a fast food Chinese in Houston, Texas. You decide.
2. Buffalo
HCQ: 8.57
Total championships: 1
Last championship: Bills, 1965 (AFL)
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: You want pain, try ordering the suicidal wings at the Anchor Bar. That’s pain. Of course, there’s also the Bills’ Super Bowl fiascos, the in-the-crease Sabres moment, and the fact that Buffalo has an extraordinarily loyal base of baseball fans but are cut off from the Major Leagues. Plus, it’s freaking cold. I suspect Buffalo sports is WHY they invented suicidal wings.
1. Cleveland
HCQ: 9.58
Total championships: 0
Last championship: Browns, 1964
World Series: 0
Super Bowls: 0
NBA/NHL: 0
Pain Report: Yes, this whole thing was an exercise to see just how painful it is to be a Cleveland fan … that’s why we started this thing 42 years ago, just after the Browns championship on Dec. 27, 1964. I am finishing up an enormous blog on my life as a Cleveland fan to unveil during these playoffs, so there’s no point in going into greater detail here. But just look at the record. Marvel. Forty two years. Zero championships.
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I seem to remember the Oakland A’s winning a World Series since 1977…though I think the fact that being an Oakland sports fan almost certainly means you live or have lived in Oakland should put you higher on the misery scale.
I was going to get some papers graded tonight. Then I saw you’d posted your Heartbreak City Quotient list, and I had to read it. I can always grade papers tomorrow.
I’ve been in K.C. almost my whole life (not the first two years, I’m told). Baseball is quite definitlely my favorite sport. I follow the rest, but don’t get too wrapped up in it. I generally know how the Chiefs are doing because I live here and I like the sports pages. My point: I was here for the ‘85 Series and had good seats for the ALC and the Series with my Dad. We came back from 3-1 deficits both times (I know you know that, but it was so satisfying). I felt then that if the Royals didn’t win another one I’d remember and still appreciate ‘85. And I do. I’m glad I have a major league baseball team to watch. And yeah, the losing and stretches of ineptness are frustrating. Yet now we have a team that looks like it’s headed in the right direction. I do think so.
So, yeah, we’ve endured a lot of losing. But if you were here in ‘85 it eases a lot of the pain. I mean, how many people get to experience a Series like that from good seats, with their Dad and the winning team?
I’m not dissing your Quotient. I like it. But for someone primarily focused on baseball and still appreciating the past, well, it eases a lot of frustration.
I do hope we both get to experience a Series here in KC soon. And that you get to see Cleveland in one this year.
Chicago won a Super Bowl and their last championship was the 2005 Sox, not the 98 Bulls.
Minnesota lost the North Stars and then they went to Dallas and won the cup.
“Forty two years. Zero championships.”
All that nonsense ends in three weeks.
I’ve always been under the impression that an album is a collection of songs and is still applicable when talking about CDs. A record on the other hand refers solely to music in LP form.
Regarding the Minnesota entry:
I think it was Mark Hamill who had to slice open the tauntaun… Er, not like I’M a star wars geek or anything…
Joe,
Great list. One correction for Philly is that the last championship was the Sixers in 1983. Probably shouldn’t change things much, especially as I think they are the only city with teams in all 4 sports since 1983 not to have won a championship.
“All drives in Houston take 50 minutes”… And if you ask the front desk clerk, all restaurants are “just around the corner”… It’s just a REALLY BIG corner…
I grew up near Cleveland. Finishing last all those years was not painful…it just started to feel natural after awhile. My most painful memory as an Indians fan (I’ve totally blacked out Jose Mesa) was sitting in my apartment with my brother watching game 6 of the 1995 World Series. We had spent way more money than we had on tickets to game 7 in Atlanta the next day. We had our bags packed, we made a big sign to take to Atlanta, the car was full of gas…and the Indians lost game 6 and we never got to go. Cleveland gets AT LEAST a 9.58.
It’s hard to complain about being a Detroit fan – in 2006, we had the Super Bowl, the World Series, the teams with the best regular-season records in the NBA and NHL, and the WNBA champs. And the Lions won three games!
This year, we had title contenders in four sports, and the Lions have already won three more games!
By the way, I’m not sure if this story ever got out nationally, but Jerome Bettis is actually from Detroit. He played in the Super Bowl in his hometown! You think someone would have mentioned it.
“I’ve totally blacked out Jose Mesa”
I’m firmly convinced that the Tigers only signed Mesa to a free-agent contract this season as a belated payment for Jim Leyland and Dave Dombrowski’s World Series rings.
I can’t explain the Phillies.
I was a little disappointed not to see Toronto on the list. Sure, the Jays won back to back Series, helping erase the disappointments of 85, 87, and 91 (I don’t count 89, there was no way they were beating Oakland, and besides, coming back to win the division after starting 12-24 was sweetness in itself). The Leafs haven’t won a Cup since 1967, and had to suffer the vagaries of Harold Ballard’s ownership (not to mention trading what became the 3rd overall draft pick for Tom Freaking Kurvers). Even after Ballard passed on, there was the 93 playoffs vs. Gretzky’s Kings, and later, Tie Domi singlehandedly enraging the Devils with a completely unnecessaray cheap shot, energizing the New Jersey squad to come back from a 3 games to 2 deficit. And Don’t forget the Raptors suffering first through Isiah Thomas’ ‘leadership’, Butch Carter’s ‘coaching’, and Vince Carter’s dogging it.
But yeah, we do hav the early 90’s Jays squads and the late 60’s Leafs teams…and Rocket Ismail helping the Argos win a Grey Cup…
Toronto just might deserve to be on this list somewhere… Nice post as usual
The official ruling follows.
“Album” applies to all collections of music of sufficient length.
The rationale is elementary: the etymology of ‘album’ comes from the old shellac days, when ‘albums’ were actual albums containing multiple 78s. Once that term made the jump to the LP, it became a universal.
The 7,000 pieces of grooved polyvinyl chloride in my garage nod sagely and agree in their little, paper sleeves and natty, cardboard jackets.
I realize Canadian cities won’t be on the list, but being a Vancouver fan hasn’t been much fun. The Canucks have had little success in their 37 years of existence and the Grizzlies … well, the less said about the Grizzlies the better … Steve Francis …
I imagine that Toronto would fit into this list pretty well also. And Montreal
Great list. Two side comments:
1. They were originally called “albums” because they literally were small albums of paper sleeves bound together with small wax records inside. So we’re way past the point at which “album” lost its literal meaning. (It’s like “dialing” a number on your cell phone.)
2. Joe’s right: it was Harrison Ford’s character (I forget his name) who uses the laser-sword-thingy of the Mark Hamill character (I forget his name, too) to slice open the tauntaun when he comes across the bloodied, near-lifeless body of the Mark Hamill character out in the snowy wastes of Ho– . . . I mean, of that ice planet, whatever it’s name was, in that movie you were talking about. But I only remember that because I happened to stumble across that particular scene on cable recently. I swear.
As a Cleveland native & fan who also loves the Bills (parents from upstate NY), I could’ve named the top two cities without trying. Nothing like the nutpunch on Monday where I got to see the Bills on TV for the first time in years, only to spend most of the time on the Indians game, switching back just in time for the last 2 minutes.
How did that mid-90s Tribe team not win anything?
People here in Philly seem to have a few minor emotional issues which have become mixed up in their sports teams. I’m not from here, but they claim that this city has the longest streak without any major league championships, which should come to somewhere around 100 any day now (4 sports X ~25 non-championship years = ~100).
Also that whole ‘booing Santa’ thing has been way overblown. If you don’t believe me, come to Philly, mention it to the first person wearing an Eagles jersey, and get punched in the nose.
I respectfully disagree with the rank of my San Francisco teams Here’s why:
The Giants have suffered the third-longest drought of World Series titles in the majors. Also, the past appearances have been catastrophic. Why the collapse in game 6 of the 2002 series is never taken into account with the worst in baseball is beyond my reckoning. I was rooting like crazy for a Cubs-Indians World Series simply so I could move up the ladder of masochistic fan bases. Adding in all the poisonous Barry Bonds karma of the past few years and the fact that there was literally a natural disaster that interrupted a WS home game during this time period, Giants fans have had to endure a lot. Of course, a gem of a ballpark, and Duane Kuiper as the play-by-play man, are both comforting and may have colored your assessment.
As to the 49ers: We were certainly blessed to have Montana, Rice, Lott, Steve Young et. al., but imagine going from that to Tim Rattay and J.J. Stokes. Head coach: Dennis Erickson. Considering the fact that all the other teams bestowed with the Team Of The (fill in the decade)’s title are on an upswing (Pack, Steelers, Cowboys), there is no great pride in the Niners legacy these days.
Also: the Cleveland Indians were the team from Major League, maybe the best baseball movie. The Giants? The Fan, the movie that killed the career of Wesley Snipes, and would have killed DeNiro if he hadn’t already been DeNiro.
I feel the need to bump Cincinnati up a notch simply because I was watching “I loves the 80’s 3D 1989″ on VH1 last night, (thats right, my life is a rich full frickin oyster) and of course one of the highlights was Joe Montana’s famous 2-minute drive to crush my young heart. The segment consisted of video clips of 49′ers breezing past feckless Bengals defenders, capped off with John Taylors game winning catch. What no one ever shows in recapping these events is a play just before the winning TD, when Montana drops back to pass and sends the ball unerringly into the breadbasket of the late Lewis Billups, who, evidently believing the football to be made of plutonium, allows it to fall harmlessly to th turf.
It is my firm opinion that if Lewis catches that ball, we’d have mini-malls on the moon by now.
To me, I’m wondering whether Cleveland deserves to be #1 *right now*. There’s optimism there now, with LeBron playing in the winter and the Indians in the summer (although I think the former may not win a championship, imho and who knows whether this is the Tribe is winning).
Buffalo, though? The Bills provide enough heartbreak for anyone. KC — the Kings left, the Chiefs are not just dismal but even if they were 13-3 the entire town would be wondering what would befall them and the Royals are usually a mess (although better).
My point is this — if the Cavs get to the NBA Finals this year or next, would Cleveland fans believe they might win? I think so. Would Chiefs or Bills fans? No chance.
Here’s another one for the quotient:
Amount of memorable highlights in which your team is on the losing end that will be featured on historical highlight packages.
Cleveland’s got The Drive (and every time I see it, I wonder if that Brown d-lineman could have batted the Elway touchdown pass). KC has Chambliss in 1976. But nothing beats Mizzouri sports fans — with the kickball in the endzone, the 5th down play, Tyus Edney, etc., etc… I’ve come to the conclusion that their most memorable plays are games in which they’ve lost.
Love your posts! But, um, you know that Minnesota isn’t actually a city, right?
The Twin Cities’ sport misery quotient went up this year and there is just one name that encapsulates the reason: Childress.
Well, you could add Ponson, but he wasn’t here very long.
But the sports humor quotient has gone up because of Childress. He’s funny in a Gundy-ish way.
Where your city ranks on the misery index may depend on your age. Since I’ve been in KC 50 years, things look a little different. I cut class my senior year of high school for the Super Bowl parade, got to cover the 1970s Yankees-Royals playoff series and jumped up and down on a bed containing my new, sick wife when George Brett hit the home run off Goose Gossage to clinch the 1980 pennant. My now 25-year-old son sat on my lap during the 1985 World Series and at my side on the third floor of an empty building on Grand Avenue to watch the parade. I saw the first Scouts home game and the next-to-last Kings home game. Back in 1984 I escorted a group of Boston real estate financiers around town and tried to sell them on the charms of downtown Kansas City. One of them stopped me in mid-sentence and said: “I only want to know one thing-what’s it like to live in a city that’s won the Super Bowl?” I had to tell him that it was pretty cool. And it still is. It wouldn’t hurt to see us win another one, or another World Series, for that matter. But nobody can take away the ones we’ve had, although plenty of obnoxious Cardinal fans have tried!
It probably doesn’t have the best Chinese restaurant in the world, but I’d be willing to bet that Houston has the best Chinese food in America not on the East or West Coasts. I make this claim because my parents are Chinese, and they insist on having their hereditary cuisine in every city we visit… which means I have had Chinese food in Little Rock, Arkansas.
[...] his fun, yet intelligent blog posts. (He’s also a “real” Royals beat writer.) In this article, he runs through the 26 major sports cities and ranks them by Heartbreak Quotient. Cleveland and [...]
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article , but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
The age factor plays HUGE role in the personal misery index. I’m from Philly and was born in 1979. Do the math, it hasn’t been pretty. Although we do have the body bag game.
Joe, you’ve given both San Francisco AND Oakland credit for the 1974/5 NBA Champion Golden State Warriors.
While that doesn’t seem right, there is some support for this. The Warriors played all of their regular season games and two rounds of the playoffs at the Oakland Arena, their home. This would make them, in theory, an Oakland team. However, because the Arena was booked for something stupid, like a circus, or worse, the Ice Capades, the two home games in the NBA finals were played at the San Francisco Cow Palace.
Still, it seems an understatement of the tsuris quotient for one of the cities.
You forgot to mention the Randy Smith era in Detroit, where the Tigers didn’t have a winning record for 13 straight years, including one season where an amazing winning streak at the end of the season allowed us to remain one loss away from the worst record in baseball history.
I love the fact that the Tigers are playing good ball now, but losing in the World Series doesn’t erase over a decade of poor play. Perhaps if we had won it would be a different story.